Come Back To Me

Chapter 4

“NO! NO! IT’S NOT TRUE!” I shout at Gavin.

He reaches for me, but I feel my stomach turn violently, and I run and throw up over the side of the porch. I feel Gavin’s hands grasp my shoulders as I puke my guts out, until they turn into dry heaves. When there is nothing left, Gavin pulls me against him.

“What’s going on out here? What’s wrong? What happened?” I hear my mom’s panicked voice as she steps out onto the porch and sees us.

Gavin holds me tightly as I shake violently and sob, my legs threatening to give out from underneath me if it wasn’t for Gavin holding me up. I can feel him shaking too.

“REID’S DEAD!” I shriek at her.

“What?” She gasps.

My mom puts a hand to her heart, and looks at Gavin as tears start to fill her own eyes.

“Oh Gavin, what happened?” she steps closer to us and puts a hand on his arm.

“He…he got into a car accident this morning. He didn’t make it.”

I feel a new wave of sobs consume me, and Gavin starts to sob again too.

“Where is your family?” My mom chokes out.

“Still at the hospital. I thought Hadley deserved to know right away, she’s family too, and…” his voice cracks, not able to continue.

“Oh my god Gavin. Okay, let’s get back there then.”

Mom runs back into the house, I assume to grab her purse and keys. When she comes back out, she leads us to her truck, leaving Gavin’s car behind.

We arrive at the hospital where we meet up with the rest of the Thorne’s in a private waiting room. My mom runs over to Darla, and they weep as Don wraps an arm around each of them. Gavin keeps a firm hold around my shoulders, and Madelyn joins us underneath his other arm.

“How could this have happened, what happened?”

I wipe my face with my sleeve, and look up at Gavin, who kisses Madelyn’s head.

“We don’t know for sure. The cops said it looked like he somehow lost control of his car and swerved into the oncoming lane. A big Dodge hit him, completely totaled his car. They said even though he was wearing his seat belt, there was still little chance he could’ve made it. Those old cars don’t have much in terms of safety features.”

Gavin shakes his head, and takes a deep breath, seemingly trying to stop a new wave of tears, but I hear Madelyn start crying again.

“How’d he lose control, he never loses control?” I say more to myself than anything, but Gavin answers me anyway.

“They think he might have been texting when he crashed. So far it’s the only conclusion they can come up with until they do the necessary tests to rule out anything else.”

What? Reid is gone because of a text message? That can’t be true. A black cloud washes over me, and I feel completely lost, empty, and desolate as I realize it was probably me with whom he was texting. Could this be my entire fault?

After what seems like a very long time, a doctor comes in and asks to speak with the immediate family. Don speaks up first.

“This is all of us,” he says, rubbing his red-rimmed eyes tiredly.

“I’m very sorry for your loss, it’s always a great tragedy when we lose someone so young,” he pauses, “We have some personal effects that were found on him.”

The doctor holds up a clear bag that he was holding in his hand with what looks like Reid’s wallet, and a small black box. The doctor steps forward, and Don takes it from him.

“Thank you doctor.”

Don nods at him, the doctor nods back, looking sympathetic.

“I’ll give you some time, then we need to discuss how you want to proceed,” he tells Don and Darla, then makes his leave.

Don opens the bag right away to look at the two items, Reid’s black leather wallet that I gave him for Christmas last year; as well as the small mysterious black box. We all watch carefully as he inspects the box.

“What could this be?” he says to nobody in particular.

With a sick feeling, I realize that I know what it is before he even opens it. I feel my stomach lurch, and I search desperately for a trash can, that Gavin produces quickly, and I vomit violently again. Gavin rubs my back as I sit doubled over in my chair, heaving.

“Oh sweetie,” my mom coos, and I feel her hand join Gavin’s on my back.

“I know what’s in the box,” I choke, not looking up at the five faces that I can feel staring at me sadly.

“What is it honey?” Don asks me quietly.

“It’s a ring,” I whisper.

“A ring? What for?” Darla speaks up.

I look up slightly, and see her take the box from Don’s hand.

“It’s…it was for me,” I start sobbing loudly again.

“Reid asked me to marry him last night, and I said yes! We are supposed to be together forever, how could this happen!” I wail and I realize I’m nearly shouting.

“Engaged?” I hear Gavin whisper next to me, “but you guys are only seventeen years old.”

“Does it even matter now?” I snap at him.

He shakes his head sadly, ignoring my tone.

Darla crouches down in front of me then, and I look into her sad green eyes. They are beautiful, and they look like Reid’s. She takes my hand in hers, and gently places the box in my hand.

“Then this is yours Hadley. I know he would have wanted you to have it, no matter what,” she comforts me.

I grasp the box tightly, but can’t find the strength to open it. I feel bad that she is comforting me. I was just the girlfriend, she is his mother, who just lost her son, and here she is, comforting me.

“Thank you Darla,” I sniff, “this means a lot, really.”

I reach out and wrap my arms around her shoulders, and she hugs me back tightly, and we cry into each other’s arms.

Later on, my mom and I arrive back at our house. I feel like a zombie, just a body, nothing inside. My mom doesn’t try to speak to me, and I silently go straight to my room and close the door. I switch on my bedside light and sit down on the side of my bed. I pull the box out of my pocket and place it on the small table, and stare at it. I still haven’t opened it, this last token of love that I’ll ever receive from Reid. I lie down on top of my blankets, and bury my face into my pillow.

It hits me like a Mac truck, I smell Reid on my pillow, and it lingers from where he slept just last night. I scream into my pillow as the crying wracks my whole body again. I push my face even deeper into my pillow, trying to hold on to the scent of Reid, a scent that will soon disappear forever. I am completely consumed by the grief of that realization, and I lose it, relinquishing any strength that I have left inside of me. My Reid, my beautiful Reid, the love of my life, my soul mate, my other half, is gone. Gone Forever.

It’s nearly three in the morning when I finally stop crying, my eyes hurt, and are almost swollen shut, but I cannot sleep. It’s been twelve hours since I found out that my life would never be the same. I hug my pillow to my chest, vowing to never wash the pillowcase that Reid last laid his head upon. I stare at the box that sits in front of me, and I can bear it no longer. I sit up, and reach for the box, taking a deep breath before opening it. My heart stops beating for a second when I lay eyes upon it.

He was right, I would and I do love it. It’s perfect. I pull the small ring out of the box and admire it. It’s a small white gold band with a circle diamond in the center, and surrounding it are Reid’s and mine birthstones, his sapphire for September and my blue topaz for December, alternating around the diamond so that it looks like a beautiful little blue flower. He couldn’t have picked a more beautiful ring. In fact, this doesn’t look like something he could have just picked up on a whim. It looks like it has to have been custom made. He must have had this waiting for a while now then. I slip it onto my left ring finger, and it fits perfectly. I turn off my light and lie back down and hug my pillow tighter, gazing at my hand. What was supposed to be one of the best days of our lives, turned out to be the very worst day imaginable.

As I start to weep again, I feel a tingle go up my spine, and I feel a breeze blow through my room. I shiver at the cool air, and look up at my window and see that it’s wide open. Huh? Was it wide open when I came in here? I’m almost certain that it was closed. Maybe I opened it and don’t remember, my mind is like mush right now. Tiredly, I get up from my bed and cross my room to close it. I turn around to go back to bed, and I catch a movement in the almost pitch black room, but chalk it up to my imagination, so I lie back down on my bed, and resume my pillow hugging. Sudden warmness surrounds me, and a feeling of calm starts to overtake me, and soon, I fall into a deep sleep.

***

I look around me, and realize I am sitting on the couch in Reid’s living room. Suddenly Reid walks into the room from the kitchen, holding a bowl of popcorn, and two bottles of Coke.

“Coke alright?”

He holds them up. What is this?

I realize it’s a memory and I’m twelve again. This was our first official date, when we were in seventh grade. Reid’s parents had decided that they felt more comfortable having us stay in, then go out, so we decided on a movie. I let myself live in this wonderful time once again.

“Coke is fine,” I said quietly.

Why was I so nervous? I spent almost every day with Reid, so why did this feel so different? Reid smiled at me and came to take a seat next to me on the large black leather couch in front of the massive flat screen television that dominated the room. He plopped the bowl down onto my lap, and turned on the movie.

As the previews rolled, Reid leaned into me, resting his shoulder against mine. The contact made butterflies come to life inside my belly.

“Is this movie okay?” he asked me.

“Um, yeah, I’ve wanted to see this one.”

I tried to make a better effort at conversation.

Reid had become my best friend, besides Julia, since the first day of sixth grade. But besides sometimes holding hands on the way home from school, Reid had never ‘asked me out,’ until the day before, at school, during recess, in front of everyone. Taylor Bennett’s face had looked like it would explode when she watched the scene play out. She had such a huge crush on Reid, and was always trying to get his attention. But for some strange reason I can’t understand, Reid seemed completely immune to her flirting.

I’m pulled back into the moment as Reid took a hold of my hand and intertwined our fingers together. He smiled shyly at me.

“Is this okay with you?” he held our hands up a little.

“Yes. You’ve held my hand before Reid,” I smiled at him, “so why would it bother me now?”

“Because it means something different now,” he said seriously.

“What do you mean?” I asked curiously.

“I mean it’s different because now you’re my girlfriend.”

His girlfriend? Did he ask me to be his girlfriend? Oh yeah, when someone ‘asked you out’ in our little preteen world, it meant you were boyfriend-girlfriend. Finally!

“Oh! Okay,” is all I could think of to say, brilliant!

“Okay,” he smiled and squeezes my hand a little.

“Hey you two, what are you watching?” Reid’s older brother Gavin sauntered into the living room.

“Get out Gavin!” Reid protested and chucked a throw pillow at him. Gavin dodged the pillow and ignored Reid’s protests, slumping down on the couch next to me. Reid glared over at him.

“How’s it going Hadley?” Gavin asked me, grinning, obviously enjoying Reid’s discomfort.

“I’m fine Gavin, How is high school?” I asked politely.

“It’s cool. Better than the school you guys are stuck at for another two years,” he snickered.

“I like our school,” I frowned at him a little.

“Go AWAY Gavin or I’m telling mom,” Reid whined.

I couldn’t help but giggle a little at him. Gavin sighed, but relented, standing up.

“Fine, fine. I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.”

He started to leave, but not before calling over his shoulder, “no funny business.”

Reid glared daggers into his back as we heard him retreat down the hallway laughing to himself.

“Now, where were we before my stupid brother interrupted us?”

Reid settled back into the couch and leaned against me again. I finally began to feel myself relax a little, and I leaned into Reid too. He snuck a sideways glance at me and smiled. I continued to try and concentrate on the movie, but I could feel Reid’s eyes boring into the side of my face, and it made me feel a little self-conscience.

“What?” I blurted when I couldn’t stand it anymore.

Reid jumped slightly, and his cheeks turned pink, probably embarrassed by my outburst.

“Um, I um…” he stuttered.

“Yes?” I prodded, curious.

“Would it be okay if I um…” he gulped.

“If you what?”

“If I um…kissed you?” he nearly whispered.

What? Kiss me? I’ve never been kissed before. My heart started to beat erratically.

“Um…I uh guess so,” I whispered back, feeling more than nervous, elated!

“Okay,” he smiled shyly, and started to lean in towards me.

I followed his lead, and leaned in closer to him. When our noses were nearly touching, Reid’s eyes locked with mine, giving me one last chance to back out.

But I don’t, and with that, he closed the small space between us and pressed his lips to mine. His lips felt so soft, and gentle, this felt nice, more than nice. After a couple seconds, he tentatively pulled away from me. We stared at one another, not saying a word. I think my heart had stopped beating, and Reid sucked in a deep breath.

“Cool,” he whispered.

“Cool,” I whispered back to him.

Then without asking me, he leaned in quickly and kissed me again.

***

I wake with a start. I am catapulted back into the present, and the events of yesterday come flooding back to me in a rush. It wasn’t a horrible nightmare; it actually happened and Reid is gone. I decide I don’t want to get out of bed, so I crawl under my blankets that I still lie on top of and pull them up and over my head trying to block out the sunshine.

How am I supposed to just get up out of bed, get dressed, and greet the day like it’s any other? I’m trapped in my very worst nightmare realized. I miss Reid so much; it feels like I’m being stabbed in the chest by a million knives. The pain is like nothing I’ve ever felt before in my life, it’s suffocating, and I almost wish that it would suffocate me to death so that I can be with Reid again, because how am I supposed to go on in a world without him? The thought is unimaginable, incomprehensible, and impossible.

I pull my pillow into my face and breath in deep. I’m still able to smell Reid on the cotton pillowcase, however it’s beginning to fade and smell more just like me. This depresses me even further as I try and lock that scent into my memory vault, scared to lose it forever.