Sweet His

chapter five

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COLIN

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AS I WALKED INTO the heavy glass door of Evangeline’s bistro that afternoon, my phone pinged up for an incoming message. I paused and quickly fished it out from my pocket to check. It was from David.

“Check this out,” it said. And as it got seen, another chat bubble came in with a photo attachment. It was a snapshot of David’s smiling face next to an equally beautiful guy staring right into the camera. Must be a model too. But I still took a mental note to remember this guy’s face as I made my way towards the bar counter where I can see the back of Evangeline’s silhouette, busily working on the drinks there.

“Had a short romantic shoot with this insanely famous beau,” David added with a winking emoji. I smirked at his clever message as I sat right down on one of the tall chairs by the counter. Then, I instantly replied back to him.

“What the hell is this?” I typed away, “Are you blatantly cheating on me now, David Breslin?”

After a second, a response came in again.

“I’m trying to work on getting a massive increase in my followers' tab now,” he said, “Is it working?”

I typed back, “What? The increase in your followers?”

“No,” he replied, “I meant, you getting jealous? Is it working?”

I snickered at his playful use of words and casually wrote another response.

“Well, damn right, it’s working. Stop flirting behind my back, Breslin.”

Then after a moment, he quickly replied.

“Wait till I get home then.” And it ended with a heart and winking emoji.

I laughed at that cryptic response and told him back that I will be waiting with a kiss emoji. I then put the phone back into my pocket, still smiling from that conversation. And as soon as I looked up to the counter, I immediately caught Evangeline watching me with an evil grin on her face.

“Well, that’s a loving smile you got there, beautiful boy,” she told me in a mocking tone.

“It’s nice to see you too, Evangeline,” I greeted her back.

“You know what? Just seeing that smile of yours really reminds me of the good ole days, when I used to be just as old as you are and thought that love is the only thing that matters in the world, but--” she started rambling on and before she eventually turns dark from it, I immediately interrupted her.

“Of course it was way, way back when Youtube wasn't even invented yet. And the telephone is the only way for you to communicate with someone else who’s five miles away,” I interjected with a rushed response, cutting her off. “I came here for the drummer, mother dearest.”

“Well, aren’t you just sweet?” Evangeline just smirked back to me with a facetious delighted voice then casually put a pint of beer in front of me. “Good timing, though.”

I smiled at her typical gesture. It was Evangeline alright, in all her glory form and Davidoff cigarette stick. “I missed you, Eve.”

“Me too,” she gently said back, easing into a soft smile. “And so is Davie’s gorgeous face. You really need to remind him of my existence before it gets too late. I ain’t getting younger now, Cole.” she playfully remarked and I laughed at her words.

“He’ll visit soon,” I reassured her.

“The drummer’s a catch,” Evangeline quickly diverted the topic into the one I’ve really wanted to hear and I smirked as I was reminded again by her peculiar way of making the conversations drift from here to there.

“Is he really that good?” I asked in a skeptic tone.

“Well, if you consider tapping the top of a drum with a stick and hitting the cymbals on a lightning speed good? Then, I believe he’s good,” Evangeline shrugged at me and left me even more confused with her vague description.

“So, I guess I just have to believe in that kind of judgment?”

“You needed a drummer. I’m giving you one.” She straight-away punched the line at me.

I was left speechless from that. And I think I've just finally learned how Evangeline earned the name “Mother Hustler” in Rockville. She really knows how to play well in negotiations. And because she knew I was desperate for a drummer, she gave me an ultimatum that I would never really get to turn down.

“There’s only one catch, though,” she said, earning a frown from me.

“What is?”

“The guy’s seventeen.”

I stopped for a moment to take that in. “You mean he’s still in high school?”

Evangeline shook her head no at me, then clarified, “Well, technically he’s not. He actually dropped out before senior year.”

“So, he’s out of school?” That still did not seem to lessen my uneasiness at all.

“You can’t blame him, Colin. It was more of a choice to the kid. He said he does not want to go back there anymore because of the nasty things he kept hearing from his classmates. He prefers taking petty jobs instead because he gets to earn money for food from that rather than be in school and get bullied for all the wrong reasons he should not be blamed for. And I guess it just says something more about his character as a person. This kid has faced his problems head-on. And you gotta admit, that's no normal for a kid to think that way. You know that, Cole.”

I tried to process everything that Evangeline was saying to me to considerately understand it the way she sees it. But a kid out of school? Seventeen? He’s still too far behind to be in the world that would only try to corrupt him if he’s not too brave enough to fight against it.

Seeing me hesitating to take her offer, Evangeline spoke again, “Remember the first time you asked me to take you in and give you the part-time job here at my bistro two years ago? Weren’t you what? Just seventeen at the time, too? Cole, I gave you a chance because you said you would do your very best and will never make me regret hiring you. And even when I was still unsure if you could really do it, I trusted in you. I gave you the job because I wanted to believe in you. And now I want you to look at this young boy the same way as I did with you before. Just give it a go for once, Cole. Give him one try at it.”

I knew Evangeline was just trying to get me soft with her words. But as soon as I got reminded of my past, I instantly felt the hopelessness and desperation I used to feel before when I thought I could never escape this town again. But Evangeline gave me the way to finally reach the freedom I get to have right now. And for that, I am still deeply indebted to her. And I think this is the only way for me to give back what I owe to her since then.

“Fine,” I then said in resignation. And Evangeline beamed at me, clapping her hands in delight.

“You’ll never regret this,” she told me, grinning.

“What do you even want me to say?” I smiled bitterly to myself and took a big gulp from the beer she just handed me a while ago.

“The deal's done?” She suggested back and I only shook my head at her, laughing.

“Congratulations!” she said out loud with utter rejoice—a complete hundred-eighty degree turn of expression from how she was just acting a while ago, “You've finally got yourself a drummer!”

And yeah, I did. Well, I had no choice. Yet, she was right too. So, I’ve decided to just trust Evangeline about this, in the meantime. If things happen now then let them happen. I just have to do what I got to do... For our band… For my music... For my dreams...

Well, damn it. At least, I’ve finally found my drummer. That's what really matters, anyway.

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DAVID

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WHY DO WE dream so big?

For a human being, with not so many liberties of being able to impetuously get everything he wants in this exorbitant world of greed, dreams are only used to manifest a grand purpose in life. It is just something that gives meaning to us so that we won't stop hoping for the future. Dreams... can be sometimes addictively consuming when it becomes an obsession.

I grew up, living a life that does not give me the reason to dream too much of materialistic desires. I used to think that it was meaningless because I used to have anything I'd wanted when I was young. Clothes, fame, love, attention... These things were so trivial from the world where I used to grow up. The unconventional reality of the life that my parents had shown me, living with them until two years ago, led me to think that my life is what I could have actually considered bliss. And I didn't have to dream so much to attain all of the things I’d wanted to be mine. But I was wrong.

Until I met Colin... And I learned who I really am. Then I fell in love with him… So hard. And I've realized since then, that there is more than the dreams I used to think they were before.

“I love you…” I uttered these words like a promise, driven by insane bliss as I dove down into the deep sea of pleasure and overflowing devotion filled by my feelings and lust. Now, dreams became a similarity to having this feeling with him.

I soon heard Colin moaning over my kisses as he plunged deeper inside me and trembled in intense satisfaction. Colin... My hands ferociously moved on their own all over his body, seeking more warmth… For more skin… For more of him. I was possessed.

“I love you…” I repeated the words again, like a chant. And I held onto anything I could touch; his arms, his chest, his shoulders… His lips. His face.

Dreams... what are them if I can have this?

Eventually, the two of us—unyieldingly conjoined into one—finally reached the unearthly peak of our desires. Like two puzzle pieces fitting together, our souls reunited so tightly. And I tightened my grasp on him, not ever wanting to let go. My heart, almost… slipped away for a second. And I only felt nothing else. Nothing else... but COLIN.

“David…” he uttered my name and the way it sounded was like pure blissful music to my ears. I then wrapped him into my arms, passionately sated by the feeling of being with him. In him. On him. As long as we’re together, I won’t ever feel lost.

He was my home.

“I wonder what it would be like for us… In the future.”

Colin's face was shadowed by the moonlight illuminating from the window of our room. He stared towards the ceiling, a lit cigarette on his lips. The calm breathing of our chests slowly put me to comfort as I thought about his words.

"What else?" I said, smirking as I imagine it, "You'll be the hot music icon and I'll be your beautiful muse, an insanely famous celebrity. We'll be one of the biggest couples in show business. Our legacy can't be overcome by anyone else. And we'll be legends."

It might sound too overdramatic...

But that is our dream now. Ever since I’ve come to accept what I really was, I've become an ambitious soul. Though we have never talked too much about the future, Colin and I already knew our goals. And for me, my dreams are not just ordinary anymore. I thought that if I was going to dream, I have to dream big. Selfishly. Enormously. And yes, it can be a little bit over the top, but I have always believed that nothing is impossible.

If other people can do it, why can't I? Why can't we?

Colin chuckled at my comical remark as he leaned down to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. “You think so much about it, huh?”

“’ Think’ as the operative word,” I responded, emphasizing his comment. And he was right. I always think about it. Our future.

“Five, six, seven years from now… I only have a life with you. And it will be an amazing future.” I added. And just thinking about that foreseeable future with him, I can’t help but grin with spilling happiness.

“I wish I could have your optimism though,” I heard Colin say this after a moment. I looked up and wondered what he meant by those words. But when I saw him with a serious expression drawn on his face, I knew that he was thinking about it too deeply. Watching him have that kind of gloom makes me wish I could actually read him like this. Sometimes, I really feel like Colin still has this big hole in his soul that even I could never fill in. And it will always give me this fear that one day he’ll just leave me without ever saying anything.

Feeling drawn to his sudden sentimentality, I hugged Colin tighter and moved closer to his chest.

“What’s troubling you?” I asked.

Colin took a long drag from his cigarette and I watched the smoke fill the air above us. “My dreams.”

Those simple words were only mere words. But hearing it from Colin’s mouth and him admitting his troubles to me made it meaningful somehow. He never was the type of person to be so open about his feelings at all. Even to me, Colin never really depended so much on talking about his own thoughts.

“You have me,” I reassured him, raising my head so that I could stare down at his face and said, “I will make your dreams come true.”

He laughed at my serious statement, one thing that made me smile tenderly. I knew he felt how genuine I was saying those words. And before I knew it, he pulled me down to him again and passionately kissed me.

“I’ll be your Rhea Perlman. You’ll be my Danny DeVito,” I said after he pulled away.

My reference somewhat made him laugh even more. “You do realize that they’ve already separated, right?”

I snorted and answered him with snotty confidence, “So what? They still love each other so much they’ve never even filed for divorce after that. And facing reality here, it can be our future too… But I don’t think we have to separate as they did. Even if it comes to that point.”

“I want to grow old with you,” he then whispered to me and his words made my heart flutter.

“Me too,” I murmured back, snuggling to him as he wrapped his free arm around me.

“I want to marry you in the future,” he confessed and the almost proposal statement made me feel so happy I didn’t even dare to reply. I knew he already knows what I was going to say to that. He mumbled another ‘I love you’ before his breathing becomes calmer, indicating that he had already fallen asleep.

But I still remained awake, playing his words over and over again in my head. I didn’t even realize that I had been smiling like a fool for a while now. I just wanted to keep the feeling of bliss overwhelm and make me dream more about the future.

As happy tears flooded my eyes, I whispered a promise to the sleeping Colin with earnest devotion.

“I want to marry you too,” I said to his chest, hugging him back and tightly holding him into my arms. “I want to be in your future.”

And if only that, could be more than just wishful thinking.

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