Touchless

chapter 4

Adrian Brooks

1 Touching DoorKnob

2 Letting others touch my things.

3 Buying a book at the bookstore

4 Holding on to the strap on a train

5 Eating at a restaurant

6 Shaking hands bare-hand

7 Touching others things without my gloves

8 Sharing drinks with others

9 Letting someone into my room.

10 …….

I look from my list to Victor, my mind constantly wondering how he will judge me. I hand the sheet of paper to him as I work on a very special project. I wanted to do something special for when I go to visit my mom’s grave.

I was making a memory CD. I know she will never see it but it can be for me. I look to Victor as he reaches over, trying to touch my face. I panic and fall out of my chair. “What are you doing?” I ask as I fix my clothes, sitting back down.

I look at Mr. Carson awkwardly. I start to think of different escape plans to be able to get out of here. He is nice and all, and pretty hot in my opinion, but I refuse to let my guard down to someone who might hurt me again. I can’t have that. “Adrian, talk to me, please,” I hear him begging. I look over at him and feel like I was seeing a kid who broke their favorite toy.

“Mr. Carson-”

“Victor. Call me Victor,” he says. I roll my eyes. “Right, Victor. This isn’t exactly easy to say,” I mumble.

“What? Is difficult to say that you need my help? Stop pushing me; talk to me.” He looks into my eyes and I feel a pang of guilt in my soul. My mind starts to go to a day when I was younger. I feel a pain in my head...

*partial flash back*

My mother looks back, smiling at me. I smile back. Her smile shines as bright as the sun. Her eyes hold the twinkle like the stars in the sky. There is this dark feeling that seems to overcome me. Her eyes hold the shine of life as though everything in her life was ripped from her. How does a women as beautiful and as smart as my mother seem to have the weight of the world on her shoulders? Then, like the flash of a bright light, she turns and my world goes dark as the smell of the gunpowder invades my nostrils and then the world spins and the sight of a tattoo blurs into view.

I’m brought back to present day. Victor seems to be reading my list. I hide my shaking hand under my other. I refuse to show my fear to him. “Ok, so I want us to go over the list and make plans to start to break down each item and accomplish them.” I nod, knowing that in order to get better I need to make connections to more people.

I stand and walk around to the front of my desk, the mahogany shining in the sun. I turn my head to the left, seeing the sun setting as Victor touches the desk next to me. I scoff and stand. “Open the door, Adrian. I want you to do this first step,” he says. I take the steps towards the door and the doors are opened by security guards.

“I open doors in my house with door knobs, so list item one is done at home,” I say to Victor. I feel him come up on my right, matching my speed. He seems to be in deep thought. I take the time to check him out. He seems to be going for a professional look-- he has on a black suit that brings out the blue in his eyes.

I try to think of different things. Why is my mind so focused on him? Suddenly, two guards run to me, one holding my bag within another bag, at least they know not to touch my things, the other holding his gun. “What is going on?” I demand to know.

One guard hands me my bag. I grab it out of the bag and follow the two guards. Victor walks alongside me. We make it to my personal limo; Victor and I get into my limo. We are driven away. I ignore Victor and take out my laptop, type up emails, and find out what was happening. “Ma’am, this was just a test planned by your father, seeing if the guards are certified to handle any case with your condition,” my driver says.

That word is starting to really grind my gears. "Condition." I really don’t like to call it a condition; it is more of a way to live my life. Not like I really got to choose how I was made, now did I? I seem to sigh a whole lot more with this job. Why does it seem that everyone is so against me?

I stare out the window of my limo till I feel the presence of Victor. How did I forget about him this whole time?

"Adrian, as I have watched you I believe we should have a meeting tomorrow. Please allow me to get out here." Victor writes some notes as the car comes to a halt. He opens the door and walks away from the car without another glance, while I'm stuck staring at his back. Wow, why does he seem to be the person on my mind for the longest of times?

"Ma'am, are you ready to proceed home?" The deep voice of my new driver Hank says, looking back at me. I think for a second then smile. "No, please take us to Hillson Flower Shop, then Jackson Graveyard," I speak softly. At first he looks confused but takes me anyway.

Walking to the closing shop, I look in surprise. There is a little girl holding a bundle of flowers.

"Hello, Miss. Are you by any chance the person who buys the white rose, blue snowdrop, red rose, white lily, blue jade vine?" She speaks slowly and with a heavy accent. I bend down to her and nod.

"I apologize, but our shop closed months ago. However, my grandmother has asked me to take this bundle here today in her will. I hope you accept this parting gift. Also, if you ever need new flowers, here is our business card. We run the store from our home now." Her speech quickens; she must be in a hurry.

I grab the flowers slowly and hand her a $6,000 check for the start up of their new company and their bills. She holds the money and runs away, smiling. I walk to the limo holding the flowers. My driver opens the door, I get in, and he closes the door. He walks to the front to drive.

"Ma'am, those are quite beautiful." I hug the flowers, smiling, tears slowly sliding down my cheeks, thinking of my mom.

When we arrive at the graveyard, I open my own door and walk into the grave site. I walk with my head held high. I make it to my mom's grave. There is an angel over it. I lean over and set down the flowers.

"Hi mom, been a while hasn't it. Dad got me a therapist. You know sometimes I feel you pat my head when I do a good job or am a sweet and helpful person. Oh, your favorite flower shop closed but I won't ever forget how when we first went I looked so different running around missing 3 teeth." I feel the tears fall down my cheeks slowly.

"I remember how I use to come home so filthy after every trip with you. Haha, sometimes when you weren't looking I rolled in the mud." I laugh at myself and tears fall faster. I look over and see someone I haven't. I stand tall at first and start to walk over.

Then, I full on run to them. I do a special handshake that doesn't involve touching. I look at my aunt who brought my best friend Rose.

Rose looks so different- her hair is longer, the red in it is brighter the day we met, she got taller than I could ever dream of being.

"Hey, Rose." I wipe my tears away as we walk to the grave of my mother.

We spent hours out there talking and reminiscing about old times. "Remember when I broke my arm? You and your mom baked me cookies and before I even realized what happened you ate half of them," Rose says. My aunt and I laugh.

My aunt Mara looks at the grave and frowns. "She was so young," she says, sighing. It is shown on her face- she has a burden that no one can know. "We have to go now," Rose says, helping my aunt up. I nod sadly but wave, watching them walk away. "Don't be a stranger! Call me!" I yell after their retreating bodies.

I make my way to the front of the grave site and see Hank standing by my door. As he sees me, he opens the door. I thank him and slide into my seat, crossing my legs. The long journey home begins.

After making it home, I have a snack and head to bed after a shower.

The next day I wake up bright and early as always and take a shower. After getting dressed, I head downstairs. Waiting for my driver, I have a cup of tea. As Hank drives up, he rushes to open the door. "Thank you, Hank." I smile, feeling so accomplished about yesterday.

After making it to work I take the paperwork on my desk and finish it within two hours. Sitting back, I sigh in content. Then my dad walks in and yesterday fills my mind. I take my hands off the table and look at him. He smiles and waits, his eyes hold a feeling I never understood.

"I'm going to check in with you every week now; see how training is going," he says to me. My head takes its time nodding slowly.

"My training is going quite well; I am learning the art of business and how to beat all competitors." I speak very softly, not really making eye contact with him.

Victor chooses the perfect time to walk in. My father and I look at him before my dad walks out, taking my gloom with him. I take my time to look at Victor.

"Hello Mr. Carson, you seem to be in quite a glorious mood today." I speak after examining him. He opens the door of my office and I stand, grabbing my jacket. I walk out.

"So what is the lesson today?" I ask as we arrive at the elevator. He just smiles and walks out of the elevator at the bottom floor.

"We have a dinner reservation, but first, let's take a moment to have some coffee," he says as we arrive at an outdoor shop. I take a seat across from him. As we order and our drinks arrive I laugh at an anecdote Victor told me. "I'm serious! I thought boxers were made for boxing gloves. Like, you put them on your hands and box," he says, talking of his childhood.

"Hey, how about you take off the gloves?" he says, and for once in my life, I wasn't afraid. I slid the gloves down slowly til I looked up and saw HER.