Hana Du Rose

CHAPTER ONE-3

Izzie sat, the tears coming thicker and faster. Hana moved alongside, enfolding her daughter in a wordless embrace. Alfred turned the main lights to low, creating a nightclub atmosphere. Hana and Izzie found solace in the darkness while he fought the switch for the strobe. Izzie broke away and searched her sleeve for a tissue, groaning at the wet patch on Hana’s shoulder. “I’ve ruined your dress,” she said, her hiccough heralding more tears.

Hana patted her thigh. “No, you haven’t. It’ll wash. Mop up and tell me how you feel.”

Marcus walked towards them balancing Elizabeth. He turned away as he saw Izzie struggling with the tissue and Hana frowned at the action. He looked back at her and mouthed something she didn’t catch. She sighed. “I think your husband’s gone for more tissue,” she said. “Or he’s gone to eat something in the toilet. I can’t be certain.”

Izzie snorted and blew out the fragile remains of the tissue. “I hope he hurries.”

Hana waited for her daughter to compose herself, l*****g her lips and running through possible questions and answers. Marcus returned with a whole toilet roll and plopped it in front of Izzie. He sat next to her as Elizabeth grew fractious and wriggly. “Can I have a cuddle?” Hana asked, reaching out.

Marcus’ face morphed into a grin. “Sure, Hana. Just let me get rid of the baby.”

“Smart a*s!” Hana narrowed her eyes and took Elizabeth, settling her in her lap and kissing the blonde topknot. She breathed in the sweet smell of baby.

“Hey darlin’, it’ll be ok.” Marcus turned his attention to Izzie and put his arm around her shoulders.

“I’m not speaking to you!” Izzie snapped, pushing him away. “How could you keep a secret as big as this?” She flapped her arms and Marcus ducked.

“Mitigating circumstances,” he replied, kissing the side of her face and swiping a wedge of toilet roll for her to mop up with.

Hana cuddled the baby and waited for the recriminations to start. A glance at Logan found him on the other side of the room, head bowed as he spoke to Alfred. His neat backside looked firm in his expensive suit trousers. Muscular biceps flexed as he patted his father on the shoulder. Izzie inhaled and Hana tensed. “Mum, I’m pregnant.”

Hana’s concentration snapped back to her daughter, waiting for the unexpected words to filter into her brain. She frowned. “I thought you just said you were pregnant.” Hana smiled, knowing it wasn’t possible. Her gaze flicked across to Marcus. He smirked and Hana sighed. “The vasectomy didn’t work then?”

Marcus waggled his eyebrows. “You can’t keep a good man down.”

“Wow.” Hana kissed Elizabeth’s crown. She smirked and Marcus narrowed his eyes.

“What?”

Hana shrugged and reached across to take Izzie’s hand. “I bet that’s a conversation I’m glad I missed.” She winked at her daughter and Izzie glared at Marcus.

“Mum, at no point did he accuse me of cheating.”

Marcus frowned and his body jerked upright. “It never occurred to me. I missed a golden opportunity to escape.”

“Good,” Hana replied, warning in her eyes.

Marcus stroked Izzie’s shoulder and swallowed. Despite the bravado, Hana sensed his fear.

“Congratulations,” she said, injecting joviality into her voice. “I know Elizabeth’s small and it’s unexpected, but we’ll pray about it.” She watched her daughter’s face and realised her secret wedding hardly touched her. Her own anxieties negated any hostility towards her mother. Hana ached for her. She put on her mothering hat and responded to a different situation than the one she expected when she first sat down. “Let’s explore what you’re afraid of,” she urged, her voice soft. “And we’ll think of some solutions.”

Hana turned Elizabeth towards her as she listened, pulling funny faces and rejoicing when the child returned her smile in a bonny display of gums. Elizabeth gurgled and beat the air with her tiny fists, leaning backwards into Hana’s palms in jerky, excited movements. Izzie cried some more and Marcus explained her anxieties. “There’s a high risk of another child with disabilities,” he said, his shoulders slumping. He sighed and shook his head. “I feel I’m betraying Elizabeth speaking about her this way.” He pressed his fingers to his eyeballs as though attempting to diminish his emotional pain. “We adore her. She’s perfect to us and exactly the child ordained to be ours.”

“I know.” Hana’s smile held understanding. “But her needs are demanding. I know how often Izz visits the hospital for routine appointments and how much time it takes. It’s obvious that another pregnancy may compromise her ability to do that.” Hana smiled at her daughter. “You’re an amazing mother, Izz. I’m so proud of you. You’ve taken everything in your stride. Having Elizabeth and then moving south, you’ve done so well. You put your heart into everything and nobody could ask more of you.”

Izzie sniffed and blew into the tissue again. “I went to an appointment last week so they could test Beth’s hearing and I threw up.” Her wail of misery made Marcus widen his eyes and clutch her closer into his side. Izzie’s eyes ran as she looked across at Hana. “In the doctor’s sink.” She hiccoughed again and Hana melted.

“Poor girl. You said nothing.”

“No, you didn’t.” Marcus’ eyes narrowed. “I’m happy to come to the hospital with you.”

“You work full time,” Izzie complained. She waved her hand. “It’s as though you work two full time jobs in reality. You’re at the church at seven in the morning and I’m lucky if I see you before bedtime.”

Marcus lowered his head and nodded. He turned to Hana, desperate to explain his neglect. “I’m sorry. Our congregation is older and many of them need home and hospital visits. I’ll try harder to put Izzie first from now on.” He swallowed and Hana saw the guilt in his eyes.

Izzie nodded. “Any new child to cope with alongside Elizabeth’s demands will be exhausting. The possibility of another baby with Downs is out of range of my ability to imagine, let alone plan for.” Izzie blew her nose again.

Marcus darted a nervous look at Hana and she contemplated being in his shoes for the last few weeks. She guessed it involved much crying and shouting. His face said he suspected Izzie was cranking up to another round and he didn’t want a public repeat. “Let’s talk about this another time,” he suggested, looking to Hana for backup.

“That’s a good idea,” she agreed. “Let’s not worry over things we can’t change right this minute.” Hana reached across and clasped her daughter’s wet, writhing hand in hers, infusing her with love and security. “It’ll be ok, Izz. Just as it was before.”

Hana jumped as Jas plonked his plate on the table next to her. He clambered onto a chair and sat on his knees, pulling a sausage roll apart and popping the pastry into his mouth. In between swallowing, his thumb found its way between his lips and it seemed hard for him to decide which he needed most. Hana’s heart quailed at the complete lack of recognition in Izzie’s face and recognised another situation brewing. It became too late to head it off as the boy turned towards Hana. “Granny, is that my baby too?”

Hana took a deep breath, concentrating all her energy on the child to avoid looking at Izzie or Marcus. “Yes,” she replied, turning Elizabeth towards him so he could see her better. “Do you like her? Her name’s Elizabeth.”

Jas popped his thumb in his mouth, watching the baby with interest. He answered like a politician, giving his answer great consideration. “Yes,” he said. “I love her heaps and heaps. It’s my job to look after her forever. We’s cousins. I have a mummy and a daddy now, aye?” He fought a gooey egg sandwich which leaked over his fingers. With a look of disgust, he discarded it onto the tablecloth, “I’m gonna tell Jarad Smith all about my new fambly on Monday when I go back to kindy. He’s got no daddy neither. He’s gonna get jealous.” After another suck of his thumb he leaned his face into Hana’s. “Would it be okay if Jarad shared her?” Jas pointed at Elizabeth. “I don’t want him to stop being my friend, but he ain’t sharin’ my new dad.”

Hana smiled and nodded, still not getting eye contact with Izzie. Jas seemed oblivious to the chaos he wreaked every time he opened his mouth. Chaos laced with cuteness. “Do you want to see my bestest chicken spot?” he offered, “It’s in my hair. Look.”

“It’s too dark in here,” Hana said, smirking. “Maybe later?”

Jas nodded with enthusiasm and picked around on his plate for a while. Bored, he abandoned it in a sea of crumbs and detritus, making a beeline for his mother. He wove across the dance floor like a drunk.

Hana felt the tension without looking. It hung over their small table like a fog. Marcus smirked but Izzie’s face held savage betrayal. “Seems to be a day for secrets,” she spat. Glancing sideways at her husband, she narrowed her eyes. “I bet you knew, didn’t you?”

Marcus patted his chest. “Penitent privilege, my dearest. What’s told in the confessional is sacred.”

“You don’t have a confessional!” Izzie snapped and Marcus laughed and nudged her arm.

“Can I just remind you of your own secret, my love? The small matter of the wee bun in your oven.”

“Different,” Izzie maintained. “Not the same at all.”

Marcus wiggled his eyebrows at Hana and she shook her head. “You seem to be everyone’s confidante,” she said with a smile. The expression faded from her face, leaving her complexion pale. He couldn’t know everything. She hoped not. A wave of fear came from nowhere, snaking up her spine as the memories returned. Hana swallowed and concentrated on the child in her arms.

Logan’s hand on her shoulder brought instant comfort and Hana sensed the dark cloud move aside at his bidding. “Please may I have the first dance with my wife?” he asked, his tone tender.

Hana smiled up at him and nodded with relief. “I’d love to,” she replied.

A slow, romantic song crooned from the speakers either side of the stage and Logan led Hana onto a dance floor teeming with coloured spots of moving light. He held her close and edged her around the parquet floor. The sound of clapping and wolf whistling from their gathered friends drowned out the music during the first bars and quieted as other couples joined them. Hana heard the click of cameras and saw occasional flashes of light. She cuddled into Logan’s chest, enjoying his proximity and the clean, musky scent surrounding him.

Logan bent his body into hers, holding her around her waist with his hands clasped in the small of her back. She felt his fingers brush sensuously across the bones of her spine and shivered. “That wasn’t so bad was it?” he asked, his cheek against hers so she could hear him over the music which Alfred cranked up to a deafening volume. “Nobody fainted or ran out.” Logan raised his eyebrows, seeking endorsement like a child.

“No. Nobody ran out.” Hana winced and glanced across at her son. His jaw looked fixed and Amy sat next to him cradling Jas. “I’m sure there’s still time.” She sighed and Logan smoothed his palms across her back. Her cheek nuzzled into his chest, feeling his heart beat through the tight shirt. She’d gained two extra grandchildren in the space of an evening, but the news would keep until later.

The first song ended and the next began. Logan kept hold of Hana, his breath warm on her cheek as they moved to the music, bodies pressed together in intimate closeness. She resisted the urge to slide her hand up his shirt now she knew what delights lay beneath.