The Same Romance

VI

A day in a life

For a week, her gesture the last time we met bothered me.

Not that I found her a bit creepy. But she's simply bold, and pretty proud.

Should I be thankful that she hadn't texted or contacted me yet?

"She's crazy" I spat in the air as I threw myself on my bed.

She is a bit crazy.

I wonder where does these kinds of women find that kind of amazing confidence.

I looked at my left hand unconsciously and saw the brush I am still holding. Then the stain of paint from the brush greeted me on the top of my bed.

"f**k" I exclaimed in my empty bedroom.

I am doing my laundry and I hate washing bed stuffs because it is just so heavy and exhausting. 

Umikot ako sa ibabaw ng kama ko at tumingala sa ceiling ng kwarto.

"Ano ba" I spat.

Ever since this day started, I feel irritated at whatever I see or do.

Sandali akong pumikit at tumayo na muli upang daluhan and proyekto ko sa tabi.

Sinikop ko muli and buhok ko sa likod at tinali iyon ng goma na galing sa palapusuhan ko.

I seated comfortably on my chair in front of my canvas and grabbed my palette.

Tinitigan ko ang ginagawa ko at hindi ko pa iyon halos nadadagdagan simula kanina paggising ko.

I am half not in the right state of mind.

Baka kulang lang ako sa kape.

Or maybe I am too invested in this hobby that I wrung out every idea I had in mind. 

I decided to make myself some strong coffee to shake myself, my insides. I can't act this way all day.

Sabaw.

Umikot ako sa buong lugar ng kusina ko sa paggawa ko ng kape.

I made myself an espresso. Which I gladly sip the whole time I am making my second breakfast.

I toasted some bread and fried eggs and grabbed different kinds of cheese in the fridge.

Fuck it. I am eating how much I want this day. That's what I thought at the moment. And I am pretty convinced that I need to eat because I want to. It is my desire to eat my way throughout the day.

"Donut" wika ko.

"I f*****g want a donut" halos isigaw ko na iyon sa kwarto ko habang hinahanap ko ang aking telepono.

Naiwan ko iyon sa karto ko at pakiramdam ko nauubos na ang pasensya ko habang nag lalakad pa lamang ako pabalik sa kwarto.

I already hate this day.

What could go wrong again? 

Nang mahagilap ng mata ko ang telepono ay parang gusto kong sigawan at pagalitan iyon. Pero siyempre hindi ko ginawa.

Instead, I annoyingly grabbed it on top of the table beside my bed.

I straight up to unlock it and didn't hesitate to order two dozens donut.

"Oh f**k I want a dozen of glazed ones" I said to myself. 

And I get myself to the app again to order another dozen of what I wanted. I was happy pressing the icons until it said the glazed donuts are sold out already.

I checked the time on my screen. And it's f*****g 11 am in the f*****g morning. How come it is sold out? In just a few hours? What is their problem? 

Aren't they supposed to please their customers?

"Oh f**k bourgeois" I said. 

Especially the spoiled brats who bought glazed donuts for their luxury breakfast. 

Bumalik ako sa kusina at sinubukang kumalma sa pamamagitan ng pag inom sa kape ko.

"f**k is this strong enough?" seriously? This coffee won't even hit my tastebuds.

Like, right now I'd rather suck a bitter gourd and not even complain.

Tumayo ako upang mag hanap ng mas matapang na kape at mag timpla ulit ng isang baso muli para sa akin.

Nag dadasal ako sa isip na sana magiging maayos na ang araw na ito para sa akin.

Tinitingnan ko ang  bawat kapeng pumapatak sa baso ko nang mag simula iyon mag labas ng tubig. 

This bitter coffee makes me reminisce my first time sipping one in my mom's mug.

I miss my mom.

What if I visit them? 

Oh f**k, what if she's working at home? Busy? Will she get pissed at me for coming over?

Miss din kaya nila ako? 

The thoughts running in my mind is making me tear up.

What if they do not miss me and don't want to see me again kaya ako hinayaan na lumipat dito?

Paano kung pampalubag loob na lang pala nila sa akin tong business nila dahil masyado na akong matanda para tumira kasama sila?

What if I am adopted that's why they want me out of the house at this age? And they are just holding back to tell me that?

Matapos ang wala pang limang minuto na pag titig sa kape kong tapos nang ginawwa ng makinarya, ay dinaluhan ko na iyong upang masimulang tikman.

Sumisimsim ako sa baso ko habang pabalik sa making upuan. 

Pagbalik ko naman sa aking upaan ay naramdaman ko ang malamig na sensasyon sa inuupuan ko. 

Tumayo naman ako upang tingnan iyon. Inisip ko na kape iyon na 'di ko namalayang natapon habang pabalik ako sa aking upuan.

Ngunit mali ako.

On top of my white chair is a stain of blood. That most likely came from my shorts.

"Oh" and then my thoughts shattered and poked me to my senses.

That was it?

I wanna cry my eyes out for being so unreasonable.

Oh, I am so unreasonable.

It's the hormones making me frantic. 

In order to prepare me for my own emotional warfare. I decided to prep myself in the shower and maybe have some warm-ups.

Make my vulva cozy as it slowly kills me.

Gano'n na nga ang ginawa ko. 

I enjoyed a warm bath while contemplating my life choices in the shower and find my way out to this drama at least. Kahit pampalubag loob lang.

Oh, hormones. 

After cleaning myself. I need to clear my insides.

Not the vulva.

The insides of my mind.

Naisip ko na ipagpatuloy ang ginagawa kong obra sa tabi ng kama ko.

Is it a good idea to sleep on the floor of my terrace again?

Remembering how cold it is. I think the answer should be now. I shouldn't think about sleeping there either.

Naghahanap ako ng damit sa closet nang lingunin ko ang canvas ko sa likod ko lamang na tabi ng aking kama.

I unconsciously attend to my canvas while still wrapped in my towel. 

I grabbed my brush beside me and the palette of colors. I mixed some new colors, creating pastels and some vibrant ones. 

Habang gumagawa ako sa aking canvass. Dahan dahan namang nahuhulog na ang tuwalya galing sa aking katawan.

Hindi ko iyon inayos dahil natatakot akong mawala ang ideyang nasa isip ko para sa aking obra.

My hair isn't bothering me at all because of the small towel I wrapped it in there.

Hindi nag tagal ay nagpipinta na akong hubo't hubad. Inuupuan ko naman ang aking medyo basa pang tuwalya na kanina'y suot ko lamang.

Malamig na simoy ng hangin ang paunti-unting dumadapo sa aking balat. 

Saka ko naalala n bukas ang pinto ko sa terrace. Nakabukas iyon sa bandang tapat ng aking closet. 

I didn't mind closing it even the breeze is welcoming itself in my bedroom. 

Anf importante lamang sa akin ay natatakpan ng manipis na kurtina ang aking katawan upang hindi makita ang hubad kong imahe sa katapat na establisyimento.

Nang aking na pagisip-isip na baka may makakita pa rin sa akin na hubo't hubad sa tapat na building, ay tumayo ako upang hawiin ang mas makapal na kurtina sa likod ng manipis na kurtina.

Kailangan kong makasigurado na walang makakita sa aking ganito.

I have the choice to wear clothes but, I am comfortable doing my thing like this.

I got back to my chair and continue doing my piece.

As I work on my project I realize that it is making me feel good at the moment. 

Masyado akong invested sa aking ginagawa at hindi na namalayan ang mga minutong dumaan. Nanunuyo na ang balat ko roon, dahil na rin sa lamig ng hangin na pumapasok sa aking kwarto.

I should've closed the door.

Dahil giniginaw na ako.

Kung kaya ala akong naging choice kung hind mag suot na ng damit at saraduhan ang pinto.

That was what I intend to do in mind. But what I did was, after closing the sliding door to my terrace and dressing my ass. I headed to my kitchen and saw the cold coffee and toast I didn't finish in my breakfast.

Nanghinayang naman ako roon ngunit hndi nag dalawang isip na itapon ang mga tira kong almusal.

Nang mapadaan ako sa lababo ko pabalik galing sa aking basurahan.

Naroon pa rin ang aking hugassin galing sa hapunan ko kagabi.

I didn't dare count how many plates and mugs were there. Naalala ko na dito pala nag hapunan si Tyler kagabi dahil sabay kaminng kumain.

Masama bang hilingin na pumunta dito si Tyler para pakiusapn siyang mag hugas ng plato sa bahay ko?

I know it's a bad idea.

I am a grown-ass lady I need to do my own chores myself and I shouldn't take advantage of people taking advantage of my home because it is immoral.

I welcome him not because I want him to return the favor. It is because he is my best friend and I love my best friend. he don't deserve to wash these dishes with his clean and manly hands.

This is frustrating.

Paalis na ako dahil naisip ko na gawin na lamang ang hugasin mamaya pag natapos ko na ang akaing ipinipinta.

Umupo na muli ako sa harap ng canvas ko upang tapusin na iyon.

As I sit there my mind is just overflowing with creativity and ideas that's why I am so hyped to finish this off today. 

Habang gumagawa ako.

My mind is distracted by the dishes, plus the ideas I have in mind for my painting.

I paused for a while and tried to rethink if I should do my dishes this time because it is overlapping my creativity in mind.

I continued painting once again and have more strokes put into my canvas.

"Oh my gosh that's it" I spat and then I stood up from my chair to do the dishes.

As I walk out of the bedroom I hear my phone chime. And I swore to myself that I will get to that message once I am done doing my dishes.

Nasa kusina na ako nang naisipan kong bumalik sa tabi ng smart tv kung nasaan ang speakers ko. I plugged my flash drive at the back of the speakers and let the playlist hit the whole room.

I started washing the dishes and mid-way I started singing on the top of mungs with the loud music in my speakers.

A reason why it took me so long to finish my sink job.

Inayos ko rin naman ang mga nakita kong hindi maayos sa kusina bago tuluyang umalis doon.

I dance my way to the living room and sing along to the song in my speakers. 

So I put my hands up

They're playing my song

The butterflies fly away

"I'm nodding my head like yeah"

"Moving my hips like yeah" I sang along.

I continued dancing in my living room and took advantage of the fact that I am living along as I do some crazy dance moves I just learned today.

I am such a good dancer.

I even tried doing a split but I am afraid it will hurt my legs and my virgin v****a that is spitting out blood and will go on for a few days.

I halfway did it and did a cartwheel.

My ceiling is high enough luckily.

I even decided to cartwheel my way to my bedroom. 

I am glad no one knew this side of me.

Tinapon ko ang sarili ko sa ibabaw ng kama ko saka sandaling pumikit upang mag pahinga.

Nilingon ko naman ang canvas ko na ansa tabi lamang ng aking higaan.

Nakita ko naman ang mantsa ng pintura galing sa kaninang umaga.

"I almost forget this s**t" I spat.

Tinanggal ko ang may mantsang comforter sa ibabaw ng kama ko upang dalhin iyon sa aming dirty laundry.

Nang alisin ko ang comforter na iyon ay mayroon akong narinig na nalaglag galing doon. Hindi ko naman iyon masyado binigyan ng atensyon dahil puwede ko namang pulitin pag balik ko.

I just need to get rid of this stained comforter because I don't want to get distracted again with an unfinished gross task my mind will bug me to do.

"You belong here now" wika ko sa may mantsang comfoter na inilagay ko sa tabi ng washing machine.

"Who are you talking to?" Tyler suddenly came out of nowhere.

"Did you kill someone?" he added.

Umirap lamang ako sa kanya at iniwan na lamang siya doon.

Not going to lie, he almost made me jump. That's why I am annoyed by him and didn't answer his question.

If I would kill someone this moment it will be him.

Nakabalik na ako sa kwarto ko at umupong muli sa harap ng aking canvas. To continue my piece.

My feet suddenly wandered the floor when suddenly my right food that goes almost under the bed poked something.

I was about afraid to check it because what if I saw something spooky under my bed?

Oh, uck it! I know there's nothing under my bed!.

Hindi ko masyadong makita kung ano iyon kaya hindi rin ako sigurado kung ano ba iyong bagay na naapakan ko. 

I decided to just quickly grabbed it from under my foot.

And turns out it was my phone.

"Oh right" I said.

I am supposed to check a message I receive from earlier.

I turned my phone on and from my lock screen I read:

Hi!

It was from an unknown number and definitely from the new employee of that coffee shop who blackmailed me.

Yeah hi 

I casually replied like I knew who was it because I am pretty sure who it is.

I didn't wait too long for a reply.

That's too late but hello again:)

It is odd na hindi mo tinanong ang pangalan ko

To messages popped up.

Well, I didn't replyed quickly because it will look like I am interested in her.

It is surprising that she's not straight.

Or maybe I am wrong. 

Hey:(

Wow.

If she's going to flood me I won't really text back. Trying to annoy me.