The Guardian Queen

Chapter Five

~ Ember

*

Light pierced my cocoon of sleep and pulled me back to the waking world. I automatically stretched, breathing deeply as my eyelids lazily flickered open. Golden rays from the setting sun steamed through the curtain-less windows, bathing the room in a soothing glow.

*

The window dressings had been casualties of Phoenix’s furious expression of self-loathing after using his God-given abilities against a fellow guardian. His actions at the prison compound resulted in identifying the traitor in our midst, but unfortunately, broke Nic’s heart in the process. This wasn’t like Sadie’s betrayal, which had severed their companionship. This cut went much deeper, and I didn’t need a spiritual bond to know he would never be the same.

*

As the room came into focus, my attention was drawn to the middle of the coffee table, where my music globe glistened in the light. I pushed myself upright on the large sofa, then reached for the globe and smiled at my companion’s subtle sign of devotion, ensuring my first thought when I awoke was of him.

*

During his recent royal tour, Phoenix had this one-of-a-kind curio commissioned especially for me by an artisan in Switzerland. Actually, the original globe had been destroyed in an act of vandalism meant to intimidate me. This one was a replacement. Cradling the weighty gift in my lap, I carefully turned the delicate gold handle and watched with delight while the tiny figurines in the center, a man and a woman, “danced” to a tune Nic had handpicked to convey his growing affection for me. Phoenix’s song of choice— Andy Grammer’s I’m Yours— the same song we danced to on our first date.

*

Thinking of my companion, I scanned the room, half expecting to find him lounging in the nearby blue armchair I knew was his favorite. When I didn’t see Phoenix or sense him close by, my mood dipped. For the first time since our trip to Eden, I took a moment to contemplate, evaluate, and truly appreciate just how significantly our relationship had transformed in a matter of weeks. The tormentous trials we’d overcome together had cemented our bond and fueled our feelings for one another.

*

It seemed strange to recall my outlook from only months ago, when the mere thought of entwining my life so completely with a man’s would have been nothing short of panic-inducing. Oh the irony that Phoenix’s one and only former lover would be the key to my drastic change of heart. Sadie’s insightful lessons had proved their worth time and again. First, by teaching me the value of trusting oneself. Second, by her assertion that those blessed with the ability to discern truth could recognize it even when gone unspoken. We see it. In hindsight, this might’ve been why her initial hostility toward me had dissipated rather quickly. Perhaps she perceived the truth in my connection to the king before I did. And once the truth is seen, it cannot be easily dismissed or ignored.

*

With a bit of help from Sadie, my lifelong pursuit of belonging culminated in the discovery of one indisputable truth: Phoenix was a vital part of me. Our bond had become so prevalent it felt as though I’d grown a new appendage altogether, one I was entirely dependent on. However, while I drew great strength from our connection, the flip side was that physical distance left me aching and disabled. Simply put, without Phoenix, I was incomplete. A scary truth lurked inside my heart; if I ever lost him, I’d have to learn to function as half a person— to adapt to life as a shell of myself. That was the steep cost of the bond, but one I would willingly and fervently pay without hesitation.

*

Once the music globe completed its song, I stood, walked around the coffee table, and returned it to its place of honor on the mantle. When I stepped back to admire it one last time, I absentmindedly slipped my hands into my pockets and flinched in surprise at the abnormal texture in my right hand before remembering my little souvenir from Eden. More than a souvenir, but a priceless gift entrusted to me by the Tree of Life.

*

With care, I withdrew the Great Tree’s fallen leaf from my pocket. It radiated little sign of life compared to that morning. I held it at eye level, hoping the waning sunlight might reveal some clue I might have overlooked in Eden’s sacred courtyard. At first, it appeared the same. But upon closer inspection, I detected a limpness to the leaf’s structure that it didn’t have earlier. No doubt being in my pocket all day hadn’t helped anything. Still, I suspected a correlation between its wilted state and the Tree’s intended message. Though I’d yet to decipher what that was.

*

The mystery of the Great Tree was thoroughly under my skin. Given my fragile mental state that morning, brought on by immense stress and sleep deprivation, there was every possibility I had read far too much into something that, had it been any other tree, I wouldn’t have given a second thought. But it wasn’t just any tree. It was THE Tree. The source from which all guardian energy flowed. And the trance that had called me to the holiest place on earth was as real as the leaf in my hand, even if only a fraction of its initial spark of life remained.

*

Resolved to preserve the leaf with the care and respect it deserved, I made my way through Phoenix’s bedroom, heading for the nightstand drawer I’d been using since my residence. I withdrew the fresh notebook I’d obtained after the inexplicable disappearance of my last one. Opening to a blank page, I laid the leaf in the center and carefully closed the book. At a loss on the meaning of it all, I made a mental note to find time later to consult my companion.

*

When I returned the notebook to the drawer, my eyes fell on another treasure, that which Phoenix referred to as my “most prized possession.” My mother’s sand dollar stared up at me from the nightstand drawer as if it had a message of its own. I picked it up and ran my thumb over the rough surface as I had countless times before whenever I’d longed to feel my mom’s presence. However… the gesture didn’t provide the comfort it ordinarily did. Instead, I was struck by dysphoria.

*

In many ways, I’d taken great strides toward forgiving my mom for withholding the truth behind my heritage. In other ways, I felt right back at square one. It was impossible not to think that I would’ve been much more prepared for my grandparents’ ambush that morning had I known what they’d put her through as well as their spiteful feelings toward my father.

*

Anger threatened to return at the memory of encountering the Craddocks that morning. (I couldn’t view them as my grandparents, seeing as they were indirectly against my very creation.) Even after retreat and rest, I still fought to control the way my power flared in response to my intense emotions. Fear quickly overtook anger when I recalled the way my subconscious identified them as a threat and heavenly light reacted with a will of its own, manifesting in an entirely new way, as a form of self-preservation.

*

Throughout my training, it had been drilled into me that guardian abilities were extensions of ourselves. That may have been the case for others, but heavenly light was different. We already knew it was a distinct ability in the way it influenced others. But, after what happened that morning, I suspected this was just the tip of the iceberg in terms of its unique attributes. And that thought did little to excite me. In fact, it straight-up terrified me.

*

I shook my head, tamping down fear and worry over things I didn’t fully comprehend. Locking it away deep inside, my thoughts reverted to that morning’s discourse with Ulysses and Adora, specifically their outrageous suggestion that I abandon Phoenix and the only guardian home I’d ever known in favor of moving in with virtual strangers. I detected no dishonesty in their assertion that they only wanted what was best for me. But again, I recognized a secondary truth without needing any outward signs.

*

Beneath the Craddocks’ good intentions was an underlying self-serving reason for getting close to me. Control. The extent of that desire was unclear, but I knew the chance of gaining the queen’s ear was one they could not pass up and one they had no qualms about exploiting familial bonds to acquire.

*

I sighed heavily upon the realization that the situation with Mom’s family was likely just the first occurrence of someone seeking to use me for personal gain. With it came the understanding that accepting my birthright had been the “easy” part. I was in another league now. One with new and varying expectations around every corner. The end of one journey turned out to be merely the start of another. There was no time to revel in finding my place among guardians. My new objective, complete with a new set of trials and tribulations, lay in discovering what kind of queen I wanted to be— what kind of queen I was born to be. Did I even stand a chance at earning anyone’s approval, or was my reign doomed before it had even begun?

*

These questions triggered a new wave of self-doubt, and my mind went into overdrive until a sudden knock at the door granted me a temporary reprieve. Realizing I still held the sand dollar, I placed it on the notebook containing the leaf and reverently slid the drawer closed before making my way back to the main room.

*

I hastily attempted to tame my mess of long hair as I heard a second louder knock, followed by a familiar male voice. “Emmie, you awake?” I responded with a flick of my hand at the entrance, and the door swung open noiselessly, revealing the warm hazel eyes and friendly grin of my best friend.

*

“Ah, you are awake,” Phyneas remarked as he entered the suite, closing the door behind him.

“Am I?” I responded groggily. “I’m not entirely sure.” I rubbed my eyes and reclaimed my seat on the sofa. “I don’t even know what time it is.”

“You look like you don’t know what day it is,” he said with a chuckle.

“Whoa, pup,” I cautioned. “Never criticize a woman’s appearance.” He laughed off my rebuke, plopped himself casually on the opposite end of the sofa, and stated, “It’s nearly six o’clock.”

*

I pulled the blankets Phoenix had covered me with earlier over my lap as Phyneas inquired, “You hungry?”

“No, not really,” I answered. “I had a late lunch.” Thinking back on the day, specifically the time spent with Phoenix, my heart twinged with emptiness and an innate need to seek out my companion. Doing my best to keep the desperation out of my voice, I cleared my throat and casually asked, “Where’s Phoenix?”

“Swimming last I checked,” he responded, oblivious to my inner struggle. The longing feeling eased somewhat with the assurance that Phoenix wasn’t far. I wondered when I’d be able to discern his precise location the way he could with me. Perhaps it just took practice.

*

“Swimming?” I questioned, my face crinkled with curiosity. “Really?”

“Would I lie to you?” He responded facetiously.

“You have before.” I pointed out with a raised brow. Phyneas squared his shoulders defiantly and replied, “And you retaliated by using MY ability to flee Ilia without a backward glance. I thought we were past that?” I couldn’t help but smirk at the humor in his voice, proving we were indeed past the hurt we’d caused one another. He smirked back.

*

“I’m just surprised,” I clarified. “After Eden, I thought Nic would dive headfirst into work. I can only imagine the domino effect created by the trial… not to mention my triumphant smiting.” I sent him a cheeky smile, one he did not return. He relaxed in his seat again and began toying with a bit of fringe on a nearby accent pillow. His expression darkened as he muttered, “I’m glad you can easily make light of what happened. Those who care about you are not so fortunate.” My face turned solemn, and I let a moment of silence pass before I softly replied, “I’m not making light of it, Phyn. But if I think too much about how swiftly my own people turned on us, and how close we came to devastation, it will only cast a shadow over all the good that stemmed from it.”

*

Phyneas didn’t answer, but I recognized consideration in his expression. Hoping to reinforce my point, I continued, “On the way to the summit, I told Phoenix that I believed our destiny was always meant to be revealed this way. The guardian world needed to witness what happened on Spiritus Caeli in order to accept the truth. Everything unfolded precisely how God intended.” I paused briefly before finishing, “Phyn, I need you to believe that too.” His head snapped up, and his narrowed eyes met mine. “You want me to be grateful that you were persecuted and punished for no other crime than being blessed?” he questioned incredulously. “Guardians rarely experience crises of faith, but even I doubted everything when I watched you be taken to the edge of the cliff. Seeing my own sister in your place couldn’t have scared me more.”

“Phyn—”

“I feared the worst, Em.” Familial affection washed over me at hearing Phyneas equate me with his beloved sister.

*

Phoenix, Beth, Gemma, and now Phyneas… I considered how many people had been impacted by what happened in Eden, purely due to their genuine care and concern for me. My phoenix tattoo flashed through my mind, a permanent reminder of the near-fatal consequences of trusting the wrong person and the colossal inner strength required to survive such betrayal.

*

After that fateful night, lying in the hospital broken and abandoned, I couldn’t have imagined the extreme contrast of my reality mere months later. The ashes of my former life had vastly enriched my world and paved the way for love and friendship the likes of which I’d never known and swore I’d never take for granted.

*

I leaned toward Phyneas across the sectional, extending my hand. When he took it, I sent him a reassuring smile and calmly stated, “Nothing truly worth having comes easy.” He opened his mouth for rebuttal then thought better of it and simply nodded.

*

Phyneas squeezed my hand before letting go. “Well, one thing’s for certain,” he said, falling back into his trademark easygoing demeanor. “… you’ve made history, Em.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, knowing he meant every word. Instead, I replied honestly, “God shaped my destiny a long time ago. All I did was surrender to it.”

“Even for guardians, that is no small thing, Majesty.” This time I couldn’t resist rolling my eyes.

“No!” I exclaimed defiantly. “You are NOT going to start calling me that.”

“What else would I call you?” he responded, indifferent to my annoyance. “It’s what I call Nic. And last I checked, you were his other half. You’ve declared to the guardian world that, not only do you belong to one another, you are worthy of ruling alongside him.” I couldn’t fault his logic.

*

“Well, when you put it like that…” I muttered timidly, “I suppose there are worse things to be called.” He grinned with satisfaction. “But I protest to the implication that I am above you,” I added hastily. “You’re my best friend, Phyn. And I don’t want to think about where I’d be without you.”

“Facing a laugh-less life, no doubt,” he quipped.

“Seriously, Phyn. These past few months would have chewed me up and spit me out if not for you, Gemma, and, as much as it pains me to admit, Sadie.” Phyneas’ satisfaction vanished instantly, and he replied, “Just because the crocodile has been moderately helpful doesn’t make her trustworthy.”

“I disagree.” He clenched his jaw with the astute inference that any argument concerning Sadie would end in a stalemate.

*

“I won’t disregard the ice queen’s glimmer of recent usefulness,” he begrudgingly admitted. “Just be wary of her intentions, please— for my peace of mind.” My heart recognized Phyneas as a kindred spirit. Because of this, I often overlooked how much I didn’t know about him. Bonds of friendship only went so far; the rest came with time. Although his familial view of me was mutual, the fact remained that I hadn’t known Phyneas all that long. And everyone had a past.

*

“Alright,” I conceded, “if it makes you feel better, I will keep Sadie at arm’s length.” The relief in Phyneas’ voice was apparent by the way he exhaled, “Thank you.”

“If—” He immediately groaned. When he met my eyes expectantly, I went on, “— if you tell me why you harbor so much resentment toward her.” He let his head fall back against the back edge of the sofa, staring up at the ceiling as he replied, “Do I really need a reason?”

“The Phyn I know wouldn’t treat someone with such hostility without one.”

*

Phyneas crossed his arms over his chest, tucking his hands underneath. I remained quiet, observing the way he gnawed the corner of his bottom lip while he grappled with an answer. He released a frustrated sigh before adjusting his position. He sat up, shifted to the edge of the seat, and leaned over his knees, rubbing his scruffy chin.

*

Seeing Phyneas’ degree of discomfort and uncertainty, I could no longer stay silent. “Are you afraid of me judging you?” He promptly shook his head. “No.” Then, clasped his hands and mumbled, “I’m afraid of you pitying me.”

“I don’t understand.” I tried and failed to comprehend any reason behind his animosity toward Sadie that would evoke my pity. “It’s a really long, complicated story,” he said curtly, clearly eager to put an end to the conversation. “Maybe you should ask Phoenix.”

“I did.” His head swiveled toward me in surprise and a little bit of alarm. “You did?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “Before I found out that Nic and I are spiritually linked, I’d already felt a shift in Sadie’s attitude toward me. At some point, she’d stopped treating me like an usurper and more like… well, a peer. And it made me wonder… if she and I could reach a certain level of respect between us, what could’ve happened to make you doubt her so adamantly. So, I asked Nic.”

*

Phyneas seemed to brace himself for the answer as he asked, “What did he tell you?”

“He said it wasn’t his story to tell,” I answered plainly. Phyneas nodded in understanding as I went on, “He seemed to believe that you would tell me if I asked.” He nodded once more before staring down at his hands. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” he admitted, sighing. He looked at me again and finished somewhat harshly, “It’s just a history I don’t care to dredge up. It’s not as though it would change anything.”

I paused a moment before replying, “Okay.”

“Okay? Okay, what?”

“Okay, we don’t need to talk about it.”

“And you’re satisfied with that?”

“I’m satisfied knowing that you’ll tell me if and when it becomes relevant.”

“I…” He froze, gauged my sincerity, then cleared his throat and said, “Thank you, Emmie.”

*

We made no further mention of Sadie. I redirected our conversation, inquiring about what I’d missed while sleeping away the afternoon. It was difficult to curb my annoyance that Phoenix chose to call a meeting while I was passed out, effectively excluding me. I knew it was irrational to expect the world to stand still whenever I needed a recharge. (And I had really needed it.) Despite this, a new concern threatened my security. Was this what it would be like as queen? Nic taking on the bulk of ruling upon himself while shielding me from the pressure of pivotal decisions? I wouldn’t go so far as to give credence to my grandparents’ claim that Phoenix expected my place to be in his shadow. Still, lifelong insecurities made it impossible to dismiss their warning altogether, however unfounded it might be.

*

Unaware of the ping pong game my thoughts were engaged in, Phyneas carried on, thoroughly providing every detail of the meeting I’d missed. I did my utmost to set aside my worries for another day and give Phyn my full attention. “Gemma’s right,” I said, pulling my knees up to get more comfortable. “The sooner we address the public, the better. They need to hear the truth from us instead of reading about it in the newspapers.”

“Nic will take care of that.” With those five words Phyneas unknowingly reignited the vexation I’d fought to suppress.

*

I narrowed my eyes at him and said, “How can you expect me to sit back and let Nic take the brunt of the fallout?”

“Easily, Em. Nic’s an expert at public speaking. Just let him handle it.”

“Like you’re handling me?”

“I’m not handling you.” I crossed my arms over my chest and shifted my body toward him as I said, “Do you think nothing’s changed? Did you think I’d simply go back to basic guardian training, leaving Phoenix to deal with the wake of everything?”

“For now, yes.”

*

I let out a breath of frustration. Phyneas, in his trademark lighthearted manner, sought to provide a little levity. He grabbed the nearest accent pillow and launched it straight at my head. I wasn’t quick enough to stop the down-filled cushion from whacking me in the side of my face. But before it could tumble onto the floor, I telekinetically sent it straight back at Phyneas with twice as much force. Eyes wide, Phyneas only just caught the pillow before it crushed his nose.

*

“And what was the point of that?” I asked, smoothing my tousled hair, unable to hold back an amused smile. Laughing, Phyneas tossed the pillow aside and replied, “Apart from making you lighten up a little, it proves you can clearly afford to miss a day or two of training. I doubt even Nic could’ve reacted that quickly.”

“Don’t placate me, pup. Of course he could’ve. Faster, I’d bet.”

“Not this early in his training.”

*

Phyneas stood, approached me, and jerked the blankets off my legs. “Come on,” he said, pulling me to my feet. “You, my royal friend, need more than a pillow fight to let go of all that stress you’re carrying.”

“What did you have in mind?” I asked, straightening my clothes.

“Phoenix is busy doing something that brings him peace. You should do the same.” He led me to the door, saying, “Time to shut your brain off.” I laughed and asked, “What does that mean? Where are we going?”

“A movie marathon is the order of the day. Maybe if you’re nice to me, I’ll let you choose.”

“You’d let me choose anyway,” I remarked.

“Yeah, I would.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note:

Alrighty guys,

I have finally turned a corner!

My health is back under control, my kids are back in school, and, the cherry on top, I have secured office space! (Meaning fewer distractions, hurray!)

I am still struggling with the ending, but I am confident a solution will present itself while I work on editing earlier chapters.

I hope this means the updates will become somewhat regular moving forward. Although, I can never predict what life will throw at me next.

Thanks so much for hanging in there, and all the love and support you’ve given me, dear readers. I am eternally grateful. :)

~ E. K.