My childhood best friend is a bad boy

Chapter nine - Why it has to be so complicated?

Scott's POV:

Lose me again. "I don't want to lose you again." What this is supposed to mean? She said that I didn't date her, then what did I do? Being her friend maybe? I don't know, but what I know for sure is that I can't get this girl out of my mind. Let's say that I find out who is she. Then what? Play with her like all the other girls and then leave her. No, I can't do this to her. If she really meant something to me in the past that means that she is a good girl and I have cared about her. 

The hardest thing is to see her every day in school and won't be able to do anything. Just like now. 

- Scott, are you ok? Do you look pale as a ghost? Don't tell me that it's because of this girl Ellie. Dude, find something else to occupy your mind. - Noah said

- Don't you think that if I could, I wouldn't have done it already, but I can't. What she said yesterday...

- What? Don't tell me that you're like that because she said that the things between you are over. 

- She said that she doesn't want to lose me again, whatever that means. 

- Again? Did you date her? 

- Ellie said no and what was left is to be her friend. But since I am here I don't remember to have met her. 

- What about before you came here? What were your friends?

- This is time, which I forget and won't get back there. 

I turned around to see Ellie. She looks exactly the same as me yesterday when I heard her talking with Noah. Damn it, I mess up again. Now she definitely won't talk with me, but I didn't say anything about her. Aghh, why it has to be so complicated? Why is getting me that much? Ellie is just a girl like the others. 

I saw Ellie near her locker and went to talk with her. 

- Ellie, can I talk with you for a minute? Please. 

She looked at me but didn't say anything. I guess it won't be that easy. 

- Ellie, please. If I said something that hurt you, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to understand from where we know each other. I see that you and my mom won't tell me, so I have to do it by myself.

- Your mom? What she has to do with that?

- Once at dinner I was distracted and after many questions, I told her about you. I think that she get who are you but refused to tell me. All she said is that you meant something to me and that you were one of the most important people in my life. 

- I thought that I was, but I guess it was back then. Now I mean absolutely nothing to you. 

I saw a tear rolling down her cheek. Will I ever stop being and a**whole and making her cry? I carefully wiped her tear and kissed her cheek. Wait! This seems very familiar. Have I done it to her before? I swear it feels like I have done it many times, but when?

- Why did you do that? I didn't want it. 

- Because I am really sorry for always making you cry. You don't deserve that. 

- It's ok, I am used to it. Not only from you. 

That was the last thing she said, before walking away for her next class. We have the same one, but it'll be better if we walk separately. I sit three rows behind her next to one girl. She looked at me with a smirk. I return with a simple smile. I'm not in the mood for anything. 

In my mind appeared the kiss, which I gave her. Why did it feel so familiar? Probably I am imagining things, but I won't lie that it felt good. Oh my god, what is wrong with me? Yes, there are girls who are good at kissing, but Ellie has never kissed me. Then why do I feel like that? Maybe if I make her do it, I'll understand, but again she is not like the other girls. Ellie is different in her own way. Something, which makes me, look at her differently. I'm sure that she doesn't want boys only for hook up. If she wants something, it'll be for a long time. What if I am this guy? Scott, shut up. You don't want her that way or maybe I do. Damn it! It's your fault, Ellie, for everything. 

- Scott, why are looking like that? I know what can help you. I am free tonight, so if you want to come feel welcome. I'll be very happy to see you. - the girl next to me said

- I'm sorry, but I am busy. It'll be another day. 

Seriously? Since when did I reject girls? I already did it twice. This is not the Scott who I used to be. I need to step on my game or I won't see a girl anymore. At least I have Ellie. No, she is not mine and never will be. I don't need her. Then why can't stop thinking about her?

After school, I went home. My mom was there too. Usually, she doesn't come that early. Well... I don't care. 

- Honey, are you ok? Why do you look so sad? Did something happen? Maybe with Ellie?

How does she know? She is my mom after all. I guess that all the mothers have a feeling when something is wrong with their kids. 

- I don't want to talk about this. It's weird and probably soon I'll forget it. 

- Just like you forgot her, right? You know you can tell me. I am your mom. Did she say something?

- No, it's because I did something and it felt like I have done it before. Many times, but I can't remember when. 

- What did you do? Did you hurt her or ignore her?

- I told her that you may know who she is, then she get upset, because before she meant something for me and now not. I saw a tear rolling down and I wiped it. After that like by instinct, I kissed her cheek. I don't know why I did it, but it felt right at this moment. It felt familiar as well, but I don't know why. I am changing myself, because of her. I already cut off two hot girls. I haven't done anything like that before. Mom, what's wrong with me? Why do I act like that? 

- It's because you care. Honey, you care about Ellie more than you think. You don't want to hurt her, to make her cry, to see her sad. You don't want to play with her the same way you do with every other girl. You want her to be your friend or even more. You want her to be close to you, so you can protect her. You want her. You want Ellie. 

- Sorry mom, but you are wrong. There is no way that I want her. She looks way too basic and is a nerd. 

- Back then you didn't think the same way. 

- Why everybody is saying this? When is this back then? I checked my memory but since I came here I don't remember to have met her. 

- Then why don't you check before you came here.

- No, this is in the past. I promised myself that I'll never go back to those days. This chapter of my life is closed. Forever. 

- But why? You were so happy back then with your friends. Especially with one of them. You want to know who is Ellie, right?

- Yes, more than everything. I need to know who is she.

- Then you have to open this chapter again. There is no other way. I don't even know why did you close it. Was that bad what happened there?

- It was way too painful. I don't want to talk about it.

- But you have to. I know that you have some old wounds, but if it's really important for you to know who is she, you have to do it. 

- Fine, but this is the last time in which I'll do it. 

We talked a bit more and then I went to my room. I promised myself that I won't go there, that I won't remember these years, but if this is the only way to find out the truth, I have to do it. 

I have one box with things which I keep from my old house before I move here. I carefully opened it and start looking at all the things, which were inside. I found a rubber bracelet on which it says best friends. Then some Christmas cards from my friends. At the bottom of the box, I found a photo album. On top, it says "Best friends forever". I opened it and looked at the first picture. It was a girl and me when I was probably five. In each picture, it was this girl and me. When I got to the last few photos, I just couldn't believe it. This can't be true. She was in front of me the whole time and I didn't see her. 

I quickly run downstairs with the album in my hands.

- I found her. I found out who is Ellie. She was in front of me the whole time. How can I be so stupid?

- Well at least you did it. What will you do now? - mom asked

- I have to talk with her. Probably I'll do it tomorrow. I can't believe it. 

The whole dinner we talked about Ellie. How didn't I notice it earlier? The most important thing is that I got it. I figured out who is she. Now I know why I acted that way. I need to talk with her. There are so many things, which I want to tell her. Hopefully that I have the chance to do it and that she'll listen to me. I have missed you, Ellie.