She was worth the effort

how do you realize

I hate my birthday, I wish I could change it or something. I hate the fact that my expectations always got hurt to he extent nothing makes me happy on my birthday anymore , expecting that my friends would remember it , expecting that as soon as I enter class they would greet me with love and hugs ,was that too much to ask for ,was I that unimportant to them to the point they always forgot or did nothing .Every year going with this mindset that this year might be the year , maybe one of them would , but than the same saga of sitting down and thinking its fine it happens they forgot ,and apart from my friends my mother telling me how I am of no use or didn't have her any good by being born and those series of taunts and everything what good did I even do being born is how i was made to feel I hate the fact that I cant feel happy with anything I get. I just wanna be happier is it too much to ask for ?

I feel like I can't breathe , I wanna breathe so bad but I feel so suffocated.i just