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When I was a kid, I believed in fairytales. That Peter Pan exists, that Shreek and Fiona is living in a far away land. But it all gone when my Grandmother died.

I was just a new born baby when my mom left me in my grandma, because I am a mistake.

My mom is a married woman to a tycoon, and has a son and daughter when she had me, and my biological father is just a newly wed when they made a mistake.

At an early age, I know where I stand for the both of my parents, and I understand that. My grandma makes me understand everything. She gave me all her love to fill gap that my parents can't give. She won't have to, but she did anyways. And I'm very thankful, beyond bless at that.

But now that she's gone I had to take care of myself, not that I did'nt took care of myself back then, it's just that, I have no one by my side now. But it's ok. I'm ok.

I have to go on with my life. I love my life. And I am still blessed enough, because both of my parents supports me financially. My father would always makes sure that my account is full, same as my mom. I'm contented of that. I won't ask for more. I should'nt be.

Well, now that I'm alone in this big house. I feel so alone, but I need to get use to it. I have to go on with my life. I need to study hard, very hard. Not that my parents care, but I need to study hard for my future. Yeah for my future.

It's been a long day at school and I have a bunch of assignments to do.

I am in a middle of doing my assignments when my dad called and informs me that I need to go at their house for a dinner.

Well this is not new to me to be honest, I am used of him calling me in a rush, informing me that I need to attend their family dinner. And when I say family dinner, the relatives of my dad's and his wife. Well I don't know what's up, but yeah i should go.

I am just wearing a simple plain baby pink dress. It's not that I can attract attrention when I wore a very fassionate dress, but I'm not that comfortable wearing one. And no one's gonna notice that i exist in their. So why gonna go there? Well free meal. Free meal means I don't need to cook and wash dishes.

It was exactly 7 o'clock p.m. when I arrived. And everyone's doing their things, the older one's talking about businesses, those my age were.. well I don't know they're just scattered around. There are about 50 person's in here, So much for my expectation. Well I guess it's not that simple dinner huh?

I was about to go and say hello to dad when I bump to my half brother Enzo. I'm a 6 month older than him

"Oh V how are you? Never seen you for... a month or two?" Enzo who's counting on his fingers while looking upwards. It was a cute gestures of him, it makes me adore him and I want to squish him.

" Yeah it's been a while.. I'm good" I smiled akwardly and looking down at my shoes. Does'nt know how to interact.

"Are you looking for dad?" He ask while his eyes were wondering around, looking where our dad. I just nod.

"Oh there he is, come on I'll go with you" and he grabs my hand, pulling me towards where our dad is. I'm aware that their relatives were looking at us so I am just looking down, afraid to make eye contact with anyone.

"Dad, Vien's here" Enzo exclaimed when we near our dad, to get his attention because dad's talking to his brother and his wife's brother. So I'm so shy right now. Didn't know what to say.

"Hi dad... Hmm uncle" I say akwardly to dad and uncle and bow my head a little to greet Enzo's uncle to give my respect.

"V finally you're here. I didn't able yo see you after your gradma died" Dad says and give me a kiss on cheeks and tap my back I just smile a little and nod.

"Gentleman please excuse us, I need to catch up with my daughter" Dad excuses us and I just followed him together with Enzo. We're heading to their living room, from where his wife is.

"Good evening Tita" me as we approached tita Olivia and I gave her a kiss

"Good evening V, how are you?" Tita Olivia as she hold's my both hands

I'm still very thankful that my dad's wife is very loving and super nice to me. Tita Olivia didn't accept me at first. I understand, it's never been easy for her to accept me and I will still understand if she will never be, but she's a very very nice, loving and understanding person. My dad is so lucky to have her and I'm still wondering why my dad... Never mind

"I'm good tita" I smiled at her a genuine one

"Did you eat already?" She ask

"Not yet tita, I just got arrived" I answer

"Ok, come on I'll send you to the dinning" But before Tita Olivia could drag me towards kitchen, Enzo interups.

" I'll go with her mom, I didn't able to eat earlier. You two should go and entertain our guests" Enzo and push his both parents out of the living room.

" Ok ok. We'll go. Take care of your sister" Dad while laughing at his sons action

" I will always dad. Don't worry" I chuckled at the scene. They're perfect and happy family . It makes me mad at myself. I'm still wondering why dad... Never mind

After he sends them out, he grabs me again pushed me towards kitchen

"Oldies gone, come on let's go, I'm starving to death" he exaggeratedly exclaimed, I laugh at that.

While Enzo and I were eating and catching up, someone taps his back

"Enz bro" makes a fist bump

"Daniel bro! I didn't know you were coming! I thought you're still in Korea" Enzo who was surpriced

"Yeah yeah, I just came back yesterday" Daniel his best friend. I was just there eating my oh so delicious dinner. Never expecting to be noticed.

" Vien? How are you? It's been a while?" Dan with that usual smirk on his face. And what else I'm good at? Nod, I just nod. We're not already close so yeah

Daniel was actually popular in Korea because his a trainee from one of the big compmanies there. And I heard that his debut together with his group were actually has a date already, I just don't know when.

" How are you?" Dan, still not contended with just a nod

"I'm good" and I smiled a little. I can't stand to hold his gaze.

"You guys talk first, I'm going to meet my girl outside" Enzo, then taps Dan's back and he whispers something to him before he kissed my head and left.

It was a long silent before he decided to speak

" I missed you V" he whispered that I didn't alsmost hear

" Well how's training? I know it's hard but I think it would be worth it" I stopped for a while and continues when I didn't hear a respond from him

" It's your dream" then I looked at him. His head was down, his hair was covering his eyes.

" It's our dream" he whispers again a little bit shaky

" I forgot about it already... but I'm happy for you" I said looking at my unfinished food

" I missed you so much V, I'm so sorry" He said, Now I confirmed that he's crying

I can't find myself to respont at that statement, So I just stand from my chair and was about to go, but he grabs my hand, holding it so hard that it hurts.

"V please, let's go back from what we are before" he pleads but I guess I was born to be like this hurting people that is very close to my heart

" We can never go back from what we had before Dan, we already grown-up in a separate ways. You choose your path, I already have mine too. Let's just move on and be happy"

I said in a very firm and final tone.

He loosen his grip but didn't let go of my hand so I just take my hand back and walked out.

I didn't able to say goodbye to my dad and his wife. I just texted him and Enz when I got home to say that I don't feel well.

Not a lot of people know me even in school, not that my schoolmates and classmates wants to know something about me or curious about me but yeah, I am unknown, I don't even have friends, I wish I have but I am too scared.

Dan was my very first friend. I am a very distant person to anybody, when I felt someone was about to attached to me, I would walk away. Beacause I am too scared to hurt them.

I witnessed how my very loving grandma hurt because of me. She's hurting to see me hurt so I tried my very best to hide my emotions and feelings, I heared how much Tita Olivia suffered from pain when she found out about me, I heard how my mother's husband hurt my mom when I'm still in her womb, I witnessed how my mom's childrens loothed her and me, for just being born, When we were just a kid I witnessed how my very loving brother hurt because dad and his wife gave me some attention, and I witnessed how my very first friend hurting because of me.

So can you blame me? Yes of course. I am the only one who should blame. From all of their sufferings.

I was very wrong to accept the friendship Dan offers me. I should have known better. I was too naive to realize that he has feelings for me, that I'm the one why he can't pursue his dreams, because he doesn't want to leave me.

I was once dream to become a singer, and so he is. I told him my every secrets and he tells me his too and it feels so good to have someone who listens to you. We both love music, he loves to perform so much. He gave me so much courage, that if there's an opportunity? I will definitely grab it.

But when that opportunity came, I can't go because my beloved grandma was very sick, I can't leave her alone. She's the only one that I have. So Dan decided to be with me. I got mad at first but relieved at the same time. Because all of them were busy, dad and enzo and I can't rely to my mom because her mother died and she's hurting. I don't want to be a burden. So I'm thankful because Dan was with me.

But then he decided to confessed his feelings for me and I got mad for being the reason why he can't pursue his dreams, so I pushed him away.

If ever I would given a chance to go back? To change everything? I would still do the same. Because look at him now, his out of reach. He is now one step closer to his dream. And it makes me so proud of him. And to make him continue pursuing his dreams? I still need to push him away. Even if it hurts me a lot and I could hurt him too. It will be all worth it at the end.

We are still young. I'm positive that he could definitely find someone else whose deserving for his love, not for someone like me who have so much baggage in life. Because he deserves happiness in life.

It's been a week since Dan and I talked. I heard from Enz that he got back to Korea after that night, for that thier debut is nearing, I think it's already sched next week.

And I just continued with my life. My days, month and years has been so hectic for me. I'ved been so very busy with my studies those years because I don't want to think of something else so I make myself busy and I'm graduating, and I have a lot on my plate.

And now I'm on my 3rd year course of photography. At first after I graduate from my senior year, I don't know what course should I take.

I'ved been torn of taking nursing or tourism. But after my mom gave me a camera for my 18th birthday, which is I celebrated 3 years ago with just Enzo. I don't usually celebrate my birthday, so it's fine.

It made me love photography. It makes me realize how important the moment is. The feelings you felt for that certain situation or moment. It makes me realize to capture that moment so it would last longer, that if you look at that photograph, its nostalgic.

After a years of studying photography, I could say that I excel with it. I've got a lot of offers from different events from different cities, even if I'm still studying. And I enjoyed it a lot. It makes me forget. And I earned my confidence to socialize with other people. Step by step I learned how to love myself and know my self worth.

I also gain some people who I can get along with. Because this path that I choose requires social. I think it's unfair for these people that they referred me as they friend but, for me being called friend has a deep more meaning.

" Vien! are you free this friday? It's my brother's Jay birthday and I he needs your help" Franz, one of my people and classmate

" I don't think I can go Franz, I have a lot of deadlines to finish. I'm sorry" I said.

We're heading to our next subject

" Please Vien. Just show up, you're not going there to photograph. You know that Jay's into you, right?" She pleads with both hands clasps together

" Franz stop that, I'm not a saint" I joked beacause of her hand.

" I know your not. But my brother is bended to his knees praising you. Saint Vien of Jay please go his birthday" she says while looking upwards still with hands clasp together. I laugh at that

" Okay okay. I'll go, but Franz I am just going because of you. I'm not interested of having a relationship" I said frankly before we entered to our classroom.

" I know I know. We just have a deal that if I made you come to his celebration, we will do whatever I want for a week hahaha"

"Oh my gosh Franz. You... Whatever haha"

I'm aware that Jay is hitting on me. His ahead and a year older than me. But like what I said I'm not interested in any relationship. I don't want to go beacause I don't want to get his hope's high. I'll just show up. I won't get long.

Friday's come and I'm just wearing my usual clothes when attending a party. I was informed that it's a pool party so. I wear my baby pink backless crop satin silk tank top and white skirt, I tied my long wavy hair in a messy bun and just wear a simple single strap 2 inch heels.

For the past years and meeting other people I have learned how to blend. And you would just able to blend if you got to get their tastes and standards.

When I arrived there are so many people who greets me. So far away of who I am before.

I don't know if it's good or bad.

" Oh my gosh Vien! You look so... Hot!" Franz when she saw me and kiss my cheeks.

" So are you" and I wink she giggled.

" Come on Jay's been so p***y and bitchy. He thought you're not coming" and she drags me to where his brother is.

" Brother dear~ I have a surprice~..... Tadaaa" Franz who's I think is a litlle bit of tipsy

" Happy birthday Jay... Here" I greet and gave my gift for him

" I.. I thought you're not coming.. Th- thank you" said the birthday boy and shyly gets my gift blushing, I find it cute

" Franz made me actually. Threaten me that she hold's my family's life.. so yeah. Have a happiest day" I said jokingly

" You just made my day Vien. Thank you so much for coming" Jay

" You guys. I'll leave you two alone" Franz and she dance away

I don't know why Jay is being like this. I mean usually when we're together alone, he's cocky and all but now his shy. For all this time I know that he has feelings for me but he never really said it out loud. I mean he never really confess his feelings for me. I wasn't assuming and all but I wasn't naive either. I wasn't that naive - naive as before.

" So how'd you think the party?" He ask that makes me laugh a little

" Hey hey why are you laughing?" He also laugh

" Nothing, I just find you cute" I said and he makes him blush more so laugh more

" You find me cute huh? I find you beautiful too. We're perfect then?" He said and find my hands to hold.

" I like you Vien. It may sounds cliche but the first time that I meet you, you makes me so attracted to you. It makes me excited every time I hear your name. It makes me so crazy everytime I see you" He confessed and I don't know what to do.

I didn't expected it to be like this. I roamed my eyes around and found the people around us watching and smiling.

" Vien" Jay and hods my chin for me to look in his eyes

" Will you be my girlfriend?" He says, eyes are hopeful, almost teary. And every one is cheering and shouting yes.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to make him feel embarrassed with these people around. So I hugged him and whispered

" Can you give me more time to think?" I whispered gently. He hugged me back

" Of course Vien. I'm willing to wait" he whispered back.

I know that it may look like I answer him with what I did, so the audience applaud and cheered.

" Thank you" I whispered back and gets off the hug

Now that it's done I feel so awkward. Sometimes I doubt my own decisions in life. All my life no one has ever guided me for whatever decision I make. So now, I have been doubting myself for every decissions I'm making. Just like now, would it have any difference if say my answer now or later to Jay?

Would my feelings could change if I go out with him? But I have been known him for a quite long time now and know how he feels towards me. Would it be have a difference now that he confessed?

" What are you thinking?" He ask while we are drinking, red cups of our hands. Watching others doing their thing, dancing, playing others are making out. Funny how I get used to it now.

" Nothing... Well I'm just thinking that we already know each other for a quite long time now and I'm sorting out my feelings" I answered honestly and look at him. He didn't say a word, waiting for whatever what I'm going to say.

" And I think... All I could give you is friendship" I continued

" You know that I never offered friendship with anyone right? Your sister is not excepted either"

" Was it you're way of rejecting me?" He ask and look at me for a while and looks away

" You don't have to feel sorry for me Vien, and offers friendship. You really don't have to offer me a friendship just beacause you feel guilty" He says and I can almost taste the bitterness of it

" No Jay, I mean it... I was once offered friendship.. He is the very first person that I gave permission to enter my life.. but I was so emotional as a kid.. I can't sort my feelings.. and it's very complicated back then so pushed him away" I felt my heart aches whenever I go back to that memory.

" Is that's why you're scared? To make other people enter your life?" He ask calmer now. I just nod and smiled a little

" That's not always the case when you make other people enter your life Vien"

" I know that now. That I wish, that I realized it sooner" I said

" Do you regret that you pushed him away?" He ask that makes me look at him

" No.. I don't regret it a bit.. It was all worth it" I answer.

" So..." He gets up

" Friends?" He offers his hand to me and smiled. I accepted his hand and gets up

" Friends".

That is how my night ended. After that conversation, we danced and talked about lighter things like nothing happened. He gets back to that cocky Jay that I know. And I'm glad that I can call him my friend now. I feel lighter also. It is also feels good that I did opened him someting about my past.

The next morning, I woke up late but it's fine. I have nothing to do anyways. I'm watching some korean drama when I got bored and found nothing on my ref so I get myself out to grocery. I barely touch the money my parents sents me for allowance since I started to get some part time from photography. Even when I ask them to just pay for my school they're still sending allowance on my account.

And speaking of part time. I have some big event to attend tomorrow together with Jay, Franz and their friends. Usually when it's small event it's just me or with Franz but tomorrow is kinda big because it's a wedding and not just a simple wedding. It's a wedding of one of the very popular actress here in the Philippines. We already covered their prenup photos and engagement.

And their is a lot of other celebrities, politicians and businessmans going and My father and Enzo's coming, I'm not just sure with my mother and his husband, so yeah. I'm kinda nervous and excited at the same time.

After 3 hours of doing a grocery. I find myself so exhausted and I noted for the ninth time of myself that I need to list what I'm going to buy before I'll do my grocery. And I almost hit my head because I forgot to buy a take out food. Gooosh I'm starving to death. So what I did is to cook an instant noodles. And back to watching korean drama again.

Jay and I was texting frequently. Updating whatever we are doing. It was kinda tiring and boring. So I just checked up my camera and all that I'm going to need for the shoot tomorrow.

It was just 5 a.m when I left my house. Jay and Franz offered to pick me up but I find it hassle for the both of us. I can drive you know. And I have a lot things so yeah. I have my own car, it was a gift of my father on my first year of college, service he says.

We all got so busy after we arrived at the venue. It was a one way wedding. I sets up my camera and capturing every possible moment for this memorable event. I captured every smile, laught and tears of the visitors specially the the bride and the groom. I wanted to make the couple feel whatever they felt for this moment when they look at these pictures in the future.

I was overwhelmed and thrilled at the same time. When I'm looking at bride with my lens, she looks so happy. It makes me want to get married too. I never imagined myself wishing to get married in the future but after I look into the bride, I envied her.

But set aside that thought. I need to focus. When I moved my camera, eyes still on the lens. I saw Jay very focused of what he's doing, videoing. I took some pictures of him for my personal collection. I smiled

Then he found my eyes and he smiled too and sends a flying kiss. I think I blushed at that because some of the guests saw what he did.

I laugh a little and looks away, smile still plastered on my face, and continued capturing more but I saw someone in the crowd who's I thought I could never see again.

There are a lot questions on my mind. What is he doing here? He's not busy? I mean he's now very popular all over the world. His group is very in demand. They're touring non stop since the day of their debut.

I can't get myself to look away. I have mixed emotions right now. I just realize that the camera was still on my eyes when my camera gets off, I'm out of battery. I need to change my batt. My extra batteries were at my car

" Franz, I'll be back. Batteries out" I informed Franz and just nod cause she's also busy, so I just run. Putting aside what I just saw earlier.

When I got into my car, I breathe in, filling my lungs and breath out. My mind still clouded of his presence. What is he doing here? That is what my mind could only process. So I relaxed myself and drinks water while my hands were at the hood of the car facing the other side of the venue

Maybe I just mistook someone as him. Yeah he could never be here. He's a big now. It's impossible that the crowd didn't recognize and flock around him. It's impossible that the media and paparazzi is still silent.

Then it hits me. Right it is not impossible since the bride and groom is both celebrities and very popular too. And the media's not invited. It maybe has a lot of guess but it's still intimate.

" Why is that you like saw a ghost or something?" Someone talks at my back. And I am very familiar with that deep manly voice

I turned around and saw Daniel.

I was about to say something but I can't utter a word, and all I can do is to notice the changes of his appearance. His face was so matured now and so manly. There is no doubt why he attracts any gender and in any age. I miss him so much.

" I.. wasn't able to recognize you.. and I didn't thought that you are.. you know you're a very known.. i mean-" he cut me because I can't seem to process what I wanted to say

" Yeah I'm very famous now and it's all thanks to you" he said that I can sense a little bit of sarcasm. And I can't find a word to answer him. I already practiced what I am going to say to the moment we could meet again but I didn't expect it to be like this

" I'm so- " He cuts me again

" It's good that I saw you here. I want say thank you for pushing me away. If it wasn't you I'll never gonna be who I am today" And with that he turns his back to me

" I'm so sorry Dan. I miss you so much. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry if I can only see my pain back then. But I'd still do the same if I'ved given a chance to go back" I whispered while his walking away not intending to make him hear.

I didn't realize that I'm already crying. My heart aches so much because I know that I could never ever go back for what we have before. His now on the top. It is still a previlage to talk to him. I wasted again my chance to talk to him and say my sorry.

Maybe it is nothing to him already, of course who am I kidding? He's moved on. And I'm not. For years I kept it to myself, doesn't want to recognize what I really felt for him, but I know what it is. This is why I can't give my answer to Jay. Because it is always Dan. I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurts.

Life is a repeatition of decissions and regrets. To live is a long life journey. You have to keep going and moving forward. That is what I have learned for all of my experience. We always given a chance to fix our decisions but just like what in the song says 'but people are people are, and sometimes it doesn't work out… nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out'

" If you love the person, you should told him what you feel"