Free Falling

12 | slow

I grabbed Nate's arm and pulled him with me as I walked in and went straight to the kitchen.

I let go of him and held my hand over my frantically beating heart, trying to catch my breath. I was acting like a seven year old who'd just be caught with her hand down the cookie jar, not a twenty-one year old simply caught making out with a guy. Well, simply was putting it lightly, and my case was no ordinary one.

"So is that a guy you met on Tinder or am I missing something? Because the Amanda I know would go crazy on me if a guy as much as winks in her direction."

"Ha-ha, very funny."

"Who's the guy?" He asked and folded his arms over his chest, leaning against my fridge. I stalled his question, undoing and redoing my ponytail because somebody had turned it into a bird's nest. "Amy."

I exhaled. "It's Finn." I knew those two words would send Nate into an analysing frenzy, and as I'd expected, he looked taken aback, his eyes narrowing into slits.

"Finn? As in Finn Harris? Genevieve Mallard's nephew?"

"Yes."

"How is that even possible? We're talking about the same Finn you called an arrogant asshole like... just yesterday."

I rolled my lips in for a moment. "It was weeks ago, matter of fact."

"f**k, I don't care if it was ten thousand years ago, but with what you've told me about him, he's not the one to break your dry spell with."

"Whoa, chill. I don't plan on dating him or anything."

"But you have a thing for him."

I shrugged, avoiding his direct stare. "I don't know."

"Does he have a thing for you?"

I opened my mouth to respond but paused. He'd said he did, but why should I believe him? Right now my affiliation with Finn Harris was an experiment, something I was all but sure of. "I–I don't know."

For a moment everything went quiet between us before Nate relaxed and he dropped his hands to his sides.

"I'm sorry, I've been stressed lately. You're a grown woman and I need to stop acting like the overprotective brother all the damn time—"

"I appreciate it," I grinned.

"—and let you figure this out yourself. But after the stunts the last one pulled," he moved closer to me and the weight of his words sank in, "I'd hate to have a restraining order placed against Mr Harris."

A tight knot lodged itself in my throat, making it harder to breathe. I fought against the memories that threatened to surface.

"Lucas was obsessed. Finn isn't."

Nate stepped back. "With you, they all turn out the same way. When you care about someone, you give them your all. And when they get just a little short of that, they loose it."

Slowly, I nodded. It was hard to hear, but I knew Nate was doing this for my own good. He was ensuring that I wouldn't get myself tangled up with the wrong person, making decisions I'd come to regret. He was there when I got through the last one, and honestly, I didn't know if I'd have survived it unscathed without him.

He spread his arms wide and then I realised how teary eyed I'd become. Without hesitation I hugged him, drawing strength and courage from his warmth.

"I'm sorry I was being hard on you. You shouldn't be hard on yourself, either. It's just... these things are complicated."

I pulled back, dabbing at the wet patches on my cheeks with my sleeve. "I know. Thank you."

He exhaled loudly and stared at the entrance into the kitchen. His lips tugged into a wry smile. "You should probably return to him. You guys looked like you were in the middle of something deep."

My cheeks flared up and I grabbed his arm, leading him to the door. "Alright, your time here is exhausted. Why did you come, anyway?"

He smirked. "I thought you'd never ask. Sienna had work to do in Greece and she got you some things."

At the mention of gifts, my ears perked up. "No way."

"Yes way," he lifted a white bag up to me. I let out an inhuman shriek and grabbed the bag, peering in to find cute items of fashion. "She had to leave again so she made me get them to you instead."

"Oh my God she's the best. A woman after my own heart. I love her forever and ever."

It was fair to say I could be swayed with two things. Good food and pretty clothes. There was a third, but it'd been forever since I'd gotten any.

"She's such a sweetheart," I gushed. "When is she getting back? I'd love to have lunch with her to thank her."

"Tomorrow. It's just for her research programme. I'm really glad you like her. I know it's just been two weeks, but I like her too much to admit."

He looked happy whenever he spoke about her; his face always in a smile and his demeanor light-hearted. I felt jealous, sometimes. I could only wonder what reciprocated love felt like.

"Aww," I patted his arm. "I'm happy for you, Nate."

He nodded. "I've got more work to do. And yes, on a saturday." He made his way for the door and lowered his voice. "Just be careful with him," he said referring to Finn. "Sometimes these rich guys especially someone that good looking tend to feel entitled."

"I'm not throwing myself at him." I said uneasily.

"I know, I trust you not to. You're a smart girl."

I locked the door after him and walked back out into the balcony, my legs feeling like they were tied to lead weights.

Finn was still seated where I left him, his fingers typing quickly on his smartphone. He looked up when he sensed my presence, his face holding no traceable sign of regret. In fact, he looked smug.

"So, the boyfriend?"

"What?"

"Is that why you've been running?" He quipped, casually playing with the phone in his hold.

I paused to access the look on his face. Hardened features, a slight furrow tugging at him brows and an almost, almost imperceptible scowl on his full lips.

Are you jealous, Harris?

"My best friend." I corrected sternly, not breaking eye contact with him. He held it well on his side.

"Good for him." Oh, he was jealous. Over someone he didn't know? I laughed in disbelief.

"What's so funny?"

I shook my head, a smile still on my lips. "Nothing."

He got up and walked up to me, his expression turning serious. "Now, this is what I don't like. That look on your face makes me want to do things to you..." His voice lowered. "Bad things."

Did I want to know? Maybe. "L-like what?" I asked, suprised my legs had not given out under me with the way I was quivering. His voice had such an effect on me.

"I want to taste you. Everywhere." He breathed, bringing his lips close to my neck. My eyes fluttered shut. Everything about him was such a turn on; his lips, his body, even his goddamn words. "I want to touch you so bad it hurts. You invade my thoughts, my dreams. I'd like to add you to my reality. Let me, Amanda."

My breathing was coming out in irregular bursts, hands itching to reach over and touch him.

Fight or Flight?

Fight or flight?

Fight or flight?

Flight.

"Stop." And he did, putting a very much appreciated distance between us. I stared at the floor when I said, "we need to take it slow." My voice was so small I barely heard it myself.

"Slow?" I could hear the teasing in his voice, the exact opposite of what I expected. Carefully, I lifted my eyes up to meet his.

Clear pools of green stared at me and I nodded. "It's either slow or nothing."

I couldn't deal with the whirlwind of emotions that came with him, or the wicked excitement he made me feel when he spoke like that. It was all going too fast, and something this fast paced was bound to crash and burn.

He straightened up and ran his hand through his hair. In the little time I'd known him, he did that when he was anxious or frustrated. Maybe it was a mixture of both this time.

"I can't promise to let you go, Amanda. I just can't."

"Let's start off as friends."

"Do friends kiss each other like we do?"

I took my bottom lip in-between my teeth to stop from... screaming.

"It's your choice. Make it something you won't regret."

"It's a chance I'm willing to take."

I looked up at him and found myself succumbing to his influence. Who was I kidding? No matter how much armor I put on, I had to be honest with myself.

"Let's take it slow. If you try to take more than I can give, I'll run away. And I swear, you'll never find me."

The words sounded alien as they fell off my lips. Was I really going to do this again? With someone like him? He didn't come off as the safe type. His type was the worst; wild and unpredictable. But all my life, I'd known predictable, and it didn't stop the hurt from coming.

Maybe I needed the unpredictable right now.

"I admit I've never done this—the slow thing, I mean." He walked towards me and planted a chaste kiss on my forehead. "But I will. Let's be friends, Amanda Reed." And like a whisper he was gone.

After I heard my front door click shut, I let out a heavy breath.