sharane
792 Words
Between Princess, school, my internship, and bringing Princess to see her dad, my schedule has been full. No time for dating. Dating has been the furthest thing from my mind. But I have needs, and my toys just aren't cutting it anymore. Vines is definitely not an option. He is the one influencing that. I need skin-to-skin contact. A warm body next to me, on top of me, or even under me. It's crazy; he is the only person I've ever been with sexuality.
"I've tried to be in relationships before the vines and me thing, when I got pregnant, but those relationships didn't last because they all ended up wanting one thing. I wasn't ready for all of that. I always told myself, "I'll know when I know." I guess that night with vines, I was finally ready."
I haven't had the time to look for a boyfriend. To be honest, I never really felt the need to have one. Like I said, I have my toys. But I can't deny the fact that I miss the intimacy and connection that comes with being with someone. I miss the feeling of being desired and wanted.
I know I need to make time for myself and my own needs. I need to prioritize my own happiness and fulfillment. Maybe it's time to start putting myself out there and see what the dating world has to offer. Who knows, maybe I'll find someone who can fulfill my needs and make me feel alive again.
Once someone finds out who my baby daddy is, they keep it moving. Between Vines and my brothers, I have no chance of ever finding a man. Men don't care if you have a child. You can have a dozen kids and they'll still try to pursue you. Let them find out you have crazy brothers and a crazy baby daddy, they'll be gone in a flash. I'm never going to get laid.
These last couple of months being around Vines, I can't help but think, "What if?" Then that gets me thinking about what if it doesn't work out. Not to mention my brothers would kill me. They don't mind me bringing Princess to him, but they're not about to let me be in a relationship with him. I get it. I have to respect it.
So for now, I'll just have to make do with my toys and fantasies. Who knows, maybe one day I'll find someone who can satisfy my needs in all the ways I desire. Until then, I'll just have to keep myself busy and focused on my responsibilities. But a girl can dream, right?
Yeah, Vines is Princess's dad, but I'm not even trying to go back there with him. We have something good. Why mess it up now? It's not like he's holding out. He stays involved with other women. I really don't care as long as he keeps his women away from my daughter. Don't get me wrong, if one day he decides to get serious with someone, then and only then I'm all for letting that woman be in our daughter's life. Until then, he can keep his partners far away from Princess.
I'm not even trying to see how Vines would act if I start dating. There's a good chance he won't even care. I mean, we were intimate once, three years ago. All I am to him is the mother of his daughter. Maybe it's best to worry about all that in the future. I don't even want to try to wrap my head around it now.
After all this time getting to know Vines, I can say he is not what I expected. He is more vulnerable, more open, more expressive. He lets his guard down and shows me a side of him that few others get to see. I see the depth of his emotions, the complexity of his thoughts, the layers of his personality.
I see the way he cares for me, the way he listens to me, the way he supports me. I see the way he makes me laugh, the way he challenges me, the way he pushes me to be better. I see the way he loves me, unconditionally and wholeheartedly.
In those moments, I realize that Vines is not just a persona he puts on for the world. He is a multifaceted individual, with strengths and weaknesses, fears and dreams, just like anyone else. And I am grateful to be able to witness and experience all of it.
So, despite the differences in how he presents himself in public versus in private, I have come to love and appreciate all aspects of Vines. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
- Writer
