Fated Mates: The Fae

Ronan: Chapter Three

Ronan

Sleep was hard for me when my mind wouldn't stop running. My parents always had a hard time getting me to bed when I was younger because I always overthought the monster in the closet situation.

If he wasn't in the closet or under the bed, then why in the hell could I still feel him? Who would have thought that the actual monster was my mind itself?

I paced my bedroom in the apartment and looked at my empty, rumpled bed where I attempted to sleep for half an hour. I could hear Leif's snores from down the hall and usually that would help lull me to sleep. But not tonight.

I kept thinking of the packet that Leif and I never got around to talking about. Sure, we were busy making out and touching each other, but I had a feeling he didn't want to discuss the guillotine hanging over our relationship.

It was for that reason that we didn't share a room. Which sucked because I wouldn't mind snuggling up against him. But I made the rule and I was sticking to it. After Evie, I couldn't help but think of stepping back from the budding seriousness of Leif and my relationship.

It was so easy for her to forget about me and I didn't what happened to me to happen to Leif. He was the most important person in my life and I was doomed to hurt him no matter what. The only solace I had was that he would have someone to comfort. Or maybe just s*x. But it didn't matter. I couldn't be the villain in his story. So I kept him at arm's length even when I could see how much it hurt him.

It could get worse and I knew that. I growl and run a hand through my hair, pulling at it to feel the prickles of pain on my scalp. It did nothing to help with my growing anxiety. Nothing would.

I walked to my bedroom door and opened it slowly, cursing the squeaky hinges. I stepped out of the room and into the living room where Leif left his backpack next to mine.

I found the heavy packet in there and felt my heart thump roughly against my ribcage. I sat at the bar in the kitchen with the packet and began flipping through it, snorting a soft laugh at the artwork Leif did on Ivy Hightower's face.

On some pages, I began noticing small stars on the corners drawn in pencil. My gut dropped as I continued thumbing through the packet, counting all of the stars.

Twenty. There were twenty women that Leif had chosen. My heart sinks as I stare at the woman in the very back of the packet.

I furrow my eyebrows at the mouse of a girl and begin studying her power rankings compared to Leif's.

I flipped through all of the pages with stars and scowled at the women he chose. I wasn't a snob or anything but none of these women were even remotely Leif's type. And one of them even had a giant mole on her face. Like dead center. Like I wasn't judging but...what the f*ck?

And they were all lower ranking. Something about the women he chose didn't sit right with me. Okay, no one was going to sit right with me, but he could have chosen some better ones.

I growl at myself for even caring. This wasn't going to be my life but how could he be so careless about his?

I flipped back to the front, skipped Ivy's page, and looked at the next highest rank of our class. Amethyst.

I got up quickly and ran to my bag and grabbed a notebook.

I began writing down girls I thought would make a good match with him. Someone who might treat him well and make him happy. Not that I could tell from the ones I didn't know. But I chose the ones that looked nice. Not c*nts like Ivy.

I didn't even consider the power ranking since he didn't seem to mind low-ranking women. I just looked at them and tried to discern which woman looked like she could rock his world and make him good food. Like Momma D.

It wasn't long before I had around forty girls on my list for Leif. None of the girls he chose made my list, but it was fine. He had six months before he had to turn in his final list.

I then went through my list of girls and began going through their power ranks when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I growled and turned quickly, my claws out and ready.

Leif rubbed his eyes with his fists, unaffected by my reaction, and yawned.

"What are you doing?"

I turn to my papers strewn across the bar and wince. "I...I was curious. I saw your girls and dude...did you even look at them?"

He scowls and rolls his eyes. "What does it matter, Ro? It's three in the f*cking morning and we have Earth Element class at six."

I swipe a hand over my face and shrug. "You didn't look at the ones you chose, Leif. It's like you just jumped to the end of every region and picked the last ones."

He smiles, his lip rings pulling at the corner of his lips. "That's exactly what I did."

"Why?"

He scoffs and walks to the fridge and grabs the water jug. "What does it even matter to you? You hate this as much as I do."

I sigh and sit down and look at my list. He was right. This was one of the disgusting parts of the Fae. But...he had to do it. He was going to have to choose and he needed to choose the right woman he was going to have to be tied to for the rest of his life.

"You'll be stuck with her for the rest of your life. Doesn't it matter to you who that is?"

Leif shrugs and leans against the counter. His chest is bare and he's in a pair of neon yellow boxers that sit low on his hips. It's kind of distracting, but this is important. So I stop looking at his abs and the v that creeps down to his...

I snap my eyes away and look down at the page.

"It's not you, so no. It doesn't matter. " He says bitterly

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Leif."

"No," He snaps. "Ro, it doesn't matter who I choose because I will never love anyone more than I love you. You always try to shy away from these conversations, but you already know the truth. None of those women will be enough. So I don't care."

I rub my tired eyes and glance up at him "I do. I...I want you to be happy. I want you to have someone that will be there for you."

"When what? When you forget about me when your wolfy little mate shows up?"

I grit my teeth and glare at him. "I will never forget about you."

He scoffs and shakes his head. "Yeah, just like your lifelong friend Evelyn didn't forget all about you?"

I growl and stand up. The bar separates us but it wouldn't be hard to jump across it and punch him if he kept on with his line of thinking.

"She never loved me and you know it. It was lust, plain and simple. She loved Wyatt. Just him. I was her second and only choice after he got with Madison."

He shakes his head and crinkles his nose. "And that's what I'll be soon enough, Ro. That's why you're sitting here scribbling down names that won't mean a f*ck to me. Hell, you're itching to get out of here! You hate being here and it would make it easier for you to leave me behind if you knew I was with some pretty little thing that you deem good enough for me."

I ball my fists and feel my body tremble with anger. "You think I'm enjoying this? Do you think I want to leave you? Yeah, I want to leave this place but I can't take you with me. If that were the case I'd help you pack up your apartment right now so you could come home with me and neither of us would set foot in this place again. But you can't."

He closes his eyes and rubs his face. "I know. I just...don't pretend you're in here for my benefit."

"I am! I am sitting here rifling through these damn profiles because you won't! You're going to throw your life away just because I can't be the one you marry and I'm not letting that happen!"

Leif groans and rubs his eyes. "I don't...You promise you won't forget me? You promise when you find your girl that we can still be something?"

My chest aches and I sit back down. I can't make him any promises. I hate that I can't. Because I don't know how it's going to be. I don't know if what happened to me and Evie won't happen to Leif and I.

When I don't say anything, Leif gives a small laugh and slams his glass down on the bar in front of me. "That's what I thought."

He marches out of the kitchen to his bedroom and I flinch as the door slams. We hardly fought. It was a rare occurrence I f*cking hated it.

At this moment I wished I could have stripped out of my clothes and transform. I wish I could have run through the woods to try and forget the look of betrayal in his eyes. As if it has already happened.

I don't know what to do or say. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I lay my head on the table and think of how I can make it up to him. Because I can't do this arguing sh*t. I feel like we only have a limited amount of time and I don't want to spend it fighting over f*cking girls.

I must have fallen asleep because I wake with a jerk when I feel a tap on my shoulder. One of my pages from last night sticks to my forehead and I groan, feeling my late night.

The aroma of coffee is heavy and I groan with need.

A mug is pushed in front of me and I look up. Leif is stoic as he stands at the same spot he did last night, nursing a mug of his own, fully dressed and looking too f*cking edible for it being so early.

"Thanks," I mumble as I sit up and take a sip. It burns my tongue but I'm so tired I don't even care.

"No problem."

I drain my cup and then run to my bedroom to wash off and change.

Once in Leif's car I take a deep breath at the obvious tension in the car. "I'm sorry. I overstepped."

He smiles, the pompous jerk, and nods. I know he can hear the half truth of my apology "It's alright. You're right. I do need to take this more seriously."

I nod and take a deep breath. "I love you."

He squeezes the steering wheel and swallows hard.

"I love you too."

The truth of his words make me ache in so many different ways but I know in my heart that I would take the ache for as long as I could before things start to change between us.