Love n' Dear

Chapter 21: Annoyed

What did you expect from a weirdo? Nang dumating iyong order kong pizza sinunggaban niya agad. He settled eating it with a fork and knife. What is that? A steak? Samantalang ako tamang kamay lang at tissue, siya medyo sosyal. Amoy na amoy ko talaga ang expensive niya at hampaslupa lang ako.

If ever mang maging kami tapos tutol iyong pamilya niya, kukunin ko talaga ang pera tapos lalayuan siya. Naging boyfriend ko siya, yumaman pa ako.

I respect his manner, though it's better to eat using your bare hands. I just don't want to force someone because I also don't want it to happen to me. I love my freedom, I do what I think I enjoy but no, I don't want to meet someone who will force me to do things and I'm still aware of my limitations.

"You have trauma?" he asked, wiping his mouth with a tissue.

Busy naman akong pinaghihiwalay iyong pizza gamit iyong kamay ko, since may gayat naman and it's not like kaya kong kainin at isubo nang isang subuan iyong dalawang slice ng pizza. Lungad ako kapag nangyari iyon.

Napansin niya atang nagpapakahirap ako sa buhay kaya umepal na siya at ginamit ang hawak niyang kutsilyo at syempre walang palyang nahati ito.

"What trauma?" I asked, feigning ignorance. He put the slice pizza in a tissue and gave it to me. Nakangiti akong tinanggap iyon at sumubo agad.

"You're scared crossing the streets," he said.

I ignore him and continue eating. Why would I answer it? I don't think I have to open my life to someone who's asking me question and as far as I know, even Elle haven't ask me this kind of question. Silent is the best remedy.

"Guess, not the right age to cross the streets," he said it, cutting his pizza and put it inside his mouth. The nerve of this man to mock at me? Weirdo talaga! He even remember iyong sinabi ko noong magtanong siya kung ilang taon na ako. Totoo naman kasing nasa tamang edad na ako para i-handle ang sarili ko. I don't need him.

"I'm 21 years old, nice meeting you, Brother Luis." I sipped the coke while glaring at him. This teasing of the right age will never end unless I said the truth. Palakasan pala ng trip ha! Manigas siyang sa katotohanang brother iyong itatawag ko sa kaniya.

Tumaas iyong sulok ng labi niya. "Are you serious?"

Inilapag ko iyong basong may lamang coke bago sumubo ulit ng pizza. Matagal akong ngumuya kahit na pinapanood niya ako at abang na abang sa isasagot ko. Sinigurado ko munang walang laman iyong bibig ko bago magsalita.

"Then, senior Luis will do."

Umiling siya at inilahad sa harapan ko iyong tissue. Nakasimangot akong tinanggap iyon. Mahinang nilalang! Wala man lang pahalik na gagawin.

"Do I look that old?" pagtatanong niya. Hinawakan pa iyong baba niya, feeling naman niya! He's just above-average, wag siyang assuming. Wala na akong energy makipagtalo sa kaniya. Bahala na siya sa buhay niya.

"Guess my age," pangungulit niya nang ilang minuto akong hindi tumitingin sa kaniya at nakapokus sa phone ko. It's funny na hindi pa rin nag-e-end iyong call namin. Ewan ko, di ko talaga alam kung anong trip namin. Basta weird, natutunan ko yan sa kaniya. Mukha tuloy siyang master at ako ang disciple niya kasi ng dami kong natutunan pero weird nga lang.

"Probably an age not suitable for me." Pinunasan ko iyong labi ko dahil tapos na ako kumain. Nakatatlong slice na ako ng pizza. Busog na busog na agad ako.

"Nah, two weeks," he said, trying to hide the smile on his face. Gustung-gusto ko talagang pilipitin iyong leeg niya ngayon. Ano siya baby? 2 weeks old, huh?

Masamang tingin ang pinupukol ko sa kaniya pero parang wala lang sa kaniya. Sumubo muna siya ng dalawang maliit na slice bago nagsalita. "In 2 weeks, I'll be 22," he added. Don't tell me we have same birthday, too? That's weird! I don't want to indulge myself talking to him about it. I shrugged the thought of us having too much things in common like name and such. I excused myself and went to the comfort room.

Bakit ang bob* ni Luis? He's so dense! I've been eating the pizza like a baby, making some crumbs on my side lips so he can wipe it with his thumb or he can grab my head and kiss me but instead he keeps giving me tissue.

Ang linaw-linaw ng goal ko ngayon, kiss and stay away tapos parang wala lang sa kaniya.

I retouch my make-up at hinugasan lang iyong kamay ko. Nag-lock lang ako sa cubicle kahit nakatayo lang naman ako at nagpapalipas ng oras. Babalik ako after ten minutes, wishing and hoping na wala na siya. Pero nakaka-tatlong minuto pa lang ako, na-bored na agad ako.

I came back na simot na simot niya iyong pizza. Dapat lang namnamin na niya, this is my last treat. Ang ganda pa ng timing na sa tuwing kumakain ako, laging libre ko. Nakakadalawa na siya but yeah, this is the finale.

Inilabas ko iyong wallet ko at balak na sanang ilapag iyong pera nang mauna siyang maglapag sa lamesa. Well, let's call it quits.

Naupo ako at inilahad sa harapan niya iyong cellphone ko, ipinapaalam na on going pa rin iyong call namin. It's been 44 minutes and 26 seconds. "What's your trip?"

Nagkibit-balikat lang siya at back to serious mode na naman. May sasabihin sana ako nang mag-notif na may text message si Zero sa akin. Nakakunot ang noo kong binasa sa isip ang message niya na kung nasaan ako na capslock pa iyong pagkakatipa niya. Ramdam na ramdam kong galit na galit siya. Hindi ko kasi natapos iyong dapat i-te-text sa kaniya dahil lumandi nga agad ako.

I erased my draft and composed a new message. 5 pm, I repeated, inaalam kung tama ba iyong pagkaka-construct ko and hit the send button.

Oh my God! I just click the end call. I didn't know! Pagka-back ko kasi sa convo namin ni Zero, parang biglang nag-lag. Hindi ako nakuntento at nagpipindot-pindot pa and ito nga ang nangyari.

Lumingon ako sa reaksiyon ni Luis at nang mapagtantong na-end ko iyong call namin, his forehead wrinkled.

"I unconsciously click it. I didn't mean to end the call," pag-de-defend ko sa sarili ko. But that's a good thing, kasama ko naman siya at kaharap, why bother calling each other when I can ask him personally?

Mabilis niya akong pinasadahan ng tingin bago nagpokus na ulit sa phone niya. Binaling ko na lang ang atensiyon ko sa mga kumakain. As expected, nakakita na naman ako ng sweater.

"About your sweater, I can give it to you today, can you wait when my driver arrived?"

Walang gana siyang sumagot na okay lang. Hindi ko na lang siya kinulit kasi mukhang galit or nagtatampo pa rin siya. Ayoko namang itanong kung saan o anong dinadamdam niya.

"I'll go first, walk out when it's been 5 minutes." Ayoko pa ring makita kaming magkasama. Yeah, sure, magkasabay kaming kumain but walking beside him is a different thing. Tsaka wala naman sigurong nakapansin sa aming dalawa or I don't know, ang daming variables. Pwedeng wala ng bakanteng table at nakisabay lang siya and such.

Bawat hakbang ko, lumilingon ako sa kaniya. Baka kasi mamaya hindi siya sumunod. Napangiti ako nang makitang wala siyang ibo at ganoon pa rin sa kung anong iniwanan ko sa kaniya.

Nagmamadali akong bumababa ng hagdan bago lumabas ng pizza house. Kinuha ko iyong cellphone at nagtipa ng text kay Zero asking kung naroon sa back seat iyong paper bag. Mabilis siyang nag-reply ng oo tapos tinanong ulit kung nasaan ba ako dahil hindi ko siya sinagot kanina.

Napatalon ako sa gulat nang makarinig ng malakas na busina sa kalsadang kailangan kong harapin. Mabilis akong tumalikod, pumikit at tinakpan iyong dalawa kong tenga gamit ang kamay ko. This is too much burden.

Should I ask Luis to help me again? Or send my location to Zero so he can fetch me here?

I shook my head. Why am I even asking kung saan ako hihingi ng tulong? It's not like nandiyan sila habang buhay. I will get used to it. Sa una lang talaga mahirap but I can do it. Iyakin man ako but I'm strong independent woman.

Naramdaman ko ang mga kamay na humawak sa kamay kong nakatakip sa tenga. Unti-unti akong nagmulat ng mata at tumambad sa akin ang mukha ni Luis. I'm on the verge of crying but I calm myself. I really feel hopeless before na para bang katapusan ko na.

Umiwas ako ng tingin at inalis ang pagkakahawak sa tenga ko. Huminga ako ng malalim bago humarap muli sa kalsada. I won't cry. Everything ended years ago and I've already cry and I wonder if I really deserve to cry.

Kahit medyo blurred itong panigin ko dahil naiiyak nga ako, nakita ko pa rin kung paano inilahad ni Luis iyong kamay niya sa harapan ko.

"Hold my hand," he said.

Umiling ako. I don't need his hand. I can do it alone. But he grabbed my hand and he's the one who hold it.

"I know you can do it alone, but I want to be with you crossing the street." He squeezed my hand and intertwined our fingers.

I diverted my attention away from his face because I can't hide what I'm feeling right now. Unti-unti kong naririnig ang kabog ng dibdib ko, simbolong buhay na buhay ako. I mean, I’m not in love, it just, he knows I can't do it alone but he said it so he can comfort me. Do I deserve to be comforted when I'm the reason of every bad things happened?

I bitterly smile and just like that, we hold hands while crossing the street. I murmured thank you and was about to go to gate 4 when he called me, asking me to join him to the mall and buy sweets. I don't know if his dad really asked him to do it because I don't think oldies love sweets but anyway not my concern. Sumama na lang ako without thinking too much.

"Where do you live?" He puts his seatbelt but I'm not in the mood to talk. I'm so annoyed when we're buying sweets and some teenagers assume that I'm Luis little sister. The hell! Magkamukha ba kami ng weirdong ito? But I guess, it’s better kaysa sa mag-assume silang boyfriend ko ito.

"Where should I drop you?" he repeated his question.

I sighed. I'm not his little sister. Why am I even short? But I should blame his genes, he is too tall.

"You can drop me off in school."

I take my phone out of my pocket and not surprised that I was bombarded by Zero's message asking where the hell I am. I didn't know past five na.

6 pm.

I'm shocked to see him replying fast. Is he waiting for it? Tapos tatlong text agad ang ipinadala niya sa akin.

Been here for two hours.

Send me your location.

I can fetch you there.

Thanks and sorry for the trouble, sagot ko rito.

I mean, fault ko naman talaga na pinaghintay siya. Kung ako yon, iiwanan ko talaga siya but he stay kasi syempre, driver ko siya.

Not really, it’s my job; I get pay, Ms. Violet.

I breath out, the confidence of this man being my bodyguard and driver. I send him one letter, 'K.’

You want banana?

?

Potassium?

Why am I surrounded with corny people? I didn't bother replying a word and just look at Luis kasi mukhang wala siyang balak paandarin iyong kotse niya. May inaantay ba kami?

"Why are you still not driving?" I hide my phone and wear my seatbelt but that's when he starts maneuvering the car.

I feel that silence eating us. It's too awkward because I don't have something to share or say to him. This is my first timing not vibing to the silence.

"Music?" I suggested. When I turn on the music it was exactly the time the music went to K-I-S-S-I-N-G. I quickly turn it off. I nervously said, "Or maybe not."

Napilitan tuloy akong lumingon sa bintana kahit na ang sakit-sakit na ng leeg ko, hindi pa rin ako lumingon sa kaniya. I don't want to look at him. I might grab his nape and kiss him while he's driving. This is bothersome!

How can I stay away if I haven't taste his lips from the last time?

Lastly! We're in the school. Hinawakan ko iyong batok kong nanakit dahil para akong tuod na naka-fix lang iyong ulo sa may bintana, iniikot-ikot ko ang ulo ko. Pretty sure, I have neck sore.

"You like sweets?" Nilingon niya ako habang iniikot iyong ulo ko. Mabilis akong nagpanggap na walang nangyari at tinanggal iyong seatbelt na suot ko.

I don't know what he is asking but he gave me the sweets we bought.

"You can have this, Dad changed his mind."

I guess, this is really for me. "Thanks," I said smiling. I waited for him to kiss me. I keep staring at him, seriously holding the steering wheel. I want his lips. Come on!

I frowned while getting out of his car. I look stupid. I keep waiting for a kiss while he's also waiting for me to get off and leave me.

"See you," I said, closing the door. Fine! I'll move on to his lips.

"Yeah, see you." May pahirit pa siyang ngiti bago ako tumalikod. Bakit iyong ngiti niya nakakaadik?

Madali lang naman iyong gagawin ko, I just need to divert my attention to other things than his lips. Dumiretso ako sa gate 4 and saw Zero leaning on the car. He approached me and helped me carrying my bag and paper bag full of sweets.

"Sweets?" he asked while scanning the paper bag. I snatched it from him. Stalker as ever talaga siya. Tinanong pa niya kung boyfriend ko ba galing iyon.

I ignored him and closed my eyes. I'm tired of this. How can I remove Zero in my life?

I felt his hand patting my head.

"You must be tired, rest well."

I held it, stopping him from doing something. What should I do to cut ties with him?

"Can't we just go home quietly, Mr. Gochiaco?"

"Roger Ma'am."

Everything is really annoying. Why can't I have a peaceful life without him?