Unwanted but not Unloveable

Chapter 2: Her story, Now our story (Thomas)

My mind was racing in so many different directions, I didn’t know what question to start asking. “How? How do you know and I didn’t? Why did you kill him because of that? It still doesn’t explain why you killed him?” Now that I’m looking at her, with what one would say is new eyes, I can see that she has fathers mouse brown hair and similar coloured hazelnut eyes to myself and father.

“So many questions. I did tell you that it would destroy yourself and all you have known,” she smiles sweetly but there is something in her eyes, something I cannot begin to describe. Almost like she is miserable that she was the one to tell me. “To answer those many questions; I found out when William came to my village and told me but then slit my mother’s throat in the dead of night, I killed him, because it was my only option. If you think on it, it really does explain why I killed him.” She fell silent, either letting me think, which I highly doubt, or because she, finally, has nothing left to say. Oh so now she shuts up, I thought.

“He…. You… Your mother… He… I…” I was at a lost for words, I was stumbling and stumbling, I mean what was there to say. “Wait, wait, wait. Does this make us?” I couldn’t even say the word.

She sighs, “Yes that makes us siblings.” I shuddered delicately. She noticed and rolled her eyes, “Jesus it’s not that bad.”

“Oh…”

“You can take a minute,” she says, almost kindly as if she feels bad for what she has just told me.

I shake my head, the tent, the ground, her, it’s all spinning. I’m getting dizzy and my heart, it’s burning. My hand reaches to grab my s**t, over my heart. “Oh for shits sake!” Hands are grabbing me and pushing me to sit down. When I’m sitting on the blood covered dirt, the room slowly stops spinning and my heart slowly stops burning but there is still this little tingling of pain. Alice, it was Alice’s hands pushing me down. I thought she would have been tied down to the chair.

My face must have shown that I was confused and probably sick, cause gods did I feel sick, because she said, her voice soft and sweet once again, “Thomas, as the leader of The Ravens, second best only to your Border Rievers, you can’t tie me up and not expect me to escape. For f**k sakes, if I knew this would be your reaction I wouldn’t have told you.”

“Oh, right, right,” I was barely listening; my voice felt distant, like I wasn’t talk, merely listening from another area. Alice threw her pale white arms up in frustration. Gods she was tall, taller than me anyhow. I took a few more minutes to collect myself, my head stopped hurting as did my heart but my breathing had turned rugged,so I decided to started to ask more questions to Alice, which she answered, I hope, honestly. “How old are you?”

“Eighteenth.” So she’s younger than me but taller, so not fair, I thought.

“Do you have any family, other than me?” I don’t even know if she counts me as family but I said it anyway.

Her face shifted, just an inch, that any normal person watching wouldn’t have noticed but since a young age, it has been my job to notice small things, so of course I noticed. “No,” she said but her voice was to high and her reply was to slow, to be honest. I told myself that if she wanted to keep it a secret she could. For now.

“How many Ravens are there?”

She laughs, a sound that makes the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “I’m not tell you that.” I shrug my shoulders, fair enough.

“How old were you when your mother died?”

Her eyes, which have been none climatic, fulled with sorrow. I think she’s not going to answer and soon scramble to find another question when she says in a small voice, small but powerful and angry, “Twelve. I was twelve.”

All thoughts and questions empty out of my head. Oh.

Her bright hazelnut eyes meet mine, “I was twelve when he walked into my Scottish village looking for my mother. When he found her, he also found me. He realised that he had another child, a daughter. My mother sent him away but he didn’t leave, no. He hid and in the dead of night while everyone was sleeping her took her out of bed. You see Thomas I had a nightmare that night and went to find her, only to see your father, our father slit her throat and let her choke on her own blood. I run out of the house and straight to the council’s tent, he told me who the man was and told me to run. So I ran and never looked back, but he was the best of the best so he hunted. I was his prey and he was the hunter for years we danced only just missing each other. For many years I was defenceless, until I hid in this one village, they tort me how to be strong and not run. Since that day, a few years ago, I have never again been defenceless.” She finished, anger, ferocious and powerful shone in her eyes but also sadness. I realised she saw her mother murderer and she was never able to grieve properly, I suddenly felt sick all over again but this time it wasn’t because the room was spinning.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, I don’t know why, I just did.

She laughs, but it wasn’t filled with joy no it was forced and sounded void of any joy and happiness, and says, “You didn’t kill my mother, you didn’t hunt me, your father did. I killed him and now we’re even.”

I was about to answer when a rough voice calls, “Thomas, the meeting starts now.”

“f**k,” I had completely forgotten about the meeting. I smacked myself in the head for being so forgetful.

“Meeting?” She says confused, for once.

“Yeah, it’s about what we’re going to do about you. Look can you just stay here and out of sight for an hour, max. Please I want to talk to you more.” I looked her straight in the eyes, trying to convince her that I’m not the man my father is, not even close. I know she could leave at any moment but she didn’t before so maybe she’ll stay now.

“Fine.” She rolls her eyes and sits back down on the chair.

“Thomas,” the same rough voice calls but closer.

“For f**k sakes,” I say under my breath, then in a louder voice I say, “Coming.”

I turn around to leave but turn back around to see Alice staring at the tent wall but not actually looking at it. I am nothing like my father in so many ways.