The Alpha's Nerd.

12. I Break You.

Arabelle's Pov:

What do you feel right now?  A simple question, yet hard to comprehend right? Everyone has different thoughts on this. Some run away, some embrace it some don't know what they feel, some don't want feel it anymore. Do you feel scared ? Do you feel angry? Do you feel betrayed? Or do you feel happy? Content ? Blissful? 

Some don't know, what they feel anymore. We break a thousand times, a million times, but yet we feel nothing. We are numb. 

Sometimes we feel everything at once, the smallest intensity of any emotion, either uplifts us or breaks us. 

I think it depends on what you choose to feel, in the moment and how you feel it. We choose to create a wall, round ourselves to see who cares just enough to break it down, or to give a hand when you are alone. I guess in the end, its all about that one person who chooses to be beside you, when everything is a blur, when you want it to stop. I think that person matters the most, but we are blinded by attention, so much so that we crave it from people that don't deserve it. 

How satisfying it is to hear someone to say 'I need you', to say that 'I'm here for you', 'I will protect you'

How satisfying is it to be needed...

We choose to ignore  what we feel, to protect ourselves. But what if that protection, that mask that we hide our true selves behind, destroys us?

Like Shakespeare says to be or not to be?

What do I choose:

To feel nothing or everything at once?

Or will both destroy me beyond repair?  

And just like that I break, by choosing not my happiness but pain. 

I choose that I'm not worthy of being loved.

Kellan's Pov:

They say the night is the absolute darkest when dawn is approaching right? That's how I felt. It's unbelievable right, how our world shifts in a flat second like everything is upside down and you can't turn back from it? 

As usual I was waiting for Ara to come to class. She walked in her face down, she did not even look at me no smile, her eyes cast down. 

Sometimes silence speaks a thousand words, whilst not uttering a word. While silence may be comforting,  this silence is shattering in the same way. 

Time skip:

Towards the end of class I had enough.  The silence was killing me. So I stopped, took a deep breath and stopped her. 

"Ms. Crasto a moment please?"

She turned, her eyes sad. 

"Sorry Sir I need to leave."

I took her wrist and pulled her towards me, engulfing her in a hug. We sometimes seem to misjudge the power, that even the smallest of gestures hold over us. That hug was a desperate sign of love and need. That hug were the words, we couldn't tell each other. The broken pieces in me, pieced back together as a whole. I felt complete in the moment, she was beside me. I felt at peace, with her in my arms. Time had stopped and the two of us together felt right. The moment itself, was beyond words.

"I'm not worthy of you." She said and my heart broke into a million pieces. 

"I'm neither worthy of you, nor your love." She said again with her head against my chest and tears in those beautiful eyes.

I held her close not willing to let go.

"Why? Why now?" 

"Its always been there. I'm damaged I'm broken. "

"I don't care about that."

"It is I that is not worthy of you." I said in anger desperation and pain of seeing the one I loved in this  state. 

"You are worthy of everything in this world. You are everything I wished for when I thought I would fall in love. "

"You gave me hope strength comfort true happiness and a love so pure so true that my heart aches."

"I didnt too but then I fell in love with you." 

"Don't leave me." 

"If I stay Ill break you more. "

"You won't."

"I love you Kellan and a lifetime is not enough for that kind of love."

I would rather break, whilst being in love with her, than shatter without her. 

She left not turning back and saying a goodbye that killed me....