Nyctophilia

Nathan: Who is Kyle?

DUBAI, 3 YEARS AGO

“Earth to Nathaniel.” I was spacing out again. “What did you say?” I asked Sofia, my secretary, but sometimes she's more like my bodyguard, sent by my father. “Nothing, just continue spacing out. I’ll just handle this one myself.” I rolled my eyes at her.“Good, just handle every meeting yourself first. I just came out of a coma, you know?” She sighed and handed me my meds. “Which reminds me that you need to take a rest instead of playing basketball, no?” I ignored her and continued playing basketball with the staff in our hotel.

I had a car accident 2 years ago. They said it was a miracle I even lived because the car accident was no joke. I came out of a coma a month ago and the first thing that came to my mind was a name. It was “Kyle” I couldn't remember anything else but that name. Remembering a man’s name is so weird that I began to wonder, “Did I like men?” I tried seeing women on dates that my father set me up with but every time, I’m reminded of “Kyle”. My father didn't want me to remember the past anymore so he hid all my things and bought me new ones. He said, “Let go of the past. Don’t try to remember because you’ll get hurt again.” I listened to him and now, I’m suffering. What kind of past did I have? I have no clue.

“Sofia,” She didn’t answer for a while, and all I could hear was the background noise from the office. “What do you want?” I bit my lip, contemplating whether to say what I wanted to say or not. “Mr. Levan, are you spacing out again? Hello?” Sofia grew impatient and started calling me names so I just blurted it out. “Who is Kyle?” There was silence on the other side of the line, all I could hear was the background noise again.

“How did you know Kyle? Did you see the pictures?” My head was spinning, “There are pictures? Where, Sofia?” She hung up the phone before I could even ask another question. My father is hiding my past because my lover is a man, is that it?

I massaged my temples hoping that would help me remember but it didn't. Pictures, where would I find those pictures? I couldn't think of where they would hide those. Did they burn it? What is even in the pictures? I couldn't sit still anymore, the curiosity was killing me. So, I visited my father. Hoping to get answers from him.

“No! I told you clearly to stay away from your past. Your past self is not happy. I don’t want you to go back to that state, it's like a miracle that all your memories were erased. You can start anew.”

I looked down, “But isn't that part of me? I may not be happy but at least I don't feel broken. Like something is missing.” I heard him scoff at my words. “You were broken, the only thing that fixed you is that car accident.” I didn't want to reason with him anymore, it felt like I was talking to a wall. He never listens, he doesn't even try to understand me.

“Nathaniel” I looked in the direction where the person who called me was standing. She’s an old lady that I don't remember seeing anywhere. “Do I know you?” I think she works on this house. “Shiela, you may not remember me because of what happened to you. I was your maid growing up.” I stared at her and tried my best to remember. If she's the one who practically raised me, I should remember her but why do I not remember?

“Nathaniel, you don't have to remember me but I heard your conversation with your father. You wanna know who Kyle is?” My eyes widen, does she know who Kyle is? I nodded and she smiled. “Go back home.” I stared at her confused. “I am home.” She shook her head and pointed at our family picture on the wall. “Home, where your mother is. You’ll find answers there.” Before she could even walk away, I grabbed her hand.

“Why can't you just give me the answers I need?” She looked at me with sad eyes. “Because I only know that Kyle was the person you love. That's all. You phoned me once and told me you fell in love with a person named Kyle and that you would tell me more about that person once you got here but obviously, you can’t now.” I let her go. So, Kyle is the person who I fell in love with. I need to find him. Maybe just maybe, I could regain all the lost memories I had.

~~~~~

I came back from Dubai to search for Kyle and answers to my past. 2 years passed and my father was still trying to get me back there but I didn't, I kept searching but there weren't any clues about my past. It’s like everything vanished. There was no trace of me here. I wish my mom was still here, I don’t even remember her well, I just have fragments of memory of her. By now, my purpose in this world was to find Kyle and grow my business. When I left Dubai, I was sure that my father would cut off all my cards to try and force me to go back. So, I built my own company with the resources I had. Luckily, I knew a lot of people who trusted me and invested. My company grew before I knew it and as time passed by, I forgot about Kyle. I gave up finding answers to my past.

Not until today.

“You don’t remember me? I’m - I’m K-Kyle.” It took me a while to register what was happening. There was suddenly three people who were confronting me now but my mind was replaying what she said that she was Kyle.