Addiction

45

James escorted me to some chairs and we sat down. It felt like time was standing still. He leaned toward me and whispered in my ear, "Penny, you're hurting me."

"Oh, geez, sorry." I stopped gripping his hand so tightly. He rubbed his thumb against my palm. The small gesture helped calm me.

He leaned toward me. "Don't worry. The dean likes me. I think everything's going to be fine," he whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me that in the first place?"

"Because I didn't want you to get your hopes up."

"And now?"

"And now I need to believe it's true too." He squeezed my hand.

An older man with salt and pepper hair came out of a room behind the front desk. He took one look at us holding hands and shook his head. He turned and walked back into his office.

James sighed and stood up. He kept his fingers intertwined with mine. We walked together into the dean's office.

The dean was sitting behind his desk. He looked up at us. "Close the door, James." He sounded tired.

James closed the door and we both sat down across the desk from the dean.

The dean sighed deeply and leaned forward in his chair. "Excuse my bluntness, but this is a f*****g mess."

"Joe, it was never my intention for this to happen."

"What, you didn't intend to sleep with your students when you accepted this position? Or you didn't intend for anyone to ever find out?"

"I never intended to sleep with a student. Singular, not plural. And I was going to tell you. I didn't want you to find out this way."

"And we met before I knew he was my professor." I couldn't sit there and say nothing. "And he made it clear that we couldn't fraternize. I refused to listen. It was my fault."

James squeezed my hand hard. He was pissed at me for speaking.

"I take full responsibility for this, Joe," he said calmly.

Joe pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. He looked like he was in pain. "Sorry, what is your name?" he asked and looked at me.

"Penny Taylor."

"Well, Penny, this is not your fault. James is an acting professor at this university. It's his responsibility to uphold the rules." He turned back to James. "We have a code of ethics, which I know you're aware of. Although not explicitly stated, dating a student violates the core values of this institution. What the hell were you thinking? And not only did you fail to disclose this relationship to me, but I had to find out in the damn newspaper." He slammed his fist down on top of his desk where today's newspaper was sitting. "Your ex-wife has made it a point not only to disgrace you but this entire university. It's like a f*****g reality T.V. show."

"Joe..."

"I don't want to hear your excuses. You should have told me, James." He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I know all that stuff your wife said is a lie. But it's going to be hard to convince other professors as well as your students' parents otherwise. They made it seem like you molested her or something." He paused and sighed. "It's a mess. They're pulling me down with you. I've already given my okay to launch an investigation. All your students will have to be interviewed because of the press's allegations, even though no one has openly come forward. And if you're lying about it just being her...if you laid a finger on any other girl...then I recommend you just resign right now, because..."

"It's just Penny."

Joe sighed again. "Well the board has already decided to suspend you during the investigation. That decision is over my head, but I completely agree with them. We may be able to lift your suspension if everything comes back clean after that. But my recommendation is that you two terminate your relationship immediately. This can't go on if you intend to keep working here."

"We're not doing that." James voice was stern.

"Well I don't have any other ideas. We've already had dozens of calls this morning from concerned parents. I have to act or I'll probably be fired next. Stop seeing her and if the interviews with other students show no other instances of misconduct you can keep teaching at this university under a probationary period. If there are no more violations we'll lift the probationary period in six months. And continuing to screw one of your students counts as a violation. So it needs to end. Otherwise we have to let you go."

"Then I guess I resign," James said calmly. He pulled out an envelope from his pocket and put it down on top of the desk. "Here's my letter of resignation." He slid it toward the dean.

"James?" I looked up at him. What the hell is he doing? We hadn't discussed him doing that. When had he written that letter? I hated that he always kept me in the dark. This wasn't the plan. He was supposed to fix it for both of us.

Joe stared at him. "That makes you look guilty of everything people are saying. You'll never get another teaching job."

"I only see two possibilities. I do everything your way, except I keep seeing her in secret, or I quit. And since continuing to work here and keep seeing her seems to be out of the question, I quit."

"Is this really worth ruining your reputation over? The press is already jumping to conclusions. If you resign it'll basically be a confession that you slept with all your female students. It'll look bad on the school too. I need you to say you made a mistake and stop seeing her. Stay out of the news during the investigation. Keep quiet for your six months of probation. That's it. I need this to disappear as soon as possible. Don't screw me on this."

"I don't know what to tell you, Joe. I love her. I'm not doing that."

"You've got to be shitting me."

"I'll have an interview with the press," I interjected.

"Penny," James said. "Please let me handle this." He looked even more pissed at me.

How could he be pissed at me? He had decided to resign without telling me. If anything, I should have been mad at him. "I'll tell them that it was completely consensual. And that I love him. Everyone will calm down. Maybe they won't care if we date then. And you can still conduct the interviews with other students. Everything will come back clean. It will all blow over."

Joe eyed me again. He looked mad at me too. But I could see his mind working.

James shook his head. "No. I don't want her talking to the press. I'm not dragging this out longer than necessary."

"James, let me help you keep your job."

"Enough," he said. He stared into my eyes.

He wanted to protect me. But I needed to protect him too. He loved teaching. I didn't want to be the reason why he had to stop.