CHAPTER TWELVE
1547 Words
ALICIA
"I need to talk to you," Ivan said quietly.
The kitchen was still dead silent. Everyone was staring at us. At him. At Caleb. At me.
I felt trapped and suffocated.
"Please," Ivan added. "Just for a few minutes."
Caleb stepped forward. "She doesn't have to go anywhere with you."
"I'm not asking you," Ivan said without taking his eyes off of me. "I'm asking her."
They both looked at me, waiting.
I looked around the kitchen at all the faces watching us like we were some kind of entertainment. At Marla, who was smirking like she was enjoying this. I needed to get out of here, away from the stares and whispers and judgment.
"Okay," I said.
Caleb's jaw tensed. "Alicia—"
"Just for a few minutes," I quickly added.
Ivan nodded and headed for the back door. I followed him, feeling Caleb's eyes on me the whole time.
The morning air was cool against my skin. The sun was just starting to rise, streaking the sky with pink and orange colors. Ivan walked toward the woods behind the pack house. I stayed a few steps behind him, though my heart was pounding really hard as I walked.
We didn't talk until we were deep enough in the trees that nobody could see us from the pack house.
Then Ivan stopped and turned around. "I'm sorry," he said.
I blinked in confusion. "What?"
"For everything. For the way I handled things, for making you uncomfortable, and for putting you in this position."
I stared at him. This wasn't what I'd expected.
"I don't know how to do this," he continued. "Obviously, I've never had a mate before. I've never wanted someone the way I want you." He ran a hand through his hair. His blue eyes looked tired and sad.
"I've been alone for so long," he continued quietly. "Do you know what it's like to be surrounded by people but still feel completely alone?"
I did know, but I didn't say anything.
"I've had women. Lots of them. But they never meant anything. They were always just distractions. Ways to pass the time."
He stepped closer to me. "But you're different. When I look at you, I don't feel alone anymore."
My heart was beating really fast now. "Ivan—”
"I know I've been doing this all wrong," he said. "I know I've been pushing you too hard, but I don't know how else to be. I don't know how to be gentle."
Just then he extended his hand toward me, then suddenly, he stopped. Like he was afraid to touch me.
"Teach me," he said. "Show me how to be the man you need."
I looked at him. Really looked at him. Without the arrogance, demands, and the King's act.
He just looked like a man. A lonely man who didn't know how to love someone.
"I don't know what I need," I whispered.
"Then we'll figure it out together."
He moved closer to me. Now he was close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating from his body.
"Let me take care of you," he said. "Let me show you what it feels like to be cherished."
His hand finally made contact with my waist. It was just a light touch, but it sent electricity through my whole body.
My wolf purred. She wanted this. Wanted him.
"I've never felt this way before," he continued. His voice was so soft, and so different from his usual commanding tone. "I've never needed someone like I need you."
His other hand came up to caress my face. His thumb brushed my cheek.
"Please," he whispered. "Give me a chance."
I should have said no. I should have run away from him. My mind was even screaming at me to run, but my body wasn't listening. Instead, I leaned into his touch.
That was all the permission he needed. He leaned down and kissed me. The kiss was soft at first. It was gentle, like he was afraid I might break.
But then I kissed him back, and something changed. The kiss became deeper, hungrier, and more desperate.
His hands moved from my waist to my back, pulling me closer. I could feel every hard line of his body against mine. He tasted like coffee and something uniquely him. Something that made my head spin.
I'd never been kissed like this before. With such intensity and such longing. Like he'd been waiting his whole life for this moment.
One of his hands was tangled in my hair. The other was running down my spine, making me shiver.
"Alicia," he breathed against my lips.
The sound of my name on his lips made something inside me snap.
I pushed him away, and he stumbled back, looking confused and hurt.
"I can't," I said. I was breathing hard. My lips felt swollen. "I can't do this."
"Why?" he asked. "You felt it too. I know you did."
"Because it's too much," I said. "All of this. You, Caleb, the pack. Even the rumors. I can't handle it."
"You don't have to handle it alone."
"Don't I?" I asked. "Because that's what it feels like. Like everyone expects me to just figure this out. Like I'm supposed to know what to do."
Ivan stepped toward me again, but I held up a hand.
"I need time," I said. "I need space to think."
"How much time?" he asked.
"I don't know. As much as I need."
He nodded slowly. "Okay. But Alicia?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't take too long. Because I'm not the only one who wants you. And I'm not going to wait forever."
With that, he turned and walked back toward the pack house.
I stayed in the woods for a long time trying to calm down and trying to process what had just happened.
That kiss. The way he'd looked at me. The way he'd touched me. All of it had felt so real. More real than anything I'd ever experienced. But was it enough?
Finally, I made my way back to the pack house. The kitchen was empty now. Everyone had gone about their morning duties.
I walked through the hallways, hoping to make it to my room without running into anyone.
But as I turned the corner to my hallway, I saw someone standing by my door.
It was Caleb.
He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His eyes found mine immediately.
"Did you have a nice walk?" he asked.
I didn't answer. I just tried to walk past him to my door, but he stepped in front of me.
"So you kissed him," he said. His voice was low, and it sounded dangerous.
I froze. "How did you—”
"I can smell him on you," he said. "Pine and that obnoxious cologne he wears."
My face burned with embarrassment.
"Did he tell you he loves you?" Caleb continued. "Did he promise to take care of you and herish you?"
"Stop," I whispered.
"Did he tell you he already has a mistress back home?"
My heart dropped down to my feet. "What?"
"Her name is Victoria. Beautiful blonde. She’s been warming his bed for the past two years, and she lives in a nice little house he bought for her just outside his mansion."
I stared at him. "You're lying."
"Am I?" Caleb asked. "Ask him and see what he says."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because you deserve to know the truth. And because my brother is good at saying what women want to hear. But he's not good at keeping his promises."
I felt sick. "He said he'd been alone."
"He has been alone emotionally, yes. But his bed hasn't been empty."
I leaned against the wall while I tried to process this information.
"Does she know about me?" I asked.
"I doubt it. Ivan's not exactly known for his honesty."
"And you?" I asked. "Do you have someone waiting for you back home?"
Caleb's expression softened slightly. "No, I don't."
"And why should I believe you?"
"Because I'm not trying to seduce you with pretty words and false promises. I'm telling you the truth, even when it's ugly."
I looked at him, and at his golden eyes that seemed to see right through me.
"What do you want from me?" I finally asked.
"I want you to know what you're getting into before you make any decisions. I want you to have all the information."
"And then what?"
"Then you choose. Him or me. But you have to choose with your eyes open."
I stared at him for a long moment. Then I walked past him and unlocked my door.
"Alicia," he called after me and I turned back, then he added, "For what it's worth, I think you deserve better than both of us."
With that, he walked away, leaving me standing in my doorway with my heart in pieces.
A mistress. Ivan had a mistress.
Everything he'd said in the woods, everything he'd promised me, had it all been lies?
I closed my door and sat on my bed, staring at the cracked mirror on the wall.
The girl looking back at me looked lost, confused, and broken.
Just like I felt.
- Writer
