IF YOU LOVE ME, DIE FOR ME

Chapter 2: A Ghost in a Red Dress

Jeremy's POV

I had been standing in the same conversation for twelve minutes when the room changed.

I did not see her. Not yet. I felt it the way you feel a shift in air pressure, the kind that comes before a storm or a door opens somewhere that shouldn't. The two men I was speaking to, Denton Cho and his brother Patrick, were mid-sentence about a coastal development project when I noticed their eyes slide sideways toward the ballroom entrance.

Just briefly. Just for a second.

But I have spent years learning to read a room, and what I read in that half-second glance was interesting. Not the social, polite kind. The kind that meant someone had walked in who did not belong to anyone's expectations.

I finished my response to Denton about the projected timeline and let my eyes follow the natural arc of the room.

And then I stopped thinking in complete sentences.

She was wearing red.

The first thing I thought, which I will never say aloud to another human being for as long as I live, was that she looked like something I had dreamed and forgotten and was now being confronted with in waking life.

Five years. In five years, I had constructed a version of Madeline Crawford in my head that was manageable. Still. Fixed in the past like a photograph. The Madeline in my memory had red-rimmed eyes and a face that looked at me across a courtroom like she was trying to understand something that made no sense, and I had kept her there because keeping her there meant I did not have to think about what came after.

This Madeline was not still. Was not fixed. It was not anything I had prepared for.

She moved through the room with the ease of someone who had decided the room was hers, which was not something the Madeline I remembered had ever done. She had always been graceful, yes, but there was a difference between graceful and sovereign, and the woman across this ballroom was the latter.

I realized I had stopped responding to Denton mid-conversation.

'Jeremy?' Patrick said.

'Sorry,' I said. 'Long week.'

Patrick followed my eyeline before I could stop him. 'Who's that?'

'Nobody.' The word came out before I could catch it, and it tasted wrong immediately, the way a lie always does when it is too big to fit in your mouth.

'She's wearing a Cross Industries name tag,' Denton said, frowning slightly. 'Nathan Cross brought someone from his firm?'

The name landed on my chest like a stone into still water.

Cross Industries. Nathan Cross.

'I'll circle back to the timeline,' I said. 'Excuse me for a moment.'

I did not go to her. I want to be clear about that. I went to the bar.

I set my half-finished scotch down on the counter and asked for water, and I stood with my back to the room while I tried to do something that used to come easily to me, which was to think in a straight line.

She was here.

Madeline was here.

In my ballroom, at my gala, at an event that had been in the Whitman calendar for thirty years, she was wearing red and a name tag that linked her to the company that had been quietly eating into our market share for the past eighteen months.

That was not a coincidence. I was not naive enough to call it a coincidence.

I took a long sip of water and thought about the last five years, the way you sometimes prove a bruise to remind yourself it is still there. I had not visited her in prison. I know. I knew then, too, somewhere under the layers of justification I had built. I had told myself it would be cruel, that seeing me would make things harder for her, that it was better for both of us to let the distance exist.

Those were the lies of a man who was not brave enough to look at what he had done.

I turned back to the room.

She was speaking to Sandra Ng, who was laughing at something Madeline had said, which was not what I would have expected from Sandra, who had opinions about everyone and expressed them mostly through silence. But she was laughing. And Madeline was smiling with the ease of a woman who had said something real rather than something calculated, and I could not look away.

'You're staring.'

Vivienne's voice appeared in my ear, low and precise. I turned. She was holding her champagne with the careful elegance she brought to everything, and she was watching me with an almost neutral expression. Almost.

'I was looking at the room,' I said.

'You were looking at Madeline Crawford.'

The name in her mouth was its own kind of sound. She said it the way people say the name of a storm they've been tracking: with familiarity, and something underneath the familiarity that I did not want to examine closely.

'I didn't know she was invited,' I said.

'She wasn't.' Vivienne took a small sip of champagne. 'She went with Nathan Cross. He has a standing invitation.'

'You knew.'

She met my eyes. 'I was told this morning. I didn't want to worry you before tonight.'

'You didn't want to worry me.' I kept my voice even. 'So, instead, you let me walk into my own event without knowing she would be here.'

'Jeremy.' Her hand found my arm, her touch light and practiced. 'She is nobody. She had her moment in this city, and she lost. Whatever she thinks she is doing by coming back, she cannot touch us. You know that.'

I looked at her hand on my arm.

'Of course,' I said.

I smiled. She smiled back. Around us, the gala moved and glittered and performed.

And the word nobody sat in my stomach like something I had swallowed wrong.

The announcement happened at ten forty-five.

I stood beside Vivienne with my hand in hers, and I listened to her speak, and I watched the room applaud, and I smiled, and the whole time, there was a part of my brain that was not present. That was somewhere else entirely. Tracking a red dress at the edge of my vision.

I should not have looked.

I looked.

She was standing near the south wall, champagne glass in hand, watching Vivienne with an expression so calm it was almost eerie. No pain. No anger. No wounded betrayal that I might have expected, that I might have been bracing for without realizing.

Just calm. And then a smile.

Not a real smile. The kind that meant something else entirely.

Then she turned and looked directly at me.

Thirty feet of ballroom between us, and she held my gaze without flinching, without warmth, without anything but an absolute and unshakable stillness. Like she had already decided something and was waiting for me to catch up.

Then she looked away.

And I stood there on the podium beside my fiancée in front of four hundred people, and I felt something I had not felt in five years.

Afraid.

I found her an hour later near the coat check, where she was saying goodbye to Sandra Ng with the kind of ease that suggested the conversation had gone well for her. I had been watching for the right moment without letting myself examine why I was watching for it.

She did not look surprised to see me. She did not look at anything.

'Jeremy,' she said. Like we were acquaintances. Like she was trying the word out.

'Madeline.' My voice came out level. I was grateful for that. 'I didn't know you were coming tonight.'

'That was rather the point,' she said pleasantly.

'You're with Cross Industries.'

'I am.'

'How long?'

'Long enough.' She tilted her head slightly. 'You look well, Jeremy.'

It was the first kind thing she had said to me, and somehow it was the most difficult sentence of the conversation so far.

'You look...' I stopped. No version of that sentence was appropriate to say to someone you had helped send to prison. 'It's good to see you,' I managed. Which was true and also not enough and also five years too late.

She looked at me for a moment. Something moved across her face, too quickly to name.

'I'll be seeing you around,' she said.

She moved past me, and as she did, her hand came up, and she slipped something into the breast pocket of my jacket. Not aggressively. Not with drama. The way you would hand someone a note in a quiet library, calmly and without ceremony.

I waited until she was gone before I reached in and pulled it out.

A business card. MADELINE CRAWFORD. CROSS INDUSTRIES. A phone number. And on the back, in her handwriting, three words.

We need to talk.

I stood in the marble corridor of the Meridian Hotel with her business card in my hand and the sound of my engagement party in the background and the faint trace of her perfume in the air, something new, something I did not recognize, because, of course, it was new. She was not the person I remembered.

And I did not know yet what that meant for any of us.

What I did know, as I slid her card back into my pocket, was this: I was going to call.

God help me. I was going to call.