8.
2800 Words
She didn't felt ready.
Standing in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection, Arabella looked past her wrapped figure in a yellow broderie anglaise dress, with three-quarter sleeves and full skirt, just below the knee.
She had carefully chosen the dress to wear to dinner that evening and had even spent a few moments putting her hair back in an elaborate braid that accentuated her facial features.
And not because a waitress had come up half an hour ago to remind her that her father wanted her downstairs by seven o'clock, hinting that it was going to be a rather formal dinner.
Arabella rarely dined with her family, only when she had to, occasionally or unless her father had something to communicate to her, like that evening.
She generally spent her days in solitude, minding her own business and trying not to mind those of her siblings.
Arabella didn't particularly liked the formal family dinners and lunches, which she was forced to attend, once or twice every month.
And tonight, would be worse than ever before.
Not because she had just returned from the hospital.
Or because she wasn't particularly eager to put up with Celestia's idle chatter.
Nor because she had an idea of why her father had specifically asked to see them all, with Dragan about to become Alpha of the Black Crow, it was all too easy to guess what he wanted to discuss about.
No, what terrified her was the memory of the excruciating moments she had experienced hours before.
Theor's smell was still intensely vivid in her memories.
So intense that it gave her the shivers again.
And fear had begun to creep into her heart.
Because that accident could only mean one thing.
She was about to shift.
Arabella had no certainties about it, hers was a mere hope but it could perhaps also explain her fainting.
Girls in the kingdom were usually shifting at 17 or 18, rarely at 19 or when they were older, but some did.
Arabella had never given up hope that it could happen to her too.
She had dreamed and longed for it intensely for years.
But now that the moment was approaching, began to fear.
The idea of running away from the kingdom and living her own life, had grown with her, since at about twelve years old, Arabella realized that she was not happy and that she never could be.
Living that life.
She had no affections or ties in the kingdom that kept her there and had always hated her protected existence, forced every day to be what she wasn't.
Running away was her greatest wish, the hope that had kept her alive all those years.
But even though the idea that the moment was finally near, thrilled her…it scared her too.
It would have been so much easier years ago but now that she was grown up enough to understand the pain and misery of those around her instead of just worrying about her own selfish needs, Arabella felt vaguely guilty.
Without Dragan, the future of the pack was very uncertain.
Given Logan and Gabriel's lack of interest in piloting the Black Moon and with Celestia hopelessly in love with Rhys Seyimour, albeit with all her shortcomings, Arabella was perhaps the pack's only other alternative.
Although no one expected that she was really able to win the attentions of a valiant Alpha, capable and eager to protect the Black Moon with his own life.
Moreover, Arabella was now nineteen years old, radically changing her behavior, character and manners in order to become a deign Luna, when her personality could no longer be shaped with rigid discipline, would have proved to be an impossible undertaking.
No one expected much from her.
And she certainly wasn't interested in changing things.
Being Luna was not for her, the idea terrified her more than the one of living forever in the kingdom, wolf less and forced to perish in the castle of the Black Moon without ever knowing the outside world.
On the other hand, the thought of leaving everything and everyone overnight and just running away…it scared her.
Three years ago, when Isadore had asked her, Arabella had vehemently denied it.
But the truth was, she was a little scared.
Beyond the barrier she would have been an ordinary girl, fragile and defenseless, with no ties and affections and no one to count on.
Free yes but forced to face an unknown world and survive to the best of her ability, she didn't know if she was really capable of it.
Not after the sheltered and privileged existence she was used to.
Arabella had often wondered it lately and the uncertainty that had filled her heart every time had worried her for a long time.
And now that she thought the moment to decide was closer, she was faced with her innermost fears.
Even if she had no certainty that she was really about to shift.
Maybe she was worrying about nothing.
Yet Arabella knew she hadn't imagined it.
The intense smell of Theor Dewood, which smelled of earth, dew and cinnamon, still vivid in her memories.
“Princess Arabella..”
A light knock on the door distracted her from her thoughts, making her sigh wearily.
"It's seven o'clock" informed her the waitress who had come up to disturb her when Arabella went to answer.
"Thank you." she nodded quietly.
She closed the door to her rooms and followed the maid downstairs, lost in thought, but she roused herself promptly when saw Theor Dewood and his parents sitting at the dinner table in the castle's majestic dining room.
"Arabella." Her father greeted her with a rather surprised look at her attire.
“Good evening and sorry for the delay.” Greeted she in turn, ignoring the other surprised looks directed at her.
She had never bothered in the past to dress appropriately for family dinners and lunches and over time everyone got used to it, even Celestia in the last year had stopped boring her with her litanies on the importance of formal dress on suitable occasions.
"You are very pretty.." commented her father, albeit with a vaguely questioning tone and since it was the first time in years that such a compliment had been paid to her, Arabella tried to gloss over his tone.
"Thanks." she answered instead and even forced herself to smile at Logan who stood up to push the chair aside beside her. "Beta Landon, Mrs Dewood." She then added, smiling at the two that were seated across from her, to her father's left.
Instead, she ignored Theor, beside them and Celestia sitting nearby and to her father's right.
It wasn't unusual for the Dewoods to attend their family dinners, though not always, for Landon was not only the Black Moon Beta but also his father's confidant and most trusted friend.
His wife, Dora, a kind and humble person like few others, had always taken care of the castle, taking Luna's place when needed and over the years had tried to prepare both her and Celestia to occupy the post that one day it would have been theirs by right.
Her sister had been a much more diligent pupil than her but even though Arabella had often and willingly escaped from the boring lessons, with her kind and friendly attitude, Dora had still managed to teach her too, what it would have meant to be Luna.
The responsibilities that she would have had to face, and the ways to adopt to cope with the tasks that she would have had to carry out, on a daily basis.
Arabella had always liked Mrs. Dewood, more than anyone else at the Black Moon, because the woman was perhaps the only person in the pack who had never judged her, and never tried to make her into someone she wasn't.
Arabella just couldn't understand how a sweet, kind and caring creature like Dora could have given birth to a son like Theor.
It was only for her sake and because she was grateful to her for the constant gentle patience with which the woman had always treated her—in fact, that Arabella had forced herself to learn to tolerate Theor's presence at her side, when her father had entrusted him with her safety.
"You are really lovely tonight, princess." complimented her Mrs. Dewood, with a gentle smile which Arabella returned.
"Radios." nodded her husband who in turn had always been very courteous towards her.
"Thank you." Murmured Arabella, looking away, slightly embarrassed.
She hadn't chosen to dress neatly to show off but in the hope of keeping her mind and hands busy as she pondered her own uncertain future.
If nothing else though, Arabella realized with relief, as a line of waitresses served the hors d'oeuvres, that she no longer caught any particular smell in the air, even though Theor was sitting close enough for her to be able to make out the fragrance of the perfume imprinted on his clothes.
No shrill notes that smelled of earth, dew and cinnamon.
Arabella had always hated cinnamon.
“Were you able to rest?” asked her Logan, disturbing her thoughts.
"Not much." Admitted Arabella, distracted.
“Something’s worrying you?” inquired her brother, with a sharp look on his face and Arabella noticed that Celestia also gave her a sidelong glance even though she was busy having a futile conversation with her father and Beta Landon.
"Nothing." Lied Arabella, forcing herself to sound sincere.
"Are you sure?" insisted Logan.
Among her brothers he had always been the most protective of her.
Not that Dragan and Gabriel weren't.
All three had always treated both her and Celestia like two precious flowers, fragile and delicate, to be protected with care.
Or at least they had tried with her too, until Arabella had made them understand that she had no need to be protected and kept safe and that she was far from being fragile and delicate.
However, Logan had continued to treat her like a precious bud, even when Arabella had begun to distance herself from her family, preferring to live her life as herself instead of pretending to be different and having to meet their expectations.
He'd been the only one who had continued to defend her staunchly, with her father, Celestia, and anyone else who questioned her questionable manners.
Even when she didn't deserved it.
Arabella was still waiting for Logan to get tired of blindly taking her side.
She was certainly grateful to him but had never managed to really become attached to him, just as she didn't particularly care about any other member of her family.
Arabella considered herself incapable of love and did not care.
Love was stupid and vain.
From life she only asked for a little happiness.
Even if she'd never done anything to deserve it.
Arabella knew she was being ungrateful, that she had a life that any other girl in the kingdom would have been happy to live.
She was beautiful.
Was a princess.
Had a lot of beautiful clothes.
She was always protected and had the immense resources of her family at her disposal.
And unlike Celestia, Arabella had always managed to rebel and get everything she always wanted, without having to face many consequences.
But she wasn't happy, she had never been able to be happy and concluded that she never would be, there.
“Aren't you feeling well Arabella?” asked her Gabriel concerned, having overheard her conversation with Logan
"I'm just a little tired." Denied she uneasily, when realizing that everyone else turned to look at her.
“How was your stay at the hospital?” inquired her father, studying her carefully.
He was being unusually attentive to her tonight when he usually never paid her any attention, except to scold her for something.
"Boring." replied sincerely Arabella, without the shadow of a smile to soften the stiffness of her tone.
“I'm sorry to hear it.” Replied her father, sounding strangely sincere. “Director Mortrell, however, has assured me that you are in splendid health.”
"It must be true then, if Dr. Mortrell says so." Retorted Arabella piqued, despite Celestia's stiff look at her address but on his own, her father didn't react at all, continuing to surprise her.
And he caught her even more off guard when steered the conversation towards Ilyan.
"How did you find Alpha Wayward's visit?" asked her in fact, her father.
"He told me that it was you, the one informing him that I was admitted." Replied Arabella, carefully neutral.
"Thought you might like to see him." nodded her father, without faltering.
“And why did you think that?” asked him coldly Arabella, as the other diners watched them in silence.
"Ilyan told me he would like to make you his Luna." her father revealed to her, causing a surprised moan from Celestia. “I deduced that you were…friends?”
"We're not." Denied Arabella, curtly. "We barely know each other." She added intently, staring at her father firmly.
"I understand."
“Is Ilyan Wayward courting you?” asked her Theor suddenly, breaking the tense silence that had fallen around them.
"His Luna?" added at the same time Celestia, her face flushed as her sister stared at her anxiously, waiting for her response.
“Is it that hard to believe it?” retorted Arabella, slightly annoyed by Theor's icy glare.
"Of course not." Denied Logan, taking her defense once again but Theor contradicted him immediately.
“Why would Wayward want you?” asked he indeed, despite his mother's embarrassed look and Beta Landon's disapproving glare.
Her father was the only one who didn't react in any way, although Theor's tone wasn't exactly flattering towards her.
Even Celestia gave Theor a reproachful look, considering his comment inappropriate.
But Theor had never cared that she was a royal princess, daughter of his Alpha.
He had always said what he clearly thought of her.
And Arabella had done the same, to the point that everyone had gotten used to their heated arguments.
Instead of being scandalized.
"Not that it concerns you in any way Theor." Replied Arabella, not at all willing to let it go even that time, despite the presence of both their families. “But if you want to know, Ilyan thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the kingdom.” She informed him smugly, and with a haughty smile that she knew would annoy him.
“Really…” replied Theor, staring her up and down dubiously, expressing his thoughts on the matter with that look.
Despite his mother's increasingly violent embarrassment and the stiff looks Beta Landon kept giving him.
"Really yes, and he also told me that he always liked me." Replied Arabella, trying to ignore the irritation that was raging inside her.
Not that she cared much about what Theor felt about her.
It was his ways she couldn't stand.
The fact that he would soon become Beta, taking his father's place, did not give him the right to treat her with such contempt and condescension.
“And what do you think of Wayward?” asked her Theor coldly, looking into her eyes.
"This really doesn't concern you." retorted dryly Arabella, stabbing a lettuce leaf hard enough to scratch the porcelain plate with the tip of her fork.
"Ilyan is very attractive." Commented Celestia, interjecting promptly in their discussion, uninvited. “You would make a wonderful couple together.”
"Undoubtedly." Agreed Mrs. Dewood readily, in a feeble attempt to dissipate the tension.
"Alpha Wayward is a good ally for the Black Moon." Commented her father, quietly. “And I'm sure he's able to protect you and would treat you with due respect. You will have my blessing if you would decide you want him by your side, when you would get to know him better.” He added, making her frown.
His blessing if she decided she wanted him by her side?
Was her father telling her to seize the opportunity and accept Ilyan's advances?
Or not to?
She had really expected anything but that.
Now that Arabella had finally found a worthy Alpha who wanted her by his side, she believed that her father would practically force her to become Luna of the Silver Horn.
And she had been prepared to fight for not obeying him.
That unexpected turn of events surprised and disturbed her.
But having gotten what she wanted, Arabella fell silent and returned her attention to her dinner.
She was still worried, and not a little, about Ilyan and his proposal, but at the moment had other torments to deal with.
And they were much more pressing than an arrogant Alpha that wanted to make her his Luna.
- Writer
