Echoes of Fall's Farewell

Chapter 3: No Regrets

Chapter 3

No Regrets

I found myself getting lost in the whirlwind of events, just as the world around me exploded into a cacophony of noise. In sync with the chaos, my eyes decided it was time to close, like leaves gracefully falling from their branches. Darkness descended, and within the depths of my thoughts, the worries lingered like distant echoes, bidding their own farewell.

"Feeling dizzy, Free?" Kuya Jethro's puzzled expression met my disoriented gaze.

I was drenched in sweat as I paced back and forth, my heart refusing to find its rhythm as I contemplated the turmoil inside the delivery room. My mother had been in there for over an hour, and her doctor hadn't emerged yet. I pinched the center of my finger, desperate to calm my racing nerves. Was childbirth supposed to take this long?

"Kuya, why isn't the baby crying? Shouldn't it cry when it comes out of Mama's womb?"

Kuya Jethro simply shrugged, casually perched on a chilly, metallic chair. He seemed calm as a cucumber while I was the complete opposite. Deep down, I knew he was only putting on a brave face to keep me from losing it.

"The baby isn't quite ready to come out yet, Free. It can't cry just yet."

"What's going to happen to them, then? To Mama and the baby? Will she make it if she's born prematurely? I'm really worried!"

He sighed. "Let's just wait for the obstetrician, and try to stay calm."

I couldn't convince myself to do that. I was a bundle of nerves because Mama's pregnancy was complicated. Even though she kept it a secret from me, I often overheard her talks with Auntie Stella, the midwife. She had been dealing with health issues since the first trimester. Mama was incredibly stubborn, never seeking proper medical care. No one truly understood her struggle. My chest tightened. Was she in pain? I couldn't help but let my mind run wild.

"Did you get in touch with Uncle Herbert?"

Kuya Jethro let out a deep sigh and checked his phone. "Where could he be?"

I bit my lip. "He hasn't been home for three days now."

Tito Herbert was the father of Mama's baby. They had been together since I was a toddler, but I never really saw him as a father figure.

I was still young when Mama made it clear that my biological father and she were never an item. She had just used him to fulfill her desires, and my Papa was too drunk to object. I knew I was just the product of a drunken mistake since Papa was already married to someone else at the time. To put it bluntly, I was an illegitimate child. But Papa had never treated me that way.

"i***t. He'll regret it if something happens to the baby."

I paused and leaned against the cold wall. "I don't think he'd want that..."

Kuya Jeth raised an eyebrow. "You really think he cares about the baby? Your mom has already gone through two abortions because of him! I won't be surprised if he bails on her this time. He's all about pleasure."

I fell silent. Kuya Jeth and his younger brother, Rhett - my best friend - had always been vocal about their hatred for Uncle Herbert. I couldn't blame them, considering everything. I, too, couldn't help but blame him for the stress Mama was under.

Whenever Mama caught Uncle Herbert cheating with other women - which seemed to happen almost every day - she turned to alcohol and cigarettes as her own form of sedatives. I couldn't promise that I wouldn't be angry if something bad happened to my younger sister... or brother?

I wasn't even sure if it was a girl or a boy because Mama had never had any imaging tests. If it weren't for the bleeding she experienced while the midwife was away, we wouldn't have rushed her to the hospital. Thank God Kuya Jeth was there.

"Dra. Sanchez..." Kuya Jeth stood up and slid his phone into his khaki pants pocket.

I straightened, my heart hammering in my chest. Was the doctor coming out? Were they done in there? Dra. Sanchez adjusted the stethoscope hanging around her neck. Her lab coat was a bit wrinkled, and dark circles adorned her tired eyes. I couldn't help but feel sympathy for her. She looked utterly exhausted.

"She had colon cancer before?" she asked.

Kuya Jeth and I exchanged glances. I furrowed my brow and stepped closer to him, gripping his arm. What did that mean?

"Yes, doc..." Kuya Jeth replied. "But it's been almost a year since she had pelvic surgery. Maybe about four months before she found out she was pregnant?"

I chimed in, "Why does that matter? Could there be complications because of it?"

Kuya Jeth and the doctor shared a meaningful look. I waited anxiously for the answer. Kuya Jethro glanced at me, giving a slight smile, then nodded to the doctor.

"We don't have information about her prenatal check-ups from any clinic. The only records she's got are from past pregnancies. We did some tests earlier and found a small obstruction in her bowel, maybe from the surgery a few months back. It's caused some inflammation and fibrous adhesions in her abodminal cavity."

My lips parted in shock. She found what? I bit my nails, a nervous habit of mine, as fear crept into my chest. I wanted to rush into the delivery room just to make sure she was okay. The doctor had to reassure me that everything was fine!

"What will happen, Doc?" Kuya's voice trembled with anxiety. "Does she need surgery again? We... We can do it as soon as possible! Just tell us! Freesia, call Rhett. I'll handle the bills - wait, what about the due date? Doc, is it urgent? We can schedule the procedure now! Just please... Please make sure the baby is safe." The calm and collected Jethro had vanished. His panic only heightened my unease.

"We gotta do a quick resection for SBO. The plan is a laparotomy to check out the blocked bit in her intestine. After that, we'll figure if we patch it up or take it out. But before we proceed, I need to have a word with both of you, especially the father, 'cause there might be some risks during the procedure. Including potential risks to the baby."

"The baby?" My eyes widened. "Are we putting the baby in danger?"

Instead of answering me directly, the doctor nodded at Kuya Jeth. "I hope that clarifies your question."

"You're not asking us to choose, are you?" Rhett's voice chimed in. I hadn't even noticed his presence until then! When he saw me looking at him, he smiled and approached me beside his brother. "It's okay," he whispered and gently pried my nails away from my teeth.

I didn't reply and turned back to the doctor. "Bowel obstruction during pregnancy is a huge risk for both the mother and the baby. I can't say that we can save just one, but increasing the odds of one's survival might endanger the other. Honestly, there's a higher chance of fetal loss in this case. As much as I hate to make things tough for you, I need to lay out the possibilities."

I tugged at the neckline of my blouse. I didn't know if I could handle this. When the doctor looked at me, my heart raced so fast I thought I might faint.

"To keep your mom alive, we gotta do the surgery ASAP. But the baby..."

Rhett must have seen the tears welling up in my eyes because he held my hand. I never imagined I'd be in a position where someone would tell me I was about to lose someone dear to me. I loved both my Mama and the baby inside her womb. I couldn't bear losing them both.

"Can't we... save them both?" I asked.

The doctor could hardly meet our eyes. "In some fortunate cases, both mom and baby pull through the procedure. But when it's touch-and-go, it could end in either mom's death, losing the baby, or sometimes both. In your mom's situation..." She trailed off and sighed. "Think it over, okay?"

Kuya Jethro motioned for Dra. Sanchez to give us some space. With gentle insistence, they made me sit in the waiting chair to help calm my nerves. Rhett, who had brought a bottle of water, sat beside me, his comforting presence soothing my troubled mind. Kuya Jethro leaned against the wall across from us, his expression etched with worry.

"Should we try to contact... Tito Herbert?" I hesitantly suggested.

Kuya Jethro's face twisted in a frown. "That jerk. Where is he when his family is facing life and death?"

I let out a sigh, my fingers anxiously playing with each other. "I-I don't know what to do."

Kuya Jethro's eyes softened as he looked at me.

"We've got your back, Free, don't worry," Rhett reassured me, gently stroking my back. "No matter what happens after the surgery, you have us, bro, and me. We'll face the consequences together."

"What if... I don't want the surgery? I'm scared, Rhett," I admitted, my voice trembling.

"Shh... You'll be okay," he whispered, trying to calm my fears.

Kuya Jethro chimed in, his voice filled with concern. "Do you think you can raise the child on your own?"

"All alone?" I repeated, feeling the weight of the responsibility.

He nodded. "The baby is only 24 weeks along, but there's still a chance for it to survive the surgery. And if the baby does make it, I don't think Herbert has the guts to accept it. You'll have to step up and take on the responsibilities."

"And what about Mama?" I asked, my voice choked with emotion.

Kuya Jethro looked away. "Well... if you want the baby's safety to be the top priority during the surgery."

"Top priority," Rhett echoed. "Don't worry. Just because the baby's safety will be the top priority doesn't mean they won't take care of Tita Astrid. I'm sure the surgeon will do their best to save them both. It's just that..." He trailed off, his uncertainty showing. "Anyway! Don't pressure her, Kuya. She won't have to go through this alone. She has us."

"But..." I bit my lip, my mind swirling with conflicting thoughts. "The doctor said there's a better chance of Mama surviving."

"It's still your call," Kuya Jethro said, his voice gentle. "Follow your heart and make the decision that feels right to you. We're here for you."

I couldn't count how many sighs I had taken by that point. I was immensely grateful to have them both by my side. Considering they weren't even blood relatives, those two sons of the village chief had been incredibly kind to us.

However, our brief moment was cut short when Dra. Sanchez returned with her stethoscope draped around her neck. She offered an apologetic smile, her weary eyes carrying the weight of her profession. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Doctor Alvarez is on his way."

Kuya Jethro tightened his grip on my arm, and I had to bite my lip to keep it from trembling. I was afraid that as soon as I spoke, a significant part of my life would crumble, and rebuilding it would seem close to impossible. I silently prayed that both Mama and her baby would understand the decision I was about to make. I never wished for anyone to perish; all I wanted was for someone to live.

"About the surgery..." I hesitated, my words hanging in the air. "I... I agree."

Dra. Sanchez's smile warmed as she prompted, "And?"

"Please, do whatever it takes to save my mother."

The two Esquivels locked their gaze on me, their expressions a mixture of surprise, concern, and admiration.

Though my life would be forever altered by the decision I had just made to save my mother, I carried no regrets within me. Not a single ounce of doubt plagued my mind.

My mother's battle with post-traumatic stress had taken a toll on her, turning her volatile and aggressive. I vividly remembered that one instance when Kuya Jethro had urged me to hide from her urgently. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Despite her sudden tactlessness and rudeness towards me, she was still my mother-a flawed human being in need of understanding and compassion.

"Go to hell, you monster! Die! Go to hell!" she screamed mercilessly as I cowered on the floor, absorbing each blow.

Tears streamed down my face, but I remained silent, refusing to protest. I never once wished for her to stop. I told myself it was okay. If it eased her pain, then it was okay.

"I wish it was you who died! Why couldn't it have been you? Why?" she wailed, her voice cracking with despair. Each word pierced through my heart. "Because of you, I lost my child! Chantal is gone! You killed Chantal! You murdered her!" she cried, repeatedly tugging at my hair. "If you hadn't killed Chantal, my husband wouldn't have left me! My family would still be whole! You heartless creature! You not only took my child, but you destroyed my family!"

I would be lying if I said her words didn't hurt me, for mere hurt was an understatement. She lashed out at me, blaming me for shattering her family, as if I had never been a part of it. She grieved for Chantal as if Chantal was her only daughter.

I lost a sister, too. But Mama didn't give me a chance to grieve.

I felt the pain deeply, yet her reaction no longer surprised me. I had come to expect her anger and blaming, just not the physical violence like slapping, kicking, or punching. The emotional assault was enough to wound my spirit. Still, I reminded myself, over and over again, to never regret my decision. I had saved her. I could endure her slaps, kicks, and punches every day if it meant easing her anguish. As long as she was okay, I could bear it all.

"No regrets, right?" Rhett asked, observing as Aerin tended to my wounds.

"No regrets," I affirmed.

And it was true. In reality, I could have chosen Chantal. But what kind of life could I have offered her? Even though Kuya Jethro assured me they would be there for us, I knew I couldn't rely solely on them to meet the needs of my sister and me.

I had made the right decision. Now, my sister resided in Heaven, perhaps dancing among rainbows with the other angels-a world far removed from the life I could have provided if I had chosen differently.