I was never yours

When kindness breaks you

Nicky sat quietly beside him, too drained for small talk.

She was grateful when Luke switched on the radio without being asked, filling the silence with a low hum of music that made it easier to bear.

As they pulled out of the parking lot, he slowed for a woman pushing a baby stroller across the road.

Without thinking, Nicky's hand moved to her stomach.

She caught herself and pulled it back fast, jaw tightening.

Jason can be such an ass. How dare he. No. Not now. Not here.

She turned away from the window and tried for casual.

"So. Apart from moving furniture, crashing into people's cars, and being annoyingly decent about it afterward -- what else is there to know about Luke Blake?"

He glanced at her. He'd seen her hand move to her stomach. He said nothing about it.

"Well, firstly, I don't move furniture for a living."

"A hobby, then?"

He grinned. "More of a help-your-best-friend's-girlfriend-move-her-stuff kind of thing."

"What?"

"Josh asked me to help Lisa move."

Nicky's brow creased. "Maybe take me back to the hospital. My brain clearly isn't working. Who's Josh?"

Luke laughed, a real laugh, surprised out of him. "Josh. Lisa's boyfriend."

Nicky went still. "Lisa has a boyfriend?"

His smile slipped slightly. "Yes. My best friend. You didn't know?"

"No," she said flatly. "I didn't."

A short silence.

"Apparently the whole world is keeping secrets from me."

Luke said nothing. The traffic crawled. Nicky stared out the windshield, her jaw tight.

How did I not know this? I lived with her. We shared walls, shared meals, shared everything.

"How long?" she asked, not looking at him.

"Almost six months."

She turned to look at him. He kept his eyes on the road.

Six months. Right under her nose.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"For what? Your best friend dating my supposed best friend?" She shrugged, the gesture too rigid to be casual. "Don't be. We're not friends anymore anyway."

He nodded slowly and let it go.

Nicky turned back to the window and didn't speak again for the rest of the drive. The silence between them settled, heavy and full, broken only by the low music and the hum of tires on wet road.

***

When he pulled into her driveway, he got out and came around to open her door.

Nicky stepped out and looked at him.

Such a small thing. So automatic for him. He hadn't even thought about it.

Jason had never once done that. Not in ten years.

"Thank you," she whispered, and walked toward the house before the tightness in her throat could become anything else.

She couldn't be alone right now. The thought of stepping inside and closing the door behind her filled her with a dread she didn't know how to name.

"Why don't you come in?" she said, turning back before she could think better of it. "We can sort out the insurance forms."

Luke studied her for a moment. She watched him take her in -- the pale face, the tight jaw, the eyes that were working too hard to hold it together.

"The forms can wait," he said gently. "You look exhausted."

Why does every kind thing he says make me want to fall apart?

"I'm fine. Come in."

She opened the door. He followed.

***

The moment she stepped inside, it hit her.

Home. The silence of it. The emptiness. The space where Lisa used to be and wasn't anymore. The life she had been holding together with bare hands, and was so tired of holding.

A sob broke from her chest before she could stop it.

And then another. And then it was over -- the last of her composure gone, unraveling fast and completely, her face in her hands.

Luke didn't hesitate.

He stepped forward and put his arms around her. Quiet and steady, no words, just warmth.

She felt fragile in his arms. Like something that could break if held too tightly. He held her carefully.

Nicky fought it. Tried to pull back, to breathe through it, to get herself under control. But the harder she fought, the harder it came. So she stopped fighting.

She stood in the arms of a man she had known for less than a week, and cried until there was nothing left.

And somewhere in the middle of it, a thought moved through her slowly, like something she wasn't ready to look at directly.

She felt safer here than she ever had in Jason's arms.

The thought of Jason snapped her back.

She pulled away, wiping at her face, embarrassed.

Luke didn't make it awkward. He simply guided her toward the couch with a light hand at her back. "Sit down."

She sat without questioning it.

He disappeared into the kitchen. She heard the kettle fill, the soft knock of cupboard doors opening and closing as he searched for cups.

She sat completely still, watching the doorway. There was something deeply strange about this moment. The ordinariness of it. A near-stranger making tea in her kitchen while her entire life lay in pieces on the floor around her.

Has Jason ever made me a cup of tea? Ever once?

The answer came without hesitation, and it stung.

She turned to the window and closed her eyes. Breathed. Slowly, the shaking in her chest began to ease.

Luke came back and held out a steaming cup.

Her hands trembled when she reached for it. He kept hold of the saucer until they steadied.

"Thank you," she said, barely above a whisper.

The warmth seeped through her fingers. She looked up and met his eyes, and almost came undone again at what she saw there. No agenda. No performance. Just quiet, uncomplicated kindness.

Luke sat down beside her.

"It gets better," he said. "I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but it does. Things have a way of working out. Sometimes you just need to step back far enough to see the whole picture."

Nicky looked down at her cup. Watched the steam curl upward. Then she looked at him sideways, a faint smile pulling at her mouth.

"What did you say you do for a living again?"

He grinned. "Was that too much? I work in IT."

She let out a small laugh, the sound startling her a little. It felt like something loosening in her chest.

"For a second I thought you were a psychiatrist."

He tapped his chin with theatrical gravity. "Maybe in another life."

She laughed again, properly this time, and shook her head.

"Seriously though. Thank you. For all of it. I know I've been a lot -- classic me, by the way. I don't do anything by halves. If I'm going to fall apart, I do it in full color."

"And so you should," he said, taking a sip of his tea. "Because you are a spectacular woman. Nothing about you is half-assed."

Nicky raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I take it back. No psychiatrist would say that."

He laughed. She laughed with him.

And for one brief, strange moment, the weight of everything lifted, just slightly, just enough to breathe.

***

The front door clicked open.

Both of them turned.

Jason stood in the doorway.

His eyes moved across the room in less than a second. Nicky on the couch, cup in hand, smile fading. Luke beside her, too close, too comfortable, too at home in a space that was supposed to be his.

His jaw went tight.

"Jason..." Nicky said softly.

He said nothing.

Just stood there in the open doorway, the evening light behind him, his expression unreadable and his eyes very, very still.

The warmth that had filled the room moments before was gone.

What replaced it was something colder. Something that sat between all three of them and waited.