Addiction

21

"No. I shouldn't be dating my professor. I don't want to tell them. I'm worried about what they'll think of me."

"Well they seemed to like me okay."

"But you're not my professor."

"Right. Plus I'm super charming. And I saved their only child."

I laughed. "You probably can't do wrong in their eyes now."

"If you say so." He leaned down and kissed me. His kiss was soft and gentle. I put my hand on his chest to stop him. He pulled back and looked at me. I could feel the tears start to fall down my cheeks.

"You're right, Penny. You shouldn't be dating your professor." He wiped my tears away with his hand.

I stared up at him. He was right. Of course he was right. I shouldn't be dating my professor. I thought about how upset my parents looked when I woke up. They'd be ashamed of me. Am I ashamed of myself? I should be with someone nice like Brendan. Or Tyler. But none of that mattered. Because I was in love with Professor Hunter. I loved him despite everything.

"Get some rest, Penny."

Sunday

When I woke up I turned toward Brendan, but he was gone. In his place was my cell phone and the envelope from Professor Hunter. There was a note on top.

Penny,

I've given you my two cents. You have my number. I hope to hear from you soon.

-Brendan

I put my fingers between my eyes and squeezed to help diminish my headache. I leaned back down against my pillow and looked at his note again. Brendan was right. I knew he was right. I had always known that I shouldn't be with Professor Hunter. But I wanted to be. I needed to be. If he really still felt the same way about me, then there was no choice to make. It was always going to be him.

I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 2 a.m. Professor Hunter would be asleep. I picked up my phone. I had two missed calls from him, but no voicemails. I clicked on his name. He had shown me his divorce papers, but his wife still hadn't signed them. Maybe we just needed to take a break until it was official. If it was love, time wouldn't matter. We could wait until it was right.

I typed out a text to him. "Are you up?"

His reply came almost immediately. "Yes."

Me: "Can we talk?"

James: "I'll come get you. Are you in your dorm?"

Me: "We can talk on the phone. Call me."

James: "I want to see you."

I bit my lip. I didn't want him to know I was in the hospital. He already felt bad enough about what had happened. He couldn't come here anyway. I was pretty sure visiting hours were over.

Me: "Let's just wait until the morning. I'm actually pretty tired."

James: "Penny, where are you?"

I swallowed hard and responded: "Please don't freak out."

James: "Where are you?"

I sighed and let my head sink back into the pillow. "I'm in the hospital."

James: "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Me: "I think visiting hours are over."

I waited a few minutes for a response but none came. I rolled onto my side and put my phone back down on the bed. They weren't going to let him up. Just in case, I folded up the note from Brendan and slipped it into the envelope that Professor Hunter had given me.

I was just drifting asleep again when the door opened. Professor Hunter was standing there in jeans and a zip up hoodie. He wasn't wearing a shirt underneath his hoodie and I could see his muscular chest. He closed the door and made his way over to me without saying a word. He kicked off his shoes as he looked down at me.

I couldn't read his emotion. Worried. Angry maybe. Lost.

He lifted the sheet on my bed and climbed in next to me.

"James," I whispered. I tried to hold back my tears. It was so good to see him.

He wrapped his arms around me. "I shouldn't have let you leave." He kissed my forehead.

"I didn't give you much of a choice."

"No, you didn't." He kissed my forehead again. "How long have you been here?"

"We can talk in the morning." I didn't want to tell him that we needed to wait. I wanted him to hold me like this forever. Being in his arms was my favorite thing in the world.

"How long, Penny?"

"Since this afternoon I guess. Not long after I left your place. I passed out on Main Street."

"And someone found you?"

"Brendan." He pulled back from me slightly.

"I'll have to thank him."

"How did you get up here?" I didn't want to talk about Brendan with Professor Hunter. I didn't want him to get angry again.

"Having money has its advantages."

"You bribed the hospital staff?"

"I didn't say that."

I looked into his eyes. "I'm glad that you're here." I was quiet for a minute as I stared at him. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Even though you're not nervous around me anymore, you still like to apologize for things you haven't done." He smiled at me.

"You still make me nervous."

He lowered his eyebrows slightly. "Why?"

"You're so hot and cold. I never know how you're going to react to things. It's unsettling. And confusing."

"There's nothing to be confused about anymore. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." He placed a gentle kiss against my lips.

I wanted to cry all over again. I was so sure that I wanted to wait. The plan was to put the brakes on for awhile. But now that he was here, I couldn't think straight. He was caring, and kind, and sincere. I pulled back from his kiss. His face was shadowed in the dark room so I couldn't see his expression. But I could still make out his black eye. I could feel his heart beating underneath my hand and it was beating so fast.

"Do I make you nervous too?" I asked.

"Sometimes. I'm nervous right now."

"Why?" I rubbed my hand against the scruff on his cheek.

"You left me today because you needed time to think over things." He pulled my hand off his face and kissed my palm. "And I can't tell what you're thinking." He turned my hand over and kissed each of my knuckles. "I don't know what you've decided."

"I opened my present."

"And?"

"You've never opened up to me like that before."

"I want to be able to give you what you need, Penny."