Love TTLE IDEASAddicted to Love All You Need is Love A Love Story A Piece of My Heart Attached at the Heart Be Mine Be My Valent

up from the inside and we could walk back to the Smithsonian Metro Station. We arrived at the Metro Parking lot at White Flint,

found our car, and like a couple of teenage kids, kissed for a while in the car before driving back to my house and family where she was staying for the night. I noticed when she took her coat off that I had not buttoned up her blouse evenly and she had one extra button hole at the top. Oh well, perhaps no one would notice. I really didn't care, if they did notice. Early the next morning I went downstairs to the guest room and woke Grace gently with a soft meaningful kiss then went back to bed with my still-sleeping lifeless wife. I later heard Grace going into the guest bathroom for her shower, and so I got out of bed and proceeded into my master bath and thought "we can take a shower together with only a wall separating us". Later she said that she heard me showering and wished she could be my washcloth. After breakfast she had to leave to drive back to NC and so we shook hands goodbye in the driveway. I rubbed me eyes and she rubbed her nose and we both knew what that meant.

When Thanksgiving came this first year, I was especially thankful for God bringing Grace closer into my life and for the wonderful special love that we shared. I prayed that it would continue forever.

I was inspired to write several poems that first fall. Somehow the words and rhymes came to me without too much effort. I kept paper in my pocket all the time now, just on case the poetry poured out of my heart I could capture it before it was lost. You can read all the poetry inspired by this love affair in Somewhere, Sometime, Somehow: Love Poems and Short Stories by Jules Verne Orion, Xlibris Press, 2008.

Christmas arrived early in 1989 on the second weekend of December. I made up a business excuse to drive to NC once more to check on the office papers and projects. I called from a restaurant about one hour away to see if the "Coast was clear" for my arrival. Grace's husband was out of town, and when I arrived I drove straight into the garage and closed the door. Grace came downstairs and opened the garage inside door and we kissed softly. Hmm.. "Yes", I said "I would drive all day and night for one of those kisses". I went upstairs and made myself at home, while she put her little child to bed. That night we had our first real "goodnight kiss" as she stayed with me a little while in my downstairs "guest" bed, but her little one

would soon come looking for her in her upstairs master bed room. So

I slept alone, but dreamed of a day when we could sleep together

undisturbed. Later the next day we walked in the University

Arboretum, and the cold fresh December air only made us talk of

warmer times. That night I waited in the living room listened to soft

music and waited for Grace to finish putting her son to bed. After 2

hours of waiting Grace appeared in her pajamas with a red Christmas

Blanket and a bottle on Sparkling wine. We danced and shared

Christmas gifts with each other. I gave her a diamond pendant

necklace and gold pair of hearts "joined as one" on a gold chain. I

had written a poem to accompany the gift. She gave me a small

"Christmas" house which we would fill with our memories. We

kissed and danced and listened to Christmas music until the wee

hours and found ourselves sleeping in each other's arms. The next

day I left early in the bitter cold to return to my home and all I could

remember was Grace standing in her driveway waving goodbye to

me. She had given me a bag of peanut brittle that she had made, and I

ate part this for lunch, knowing she had made it gave me some

warmth. But still I felt colder and colder as I left NC and drove back

to MD alone to an unloving cold house. Grace had given me a

Christmas card with the instructions on not to open the card until

Christmas Day. So after the Christmas Eve Candlelight Services

were over at 1 am, I retrieved the letter and read it alone next to my

Christmas tree. It was such a sweet, caring card full of love, it made

me cry. My heart was still with Grace and when Christmas morning

came around, but I had to act happy for my family, but I looked

southward and wished I was with Grace so much that day to share the

joy of Christmas. The week between Christmas and New Year's was

always spend driving to Grandma's house in Pennsylvania and

celebrating Christmas with both our parents. Needless to say it went

by slowly without any communication with Grace. I felt a big hole in

my life, even though I was surrounded by my family. Right before

midnight on New Year's Eve I went outside looked up at the

constellation Orion and blew a final kiss of 1989 southward to Grace

and wished her well in the New Year. This year the Auld Lang Syne

song took on new meaning as I sang 'Should old acquaintances be

forgot and never brought to mind". Yes I had a new acquaintance and

I missed her so very much, more than anyone else nearby.

At the end of December I sent Grace a list of wishes for the New Year:

My Wishes for the New Year

Making many new happy memories for 1990 Saying a lot of "hellos" to you. Making you happy inside (and outside) That our love harmonizes with our lives. That we find lots of quality time together That you keep sending sweet thoughts. That 10 o'clock remains our time together That our friendship and love grows and grows stronger That your tears are always happy tears. Saying "goodnight" again in person. That you teach me TM, and we meditate together. That you grow professionally. That you have a new healthy baby That you keep a warm spot in your heart for me. That our love motivates and strengthens us That we use this motivation and strength to accomplish great things.

That we can turn minutes into hours when we're together and, days into minutes when we're apart.

I looked forward to the New Year with much anticipation of times with Grace.

One Hundred and One Memories of 1989

1. A very warm July afternoon in my old office on my birthday. You removed your shirt and bra to entice me with your "ample" charms. I thought "WOW" she really loves me to do this aggressive and seductive move. Later I discovered my pants zipper was pulled down and wondered where this might have gone, if I hadn't leave

2. 3. Looking for a lunar eclipse in D.C. Evenings at the White Flint Metro stop

4. The Mall and Washington monument on a rainy, foggy night

5. Our first hug on East Campus under a tree

6. Meeting at Rossini's at 2pm for ice cream on a warm spring day

7. Hello's in the foyer at NTC at 7 pm on Friday nights.

8.

A candlelit dinner for two at Anotherthyme

9. Touching your hand in a Seville in Orlando

10. An ever so warm and cozy rainy Saturday morning

11. Lunch at the RTP Holiday Inn telling you I was leaving NC

12. Lunch at Anotherthyme when we couldn't eat.

13. Lunch at Dragon Garden when we couldn't speak.

14. Our first kiss.....in my hotel room in Orlando. My knees were so weak, I almost fell over. I went for a long walk after you left to wonder at the power of your kiss over me. On June 15, 1989 it marked our Anniversary.

15. Standing under our oak tree at Duke Gardens, picturing you.

16. Sitting in Duke Chapel feeling the power and grace of

our love.

17. Walking at Eno Park on a brisk fall afternoon in the waning sunlight

18. Sharing ice cream on the conference room table.

19. Finally telling you about my love for you.

20. A warm neck rub in our office by monitor light.

21. Seeing you arrive safely at the Metro station at NIH campus

22. Sharing Christmas music with you alone in the dark...

23. Watching you making breakfast in your kitchen in the morning

24. Enjoying dinner at James III with candlelight on your radiant face

25. Talking to you on the phone by a mountain lake on a summer night.

26. Writing and receiving letters on floppy disks.

27. Saying goodnight on the phone at my apartment (304B).

28. Waking you up in my family room at 5 am

29. Exchanging flowers at Sarah P. Duke Gardens

30. At Governor's Inn on a Saturday morning you came to my room while I was still in bed to say goodbye, but you put your head under my blankets and sucked me dry. WOW! I thought you really do love me!!

31. Sitting with you by a stream at Umstead Park one afternoon

32. Working at the "hood" with you in my old lab.

33. Playing Lionel Richie's "Hello" song for you.

34. A real goodnight kiss..

35. Holding you so....so close.

36. Staying late at work on Fridays last Spring thinking of future times.

37. Sharing breakfast in Orlando on the last day of the TCA meeting

38. Listening to you play and sing your song to me.

39. Writing poetry to someone special

40. Experiencing new feelings of being in heaven.

41. Dinner at the Governors in on an October evening after a business meeting and you suggested that we "get naked under the sheets". WOW I thought she really does love me!!! We only rubbed together feeling ecstasy..

42. A small Christmas house full of these memories.

43. Roses, for me?! They were as lovely as you, and I cherished them.

44. Eating ice cream at Ben and Jerry's on a spring afternoon in CH

45. A warm feeling in my heart on a cold wintry night in MD

46. Waking from wonderful dreams. Hmmm...

47. Seeing your eyes closed

48. Saying "goodbye" on a foggy rainy parking lot

49. Saying "hello" at your front door. 50. Working on the computer beside you.

51. Seeing you as a professional guest in my new office.

52. Sitting beside you on a carriage ride one warm night in Orlando

53. Saying goodbye to you at my house on Kelly Road

54. Watching you look through the microscope in my old lab

55. Following you in your car down I-40 at night

56. Walking through the UNC arboretum on a cold December night

57. Trying to stretch minutes into hours, while hours turned into minutes.

58. Sitting beside you at the business meeting feeling a warmth on my side.

59. Opening a small freezer vial of "White Linen" and closing my eyes.

60. Nine o'clock warm feelings, changed to ten o'clock.

61. Learning about quantum healing with you

62. Feeling young in spirit again

63. Wearing contact lenses again

64. Locking and unlocking my briefcase (the combination is 121)

65. Seeing you making a presentation on TM at UNC

66. Counting days, looking forward to dates like a kid.

67. Going to the Post Office Box 4604 in Rockville often.

68. Finding the right card to send.

69. Wishing, wishing, and more wishing....

70. Now what was that password again?

71. Wearing a warm blue scarf

72. Wearing a NTI tee-shirt one night

73. Feeling lonely for the first time in a long time.

74. Seeing our shadows side by side on a sidewalk in MD

75. Becoming a "hopeless" romantic soul

76. Saying "I hope your experiment is going well" often

77. Doing ATP assays with you on cold January and February afternoons

78. An April 28 lunch with you, Mark, and Betsy at Landlubbers

79. Looking at Orion in a different way.

80. Reading notes left under my office door.

81. My first foot rub.

82. Sharing black paste from the same spoon

83. Sighing a lot, while remembering special moments

84. Seeing tears in your eyes

85. A chocolate floppy disk that tasted so good

86. A small blue bird on your window

87. Watching you work across the hall last spring

88. A chocolate and somber farewell party at your house in June

89. Watching KD while you went to class, so much of you is in him.

90. Feeling new strength and purpose

91. A special four-leaf clover picked on East Campus of Duke

92. Eating your homemade peanut brittle at Christmas time.

93. Walking on the beach thinking of you.

94. Two months by myself in an apartment on Fredrick Ave

95. Warm Personal memories of you which elude words

96. Reading your wonderful letters

97. Singing along I-95 in Virginia

98. Waiting for your phone calls.

99. Opening your Christmas Eve letter at 10 pm and feeling your presence

100. Seeing your sweet smile

101. Somehow, somewhere, someday....

102. Listening to "still, still, still" with you

103. Blowing you one last kiss of 1989 at 11:59:59pm.

CHAPTER 2

Our Second Year - 1990

WHAT FOLLOWS IS a series of letters, cards, floppy disks, emails, and other forms of communication. The words that Grace wrote are in italics, my words written to Grace are in bolded text,

It was the beginning of 1990, and I wrote a letter to Grace.

It's 11:26pm on January 6th. Another Saturday night and I'm up late, just wanting to say a few words to you. Again I am thinking of "us". Strange how the force of love pulls at me. I was out shopping today and got stuck in the card section of a local store, trying to find a card to say what I feel. I found some that say what I feel, but know I wouldn't send them since they would tell you too much about me. See, I'm still guarding my feelings too. I found one and it was right, so hope you like it. I guess you got it last week. I wish you a sweet goodnight, and I hope all is well for you. Love....Richard

I didn't know it but Grace was writing to me that same day. She wrote:

The sun's coming out. I'm in the dining room and the rainbows are out! Its Saturday I'm working on holiday cards. Listening to Barber's Adagio CD. Misty eyed here too. Thank you for your data and extensively footnoted disk. My dear have you always been so sweet and sentimental? I drove home from work last night - it was not yet 10:00 PM so I made a detour so I would still be in the car at 10:00. I went by your old house - It's not yours anymore different cars (4) different feeling (the tree houses still standing). No, this place is not yours anymore -Your office at work has been rearranged - it took me a long time before I'd move anything. All these things are superficial. What is in my heart is stronger than ever. You are a very, very special man that no matter what time does to us, that I will always hold a soft warm place in my heart for.

I wish that you could write as eloquently and graciously to (your

wife) I really want you to be happy and when you say things at home are "well okay.. "you're not convincing. I may be totally out of line here, but I'll say it anyway. I just don't want you all to end up like my folks -Mamma talked yelled, got disgusted with things & Daddy never said much in return - just retreated into his books. They didn't communicate. They weren't happy. They were also 2 very different people which is so obvious now. So don't retreat into your headphones - argue back -resolve the conflicts. Maybe that's not your situation at all. Maybe it's none of my business. But your happiness is my business. This one is especially for you!

You can cut up the photo (a rose that I had given to her-wedged in her cleavage) if you wish...Sending best wishes to all my friends today and especially to you! Love !!!"

Her letter continued

So- if you pardon my tangent...As far as your 'tangent" of describing the past years and how we ended up working together - my memories are mostly of having the highest respect for you and wanting to work as best as I could for you. I remember feeling frustrated at times when you gave me freedom + independence to work things out but I didn't get much feedback -I was looking for constructive criticism and remember feeling unsure if I was doing things right. I especially remember sharing an office with you - how honored I was that you would share space with a lowly secretary like me. So close and yet so far......

I hope to be able to take you up on your "date in May". It sounds wonderful. Although I'm not a very good dancer. Be sure to wear your steel-toed shoes so if I step on your toes they won't break.

Thank you for your offer!

Yes and you are my TIME Magazine MAN of the YEAR - you've pushed me to new levels in work in learning, going to school, suggesting that I may be successful working towards a Ph.D. -(I'd never seriously considered it before you encouraged me). And for making me feel so wonderful when I'm around you.

I miss you and I miss the bliss that I feel when you are around. There is something you do just your presence makes me feel so

different-wonderful inside.

I will end this little book. I thank God for you too! I never tire of your sweet "mush". No one ever wrote like that to me before - Love!! you!!

On the very next day I wrote on a card to Grace: January 7, 1990 4:40pm

It's a nice Sunday afternoon, glad I don't have to work on weekends. I don't seem to have homework like I used to. Just wanted to say "HI !" One of the cards I saw in the store yesterday said "You're the Twinkie in my brown bag of life". I would have bought it if it had said "truffle" instead of Twinkie. The Steven Hawkings' tapes I've been listening to are very enlightening. He talks about basic forces in the Universe. You know the weak force and the strong force and gravitational force. Well there may be other forces that we haven't discovered. Like the force I feel at 10 pm. These forces don't travel by waves, because each body feels them instantaneously at the same time, sometimes over long distances. Have we developed the ability to sense these forces, because we let our minds sense them, or do we trick our minds into thinking things that aren't really there. Thanks for listening, I miss you...

Only two days later I wrote:

Thanks for calling me today. Your voice makes me happy. I just wish that you could come to my office and enjoy the white snow falling softly outside. It is beautiful. And thanks for the disk of thoughts. I am learning more and more about you. The more I learn the more I'm amazed that you could do so much in one day. You need to reorganize this spring and catch up. Especially with your son demanding constant attention. I will only ask for a few days of your time this spring. I wish I could share more of my real world with you. No, I wouldn't feel comfortable at your parent's house at Christmas. And I pictured you at my house with all my relatives there, it didn't fit either. I'm happy we both feel the same about most things. Of course I wouldn't mind spending Christmas with you somewhere where the sand is white and the

water is warm, and Santa wears shorts and rides a golf cart.

However, my fantasy world with you is fantastic. I have such lovely dreams now. Sometimes they are so real; I think you are really there. Sometimes I guess my brain believes what my senses tell it to be real. Changing the subject, I am so happy with my new job. I really feel like a musical conductor. "More violins! Softer Cellos! Bring up the brass!" I enjoy building the program the way I think it should. And maybe best of all, my boss and others here have built my confidence up, so that I now believe in my talents for making the best music or at least improving it. The downside is not having you as my 1st violinist, right next to me. Someday I would like to work with you again. I think we are synergistic as professionals too! Although I don't say enough about it, I really did and do enjoy working professionally with you. I think it's amazing we can switch gears and work like that without feeling strange.

If you want, I will look for a world-class mentor in Maryland for you to work with. I know several very good people who are doing very exciting work. I could only explore the possibility, if you want. There are just some really great professionals here, and if you are serious about finding another mentor to learn from, how could you find a better one? Would it be too indiscreet to send you the Washington Post classified ad for your husband that is. I don't know what he does. You would like Maryland, I'm sure you would find it an exciting place to live.

In February I sent Grace a greeting card and it said inside :

Why do I like to be with you and talk to you all the time? I believe more and more in that special force between us. My receptors really miss you and they need recharged. I was trying to find words to describe my feelings but the words were falling short of what I had to say.

Grace wrote back to me a few days later.

Good Evening! It is an incredibly beautiful, celestial evening - the moon is so bright and it's warm enough to linger and enjoy the blue haze lighting up the forest. I like to think I live in the forest -in a tree

house - that's what it feels like looking south - looking north - it's just another neighborhood.

It was a great day at the Zoo. Very few people there and the animals were frisky - having a warm sunny day after so much cold. I asked my son which animal he liked best and he said "the tram" (train) (cute!). He was more interested in the heaters mounted to the ceiling & where the switch might be. The little brain doesn't stop!

Ah... I really like this time of the evening (10:00 pm) all's quiet. I

wonder where you might be what you are feeling- if you are happy.

Thank you again for the memories of '89. What a treasure chest. It is

sad how some years pass and you can't remember a thing from the

whole year. Like what did I do in 1981? or '86? The memories may be

gone but what I did to structure who I am remains. I'm happy to have

'89 so well documented Two apologies: (1) that this letter is so

boring and (2) that the last letter was somewhat negative. I didn't

want it to be that way but my recollections of it are that it was

somewhat negative. What I am positive is that I miss you and love you

and would give anything to have you here for, well, just an hour?

Grace signed her letters with a little red heart that had a curly tail on it. I was never really sure what it meant. Sweet love-I imagined...

Later in January she wrote to me again.

What a golden opportunity to stop and write to you. I feel like it's been ages! It's Monday nite, and I missed talking with you today, I was at work, but not many others. I thought of calling you at home, then decided against it. Today I've had a good chance to catch up with a lot of things- rest, family time, cleaning house. I'm happy to say that I'm feeling much better and balanced. Before I get back to work here, I'd like to send you a big hug, and a goodnight kiss, how I miss those. Goodnite.

You are so good about writing, almost every day... Does thinking count, if I don't get to the computer to write down my feelings? I'd like to know more about your new visions into physics, via Steven

Hawkins. I always had a healthy respect for physics, though I don't

understand much of it. I received from MIU (Maharishi International

warm..

I wish I had written the above but at least if it's not original - it is what I want to say.

I love you.

A few days later Grace wrote

POW! you just knocked me over the head! I was working on my final summary and then I thought Whoops! when is it 10:00? ..and there it was and there you were. Thanks for reminding me! I only have a minute then I have to get finished my work. I'm getting addicted to this stuff... see what you are doing to me? I'm addicted to the computer and to shuffling papers. Life goes by and my child grows older. Don't let me miss anything!!

I'm rambling, I know, so let me get back to this fancy report and do some more rambling there. Thanks for spending 10:00 with me in this bedroom goodnite.

In early February Grace send me a Mannheim Steamroller cassette tape called "Yellowstone" and this short story to go with it.

To go with the tape. Read first, then while listening to the tape, spend the day with me, and fill in the blanks.

A Sketch of a Dream:

The nite air was chilly outside, but it was warm and humid inside

the tent. We kept close and warm all nite, exhausted from the trip into

the park and from too many months of all work and no play. But the

morning air woke us early, with the birds, and we were completely

refreshed, purified by the wilderness called Yellowstone. Early to rise,

you built the fire, I made the breakfast. We ate in silence, digesting

the magnificence of our dining room. The campsite was by the river,

in the woods. We tied everything down and left on foot for the ranch

to rent a pair of horses for the day. Still early, we saddled and you

gave me a brief lesson on how to talk to our equestrian friends, and

we were on our way. Most of the morning we followed the river,

laying low between the mountains. We talked of dreams, wishes, we

kept taking mental snapshots. Stopping by the river we filled our

water jugs and horses, and after lunch headed for the trail that went

to the top of the largest mountain. The fields were in full spring bloom

and each delicate flower petal was bursting with color. We rubbed

our eyes and pinched each other to remind ourselves this was not a

dream. Getting close to the top we stopped and rested, set the horses

in the mountaintop pasture to graze while we stretched out on a

blanket surrounded by an impressionist watercolor meadow of

flowers. Time dissolved into eternity as we lay together, speaking in

whispers, watching the clouds,. OH MY GOD! The clouds, out of

nowhere came the biggest blackest parade of thunderclouds. Giving

us no time to take cover, we found ourselves in the midst of nature's

grandest firework display. We grabbed the horses huddled together

and the deafening thunderstorm suddenly left, as quick as it came.

Completely drenched, we embraced and exchanged emotions equal to

the electricity that had just come out of the sky. The sun burst through

the clouds, and the sky was filled with a rainbow that seemed to end

right at our feet. We dried out as we slowly climbed the last 500 feet

to the very top of the mountain. We were so high; we could hear the

angels singing. They sang louder and louder, the celebration of the

joy of creation and of love. "Jubilate Deo" "All nature sings and

round me rings the music of the spheres". Looking from the top, over

all creation we felt a deep silence inside, this grand magnificence

localized in our hearts. Infinity captured in that time and space.

"Alleluia"

Someday... With Love, Me

I wrote back to Grace-

It's a late Wednesday afternoon and everyone's gone home, even the sunshine. I guess it was a good day. I don't remember what we talked about today it seemed so long ago since this morning. I will miss your voice tomorrow. I guess we have to learn to live apart. It's hard, very hard for me. Even though it's been seven months now since I left you in NC. You usually sound so happy on the phone. I miss you whole big bunches. I miss your sunshine. Tomorrow is another day to accomplish good things.

I found some quiet time at home in my office. Trying to work on this review. Thinking of you. I wonder what I will feel like 4 weeks from now. You will probably be gone home and I'll be alone. I hope we're boand each delicate flower petal was bursting with color. We rubbed

j