Nightmares

The Plane

The plane was hot and tight. It didn't help that I was seated next to an overweight smelly man who didn't seem to realize he needed to shower. His shirt was already soaked in sweat near his armpits and beginning on his chest. He tried to cover up with his suit jacket but failed miserably. I knew he was embarrassed by this and I also knew there wasn't much that could be done, so I wouldn't say anything. I didn't want him to feel worse than he already did. I would turn up the little fan above my head though and hope to get through this fight without being sick. It wasn't really the obesity I had a problem with. Maybe he had a thyroid issue, maybe he had a desk job who knew the problem was the showering. I mean come on.

My gag reflexes would be tested on this flight for sure. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he sat in the seat next to me. He tried several times to start a conversation with me, but I guess I'm not as friendly as I thought I was because I just couldn't bring myself to say more than two words to the man. I popped my headphones in and watched a movie I had downloaded the night before; it was only a 2-hour flight so I could do this. I didn't have a problem with this man specifically, well maybe a little. I just wasn't a social person, I liked to keep to myself. I had been alone for so long. I guess I had grown used to being anti-social.

The sky was black, but the clouds were a darker shade of grey. The rain was thundering down like a torrential storm. Walking was difficult and wet, like walking in a swimming pool. I tried so hard to move fast, but I just couldn't, no matter how hard I pushed myself. I had my arm up blocking my eyes from the rain, but little drops were still bouncing off my arm into my eyes, making it near impossible to see.

A man walked up to me. I could hear his walking through the rain like thunder with every step, the ground quaked under the fall of every foot. Shadow followed him; darkness followed him. I tried to see him but the rain stopped me from looking at his face. His shoes were black, his pants a black dress, with a nice suit and black silk shirt. The rain seemed to have no affect on him at all. His lips were full and deep pink, he smiled, not that nice to meet you smile, more like the kind where you know if you stay near him any longer you will be sucked in and taken forever smile.

My heart was racing, I wanted to grab him and kiss him like we had done so many times before, but I didn't know this guy! How do I remember someone and not know them?

He handed me a black umbrella and grabbed my face. His hands were hot, the heat flowed down my face to my neck and down to my toes. My body was on fire, my heart threatening to explode out of my chest. He pressed his lips into mine, memories came flooding in like a tsunami.

A silver dagger in my hand as the man I loved fell to the ground. Next, I was holding a sword, a gun, another knife, poison, a gun, a car, each memory different from the other, but in every one, it was the same man, the same helpless feeling and the same heartbreak I felt having to plunge the knife into his chest, watching him die over and over like a curse.

My heart felt like it might be ripped out of my chest at that very moment, to suffer so many heartbreaks all in one moment was like death. By the time it was all over, I was alone in the street. Tears were streaming down my face, though you couldn't tell from the downpour. My body was shaking, it wouldn't stop, almost like an unknown force was moving me around. I felt hands on my shoulders, they were cold and hard.

My eyes flung open and I realized my error. The large man beside me was staring at me like I had murdered his mom, a couple of the cabin crew were whispering to each other while most of the people on the plane were looking at me whispering about the crazy lady I now was. "s**t! Sorry about that!" I could tell by the look in their faces I said or did things I probably shouldn't have. The captain came on the intercom, "we'll be making our decent in 5 minutes, to Boston airport. Please fasten your seat belts." I fastened my seat belt, and looked out the window and tried to ignore the glares from the passengers all around me.

When we landed, people were still staring at me as we were getting off the plane. I zig zagged around the passengers and slipped into the bathroom. I took my blue jay hat out of my bag, tied up my hair in a bun and put the hat on.

I looked in the mirror, I looked dreadful dark blue bags under my bloodshot eyes, some red curly hair falling down over my face, a little stringy but manageable, even my lips looked a bit duller today. "ugh this sucks."

I was just so tired of being tired. If I didn't get this fixed soon, I would surely not make it much longer. I am tired and alone. Don't get me wrong, being alone was great most days, but then there was a longing to have someone in your life just someone to hold just once.

But with the nightmares, waking up at all hours. Well, let's just say that's not great relationship material, not even friends stick around. It's no wonder my parents gave me up the first chance they had.

The only foster parents I actually liked ended up dying in a car accident. Somehow, I survived. I woke up in the hospital at sixteen with bandages wrapped around my head and the nurses telling me that my parents had died. I don't even know how I could have survived; the car was trashed and when I say trashed, I mean totaled, it looked like a pop can someone stepped on and tossed around for a bit. The emergency response team used the claw to get me out. Apparently, I was curled up in a little ball in the only part of the car there was left.

Around me there were the limbs and blood of the only parents that kept me for more than a year. My parents left me the house in their will and I got emancipated so I could stay there and not have to worry anymore about parents and foster homes. There was no more being given away because I wasn't the perfect daughter.

I always wondered if I had cried about these nightmares as a baby. My first thought was yes, why else would they throw me into the foster care system in the first place? I moved from home to home until the Baily's adopted me at fourteen. I was surprised when they kept me for longer than two months. That's about the limit of people's kindness when it comes to screaming fits at night. Mrs. Baily was nice. She tried for two years to figure out what was happening. I was sad when they died.