Love & Fear | Book Two

Two

I watched as my mother's face went from pure joy to worry within a split second. I hated it when she worried. Biting my lip, I motioned towards the living room where we sat next to each other on the leather loveseat.

"What's wrong Loretta?" My mom asked, her blue eyes, which were usually a light blue color were now a blue-gray further confirming she was now overwhelmed with worry for her only daughter. I shut my eyes, silently begging any God that was there to stop my mother's pain and hoped that I wasn't a burden. "Honey, please tell me what's wrong."

"Mom, I-" My voice broke as I stared ahead of me, not wanting to see the worry written on my mother's face, "I'm afraid of the ocean."

"What?"

Clenching my jaw, I faced her, "Do you remember when I was seventeen and Greyson and I went out on the boat with his best friend?" I asked, trying to stop my hands from shaking as the memory flashed before my eyes.

"Yes, what about it?"

"I almost drowned that afternoon." I stated plainly, "I tripped while I was putting my lifejacket on and I fell off the dock and into the water. The water was too deep and cold. I remember my hair floating around me as I struggled to hold my breath. I was never a very good swimmer bit somehow I had let go of the life jacket and I was stuck, unable to reach the surface and i-"

I hadn't realized I was crying until a sob escaped my lips. Burying my face in my hands, I tried to control my emotions as I remembered that afternoon so vividly. Greyson dove in after me just as my heart began to slow and then everything was black. And then I woke up, coughing up the water that trapped me, gasping for oxygen and fearing for my life.

I never did go back in the water.

"Oh honey!" Mom exclaimed, wrapping her arms around me as I cried, "It's okay, you're alright." She cooed, stroking my hair as I cried into her shoulder. My therapist said I was ready but I never thought I would react this way. I can only imagine what it will be like when I see the ocean again after six years.

"I've missed you guys so much but I couldn't come back here. The water, it was just too much." My voice breaking again as I tried to wipe my tear streaked face, my nose beginning to run. "I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to be a burden, that's why I couldn't tell you what happened. I was afraid."

"Oh sweet heart, you have nothing to be sorry about. And you will never be a burden. I love you whether you are afraid of the ocean or you want to stay away from it. But I am proud of you for the anting to face your fears and being honest with me about what happened." She said, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear as she looked me on the eyes, "Have you gone to a therapist?"

I nodded, grabbing a tissue and blowing my nose, "I have, she suggested that I speak to my family about my fears and that I needed to take steps towards seeing the ocean again. Maybe not all at once, but baby steps. She thinks I'm ready but I'm not so sure myself."

I watched as mom nodded in understanding just as everyone made their was from the back porch and into the dining room. Wiping my face quickly so that no-one would see that I had been crying.

Instantly the emotional conversation I was having with my mother, whom I hadn't seen in two years, was replaced with the warm and excited chatter of family and friends as I excused myself to go to the bathroom. Knowing full well that my face must be red and blotchy from crying.

Shutting the door behind me, I flicked on the bathroom light, the yellow light filling the small room and illuminating my face. Turning on the facet, I cupped the cold water into my hand, letting the water calm me as I splashed it onto my face. Hoping that the water would hide the redness and keep others from asking questions.

Patting my skin dry, I exited the bathroom to find a tall man whom I hadn't seen before. He was no more that six feet and towered over my five foot six frame. His brown hair contrasted with his blue eyes and I noticed that he had his legs crossed as he waited. But then he looked up and our eyes met, unexpectedly I looked away and left the doorway, sliding past him on my way into the living room. Who was he, I've never seen him before. Maybe he's a friend of Amanda? He kinda looks like Mandy.

"Loretta! Is that you?" Perfect timing Mandy, as always! "I haven't seen you since last Christmas!" A woman who I immediately recognized as Amanda, or Mandy as she liked to be called rushed towards me. It seemed slightly off that she would be my sister-in-law in no more that two days but, in a way it seemed right. She was perfect for him and I knew that they loved each other dearly. It was strange though, that I haven't met any of her family members.

Her brown hair, which was usually pulled into a braid, was let loose in soft curls that I never knew she possessed. Her bubbily atmosphere that I loved from first meeting her that seemed to always brighten my mood, even now after crying for nearly ten minutes.

Smiling over at her, I hugged her, "Hey Mandy, it's good to see you! I wouldn't miss your wedding for anything, you're practically my sister already."

She grinned, "Yeah we are aren't we? How have you been doing? I read your recent book, I absolutely loved it! When do you think you should be done with the second book?"

"I've been good, still having nightmares but I should be okay." I awkwardly smiled, Greyson and Amanda were the only people I had trusted enough to tell about my fears, and they made sure to check up on me whenever they can. I understood their worry, but, sometimes it can get overwhelming, "But yeah, I'm glad you liked my book, I should have the second one finished in a few months or so."

"That's great! I can't wait to find out what happens between Semarah and Trench!" She beamed, but suddenly her attention was caught by whoever exited the bathroom, "Oh, Michael, come over here!"

The man in question came towards us just as I turned around and I recognized him instantly: he was the guy who was waiting for me just a moment before. "Lottie, this is my brother Michael."

"Hi." His blue eyes twinkling as he looked me in the eye and offered his hand for me to shake, "It's nice to meet you."

I took his hand, shaking it as I had the strangest feeling occur to me: somehow I knew I would be seeing him in my life and it wasn't because he would be my brother's brother-in-law, that much I was certain.

Not just that but something more. Somehow I felt like I knew him but that was impossible because I barely know him at all. He was a stranger and yet, why did I have the feeling like I needed to get to know him. Who was he? Where was he from? What does he do for a living? A million questions swirled in my mind as I faintly saw his eyes change. It was a quick change barely noticeable if you weren't paying attention but I thought they turned green for a second.