Finding Her True Alpha

f****d up

Alpha Ian

The pain I felt in my chest after Ashlyn rejected me was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. Nicole was on the floor beside me, trying to comfort me, but once the pain subsided, I pushed her away. I needed to get my clothes and go after Ashlyn. f**k! I can’t believe I did this to her. She loved me even before the mate bond and I f****d it all up. I knew I was a fuckup, but I never wanted Ashlyn to see how much of a f**k up I actually was.

After getting dressed in shorts and a tee, I ran down the stairs. I didn’t even hear Nicole running behind me, calling out to me. When I finally reached the bottom, I saw my father, and he saw me.

“Get to my office now!” He growled at me. Nicole suddenly ran into my back.

“Dad, I need to go after Ashlyn. Did you see her?”

“That’s an order! Both of you, my office now!” He demanded.

Nicole and I both turned around to walk up the stairs to the first floor, where his office was located. My father was following behind us, with his Beta John, Nicole’s father. Nicole was trying to grab my hand and I would just slap hers away. This is not how I picture everything going down today. On Ashlyn’s fucken birthday, I should just have spent the night with her.

We entered my father’s office and Beta John closed the door behind us. I could feel the rage coming off of my father. He always had a soft spot for Ashlyn. She was always around the pack house, and I know my mother loved her. Who doesn't love her?

Nicole and I sat in the two seats that sat across from my father’s desk. She tried to reach for my hand again, but I just pushed hers away. My father sat in his chair behind his desk and Beta John stood beside my father. The tension in the room was just building until Nicole opened her mouth.

“Alpha Jason, Daddy, Ian, and I are in love,” she told them with a smile. She was all giddy about it like her friend didn’t just walk in on her having s*x with her boyfriend. Not that I wasn't guilty, but at least I felt terrible.

“No, we are not!” I yelled, standing up.

“So what the f**k were you two doing? You smell like each other and of s*x. So what are you? Are you together? And what about Ashlyn?” My father’s voice was laced with disappointment and anger.

“Dad, I f****d up,” I told him, sitting back down. I rested my head in my hands.

“I told you!” Jax growled at me. “You lost our mate. The only thing that she ever asked of us was loyalty, and you couldn’t even give her that!”

“Ian, I thought we were in love?” Nicole looked at me with tears in her blue eyes. She was a year younger than us, so she wouldn’t know who her mate was until her next birthday.

“We were never in love, Nicole. It was s*x. That’s it! I’m sorry you didn’t understand our arrangement.” I angrily told her.

“Son, were you not in a relationship with Ashlyn?” My dad asked.

“I am, Dad, was? I don’t know now.” I told him, frustrated.

“Do you blame her for leaving? I couldn’t imagine how she felt, finding the two of you in bed together. Nicole, you and Ashlyn were friends, best friends. Why would you do that to her?” Beta John asked.

“Daddy, I love Ian. He’s the future Alpha and I’m the Beta’s daughter. I’m supposed to be Luna and his mate.” She told her dad smugly.

“So you slept with your best friend’s boyfriend to be Luna?” We all looked at Nicole, waiting for her to answer her father.

“Yes.” Beta John just shook his head.

“That is not how I raised you.” His voice filled with anger and disappointment.

“But Dadd…..” Nicole whined but was interrupted by her father.

“That’s enough, Nicole.! We will talk about your actions later.”

“And you, son, what is your reason for breaking your mate’s heart?” His disappointment was rolling off my father in waves. I could feel his alpha aura crushing against me.

“Dad, I don’t know how this happened. But I need to go after Ashlyn. I need to fix this.” I tried to plead with him.

“You can’t, son. Ashlyn has already left the territory. She asked to leave, and I granted her permission. I’m not sure where she went or when she’ll be back.” he told me.

“Dad, why the f**k would you do that? You knew she was leaving and instead of letting me go after her, you ordered me to your office?” I yelled out, now standing. I was furious, but more at myself. I was a complete mess.

“She fucken rejected me, Dad!”

“Well now, maybe you’ll learn that you can’t go around hurting the people most loyal to you, who love you unconditionally. We can all see how much she loves you. Did you figure she just wouldn’t find out? Is that what you were hoping for? You must not have known Ashlyn very well to think that she would stand for your disloyalty. She is strong and loving. She would have made the perfect Luna. But you f****d it up. No one else did that for you. Her leaving is all on you.”

“Nicole, let’s go.” Beta John walked over to Nicole and led her out of the office.

“Dad, I need to go after her,” I begged him.

“No, you don’t, son. You need to focus on your own life and you need to make better choices for not only you but for this pack. She isn’t the girl that is going to come running back to you. She should have been your one and only, but you can’t change what you did, son. You can only learn from it and move on. I know the death of your mother was hard, but there is no excuse for what you did.” He said, walking over and gripping my shoulder. “I’m sorry, son. But there is no fixing this. If she wants to come back, she will."

“Can I be excused?”

He nodded, and I left his office. Before I headed over to Ashlyn's, I grabbed my phone. I need to explain. I dialed her number, not even knowing what I was going to say or how I was going to explain any of this. It rang for what felt like forever, my heart pounding in my chest. It finally went to voicemail.

I hung up and ran out of my room, down the stairs, and out of the pack house. I needed to find her. No one was home when I ran to her house. I tried mind-linking her, but she had me blocked. So I texted her.

Me: Please baby. Please let me explain. I need you. I love you. I'm so sorry.

I waited for a response, and, well, I waited. I called her again. It went to voice mail after ringing about five times. I looked to see if she had texted me back. Nothing. I mind-linked to her Uncle Brad. He’s a warrior in the pack.

“Yes, Alpha Ian.”

“Where is Ashlyn?”

“She went to the city with Grace to go shopping. Is everything okay, Alpha?” He asked, concerned. Of course, she would just go shopping. Maybe she just needed to cool down and then she’d be back in a couple of days. I let out a breath.

“Yes, Brad. Thank you.”

Closing the link, I walked back to my house. I tried to call her again, but it went to her voicemail. I knew she must have shut her phone off. I left her a voicemail, anyway.

“Ashlyn, please call me. I love you so much. I know I f****d up, but please let me try to explain. Let me try to fix this."