Don't Touch Me

Chapter 3

"We're going to States."

My jaw literally dropped when Mommy said that. Si Daddy naman ay tahimik lang. Mukhang expected na rin nila ang magiging reaction ko. "States? Bakit po?"

"Sa States naka-based ang main branch ng company, you know that right, honey?" Napatango ako sa tanong ni Daddy. "We need to migrate so we'd be able to handle the business more. It's been a plan for a long time. You know you're needed there, too, since you're the next one who will manage it. Kailangan mo nang i-familiarize ang sarili mo."

"I don't want to go there," I shook my head, ignoring the last thing he said. I don't even want to work for the company. I'm still too young for that. Sa ngayon ay ayoko talaga. "Kaya ko naman po mag-isa. Mom, Dad," I stared at them. "I want to stay here."

"But Shann—"

"Please?" I cut off Dad from speaking.

He sighed. "Are you sure?"

"One hundred and one percent."

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa. Halatang pinag-iisipan kung pagbibigyan ba nila ako o hindi. I was silently praying for them to just agree and let me be on my own. Sanay naman akong naiiwanan, kaya ko rin ang sarili ko even without the maids.

My Mom smiled. Umiling pa ito na para bang sila ang nawalan ng choice. "Okay, pagbibigyan ka namin pero kapag nagkaproblema, susunod ka sa'min whether you like it or not."

"Yes!" I smiled, can't help feeling happy. "Thank you po!" Tumakbo ako sa kanilang dalawa and I hugged them both. They both patted my back gently. Tumitig ako sa kanila. "Pwedeng favor pa?"

"Prinsesa ka talaga, 'no?" I giggled at my father's question. Princess naman talaga nila ako. "What is it, Shann?"

"Kung okay lang po sa inyo, gusto ko sanang ako na ang bahala kay Star," request ko, "let me be her guardian here."

"Why?" he asked. Dad was already frowning. Halatang nagtataka sa gusto kong gawin. "I was already planning on taking her with us."

"K-kasi..." Napaiwas ako ng tingin ng ilang segundo pero muli akong nakipagtitigan. I want him to see na I won't take no for an answer. "I want her to experience how to live a normal life like others. I want her to be my f-friend." I answered. I honestly wanted something that's more than friendship but I won't think about it for now. I have plenty of time. Besides, sa sitwasyon ngayon, mas kailangan ni Star ng kaibigan. "Please po, Dad. Please?"

"How can she live a normal life if she, herself, is not normal?" Dad said. I know he didn't mean it as an insult pero parang ganoon na rin ang dating no'n sa paraan ng pagkakasabi niya.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin at nabigla nang makita ko si Star na nakatingin sa pwesto namin. Oh, my God! Mabilis naman siyang umalis nang makita niyang napansin ko siya. I stared at my parents, mukhang hindi nila napansin. Darn it. Mukhang narinig pa niya yata.

I controlled my breathing and slowly resumed my gaze at Dad. I was making sure that he'll see my determination to make him say yes. "Normal po siya."

"Go back to your senses, anak." He said. Ipinatong niya ang kamay sa balikat ko. "You know she needs professional attention. If I take her there, mas mapabubuti siya ro'n."

"I can take care of her." Pagmamatigas ko. Dito ba, hindi pwedeng ipatingin si Star? I know he just wanted to hit two birds at one stone.

"Shann."

"Dad."

"Fine," He sighed. Nabuhayan naman ako bigla. "She can stay. Are you really sure that you can take care of the kid?"

"Maka-kid ka naman, Dad." Mahina akong natawa. "Eighteen na si Star like me. Saka yes po, I'll be responsible po, I promise."

"Anak nga kita."

"Naman." I winked.

He kissed my forehead and hugged. "We'll be going for now." He looked at Mom. "Hon, we need to go."

"Take care po." sabi ko. He nodded bago ito naunang naglakad paalis.

Naiwan pa muna si Mommy. Lumapit siya sa'kin at niyakap ako. "I'm proud of you, baby Shann."

Ngumiti siya and I smiled back with a nod. She bid me goodbye and followed my Dad. May meeting na naman siguro sila.

--

Papasok na sana ako sa kwarto ko nang mapatingin ako sa silid ni Star. Parang gusto kong pumasok sa loob. Wala naman sigurong masama. As long as hindi ko siya hahawakan ay magiging ayos naman siguro iyon.

Pumunta ako sa tapat ng pinto nito. Biglang bumilis ang t***k ng puso ko kaya huminga ako ng malalim, baka sakaling kumalma  ako. Now that I'm already here, saka naman ako nagsimulang kabahan. I'm just going to check her, that's all! And yet, I feel like my heart's going to burst because of extreme palpitations.

Next time na lang kaya? I groaned. Napailing ako. No, no, no. Nakasabay ko na siya kumain, right? Right. Wala lang ito. This is not a big deal, I can do it!

Huminga ako ng malalim to ease my nervousness at kumatok ng tatlong beses. "S-star?" I cleared my throat. "Can...can I come in?" Wala akong narinig. Expect Star to be super quiet. "P-papasok ako, ah."

Pumikit ako at taimtim na nagdasal. Huwag sana akong mabato ng kung ano dahil sa gagawin ko. Safe naman ako at harmless. I'm just worried. I slowly opened the door. Nakita ko siya na nakaupo sa kama niya and she was looking at me. Wala rin itong hawak na libro. Okay, safe, walang maihahagis sa akin.

I examined her room. Masyadong gloomy...at puro mga libro. All white lahat—except her sky blue colored bed. Malinis at organized halos lahat ng gamit niya. Simple lang pero maganda. Perfect description like Star.

"Pwedeng makiupo?" tanong ko.

She stared at me for almost like a minute. Tumango naman siya at umiwas ng tingin. Umupo ako sa kama malapit sa kanya pero sinigurado kong nay distansya pa rin. Sumandal ako sa headboard at nilingon siya. Nakaupo lang si Star habang yakap ang mga tuhod niya. She looked like a kid and it's cute.

"I...am not normal," She whispered but enough for me to hear.

"I knew it," I muttered, "narinig mo, 'di ba?"

Tumango lang ulit siya at sumubsob sa sariling braso para hindi ko makita ang kanyang mukha. Gusto ko sana siyang hawakan pero hindi pwede. Ramdam ko kasi yung lungkot ni Star kahit hindi niya ipakita.

"Huwag kang makinig sa kanila." I said. "Sa'kin ka makinig. Normal ka, Star. Maniwala ka."

Tumingin siya sa'kin at umiling. "That's not true."

Nangingintab ang mga mata niya na para bang anytime ay iiyak siya. I don't want that to happen. I need to do something. I need her to believe that she's normal and there's nothing wrong with her despite the phobia.

"Hold my hand." Inilahad ko ang kamay sa kanya. Nanlaki ang mata niya at sunud-sunod na umiling. I can see the fear in her eyes. I gave her a reassuring smile. "You are safe with me. Huwag kang matakot, just try to touch it."

"I can't." Her voice cracked. "No."

"You can, believe me." I told her. "Take your time."

Nakalahad lang ang kamay ko sa kanya at hinihintay lang na hawakan ito. Nag-inhale at exhale siya ng paulit-ulit at dahan-dahan. She looked like she's on the verge of panic. She's starting to breathe heavily. Nanginginig na inangat niya ang kamay. I remained still, my eyes glued at her.

Inilapit niya ang kamay sa kamay ko. It took her time before she can even touch the tip of my finger. That slightest touch unintentionally brought shiver to me but I tried not to pay any attention to it.

Para siyang bata na nangangapa kung safe ba yung laruan o hindi. Mabilis niyang naiatras ang kamay. She was almost panting, her eyes moving everywhere.

"Star," I called. "Breathe. Slowly. It's okay."

She looked at me. It took her a while before she can even respond a nod. She held her chest, focusing on her breathing. I can see that she's really trying to calm down. For a moment I thought she'd cry. Sasabihin ko na sanang huwag niyang pilitin ang sarili nang muli niyang inangat ang kamay. Ready to try again.

Star once again touched the tip of my finger using hers. I felt that shiver within me but I ignored it. We looked like from the E.T. movie and I find it cute. Our fingers slowly touched. Sobrang light lang ng hawak niya pero ramdam ko ang panginginig nito. It didn't last long though because she quickly retreated her hand. She was clenching her hand tight.

"It's fine," I smiled. She stared at me, malalim pa rin ang paghinga niya. Ibinaba ko na ang kamay ko. "You can stop trying further for now."

"Nothing even happened." mahinang sabi niya. Napapikit siya at nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga. She looked disappointed and in pain. "I'm not normal—"

"You are." I cut her off. Iminulat niya ang mga mata at tumingin sa'kin. Tumango ako sa kanya para ipakitang seryoso ako. "How does it feel, Star?"

Inangat niya ang kamay na gamit niya kanina. Ibinukas-sara niya ang palad. "Hindi ko sure. Natatakot ako but..." She trailed off. It took her a while before she answered. "But I think I'm okay."

"See?" Napangiti ako. "Normal ka, Star." Nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Ni wala itong kibo. "Pangako, gagawin ko ang lahat para mawala ang takot mo."

She frowned. "Why?"

"I want to help you," I answered short. "Kailangan ba ng reason para tumulong?"

Nagbaba siya ng tingin at umiling. "Will you really help me?"

"Oo naman."

She looked up. "Promise?"

"Promise." sagot ko. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay nakita ko siyang ngumiti. Pasimple akong napahugot ng hininga sa  nakita. I felt breathless. My heart was beating rather erratically, taking away my sanity—if that's even possible.

Her smile felt like it can never be painted by the best painter. It only belonged to her. It's far more beautiful than the rising sun in my opinion. Scratch that, it's a fact. Her smile's so breathtaking.

_____