The Same Romance

II

Blue

I woke up in the middle of day time and the night sky.

I woke up in tranquility and beauty of the sky.

Ironic I must say. Ngunit nagising ako dahil sa kapayapaan na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Isang langit na matingkad ang asul sa kulay, ang sumalubong sa akin. Sa paggising, binagabag ako ng malamig na sahig at hindi maramdamang pagod sa mga mata. 

I am at the terrace. Obviously it's outside my room.

The coldness of the breeze and harmony sings to me.

Even though. It's cold. Very

I lay flat on the floor.

Turn my eyes in the heaven longer. Focusing on the crumple of clouds wandering in the field.

Pinapanood ko ang dahang-dahang pag transisyon ng kulay sa langit. Nagdesisyon akong mag tatagal akong nakahiga riot. Upang maging saksi sa kagandahan ng langit.

Maya-maya ay kulay na ng malambing na rosas ang sumasakop sa asul na kulay nito. Pinapanatiling malamig ang aking mga mata. 

Hanggang sa napapalitan na ng mas maiinit na kulay ang langit.

Rosas, malambing na kahel at bahid ng dilaw. Sinasakop ang mas madilim na bahagi ng langit. Maihahalintulad ang kulay ng langit sa emosyon ng tao.

Iniangat ko ang kaliwa kong braso upang tingnan ang oras. 

It's almost 6am.

Nilingon ko ang canvas sa malapit kong tabi. I lazily reached for it somehow. 

It was almost the same color of the sky at this time. But the thing is, I was painting the sunset. And I am witnessing the sun rise right at this moment.. They have the same hues but they are totally different, anyone could say. 

I can't catch a clear glimpse of my canvas since I was lying on the floor and I placed it sideways from where I am. I reached the canvas stand and turned it into me. 

Nakatagilid kong pinagmamassdan ang pinipinta.

I have countless paintings made, and some are displayed all around my apartment. Most of them were about the sky. Its beauty always overwhelms me and it never gets ugly in my eyes whatever the weather is or the time is. I just find its beauty always different. Everyday, the sky looks different. It never looks the same. Its constant changing beauties her more.

I stood up and sit in front of my painting. I criticize my work. How I painted the clouds, how I blended the colors. For I know it should dignify my subject.

They please me. They make me feel great about myself. I am able to keep my pace. It gives me satisfaction.

I wonder what could be more beautiful than the sky. The sky, that even without the clouds and is just a lighthearted blue in color looks even beautiful.

Hindi ko na maalala kung anong oras na ako nakatulog kagabi ngunit alam kong wala pa sa walong oras ang aking ipinikit. Sa aga kong nagising. 

Huminga akong malalim saka baumalik sa loob ng kwarto para sa almusal ko. Itinali ko naman ang buhok ko sa isang bun saka itinaas ang manggas ng jacket. Ready to prepare my breakfast and to start my day.

"I forgot to jog" I told myself.

Maaga pa naman at alam kong maaari ko pa magawang mag exercise ngayon ngunit. 

Tinatamad na ako.

At  madalas akong mag jogging tuwing alas singko ng madaling araw.

For me it is just the perfect time to go out. And run.

Like I am running away from something, somewhat lurking in the darkest part of the streets. 

By thinking that way, I could shape my endurance and exercise physically and mentally

I often take time meditate, do yoga and exercise. In a week.

I approached my kitchen at nagsimula na mag asikaso ng makakain ko matapos kong maligo.

A warm shower is a perfect day starter pack.

The changing color of my rice cooker is next.

A rice in the morning makes me feel worthy with a homecooked meal.

The scent of my toast.

And the lovely aroma of the coffee bean passed through a cup I will surely enjoy.

I consider my breakfast a fruit of my labor. 

Itinaas ko hanggang sa tuhod ang aking pajama saka lumabas muli sa terrace. Ang isang kamay ay nakahawak sa baso ng kape habang mas binubuksan ko ang buka ng sliding door patungong terrace. I want the scent of sunshine on my bed, and I need it. 

I wonder how well everyone is doing at their morning. 

I sarcastically smiled at the thought.

Umupo ako sa bench na nasa terrace. 

Parang noon lang kung kaninong umaga ang kinukumusta ko.

Parang noon lang sa ibang kama pa ako gumigising.

Ha! bestfriend pa ang label sa'kin para safe. 

Those were the days of pleasure and guilt. Guilt over a crazy little thing called love.

Parang noon lang ibang breakfast in bed ang ihinahain ko.

Ako pa unang nag aalmusal.

Hays shoutout to my gayness.

Inilapag ko ang aking kape sa tabi saka inilugay ang buhok ko. Inilapit ko ang aking canvas upang tapusin na ang ipinipinta.

I doubt kung sa labas ko pa ito gagawin.

Habang inaasikaso ang aking obra, sa di kalayuan. Kita ko ang aking telepono na umiilaw sa sahig. Dahan-dahan akong umalis sa pwesto upang damputin iyon. 

Sa telepono..

May tumatawag..

"Yeah?" salubong ko kay Saya.

"Good thing you're sober" I added.

Remembering her and Chelsea's situation last night.

"Uhh"

"Good morning?" she greeted.

"Hmm sure baby, Good morning" I said in a teasingly tone.

Rinig ko naman ang irita niyang pag hingang malalim. I chuckled because of that. 

Nahaharangan ng buhok ko ang mukha ko dahil dindala ito ng hangin. Kung kaya sinuklayan ko ito pataas upang hindi mapunta ito sa mukha ko.

"Joke" habol kong sagot nang hindi ko na siya naririnig sa kabila kong linya.

"Anyway" 

"Si Chelsea ba nakausap niyo?" she asked.

Mukhang hindi pa yata sila nag kakaayos. 

She knew what te problem is finally.

"Hindi"

"Alam mo ba kung anong oras pa lang" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Alam ko-"

"Masyado pang maaga para sirain ang araw ko sa kadramahan niyo okay" kalma kong sabi sa kanya.

"If you are after for my advice with this call"

"I doubt it" I said directly.

There was a long pause in between us in our line.

"Ano ba kasing nangyari" I asked.

Hays. Alam ko naman na minsan ang harsh ko sa kanila. And at some point I am trying to make it up with my attitude towards them.

"Hays"

"Forget about it"

"Saya, whatever it is happening between you and Chelsea, at least fixed it in a way na hindi na mauulit yung misunderstanding niyo" I told her.

Pampalubag loob 'to yes.

And suddenly I heard her whimper.

Bat siya humihikbi? Ano naman iiiyak niya? 

"I-i know" she answered crying.

"Cry yourself this morning"

"You are disrespecting my coffee" I told her on the phone.

"f**k you Mayumi" 

I laughed at what she just said.

She knows I am joking.

"You are such a baby, love" I said to her.

I heard her chuckle. Matapos niyang sumingot ng sipon.

"You're too sexy for me Mayumi stop" malambing niyang angal bigla.

"Hays" I heard her 

"Parang tanga lang ha" I spat. 

Natatawa pa rin ako sa reaksyon niya.

"At least make yourself some coffee first Saya" I said.

I glanced on my wrist watch.

"It is still too early to stress yourself out"

"Prepare yourself first for the day" I added.

"Sige na bye" then she immediately dropped the call. It was a bit awkward.

I checked my watch again and it is still in early in the morning. How come she could think of me first in the morning? Mhmm.

It is not clear to me what exactly happened but I know there have been a misunderstanding on both their parts. Chelsea gets overwhelmed easily. That is just one point.

I wonder ano pang mga nangyari last night. I am going to ask Tyler if they get here.

Here goes the radar.

I spent my morning on the painting. Because I don't want to work on the same thing tonight. 

My apartment is filled with paintings. To mimic the feelings the sky brings in my soul. Kahit nasa loob ako ng bahay.

Till now, it bothers me why blue is a color for sadness. When blue is most of the sky. The hue of blue is what the sky is plainly.

From the lightest to the darkest of blue.

Blue is more of a beauty I consider. It is an absolute aesthetic. An eye refresher. Because of this, my room became a safe haven for me.

A haven of peace.

 Hindi ko pa natatapos ang painting na ginagawa ko at napagdesisyunan ko na mag linis na muna sa loob ng apartment, dahil ubos ko na ang almusal ko.

I brought my things back inside including my art materials and canvas.

I washed my used kitchen utensils and brewed a coffee once more. After doing so, I fixed my bed and sweep my whole room.

There's no much to clean because I hate my things scattered around the room. That's an eye sore.

After cleaning and fixing my room. Sinunod ko naman ang art materials ko na sikupin sa lagayan ko ng mga ito. 

I attend to my brewing machine to get my coffee. Matapos kong daluhan ang mainit kong kape ay tinungo ko ang tabi ng aking kama kung anssaan ang canvas. 

Nag lagay ako ng upuan sa harap nito at nilagyan na ng pintura nag palette na naroon sa mesa.

Why are you beautiful?  I thought to myself.

I just can't help but adore the tiny brushes of strokes that imitates the cirrus clouds found in the sky.

This color speaks to me.

To my eyes.

And sometimes I can hear it.

It is telling me how deceiving itself could be.

How it could tell lies.

A bright blue in the sky can't assure us the tendency of not raining for the whole day.

At night, the vibrant color of dark blue could be evident like it will be a nice night for everyone, but with no stars resting in it. An unfortunate weather could be approaching.

But in another perspective, this color could also bring us positivity.

I pause for a second and approached my music player to compliment my mourning. An indie playlist is always perfect to beautify my day, and the days coming.

I walked back in front of my canvas in an oversize white cream colored t-shirt and cycling shorts.

Hindi nag tagal ang pag sasaya ko mag isa dahil biglang pumasok ang kaibigan ko.

I heard my doorbell rang from the inside of my bedroom. I slower the volume of my music and I got out of my bedroom upang salubungin ang kung sino 'man ang aking bisita.

"Kumain ka na?" he asked. 

It's Tyler.

Nang makalabas ako galing sa kwarto ko ay bumungad ang tanong niya habang nag lalapag ng pagkain sa kitchen counter ko.

"Where's Shay/" I asked.

"Nasa akin" he answered simply.

"Why did you bother bringing me those though" I asked as I approached him sa kung nassaan siya.

"Naalala kita i-take out eh bakit ba puro ka tanong ang aga-aga Mayumi" he answered.

"Edi thanks" I sound ungrateful.

Bigla ko na lamang naalala ang dapat niyang ikuwento sa akin na nangyari kagabi sa club na pinuntahan namin.

"What happened last night pala?" I asked.

"Wala naman"

"Nag patuloy pa rin kami sa party tapos si Saya nasa dancefloor hindi makontrol"

"Si Chelsea naman sige inom sa couch namin"

"Tapos hindi sila nag pansinan buong gabi" He told me.

That's expected. 

"Eh si Andrew anong ginawa?" I asked.

"Ano ba ineexpect mong gaiwn niya?"

"Ayon sinubukan niyang pigilan si Saya sa dancefloor kasi kung sinu-sinong lalaki na ang dumidikit sa kanya"

"Halos lahat nang sumasayaw tsaka sinusubukan lumapit kay Saya binabantaan niya sa tingin" He said.

"I really doubt je did have fun" I commented.

"Hindi mo sure"

"Malay mo nag enjoy rin siya mang banta 'di ba?" He added.

"Like a psychopath boyfriend ganon?" I said.

"Ano pa nangyari?" I said. Wanting to know more about what happened last night.

Inayos niya naman ang upo niya sa high chair ng kitchen counter ko habang kinakalkal ko ang mga pagkain na dinala niya para sa akin.

Habang ginagawa ko  iyon ay patuloy naman na nagkukwento si Tyler sa tapat ko.

He enthusiastically told me everything that had happened. Pati na kung ilang beses sumuka si Chelsea na hindi ko na rin ipinagtaka dahil masyado siyang emotionally driven often times.

Si Saya naman ay sa ibang paraan. Flirt drive, could be.

I wonder how stressed Andrew is sa girlfriend niya ngayon, at sa pag aaway nila ni Chelsea. I mean, the fact that he knew he is involve sa issue nang pag aaway nilang dalawa.If I am Andrew, I will definitely get overhelm and overthink it.

Such things are inevitable. Especially, failure and mistakes. As for them, it is failing to understand and holding back the emotions. How emotionally invested these people are towards relationships.