1874 DAYS (An Arranged Marriage Romance)

1

NOW

“YOU ARE DYING SLOWLY,” I say to the King as I check his pulse for the third time today, even though the royal physician had already done a thorough check-up on him a few minutes ago.

“You just became the Crown Princess a few days ago and now you think you know everything?” The old man whose strong but pale hand I’m holding retorts, eyeing my delicate fingers as they deftly and swiftly locate the vein for pulse checking. I roll my eyes comically at his statement, one that I’ve heard so often ꟷas in every two days kind of oftenꟷ that I wonder why and how he doesn’t tire of asking the same question.

Absentmindedly checking his hands and palms for any other signs of illness that the royal physician might have missed, I quietly contradict him with the same reply I have always given this non-question, “I came to the Palace when I was seven and I became the Crown Princess at just ten years old. Now I’m nineteen, I’ve been the Crown Princess for nine years. I don’t think I know everything. I know everything, Your Majesty.”

I dare raise my head to look at the face of the King and I’m not surprised by the amusement I see twinkling in his aged eyes, he stares back at me for a few seconds then bursts into laughter while I keep my face as carefully blank as I can.

“It’s always so refreshing talking to you like this. You are so consistent.” He sighs contently as he removes his hands from mine. “The Crown Prince came to the palace yesterday, did you see him?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

In all the twelve years I’ve spent in the palace, I’ve only seen the Crown Prince once ꟷin a portrait of him when he was tenꟷ and that was an unplanned and unfortunate situation. It was the first and last time I ever gazed or even caught a glimpse of the Crown Prince.

Not that he never came to the palace, the King summoned him often from whatever hole he lived in, to fulfill some ‘Royal’ duty and I’d tried plenty of times in my earlier days as Crown Princess to see him, but not once was I given audience and at other times he would leave before I could stop by. Not that it stopped me from trying.

In my head at that time, there were only two conclusions to my situation. It was either that the Crown Prince was non-existent or he was just avoiding me. I had chosen the latter because everyone, including my court maids, had seen him.

As I grew older, it became quite obvious to me that I was being avoided. His visits to the palace were short and I’d stopped caring to ask my court maids when he arrived or if they had seen him. I simply carried on with my life, doing whatever was required of me as Crown Princess, and I almost always forgot that he existed. Almost.

I blink at the King, then turn my attention to the lake in front of us. We are seated under a blush-colored gazebo surrounded by a garden bright with roses, daisies, sunflowers, tulips, irises, and carnations; all of which is the King’s favorite flowers. The garden directly oversees the beautiful lake I now stare at as I think of an answer to another of the King’s questions. The loud chirping of the birds fills the stretching silence between the King and I.

“I’m afraid I haven’t been able to grace His Highness with my presence yet. I’ve been busy with a lot of things, Your Majesty.” I comment as I rise from where I’m seated beside His Majesty, deciding with myself that this is the end of the conversation and the evening stroll I was taking with the King.

I spot my train of personal court maids headed by my ever-loyal Court Lady Lila behind the gazebo and I signal her with my eyes to get ready to leave. I turn my attention to the King as I smooth down the poofy skirts of my gown, “I’ll take my leave now. It has been a long day for me and I’m certain that it was for you as well. You shouldn’t stay here for too long, Your Majesty.” I say as I curtsy to him and turn to go, my skirts trailing behind me.

“I’m holding a banquet tomorrow to celebrate the Crown Prince’s victory in conquering the uprising in the north. I have received word that his entire circle is in the palace, this is the best time to celebrate them all at once. Dignitaries and ministers from all over the kingdom are going to be there. You are invited.” The King says calmly from behind me.

I pause and I don’t know why or better still, I don’t know what news to react to. As Crown Princess, event planning is one of my many duties. I do not like it but I do a good job at it anyway. It makes me uneasy to think that an important banquet is being held tomorrow and all the planning has been handled without passing through me first.

While I have never met the Crown Prince, I can’t say the same for his ‘circle’. I’d seen them on numerous occasions going on missions for him, they were his trusted aides and I even made friends with one of them. But no matter how often they were in the palace, all the members of the Crown Prince’s inner circle were never gathered in the same place at the same time except…

“Is the Crown Prince moving back to the palace permanently? Is that why you wanted to see me?” My panic is rising and I can’t keep curiosity from bleeding into my words, a big mistake on my part because the King picks up on it immediately.

“If I’d known that this news would draw such a reaction from you, I would have mentioned it sooner,” he says, but the laughter in his voice tells me that it’s the opposite. “The Crown Prince isn’t moving here permanently, I don’t know why that punk won’t just settle down when he has a wife here.” He continues.

“If I were him I’d avoid myself too, it’s not every day one comes home to find out that they have been married off without having a hand or thought in the wedding.” I reply, stung by the reminder of how I got the title of ‘Crown Princess'. I’m married to the Crown Prince. I’ve been for the past nine years. And not once have I seen him.

“Do you resent me too? I did what I thought was right for the Crown Prince…” he trails off as he comes to stand beside me and I know what the rest of his unsaid statement is.

“…No matter what the cost was for every other person.” I finish for him, carefully slipping on my mask of indifference to hide the hurt in my words. “I’m too exhausted today to resent you, ask me again tomorrow when my energy is at prime level, preferably after the banquet.” I curtsy towards him again and walk down the stairs that lead out of the gazebo.

“You are avoiding him just as much as he avoids you. I dropped the news of the banquet and the only thing you were concerned about was if he’s moving here permanently. Did it ever occur to you that this may be your chance to finally see the prince you are married to?” the King’s words make me stop again, I ball my hands into fists, I feel my anger rising to an all-time high and I stifle the urge to throw my shoe at his head. ‘A chance to finally see?’ I think I’m the only wife in the world who has to wait for a chance to finally see her husband for the first time. The memories of the days and nights I spent in the cold waiting outside the Prince’s quarters hoping he would grant me an audience are as bitter as bile to me because no matter how long I waited, he never let me in. When I said I’d stopped caring about his presence or absence in the palace, I meant it in every sense of the word.

“He’s a prince, you know, he’s probably used to having ladies fall at his feet, you don’t so much as look at his face, you should make the first move.” The King clears his throat as he concludes. I have been making the first move since I was ten.

I plaster a saccharine sweet smile on my face as I turn to him. “Is that all you have to say, Your Majesty? The fact that you always have something to say when I’m about to leave is beginning to get on my nerves.” I say, my smile not faltering.

The King’s only reply to me is another burst of loud laughter that makes my court maids and Court Lady shift nervously.

“I’ll be on my way then.” I don’t bother curtsying again as I storm off, my skirts billowing behind me.

ᴥᴥᴥᴥᴥᴥ

I sit in front of my dressing table and watch through the mirror as Lila adjusts my binyeo and fixes my chignon in place. I tuck my left hand into the long part of my jeogori, while I play around with the norigae attached to it with my free hand.

Lila stares unabashedly at my face, reading my emotions as if it were one of those hard-cover books she buys from bookshops. “What do you think of this hairpin, Your Highness?” she asks holding up a two-mouthed ornamental hairpin that bears a striking resemblance to monkshood, I stare at it for a moment then nod my approval.

She pushes the hairpin into the side of the chignon and stands back to admire her work, her eyes flit around my appearance looking for imperfections to fix, my purple-colored hanbok complements my olive skin and cocoa-brown eyes, and she finally smiles in approval. I slip on my gold wedding ring and I trace the lion's head figure on the ring— the crest of the Crown Prince and a symbol of my marriage to him.

“Why aren’t you asking me about the banquet, Your Highness?” Lila walks closer to the dressing table and begins to rearrange the perfumes and jewel boxes.

I rest my chin on my hands and pout. “I already know the answer to that and I don’t see the point in asking obvious questions.” I give her my warmest smile as she arranges and rearranges the jewelry boxes. Something is wrong.

“I was going to tell you, but His Majesty said-” She starts shakily. But I cut her off with a wave of my hand, I turn her around to face me and I study her features, her dark brown hair is woven into a coronet style but I can still see streaks of greying hair in the braids, her pale skin is already wrinkling at the corner of her eyes and lips, Lila was just twenty-seven when she became my Court Lady, it has been over eleven years and she has changed a lot since then, but she’s still one of the few people I trust in the palace.

“I know” I reassure her again. “When did the Crown Prince enter the palace?” I ask instead as I stand up from the chair and walk towards the bed where ball gowns and dinner dresses in various colors are spread out, I’m yet to decide what to wear but I already dread the dress I’ll pick, just the thought of squeezing myself into a corset makes me tired. It makes me wish I could wear a hanbok to the banquet, but the hanbok is the official attire of my mother’s people and here in Tarmetus—my father’s land, I consider it a blessing to be able to wear it at least once a week.

“The Crown Prince came in yesterday before dawn, and his squad followed a couple of hours later,” Lila says skimming through the clothes and tossing away the ones that were too heavy.

“So he came in while the palace was sleeping, and he’s been in the palace for more than twenty-four hours and not once have our paths crossed, not that it has ever crossed before.” I sigh picking up a light blue dress embroidered with small pink flowers at the sleeves and the edge of the gown, I weigh it in my hands, it’s not light but it isn’t heavy either. It may do. I hand it to Lila and scrutinize another dress.

The door to my chamber opens slightly and a familiar head pops in, I smile a little as Rosa steps in and my smile widens when she tries to curtsy and trips herself. Her contagious bubbly personality is the reason she’s my favorite out of all my court maids, that, and the fact that she has been my court maid since I was nine and she seven. She tiptoes over to Lila’s side and whispers something in her ear, I don’t know what it is, but Lila visibly tenses when she hears it.

“Ministers and dignitaries have been invited to tomorrow’s banquet right?” I ask handing a lilac-colored dress to Lila who hands it over to Rosa.

“Yes, it’s a big event and there are going to be dancers and other performers,” Rosa eagerly quips, her excitement for the upcoming banquet visible on her face and in her voice.

I ponder on her words as I scour through the rest of the gown on my bed in search of a third gown. “It’s a big event, so they’ll bring out the thrones, the Crown Prince will get one. Do you think I would too?” I pick up a black ball gown wondering how it got here in the first place but I’m pleased with what I see, the gown is made of transparent lace, but the bust area down to the knees and the lower back area down to the knees is layered with another black material, leaving the sleeves, upper neck and upper back area transparent, I’m more surprised when I spot a provocative thigh-length slit. I re-examine the gown, taking note of the weight and how fluffy its skirts were.

“You probably will,” Lila answers, temporarily distracting me from my examination.

“During the dinner with the ministers, a seat will be assigned to me won’t there?” I ask myself as I hug the black dress to my chest.

But Rosa answers anyway, “Yes you are right, Your Highness.”

Her answer triggers the formation of a wild thought in my head and I beckon her closer and whisper my plan in her ear and giggles spill from her lips just like I knew they would. Rosa was the most mischievous person I knew, her curtsy this time is smooth as she dismisses herself.

“What do you think will happen if I don’t show up tomorrow? My absence will be noticed won’t it?” I ask Lila as I hand her the black dress. “I’m wearing this.”

“I hope you don’t plan on skipping the banquet tomorrow Your Highness. What mischief are you and Rosa up to this time?” Lila sighs dramatically as she examines the black dress, “This gown is too provocative and it’s black, who wears black to a banquet?”

“Me. Don’t you dare change the color? If you do, I won’t attend tomorrow’s banquet.” I threaten playfully as I clear the gowns from my bed, I don’t even lift up to three gowns and Lila is already at my side, tugging a gown from my hands.

“I’ve told you many times Your Highness, the maids will clear the beds and if they can’t, I’ll clear it myself.”

“I have hands too, am I just supposed to watch?” I feel restless and at the moment I have no other way to vent my frustration. I hate to admit it but I’m curious as to what my husb— No what the Crown Prince looks like. Growing up, I would ask for a description of what the prince looked like from the palace maids who’d seen him, but their descriptions were never rich enough for me, they over-emphasized their favorite features and under-emphasized the ones they didn’t find attractive. In time, long before I stopped caring, I gave up on the descriptions they gave, hoping that other members of the court who’d seen him would give a better description. To date every description of him has been shallow, I haven’t seen him before but I can feel it somewhere in my heart that they weren’t enough, something was missing in their description, I just didn’t know what it was.

My attention is dragged to the entrance of my bedroom when one of my court maids enters inside with her head bowed. “Her highness has a guest waiting in the outer room.” She says to Lila.

“A guest?” I ask, subconsciously walking to the mirror to check my appearance even though I know I look perfect.

“Lord Thomas, Your Highness.” She says still not looking up.

I straighten at the mention of a familiar name, Lord Thomas is my friend and a member of the Crown Prince’s ‘inner circle, one of his most trusted aides. Before I know it, I’m at the door, but Lila yanks me back gently.

“He of all people should know this is your resting time, he should come later in the night or better still tomorrow. You have a banquet tomorrow and we need to start your beauty regimen soon.” She chides softly.

I know she has a point, this time of the evening is reserved for my rest, I can always see guests later in the night but it’s been a while since I saw him and I need someone to rant to. Besides the beauty regimen could wait till it was my bedtime, it was stressful doing it awake. But I don’t explain all these things to Lila, she won’t see reason in my words.

So I square my shoulders and shrug out of her grasp. “It is my duty to attend to my guests, your duty is to get rid of all the gowns on my bed so I can rest when I return,” I turn to the court maid whose name I wish I knew, “assist her, would you? None of you are allowed to come out until I say so. That’s an order.” And with that, I shut the door and walk into the outer chamber.

Lord Thomas is pacing around when I enter, but he stops when he sees me, I feel his eyes slowly take in my appearance, and I hide both my hands in the long part of my jeogori just as I was taught by my mother when I was a child, with my head held high I walk to the nearest chair and as I gracefully as I can, I settle into it.

There's something about him this time that puts me on edge.