In love and War

CHAPTER TWO: Pure Surrender

“This is wrong.”

I warned myself, tossing over to the edge of the bed. I took a gaze at my fifty-three-year-old husband in his peaceful repose state. When counting my blessings, I’d learned to count Nathaniel twice, for the love, care, and support he’d given me every step of the way from the moment our paths crossed. In many ways, he was my anchor, my safe harbor. I used to think I must have done something right to deserve such an amazing gentleman.

But Leo… my mind wandered off again. My heart raced at the mere remembrance of his aqua green eyes piercing through my soul. There was no shielding myself from the excitement that purred deep inside of me every time he laid those orbs on me. It was terrifying in the most pleasurable way.

And his touch - God, his touch - was not like anything I’d ever known. It transcended anything I’d ever felt. It was soothing like the first drop of rain after a drought. It was also raging like a storm that could not be fought off; untamed and wild enough to drown me in its power.

I wondered if his wife knew how lucky she was to have that devilishly handsome, magnetic creature to wake up to every morning. Maybe not. Who could blame her?

Promiscuity in human form was Leo, and it wasn’t a secret. A million and one times Nat had stepped in to resolve issues for Leo and Amanda on that account, always holding me and him up as the gold standard of faithfulness and loyalty. How did I bring myself, like his other w****s, to fall under his spell?

My Marimba ringtone brought me out of my thought.

“Leo.” I was quick to answer, catching my breath as soon as his name left my tongue.

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” He poured out his mind in a tone saturated with longing and desperation.

Neither could I.

“It’s late. Your father is asleep right next to me.” I hinted my husband’s presence. A subtle note of warning to Leo, and perhaps to myself.

“What have you done to me? I am going nuts, Gabriella.”

His words hit like a sizzling fire, igniting a sudden and uncontrollable flames around my body. This man was going to make me explode. Without thinking, I shot out of bed and rushed to the bathroom.

“Isn’t your wife there?” I whispered hoarsely, standing in front of the mirror.

“I am not home. I couldn’t come home. Coming home means I might run into you. Do you have any idea what it does to me seeing you and being unable to fondle your neck, unable to caress your lips? Belle, it’s torture.”

I bit my lower lip, the sharp sting in my chest matching his words. I knew that pain all too well, it really could be unbearable.

He continued, “I am at the ranch house. Come over, Gabriella. Please.” His voice was filled with tinges of urgency.

“You know I can’t.” I cried. “My husband cannot find out I am having an affair.”

“This isn’t an affair, Belle.” He corrected gently. “What we share, it’s more than that. You feel it. I feel it too. We rushed, too eager to tie ourselves to others, people we were never supposed to be with. But you… you are my soulmate… and I’m yours.”

His words sent chills down my spine. It coursed freely through my skin, flowed along the lines of my veins, burrowed deep into the core of my stomach, and settled itself in my bones, like something permanent. It was everywhere, there was no place left untouched. I was weak inside, I couldn’t help it. I love him. I love him, I professed in my mind. I didn’t have to tell him because I knew, deep down, he already figured it out.

“I can’t,” I declined an offer I desperately wanted to jump at.

“I’ll be waiting.” He didn’t take no for an answer, “see you soon.” With that, he ended the call.

I sprinted into my dressing room, ripping off my night gown in franticness. I slipped into a cute romper, the fabric clinging to my skin as though it, too, could sense the urgency dashing through every cell in me, and cooperated. His smell, his touch, his skin rubbing against mine, his kiss; my hunger for Leo was ferocious and it haunted every tiny piece of me.

I’d never been like this.

Returning to the bedroom, I grabbed my keys, took one last glance at Nat, and headed for the garage with great haste. My heart raced with every quiet step, my thoughts tangled in the reckless need to be with Leo.

Driving out of the compound, I replayed events in my head, trying to make sense of how I ended up here. I’d been in two relationships before my marriage to Nat and not once was I untrustworthy. I’d never pictured myself being this person who could betray the one who loved me. I vowed to be with Nat forever and I meant it. I meant it with all my heart until Leo arrived from England and barged into my life like a tornado.

Three years of marriage with the perfect husband, why was I doing this? Nathaniel gave me everything. He was everything I ever wanted in a spouse, yet a part of me was torn in a direction I couldn’t completely understand. I should stop, the voice in my head - loud, almost pleading - told me. It was the right thing to do; cut off this relationship with Leo. It would ruin my affluent life. I could lose everything. Nathaniel would be devastated from the shock if he found out. I’d have to live with the stigma of a betrayer for the rest of my life.

Still, I couldn’t bring myself to turn the car back around. I couldn’t return to the life before Leo. The guilt, the fear of potential consequences, the insistent logical reasoning did not stop me from pressing my foot harder on the accelerator. My body ached for what I knew awaited me. I drove straight to the ranch house, eager to glue my head on Leo’s broad chest listening to his heartbeat synchronizing with mine.

He was my harmony. A piece of me I hadn’t known I was missing. Leo was not merely a desire. He was my favorite song, looping relentlessly in head, a melody I couldn’t ignore, no matter how hard I tried. I was willing to risk it all.

The vehicle screeched to a halt, announcing my arrival. Leo, damped with the joy of a dog approaching a bowl of bones, came outside instantly. The sight of him created flames in my soul, a fire I could not control. Man, even in the dark of night, his beauty outshone everything around him. It was as if the stars dimmed just to let him stand out. He was the moon, burning with energy, and I could not look away. His presence invaded every inch of me, I couldn’t escape it. I didn’t want to.

“You came.” His tone held no surprise though.