Nyctophilia

Kyle: Seeing you again

I closed my eyes tightly after reading my boss's email. Now, I don’t even have a reason to stay up late because even my boss wants me to rest. How could I possibly rest? How could I possibly sleep peacefully when all I see in my dreams is him? I stood up from my swivel chair and made my way to my office door where my sister was standing staring at me with one eyebrow up.

“What?” I asked as I near her. She rolled her eyes and sighed. “You didn't sleep last night again.” She wasn't even asking. I ignored her and got out of my office to get some hot chocolate from the kitchen. “I know why you’re acting like this but I don't want to lose you yet. What you’re doing, it’s unhealthy. Please rest, Kyle.” She followed me all the way downstairs to the kitchen to nag me and I understand why.

“5 months, I’ve got 5 months to rest,” I answered her while heating water for my hot chocolate. I faced her and saw how shocked she was. “What?” She said and immediately ran toward the living room to retrieve her phone from the center table there. “Mom! She’s finally resting!” I rolled my eyes when I heard her voice. What a drama queen.

Once I finished making my hot chocolate, I sat beside my sister on the couch in the living room. “So, you're resting for 5 months? As in, no work at all?” She asked, making sure it was true. She finished talking to our mother before I got into the living room. “Yes, Jane. My boss called me a workaholic and told me to rest for 5 months. Forced leave if you will,” As I was talking, she looked disappointed. I raised an eyebrow at her.“Why do you look like I stole something from you?” She groaned and said, “Yes, you stole hope from me. I thought you requested a leave yourself.” I laughed at her reaction.

Jane is 5 years older than me and she’s now married to an amazing man but there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, right? She’s now staying with me in my condo because she and Ivan ( her husband ) had a fight and guess what they fought about? They debated about pineapple on pizza, should it have one or not? And ended up fighting. See how immature she and her husband are? But when it comes to me she’s always like this, nagging like a true older sister which sometimes I forget.

“What's the difference? I get to rest for 5 months, no?” She stared at me and she looked so serious. “Because that just means you still can’t get over that boy.” I bit my lip and smiled at her, trying not to cry. “I guess it still shows, huh.” She smiled at me and hugged me tightly.“Sleep, then we’ll have fun for 5 months.” I laughed at what she said.

I do hope that I’ll have fun because I’m tired of thinking about him. It’s been 5 years, why does it still hurt? I still miss him, I can’t even get mad at him. I’m mad at myself because I don’t even know why he disappeared. What if something happened to him and I didn't know because I didn't even try to call? After I lost touch with him, I didn’t try to reach out. I was scared of the answer, I was afraid that the answer would even hurt me more. So, I chose to wait. I waited for my feelings to fade but I guess without closure, my feelings will never leave, and because of that, I’m still hoping for him to come back.

“Girl, change.” Said Jane while looking at me with disgust. It's been a week now and Jane has been staying with me to make sure I try new things every day. She made me try all sorts of things like snorkeling, fishing, skydiving, and wearing a bikini. The one where I wore a bikini on a beach was terrifying. It felt uncomfortable, I’m used to wearing a Rushgard for swimming so wearing a bikini felt so… alien. And now, I have no idea where we’re going today. So, I just wore a white shirt and skinny jeans which disgusted Jane, and told me to change.

“What kind of outfit do you even want me to wear?” I asked her because I had no clue where we were going. I guess the only clue I had was Jane’s outfit. It’s sparkling and kind of short. “Match mine!” She shouted from the kitchen, I think she's eating granola. I don’t know anymore, I just want to get this over with.

I tried finding my cocktail dress in the pile of clothes I had. I just moved into this condo a month ago and I didn’t have time to fix my things. All the kitchenwares were organized by Jane and Mom. I was grateful to them. They never left me alone and said that I was still their “baby” That's why they still take care of me which my father finds unpleasant because he said I was already old and I agree with that. I don’t want my sister and my mom to take care of me anymore because I hate seeing them hurt whenever I’m hurt. I finally found the cocktail dress that I was looking for and immediately ran to my shoes and wore my only heels. I like heels but I didn't see why I needed to buy more because I work from home after all. So, I just stick to one like I always have. I sighed at my thoughts, how could I make all my thoughts about him?

“How about this?” I said as I made my way to the kitchen where she was eating granola while scrolling through her phone. I rolled my eyes, she loves granola so much that she eats it every hour, and I still don't understand her obsession with granola. She looked up from her phone and dramatically dropped her spoon into the bowl.

“My Kyle, so pretty!! Let me take a picture.” She raised her phone to take a picture of me and I immediately snatched it away from her. “No pictures, Jane.” She rolled her eyes at me and said, “Fine, no pictures but you’ll allow me to do your makeup.” I stared at her confused. I already did my makeup. I’m not that dumb to still have no clue where we are going. I know we’ll go to some sort of party. “I have makeup on. What do you mean?” She laughed at me and stared at me for a moment.

“No, I’ll do your makeup. Now follow me, I just bought this stuff yesterday when we were at the mall.” I looked at what she was talking about and saw a whole set of makeup on. “Wow, you are ready for this day, huh.” She just smiled at me knowingly. “Let's make you forget that man tonight.” I smiled. Yes, let's forget that man tonight.

I told myself to forget the man inside my head and heart but why? Why is he here standing in front of me now?

“Nathan.”