A Whirlwind of Color

22

I looked up at him. “So what changed?” Don’t say me. Don’t say I saved you. His conversation with Rob tumbled through my head. Don’t put it all on me.

“I turned to teaching because it was something I was actually passionate about.”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“But I gave it up for you. Because you’re the only thing I love in this world more.”

Damn it.

“I swear to you, Penny, we were so happy.”

“So why’d we stop being happy?”

“Because you’re everything to me. But I’m not enough for you.” He ran his fingers through his hair as he looked over at the tree. “I was broken when I met you. I’ve had issues with substance abuse and depression. My life was a series of bad events until you fell into my arms.”

I’m married to a divorced addict? God. Had I known about his issues all along? Or had he hidden them from me like he had been trying to do now? I watched a tear slide down his cheek before he quickly brushed it away. And suddenly my questions didn’t matter.

“You’ve always been the light to my darkness, Penny.” He continued to stare at the tree instead of me. “And I think you finally realized that you deserved more light in your life than a man like me could possibly give you.”

My heart shattered. I didn’t even know him, but his words broke me. I felt big, fat tears roll down my cheeks. “You know…I think I could eat. If you still want to.” I wiped the tears away before he turned back toward me.

He smiled like I was giving him hope. And I’m pretty sure he pieced my heart back together just as quickly as he shattered it.

In that moment, I knew I was in trouble with this man. Because my heart seemed to know it belonged to him, even though my mind didn’t remember. He killed me and brought me back to life in a matter of seconds. And I was even more terrified of him than before.

Friday

I listened to our story from his point of view. The good, the bad, and the in-between. But it was mostly good as far as I could tell. I laughed at his retelling of the first time he met my parents. And I was entranced by how strong I seemed to be when our affair blew up in our faces. I understood why we left Newark. All of it made sense if we loved each other as much as he said. And how could I not believe him when he stared at me with such intensity? I was like putty in his hands.

“You thought I was unhappy because I wanted to have a career? It doesn’t sound like that had anything to do with you not being enough for me. It sounds like I wanted to…I don’t know…” I let my voice trail off. “You’ve given me the whole world. I probably felt like I didn’t deserve it.”

A smile spread across his face. “You always say that.”

“I do?”

“You do.” He reached across the table and grabbed my hand. This time he ran his thumb along my palm.

I thought him running his thumb along the back of my hand was calming. But this? I closed my eyes. It was like he could take away all my stress with one touch.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I opened my eyes. “Yes, I just…” I stifled a sigh and glanced down at our hands. “I really like when you do that.”

“I know.”

I felt the color rise to my cheeks. What else did he know about my likes and dislikes? I looked back up at him. The heat in his gaze was palpable. I had this all-consuming feeling that he knew every single thing that I liked. Probably better than I knew myself. I swallowed hard. “I think it sounds like I was still madly in love with you.”

“I hope you’re right.”

I hope so too. I was surprised by my own thought. For the first time, I found myself wanting to fit into this life. I wanted him to exist. I wanted someone to truly love me as much as he seemed to.

“If you want, we can go home and I can give you a copy of the book you wrote. You can read all about your version of us.”

I shook my head. “I kind of like your version.”

He smiled. “I wanted to shelter you from the bad so that you had a chance to remember the good instead. But it was better that you heard about everything.”

“I get it. My amnesia is basically a fresh start for us.”

“But I was wrong, we don’t need a fresh start. I wouldn’t change a thing about our past because it brought us here.” He pressed his lips together. “I mean…I’d rather this hadn’t happened to us. I’d prefer if you knew me.”

He was older than me. Richer than me. Certainly more charming than me. I knew he was trying to make me fall for him all over again. I had overheard his plan to do just that. But it was still working. I didn’t have the urge to run. At least, not as strong of an urge. There were still things he hadn’t told me, though. I wasn’t sure how many times I had asked what happened to me, and he always skirted around the question. I was about to ask him again, but he started talking before I opened my mouth.

“You’ve barely touched your food,” he said.

Instead of focusing on the delicious meal that was placed in front of me, I had been listening to his stories. The meal was good, but I wasn’t really hungry. “I’m officially on a diet,” I said and pushed the plate aside. “Besides, I may have eaten quite a bit of ice cream earlier today.”

“You were upset?”

It was unnerving how he knew me so well. “I woke up to your brother in my bed. I tried to leave the apartment and was stopped by two security guards. And Rob wouldn’t tell me anything that was going on. I wasn’t just upset, I was frustrated and scared and…”

“I’m sorry.”