Don't Touch Me

Chapter 5

"Girls! Saan ninyo gustong gumala?" I asked Rain and Kris once we all got inside the car. Nasa likuran silang parehas samantalang ako ang nasa driver's seat. Mukha talaga akong driver nila but it's alright. May sasakyan naman ako, hindi ko lang talaga madalas gamitin. For some reason, Rain didn't bring a car with her, hindi ko tuloy sigurado kung nag-cab lang ba siya or nagpahatid.

Both of them shrugged their shoulders and I sighed in return. I shook my head and smiled. Wala na, nablangko na kami.

"On the spot ka ba naman kasi mag-aya," reklamo ni Kris.

"Pumayag naman kayo, eh." sagot ko. Hindi ko naman na kasi naisip 'yon nang mag-aya ako. Maybe I just got really excited. Who wouldn't? "Eh, wala ba kayong gustong puntahan? Mall, perhaps?"

"You know me, Shann, I don't like malls." Kris answered.

Rain lightly scratched her right cheek with a smile. "Ngayon lang ulit ako napadpad dito so medyo hindi ko na kabisado yung mga places dito. I like malls pero..." She looked at my best friend. "I don't want to go kung may isang hindi mag-e-enjoy."

Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti sa kanila. Rain looked sincere and concern, ngayon lang naman sila nagkakilala pero ibang atensyon ang binibigay ng cousin ko kay Kris. Maybe she just didn't want my friend to be left out. Well then, edi ako na lang ang bahala sa gagalaan. Now, where should we go...

"Both of you are adventurous, right?" They both nodded their heads. Nagkatinginan pa sila at nginitian ang isa't isa. Now I see where should we go to enjoy. "Good!"

"How about you?" Rain asked me.

I simply smiled and shrugged my shoulders. "Akong bahala."

Both of them knew that I'm not the adventurous type. I don't want to take risk for fun. At isa pa, marami akong kinakatakutan. It's not that I'm kill joy or what, or maybe I am, if looking out for my safety will be like that.

"So, brace yourself, guys." I told them. Binuhay ko na ng makina ng sasakyan.

"Saan tayo?" Kris asked.

"Nandito pa lang tayo sa car." pilosopong sagot ko. I earned a glare from her through the mirror.

"Wow, ah." Umirap siya na ikinatawa ko.

"Joke lang." was all I said.

--

"Woah." Kris and Rain said. Parehas silang titig na titig sa lugar, mukha silang bumalik sa pagkabata.

Ngumisi ako at inakbayan si Kris. Matangkad si Rain, eh, mahihirapan ako. "Cool?"

"Yes!" Kris answered with a big smile on her lips.

"Super cool, lady," segunda naman ni Rain. Siya na ang mismong umakbay sa akin.

"Good, wala naman sigurong may takot sa height sa inyo, 'di ba?" tanong. Aaminin kong takot ako. Well, balak naming mag-zipline at bungee jumping─I mean, sila lang ang gagawa no'n, 'no. Except na lang kung si Star ang kasama ko, baka sumama pa ako. I know to myself that I've got nothing to be scared of especially when I'm with her.

"Medyo takot ako." My best friend answered, nakangiwi na ito pero bakas naman sa itsura na gusto niya talagang subukan.

"Don't worry," Rain the savior said, "I'm here, Kris."

"Great!" I beamed. "So, halika na!" I held their hands and pulled them. Wala na rin naman silang nagawa.

--

"Ready?" Ang tanong no'ng guy na nag-assist kina Kris.

"Wait!" sigaw ng best friend ko. Napapikit naman ang pinsan ko dahil sa lakas ng boses niya.

Sabay kasi silang magzi-zip. Nasa likuran niya si Rain at nakayakap sa kanya, ni-request niya iyon 'don sa nag-assist since pwede naman na by partner.

"Paano siya?" My best friend pointed at me.

Tumingin sila sa'kin tuloy ng sabay. Nag-peace sign ako, ngumiti, at umatras ng isang hakbang. Naningkit naman ang mata nilang dalawa sa ginawa ko. Wala kasi akong kahit na anong harness na nakalagay sa'kin. Palihim akong nag-cross ng fingers sa kanila. "Magzi-zipline ako, don't worry."

Tumango sa'kin si Kris na parang nagwa-warning sign. "Siguraduhin mo lang, Shann, ah. Sasapatusin talaga kita kapag nagloko ka."

"Oo naman! Sinisigurado ko." I tried to laugh it off swiftly. Good thing I managed myself not to stutter. I don't want to be obvious. Medyo natakot ako sa sinabi niya, eh. I know she'll really do that. 'Di bale, siguro lalambingin ko na lang siya kapag nangyari 'yon. I hope that will work.

I looked at my cousin na parang nagpipigil ng tawa, siguradong alam niya na wala akong balak mag-zipline. I just winked at her. I even gave her my car key awhile ago nang hindi nalalaman no'ng isa.

"Okay, Kuya. Ready na kami." Rain said.

Narinig ko na lang ang mga tili nila after a couple of seconds. Tumalikod na ako at nagsimulang maglakad paalis with a victory smile plastered on my face. I want them to enjoy their time together, I have this feeling na magiging magkasundo sila.

Nag-send ako ng message sa kanila. Sumakay ako sa taxi na huminto sa harap ko at sinabi kung saan ang punta ko. Kaagad namang nagmaneho ang driver palayo sa lugar. Those two can manage, hindi naman ito nakakaligaw. Besides, Kris knows how to go home.

Wala pang ten minutes ay naka-receive ako ng text kina Rain and Kris.

From: Kris

SHANNELLE MCBRIDE! You lied! Grr >:( Lagot ka sakin pag nakita kita.

Napangiwi ako. Medyo kinilabutan ako sa text ng kaibigan ko. Seems like I need to be ready. Next ko namang binasa yung kay Rain.

From: Rain

Super duper thanks talaga lady! You're the best ;) I think I like your bestfriend btw. SSSH, dear

Medyo natawa ako sa text ng pinsan ko. Halata naman na she likes Kris even without telling it. Support ko lang naman sila sa gusto nila. Iyon nga lang, good luck if ever she's planning to pursue her like at first sight feeling because my friend's straight. They're old enough to know what is the best for them anyway.

I didn't bother to reply lalo na ng makarating na ako sa mall. Nagbayad na ako kay manong at pumasok na sa loob ng building. I'm not here para mag-shopping ng mga damit, I'm just here to buy a phone for Star.

Naisip ko lang na mas madali kaming makakapag-communicate anytime kung may phone siya. Makakatawag na siya sa'kin lalo na kung kailangan niya ako—or kung nami-miss niya ako. Wala nama sigurong masama mangarap.

"Shannelle?"

Napalingon ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses na tumawag sa akin. "Oh, Keith."

I stared at him. He's a classmate who's a candidate for being the valedictorian. Nasa top section kami at siya ang kasalukuyang nangunguna sa ranking. Humahabol din si Kris sa top while I'm just chilling out. I do care about the grades but I don't treat studying as a competition. He's courting me as well but I already rejected him. Siya lang itong mapilit at sige pa rin.

"Bakit andito ka?" tanong ko.

"Gala lang, palamig." maikling tugon nito. "Ikaw?"

"May bibilhin lang." I shrugged my shoulders, offering him a small smile.

"Pwedeng sumama?" He asked. "And then, after mong bumili, kain na rin tayong dalawa. Okay lang?"

Medyo maaga pa naman...ayos lang siguro. I nodded at him and he just smiled.

Sumunod lang siya sa'kin hanggang sa makarating kami sa bilihan ng cellphones. Binili ko yung pinakamahal at pinaka-latest. Mas maganda pa ito kaysa sa sarili kong ginagamit pero hindi ako nanghihinayang na ibigay ito kay Star. Para sa kanya, eh. Kasama na rin sa binili ko ang sim card maging memory card. Nagpa-download na rin ako ng ilang apps and games. For the songs, I'll just let Star to download it. I don't know her taste yet since I haven't heard her listening to songs if ever there is.

Keith tried to offer na siya na lang daw ang magbabayad ng binili ko since kasama ko siya at siya raw ang lalaki but tumanggi ako kahit na he kept on insisting. Hindi naman kasi para sa'kin yung phone at isa pa ay ayokong nililibre ako basta. I have my own money so there's no way they should be bothered na hindi ako ilibre o pagkagastusan.

"Let me choose kung saan tayo kakain since you didn't let me pay for the phone," he said.

"Okay, hindi naman ako pihikan." I shrugged my shoulders like I didn't seem to care.

He smiled. I smiled back at ako naman ang bumuntot sa kanya. Pumasok kami sa isang seafood restaurant. Hinayaan ko na siyang um-order para sa'kin. He can order anything except oysters. I don't like oysters.

"I hope we can do this again next time." He said happily pagkatapos i-serve ng waiter yung mga order namin.

"I'll think about it."

We started eating. Sa totoo lang ay never pa akong sumama kapag inaaya akong kumain o mag-date ng mga nanligaw sa'kin. Good mood lang ako kaya siguro pumayag na rin ako. I just don't want to give any false hope to anyone. Sana naman hindi iniisip ni Keith na may chance siya sa'kin. Pero I think I have to make it clear to avoid future conflicts.

"Don't let your hope gets too high, Keith." I said to him.

His smile slowly faded. I think he really thought that I'm starting to change my mind about him awhile ago. Good thing I mentioned it. Huminga siya ng malalim at sinubukan pa ring ngumiti kahit hindi na iyon umaabot sa mata niya. "Wala ba talaga akong pag-asa sa'yo?"

Hindi agad ako nakasagot. Sumubo ako ng pagkain. Tinitigan ko siya once na nalunok ko na ang kinakain. "Kung sasabihin ko bang oo, titigil ka na ba sa panliligaw?"

"No," He shook his head. "I'll never give up on you."

"See?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Hindi ka na dapat nagtanong. You already know the answer and you already know what to do."

Bahagya siyang natawa. "Tell me, may nagugustuhan ka na ba?"

"Why?"

"Wala lang. Gusto ko lang malaman." He sipped his drink.

"You're out about it. Hindi mo na 'yon kailangan malaman." Iniisip ko lang si Star. Baka bigla siyang madamay nang hindi ko namamalayan kapag nagsalita ako ng mga bagay na hindi na rin dapat malaman ng iba pa. "Bilisan na natin kumain─"

"I love you."

"What?" I frowned. Kung may iniinom lang ako baka nailuwa ko iyon.

"I love you," he repeated, "I love you, Shannelle."

He sounded really sincere. Even the look in his eyes was so different. If I'm somebody else, for sure they will fall in love with how the way he stares at someone, like he can't see the world around him but the world he wanted to have. He's a very expressive guy. I feel bad for Keith, but he knows his place.

"Kumain na lang tayo." I said instead.

Hurt and disappointment mirrored in his eyes. I know it's rude dahil hindi ako nag-respond ng maayos sa kanya pero I need to do it. Like what I said, I don't want to give any false hope to anyone. If I try acting nice, I'm afraid he'd continue still.

Si Keith ang nagbayad ng lahat ng order namin. Mapilit siya kaya pinagbigyan ko na. Ngayon lang naman din.

"Hatid na kita, Shannelle," Pag-aya nito.

"No, thanks. I can manage─"

"Please?"

I sighed and nodded. This will be the last. That, I'm sure of.

--

"Thanks sa ride, Keith." Pagpapasalamat ko nang makalabas sa sasakyan niya.

"Welcome," He smiled. "Sige, mauna na ako."

"Okay." Pumasok na ako sa loob nang mawala na sa paningin ko ang sasakyan niya.

Dumiretso na agad ako sa room ni Star at nakita ko siyang natutulog. Star has given me the permission na pumunta sa kwarto niya pero hindi ko iyon inaabuso. I just can't help myself right now, I really missed her. Just seeing her lifted my spirit, I can't help but smile. Nakakawala ng pagod.

God, I so wanted to embrace her, and kiss her. I want to be with her.

Ipinatong ko sa table niya ang binili kong phone and left a note to let her know that it's for her.

Lumapit ako sa natutulog na si Star. She looked so peaceful, like she's not broken. Inilapit ko ang mukha ko sa kanya. She's really beautiful. Ngayon ko lang siya napagmasdan ng ganito kalapit and I'm really happy because of that—kahit hindi niya alam. I'm sorry for staring at you like this, I just can't help it...

Her skin looked soft. She has freckles on her slightly pointed nose and honestly it looked so cute so I touched it a little. Her eyelashes are quite long, too. Her eyebrows were not too thick and not too thin either. Everything about her is a mixture of flaws and beauty.

What I've been dreaming of for a long time has finally happened─she's here, right in front of me.

I gently caressed her hair, I was being careful not to wake her up. Star, if you just know this feeling, it's killing me but I won't really mind dying if this means loving you this much. My heart was beating so loud but I know you won't hear it.

I lightly kissed her forehead and smiled. Inayos ko ang kumot na nasa katawan niya bago lumabas ng kwarto.

_____