The Same Romance

XI

1980s Horror Film

"Hindi mo ba ako naisip pigilan?" tanong ko kay Tyler matapos niya akong sermunan sa mga pinagagagawa ko kahapon.

Nakaupo lamang kami sa couch at nakasandal doon

I don’t know what to say or how I would react to what he just said.

Hinagis ko naman ang hot compress mula sa puson ko sa ibabaw ng mesa.

I am pissed.

I wonder if I could remember what their lips taste like.

Oh my gosh make my mind stop.

Sinapo ko naman ang aking noo dahil sa iniisip.

I deserve a serious s******g or a mental torture. Nang matuto naman ako.

Kung ano-ano nanamang pumapasok sa utak ko.

Hindi ko talaga alam ang nangyari. Hindi naman ako ganon kalasing noong araw na iyon.

O baka iyon ang akala ko.

Kung oo, ay sana hindi na ako nakatayo sa sakit ng ulo hindi ba? O baka hindi lang talaga ako tinatalaban ng hangover dahil nagkanda manhid manhid na ang organs ko.

Or should I take a stand?

Kahit ang sanity ko mula kahapon walang maalala.

"I thought you won't do it dumbass" sagot ni Tyler sa tabi ko na nakasandal din sa couch.

“I guess you checked how insane I became last night right?!” I answered Tyler.

Pareho kaming bumalik sa pagkakasandal sa couch.

“Naalala ko noong unang beses mong sobrang nalassing”

“Dinaig mo pa yung nakapag threesome sa sobrang wasted mo” He spat.

I remember that one. Kaarawan iyon ng batchmate namin sa high school. And everybody was present that day. Who would dare miss a high school reunion right?

Ang tatlo sa butihin kong classmate ay nag threesome and Tyler thought I was one of them because I am so wasted that day I drank a lot.

Hinanap niya pa ako noon sa party at halos pag sisigawan dahil nawawala raw ako sa paningin niya.

Kupal.

“Yep”

“That’s why I understand you” sagot ko sa kanya nang hindi pa rin siya nililingon.

Sandali namang pumagitna ang katahimikan sa gitna namin.

“So why is Andrew acting weird anyway?” tanong ko kay Tyler.

Nilingon niya naman ako mula sa gilid niya saka sumagot.

“Hindi ko rin alam Mayumi”

“Ang alam ko lang ay hindi magandang ideya ang mapalapit sa kanya” sagot niya.

“Ha bakit naman?”

“Sige nga”

“Paano mo masasabi na hindi maaalala ni Saya iyong kalokohan na ginawa mo kagabi sa boyfriend niya?” wika niya at hinarap ako.

Tama si Tyler pero hindi ba siya nag o-overeact?

Saya is..

I mean, that should be the least of Saya’s concern and not mine.

“You have a point”

“Pero paano kung hindi naman big deal kay Saya yun?” sagot ko.

“We both now her”

“Hindi niya ba maiintinidhan na pare-pareho tayong wala sa right state of mind kagabi?” dagdag ko at hinarap na rin siya.

“I can’t tell that sa ngayon Mayumi”

“Regardless mag pakalayolayo ka muna kay Andrew” wika niya saka tumayo mula sa tabi ko.

I watched him walk to the door.

“May date kami ni Shay” lingon niya sa akin bago buksan ang pinto.

Umiling naman ako sa alok niya bilang sagot.

Tumango naman siya sa sagot ko saka lumabas na ng pinto.

I understand Tyler now. I did mess up yesterday. However I am as clueless as before. Kahit naikuwento niya na ang mga punto ng nangyari kahapon.

High alcohol tolerance pala Mayumi ha.

“Tch” I disgust myself now.

Maybe because I am not used to drink hard.

I wonder what made me drink hard this time. Sinabi ‘man ni Tyler ang mga ginawa ko. Pakiramdam ko ay kulang ang kuwento niya. Hindi niya nabanggit kung anong nangyari at bakit ako nag inom ng ganon ka ‘rami.

I mean there must’ve been a reason, right? Because I don’t drink that much.

Sandali akong nabalangko at hinagilap ang aking telepono agad. Maybe my phone has the answer.

Pero may rason nga ba talaga? Para mapainom ako ng ganon?

I scoot over the couch to find my phone somewhere on it. Naaalala kong narito ko lang iyon inihagis pag pasok namin ng apartment ko.

Isiniksik ko ang kamay ko sa gilid ng couch kung nasaan ako nakapuwesto upang hanapin doon.

My hand felt something that resembled the physical feature of a gadget.

Agad kong kinuha iyon doon.

I opened my phone and unlocked it. I immediately checked my spam box in my messages and found not so many text messages there.

Nananghalian ka na ba?

Are you drunk?

I think you should stop drinking

Those were just three messages from yesterday.

Get well,

And the last one was from this morning. And then it hit me.

I remember reading the ‘are you drunk?’ text message yesterday. I remember finishing my food first and then feast next on alcohol.

That’s what triggered me.

Naalala ko na hindi ko siya nais replyan. At ang naging resulta noon ay pinanindigan ko ang sinabi niya.

I remember insisting to send him a reply for once.

Sasabihin ko sana na hindi ako nag iinom masyado. Especially when it’s a get together with my friends.

And then I am not really aware what I did next. I just randomly picked up a bottle of hard liquor and straight up drank it. Though I don’t remember it. I am just positive that that’s what I really did.

“Oh my gosh” nanghihina kong wika sa sarili.

I re-read the messages sent to me. I just realized something habang binabasa ulit iyon sa pang maraming beses na pagkakataon.

“Get well?” I read.

How does she know?

I moved her contact to my inbox so I can reply her.

How do you know I am not feeling well? That’s what I wrote.

But I changed my mind and erased what I have just typed. I realized that I should figure it out myself first. I don’t want to create a massive hysteria in my mind.

Paano naman niya malalaman?

Hindi naman ako napabisita sa kapehan ng ilang araw na.

Andrew.

Maybe from Andrew. Because I remember Andrew telling me that they were friends.

But why would he do that?

Maybe he just want to help that girl for plus points.

Or maybe because she missed me and he asked Andrew about me.

Niyakap ko ng maigi ang unan sa mga pinagiisip ko. I am in no place to guess whatever it is.

Is she really not straight?

Siya ba talaga ako ang nakakausap ko?

I still doubt if she’s fruity. No, at this point I don’t think I could even trust the number.

What if someone just used the girl that day to get my number?

Tama, hindi niya naman sinabi na siya ang mag papadala ng mensahe sa numero ko na iyon.

Why? Does she have to inform me though?

I am being paranoid.

All I know for sure is, it might be her or not. And that’s not what I should be concerned about.

Kinuha ko ang telepono ko. At nag tipa muli doon ng reply sa kanya.

How did you know? And then I press send.

I need to ask her regardless.

Naisip ko na mag kape pa rin at mag lakad lakad sa labas. Alam kong makakatulong iyon para mahimasmasan ako ng kahit kaunti.

Also, I personally think that my soul needs some air.

Mabilis akong umalis ng bahay. Hindi na ako nag handa at dinala ko lamang ang purse ko.

Pag labas ko ng bahay ay suminghap ako ng malalim. Sinisingot ang sariwang hangin na sumalubong sa akin.

I am pretty confident that I will have fun walking my ass out today.

Nilabas ko ang earphones ko mula sa purse at agad na ikinunekta iyon sa aking telepono.

A bit of music won’t hurt.

Life will really make you regret that you let your control slip out of your hand.

At iyon na nga ang nangyari sa akin.

Nawala lamang ako sandali sa tamang pag iisip ay andami nang nangyari. Mabuti sana kung masayang balikan ang mga memoryang iyon ngunit hindi.

Nasanay akong lagi kong gamay ang nangyayari sa akin sa bawat araw.

Na lagi kong bantay ang mga desisyon at kilos ko sa bawat sandal.

I am living my life in the right and best way possible. For my benefit and not of anyone else’s.

I was so afraid that I could slip my control and that’s what just happened to me. Nawala ako sa control.

It is the same as slipping out of my comfort zone.

I slowed down as I walk on the roadside.

Hindi na kalayuan ang kapehan sa kung nasaan ako.

The lights were off

The mood was right

She came and laid with me

I looked into her eyes

Tried to make her mine

But then she said

"I'm really not that into guys."

This moment is relatable. Especially with this song.

In the back of my mind, with all of what happened yesterday.

I am thrilled that I am about to see her once again.

A part of me wants to deny that I have been thinking of her.

A part of me wants to deny the idea that I am thrilled on my way to see her.

But of course, no one is sure.

I am not sure if she’s really out of my league.

Pinapaniwala ko ang sarili ko na hindi maaari ang iniisip ko dahil ayokong umasa.

I don’t want to disappoint myself.

And I haven’t made up my mind yet.

All I knew about our chemistry was our unexpected encounters and stolen stares.

It happened not so many times. It still hits me differently. Like there was something in her that I need to know.

And one way of knowing that is stepping out of my comfort zone. Which I am a little afraid of doing.

Anyway, why am I even thinking about this?

I opened the door to the coffee shop and head to the counter as I enter the shop.

Bumungad naman ang isang kilalang mukha na nasa counter din.

Hindi ko tinungo ang kahera kung nasaan siya. Nauna kong dinaluhan ang nasa kabilang kahera.

Bago ako magsalita upang sabihin ang order ko. Nagtama ang tingin namin sandali sa likod ng kahera kung nasaan siya.

Agad akong umiwas ng tingin saka ibinigay na ang order ko sa kahera.

I smiled and told the cashier that I’ll wait pleasingly.

Hindi na ako nag tagal doon at nag hanap na ng mauupuan sa loob ng kapehan. Namataan kong walang tao sa bagong trono rito.

Minatahan ko ang katabing libruhan doon saka naisip na lapitan.

I picked a book to read. I am impressed that it's legit books. I thought there will be children's books. Some fables and legends related. I am glad there is some sense filled stuff here.

I sit down and start reading the book after wandering for a while before the bookshelf.

I chose a random book from the shelf since I already browse from there.

I was reading for a while already when I suddenly feel something. I looked around me to check what’s wrong.

Hindi pa tinatawag ang pangalan ko upang kuhain na ang aking binili. Kung kaya nag patuloy na muna ako mag basa.

I am having fun reading for a while until I feel a thing again.

Tiningnan kong muli ang paligid ko nang biglang tawagin ang pangalan ko mula sa kahera. Napatingin ako sa kung nasaan nanggaling ang boses at hindi ko inaasahan ang tingin ng isang babae na nasa likod ng kahera.

Agad siyang umiwas ng tingin nang makita ko ang mga mata niyang nakatuon sa akin.

I smirked as she looked away from where I am.

Ibinababa ko naman ang libro kong hawak saka tinungo na ang puwesto niya.

Nauna kong dinaluhan ang mga binili saka dinaanan ng tingin ang babae sa tabing kahera.

Surprisingly, she is not looking. Or maybe I didn’t catch her look at me this time.

I am holding back my smile as I walk my back to my seat.

Something about what she is trying to do is poking my attention.

She wants some of my attention now hmm?

Before going back to my food. I decided to first feast on my coffee and croissant.

Hinagilap ko naman ang purse ko at kumuha ng ballpen.

I grabbed my receipt and wrote down something with my pen.

I saw you glance at me for the nth time That’s what I wrote. I wonder how will I get it to her.

I checked what I bought and decided to stand up and go back to the counter.

This is a bold move I will be making. But I want to know her. No more intentions intended.

“Where’s the sugar?” I asked her.

“Nasa kabilang side po iyong-“

“I want the packet ones” putol ko sa kanya.

I can’t tell if she’s pissed but she smiled before picking something underneath the counter.

I sarcastically smiled at her and wait for her to give me what I demanded.

“Here” sabay lapag niya sa ttalong maliliit na pakete ng asukal.

Kinuha ko naman ang dalawa roon saka ipinatong ang natitirang pakete ng asukal, sa piraso ng papel na sinulatan ko kanina.

“Dalawa lang kailangan ko Salamat” wika ko saka ngumiti sa kanya.

I saw her looked at the piece of paper underneath the packet of sugar I return. But I walked away as she picked it up.

I am pretty nervous of what I just did. Hindi ko matansya ang bilis ng t***k ng puso ko.

I must hope she’s not really into guys.