More To It

Chapter 4- Progress

Zaynab

“Hey, come to bed”,I look at Khalid who’s washing his hands.

“One sec”.

He turns around after wiping his hands with his towel.

“What’s wrong?“,he asks me and walks past me into our bedroom. I follow him and get in bed beside him and watch as he takes off his watch.

“What?“, he looks at me and chuckles.

“Nothing”, I smile.

He hums then leans back in bed with his hand over his forehead.

“Tired?”

“I don’t even know”.

“You know. I wanted to talk to you”,he removes his hand and looks at me with a serious look.

“Yeah?“.

“So you fertility was low right? But you conceived and gave birth to a healthy baby. Can you still have kids or did you check on that yet?“.

“Uh, same thing they said before. I don’t know. There’s a chance, I guess?“.

“Good. I want to have kids”,he blurts out.

“Now?“,I ask him with a raised eyebrow.

“I know you’re still going through all that is happening. But ..... I want kids. I thought it’d be okay ... Ya’know. But after seeing Azeez and the rest of the kids. I want to be a dad as well”,he explains.

“Oh. I get you. Whatever happens. I don’t know, like you know I can’t contr-“.

“I know. I just- I was thinking, we could maybe get some help on it? I mean there’s other ways to have kids. We can try it”.

“Khalid, I understand you, don’t get me wrong. But with all this? Not now. I can’t, I don’t think I can go through any pregnancy kinda ting right now. Not with my son still missing”,I tell him. He hums and rubs his head before laying back down.

“Khalid”

“I understand. Forget I said anything. Go to sleep. We have to meet with Taibat tomorrow”,he whispers then he faces his right side.

“Khalid”.

“I said. I get it. Okay. Am not mad or anything. I just think I’ve waited enough. I understand what you’re going through isn’t easy but- just forget it. Main focus is your son”.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Khalid am talking to you. Khalid”,I shake his shoulder but he pushes my hand away.

“Zaynab am serious. Am tired okay. Go to sleep. Like I said. I UNDERSTAND”, he snaps at with his tone increasing after each word.

“Okay”, I whisper and lay down. I glance at him then turn to my right. I place my hand on his shoulder like I always do, but this time instead of embracing it like he usually does, he just carefully brushes it off and scoots further away from me.

“Khalid. What’s all this now? Ah. Do you want me to be shouting this late? I said I understand but not now. This isn’t the time for me. Am not physically or mentally prepared for it YET. I didn’t say never. You being angry with me makes no sense whatsoev-“.

He stands up abruptly in the middle of my sentence then he grabs his phone and just walks out of the room.

“Khalid”I yell but he doesn’t reply and just slams the door.

“Ah ah. Ewa bami o (please come to my aid). What kind of a stupid behavior is this one performing now?“,I whisper to myself. I shake my head and hiss then lay back in bed.

***

“Your husband isn’t joining us today?“,Taibat asks me as she gets out her notebook.

“Uh, I don’t think so”,I whisper and check my phone. Wow. So this is what we doing now?

“Everything okay?“,taibat glances at me.

“Yeah, am fine. Why?“.

“Your hands are shaking, signs of anxiety...sometimes. Hope everything is okay?“,she asks.

“oh *chuckles* yeah, everything is fine. He’s probably caught up with work. We can go on. I’ll tell him whatever we go through”.

“Very well”,she nods then she takes out photographs from her book. She lays them down on the table. There’s about 5 photographs, all of Abiodun.

“That’s him. Oh my God. How did you get it?“,I look at Taibat with shock.

“That’s besides the point. This little boy”, she takes out another photograph and lays it on the table revealing a little boy smiling as Abiodun throws him in the air.

“That’s my baby?“,I pick up the photo and smile.

“He looks happy”,I whisper as a tear slides down my cheek.

“Yeah. He’s taking pretty good care of him PHYSICALLY. But not so much mentally. Don’t get me. From what I’ve seen myself, he shows his son love and everything he needs. But besides that, your son is always present for EVERY meeting he has with his “men”. He smokes and drinks with his son. He’s even showed him how to “protect” himself with a gun”,she explains.

“This is exactly what I was afraid of. He’s going to turn him to be exactly like him. I don’t want that. He’s a monster”,I whisper then sobs start escaping from my lips. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I just start to cry.

“Hey. Hey, don’t cry. I’ll get him to you soon. Don’t worry”,taibat sits beside me and pulls me into her.

“Am sorry, I just”,I stutter through my tears.

“It’s okay. It’s okay to cry. Just let it all out”,she whispers and starts caressing my back soothingly. It’s actually sort of relaxing.

“You okay?“.

I lift my head from her chest and pat my tears dry with the tissue she offered me.

“Thanks”I whisper.

“No problem. Um. I know you haven’t seen your son or spent time with him. So I went out of my way to get you a personalized photo of him. Just, to help you, I guess”,she whispers then takes out a big enough framed photo of my son.

“You di- oh my God. He’s beautiful. Thank you so much”,I hug her tightly and smile.

“Don’t mention it”,she smiles.

I move away from her and hold the frame with probably the biggest smile on my face. I brush the glass and chuckle.

“He’s so cute. He looks like a troublesome boy”,I whisper.

“He’s sweet, and polite. Complete contrast to his father. Which is why, we have to get him back as soon as possible because he still can change his thinking with however YOU nurture him. If he stays with HIM any longer. Who knows...”

“Oh please, do whatever it takes. Am begging you. Please”

“Don’t worry. I will”.

“So, I know you have a friend, Malik. He’s the one that refereed you to me. Am going to need you to tell him to call me or meet me. Am going to need back up. I have my own team BUT, if we want to make sure we’re well protected considering the type of psycho Abiodun is, we have to be very careful. So tell him to arrange for a place. I could use all the help I can get”.

“Yeah no problem. Thank you so much. For everything”.

She just smiles then stands up and packs up her things.

“Call me if anything comes up”.

I nod and hug her then watch as she walks over to her car. She gets in and drives off.

“Alhamdulilah (All Praise is to Allah), thank you so so so much Allah for bringing this lady to me. Thank you so much”,I whisper to myself then squeal loudly and hug the photo frame.

The door opens and Khalid walks in talking on the phone.

“Yeah, I just got in now. I’ll come tomorrow”.

“Uh, she’s probably somewhere in the house. Okay mama, am going to freshen up, am tired. Okay. Walaykum Salam”.

He hangs up and looks over towards me then at the empty couch then back at me.

I could tell he wanted to ask how it went but he was also being stubborn and wasn’t going to ask me.

Am just going to be the bigger person here. He has been patient with me all these years and even in our marriage. So I understand his sudden “fed up” act. Even though his anger isn’t really justified. But then again. There’s only so much a person can take.

“How was work?“,I ask him.

The look on his face almost made me laugh. I could tell he was SHOCKED of my calm tone. Usually, I would be dragging him across this very floor.

“Uh, was good”,he mumbles.

I smile and walk to him while he watches me very closely as if I’d leap on him and start attacking him.

“I made you asaro (porridge), I made it a bit spicy and also grille’s some spicy fish. So frehsen up, I’ll set the table”,I tell him.

“You cooked?“he raises an eyebrow.

Yeah, again. When am angry, I don’t cook. I let him starve but he’s always smart, he always cooks before work and keeps it in the freezer so he can have it when he gets back.

“Of course I cooked. Now go freshen up so you can eat, then we can watch a movie if you’re up for it”.

“I take, the meeting with Taibat went well?“.

Ah. Finally.

“She got me this”,I pick up the frame from the table and turn it towards him.

“Is that?”

“My son?“. I nod. He looks at it then at me.

“He looks like you a bit. It’s wasy to tell that you’re his mother”.

I smile and hug the frame tightly.

“He’s going to be a mama’s boy”.

Khalid hums then he walks past me and towards the stairs while running his fingers through his hair.

“Why were you so late? You usually get here before 10”,I ask him.

“I stopped at the house for the homeless. The ladies and some of the guys were gone to greet them and to check on everything. So far everything is going great. Simon has gotten a job. Soon enough, he’ll be able to fend for himself and his family. Which is good”.

“That’s great news. Aw, that’s amazing”.

“Yeah. You know, don’t take this the wrong way but since you’re not doing anything. Why not drop by there more often? You’re a nurse. You can help with treating those that are sick”.

“You know why I can’t”,I whisper and look down suddenly feeling bad when he sighs.

“Yeah. Forgot”,he mumbles then continues his walk up the stairs.

Khalid walks down the stairs in some sweatpants and white shirt then walks over to the dining room.

“Hey”,I stand up as he sits down.

I serve him his food then sit down beside him.

We both eat our food silently. He kept scrolling through his phone the entire time and chuckling to himself.

“Do you like the porridge?“,I ask him.

“Uh, it ight”,he shrugs.

“Oh. You don’t like it?“,I frown.

“I didn’t say that”.

“You say “ight” when you don’t really like something. Is it too spicy?” .

“Its fine. I like it like it is”.

“Okay”.

He sets his fork down and starts typing on his phone then suddenly groans and puts his phone down.

“What’s wrong?“.

“Just gotta go toilet”,he stands up then walks down the hallway.

I glance at his phone which is beeping repeatedly. I stand up and pick it up. I put in his password and it unlocks. I slide down the notification slide.

Amari- lol, you’re actually so funny like. But yeah, I understand you. I wanted that too but my husband back then wasn’t feeling it because of all the problems we were having. I got mad too but it was of no use later on. It just separated us each time, I felt like he was only thinking about himself. I’ve been patient with him through all the things we’ve gone through and I felt like I deserved this much. But, long story short, as you know, we’re divorced and he’s moved on. He’s doing well now too. And am okay too.

Khalid- yeah, I feel you. But at least you’re both on good terms. And yeah, you get it. I just feel like, I’ve been patient enough, so if I feel some type of way regarding this, its justified....right? I don’t know. Fighting with her never goes well. I end up giving in anyways because she’s stubborn and never backs down. Sometimes I just ... I don’t know. I feel like I shouldn’t have said anything, we should’ve continued just being friends. She was right, it complicates things

Amari- yeah, putting a label on friendship complicates things a whole lot. I wouldn’t do that. Then you don’t want to do anything that would not only jeopardize your marriage but also your friendship

Khalid- yeah, that’s exactly it. It felt so right before but now. Am not so sure. Am trying to be understanding but it’s hard knowing the type of person she is. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love her as a friend and more. But nowadays, I don’t know

“It’s actually kind of spicy”,Khalid walks into the room while shaking his hands.

He looks at me then his phone.

“What are you doing?“,he asks me and takes his phone from my hand.

“Did you read my messages?“.

“Yeah”,I whisper then pick up my empty plate. I walk into the kitchen and place it in the sink.

“s**t”I hear him whisper.

“Zaynab”he clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck.

“Am sorry being married to me is such work. You regret it...it’s okay. I just would appreciate it if you had talked to me instead of some other woman. What? Is she your like, side chick?”

“Side c- do you have to complicate everything? Really? Side chick?”

“You do have a history of pulling girls Khalid. Don’t you dare f*****g lie to me”,I scream.

He stares at me for a dew seconds then sighs.

“Okay calm down. we can talk about this”.

“No Khalid. No. I appreciate that you’ve been patient. But it isn’t only hurting you. I know am a lot to handle at times but can you fuxking blame me? After everything, I really thought. You’d understand. But even you? Really? And then you have the audacity to talk to some other girl about me? Why Khalid? Why? Not even Aayan? Really? Some other girl?”

“You don’t get it. Aayan doesn’t either because he agrees with whatever you say. I needed someone who would understand and Amari, she does”,he sighs.

“Who is she? I know all your friends. we literally f**k with the same people. Who the f**k is Amari?“,I yell.

“We met about 6 months ago. She came for a test at the hospital. I don’t know, we just stared talking and from there. Just became friends. But nothing more”.

“Khalid. Please stop lying to me. I don’t like itx you know that. I saw the messages, you don’t share secrets with people you don’t feel any type of way for. Khalid, I know you like the back of my hand. Don’t lie to me”,I shake my head then sit on the chair.

“We have things in common. She kind of reminds me of Ayoub which is weird because while with her, I always thought of you. But now am with you and Amari reminds me of her. I don’t get my feelings either. But am not doing anything behind your back”.

“This message says otherwise. I can’t even witchu. I expected you to be by my side through this Khalid. Its not easy for me. You say I don’t understand you but do you even understand what am going through right now? How difficult it is for me? How scared I am just thinking of what could happen to me? Or my son? You don’t get none of that”.

“How can you even say that? I’ve done what you want, been by your side, just because I feel like I deserve more this one time doesn’t make me the bad guy here Zaynab. I’ve tried. Don’t try to make me seem or feel bad about this. You say you wanna save your son while not taking any step to even try? You stay at home, not stepping out for someone who has your son. What it seems like is you not wanting to risk your life for him. Reminds you of anyone in particular?“,he yells.

“Khalid”I scream and before I knew it, my hand was in contact with his cheek.

He touches his cheek then looks at me.

“Did you j-“.

“How dare y-“.

“I tried. Don’t say I didn’t. Getcho s**t together. Am leaving”,he says calmly then he picks up his phone and storms up the stairs.

I sit on the living room couch and pull my knees into my chest and just break down in tears when I hear the front door slam shut.

“Ahhh Abiodun. Osi ri epe o ba aye mi je (you made sure that you ruined my life)“,I cry harder.