He Called Me Kid. Disaster Engagement Series, Book 4. Lynn Smith

Episode 14

Stacey and I were in full wedding mode trying to get organized for the big day. I had picked the bridesmaid dresses and I wanted my favourite flowers which were pink Lillie’s, but every time I looked at them I thought about Michael. Even though I haven’t seen or heard from him in years those flowers always reminded me of him. I didn’t want any reminder of him at my wedding which left me with the dilemma of which flowers I should have for bouquet. I also couldn’t pick a style of wedding dress and I was stressed out because of it. Carmela and Chris and the kids had left for Argentina a month ago and I spoke to her everyday about the wedding. She loved stuff like that but I just found it stressful. John knew how stressed out I was and he had been desperately trying to cheer me up. He kept buying me ridiculously expensive presents and when that didn’t work he started to play all of his practical jokes on me. One Sunday morning John was going to play golf with Fran and the big man and Tommy and he got a phone call. I could tell it was good news he kept congratulating whoever it was on the other end of the phone and I was dying to find out who it was when the boys arrived at my house to collect John. I was talking to the big man about some party he wanted me to go to with him that night. He said it was a girl I knew from when I lived in London. Her name was Annie and although she didn’t have my number she really wanted me to go to her party “you should surprise her, she would love it” said the big man as he tried to convince me to go with him. Annie was a nice girl and we had been friends until Chris had shagged her and dumped her and it was too awkward for me to be friends with her because she kept calling him a dickhead for leading her on and I didn’t take kindly to her being horrible about him. But that was all in the past now so I agreed to go with the big man. When John came off the phone he said he had an announcement “I’m going to be a grandad” he was so happy he picked me up off my feet and swung me around. Fran was laughing but Tommy had a funny look on his face and he said “so what Lydia your going to be a grandma?” we all started laughing and I slapped his arm he just gave me a smile, it was the first time I had acknowledged his existence since he had tried to kiss me. I turned to John “who’s going to be a dad?” “It’s Jordon, he’s been with his girlfriend for a while so they are pretty happy, I know they’re young but I was about his age when I became a dad” “I’m happy for them they are a lovely couple” a few hours later John came home from golf and went straight to bed because he had hurt his back wrestling with the big man. He was laughing as he told me what happened, apparently the big man was saying John was an old man and that there was no way he could lift as much as him at the gym. So John decided to pick up the big man. He said Tommy was really impressed and Fran was cheering as John picked him up right off his feet. He said it nearly killed him but he had won and couldn’t show any weakness in front of them but now he was in agony. I gave him some pain killers and he said “I’m sorry kid, I can’t go to this party with you tonight” “don’t worry about it, I will stay here and look after you” “ no you go” he said “and tell the big man I’m just busy that’s why I can’t make it” “ok baby” I said and kissed his head. He slept for hours after that and I left him a little note saying ‘I love you big daddy’ I knew he would love that. The big man drove up my drive way to pick me up “you look so f*****g hot gorgeous” he said, “where’s John” “he’s busy he can’t make it” I hated lying to The big Man but I couldn’t let him know that John had hurt his back lifting him.

“really? John told me he was coming when I spoke to him today” “something came up” “cool” was all he said “you look amazing” “stop it you big flirt” when we got to the bar where Annie was having her party it was nearly empty.”Where is she big man?” I asked “I’m not sure I will call her to find out” he shouted for Vinnie to come over. “Look after her for a minute mate I need to go out and make a phone call” a few minutes later I had ordered us both a beer and a shot and a water for Vinnie when the big man came back and sat down beside me. “Gorgeous your going to kill me, I’m so sorry but the party was last night” I let out a laugh “you’re an i***t, anyway I got us a few drinks” “sorry again Lydia” He said with a sad look on his face and I felt awful for him because he was forever doing silly things. Once for his birthday he organised a trip away for us all and when I arrived at the hotel he was there alone. It turned out he had forgot to invite everyone. So it was just the two of us on holiday for his birthday. Fran used to say he did it on purpose. “it’s ok honey, don’t worry about it. I can catch up with Annie another time” we sat chatting for a while and he was telling me about the new movie he was about to start filming with Michael and Tommy. He said it didn’t start for another couple of months but that he was thinking about going on holiday before it started and he promised to be back for the wedding. I couldn’t help but ask about Michael. I never really thought about him and if I ever seen him on TV or in magazines I would always turn the channel or the page to avoid him. But after a few drinks I decided to ask about him. “So how is Michael?” I asked “he’s ok, he just works constantly. I don’t know anybody like him, I haven’t seen him for about six months, but he’s coming to LA soon” he seemed pleased to be getting his friend back but I knew Michael too well. As soon as another movie opportunity comes up he will drop the big man and piss off again. But I wanted to sound supportive “that will be nice for you two to meet up” “yeah, he always asks for you” when he said it I was rather surprised because I hadn’t seen or heard from him in years. “he knows your getting married obviously” said the big man as he sipped his pint of beer. “how does he know?” He looked at me as if I was crazy “because your one of the most famous women on the planet” “oh I forgot about that” he laughed “your one in a million Gorgeous. Anyway he says he’s happy for you” I was a little put out, at least Tommy had the good grace to at least pretend to still be in love with me, but Michael was as if he had disappeared without a trace. I had one disagreement with him two years ago and never heard from him again, which was a good thing as it let me move on, but hearing from the big man that he didn’t give a s**t I was getting married annoyed me for some reason. “Are you ok Gorgeous?” asked the big man and it snapped me out of my thoughts “yeah of course” he put his drinks down and took my hand across the table. “Can I aak you something? are you happy Gorgeous?” The big man always liked a good laugh and he loved to flirt but every now and then he would like to go deep and it drove me mad. I liked it sometimes because it meant he was being honest about his own stuff but over the years I realised that I would walk away from our heart to hearts haven given him more information about me and my feelings than I cared for. He would always talk about his therapy but would never tell me what he spoke about or any of his problems. The one I regretted the most was when I told him I had lost my baby, he had brought it up again just before Christmas and it was something from my past that I didn’t want to think about. As I was sitting across from him in the pub I was shitting myself as to where this heart to heart was going. “What do you mean ‘am I happy?’ Of course I’m happy big man” he looked concerned and I felt bad that he was so worried about me. “it’s just that you seem stressed” and he was right. “yeah I’m stressed about the wedding, I just can’t decide on a style of dress” “I think you will look beautiful whatever you wear” There he was concerned and reassuring. He was the sweetest friend any girl could ask for. “thanks honey, I was like this a few years ago when I trying on wedding dresses with Carmela” “why were you trying on wedding dresses a few years ago?” He asked “when I was engaged to Tommy” I was kind of embarrassed to be bringing it up again “s**t sorry Lydia, I forgot that you guys were supposed to be getting married” I just wished other people would forget about it too because someone had set up a fan club trying to get me and Tommy back together. Although that was never going to happen it still annoyed me. But I couldn’t let the big man know that because he might look into it in the wrong way. “it’s fine it feels like a lifetime ago” I said trying to sound laid back. “so it’s just about the dress?” “Yeah I can’t find the perfect one, it’s so frustrating. Why do I seem sad or something?” I asked as I casually sipped my drink. It turns out that it’s really hard work pretending to be casual. I wanted to scream at him that everything was s**t!!! Fran and I had secretly kissed and we were both pretending it didn’t happen and his girlfriend tried it on with John and we were both pretending it didn’t happen either. But instead I just quietly carried on sipping my drink. “No you don’t seem sad Gorgeous, you just don’t seem like yourself and John said he couldn’t wait to become a grandad but that you two wouldn’t be having kids of your own, I just wondered if you were ok with that” I felt like he had stabbed me through the heart, I actually had to catch my breath I had never been so sideswiped in my life. “What do you mean honey?” “John said he couldn’t wait to be a grandad but that you two will never have a family because he’s done all that with his sons and he doesn’t fancy changing dirty nappies again” John and I had never spoke about having children I just took it as a given that we would be married and have a family but I couldn’t admit this to the big man “yeah we have kind of spoke about it and now he’s retired I think he will change his mind” the look of concern on the big man’s face had me really worried “what if he doesn’t?” He asked and his question hung in the air between us as I tried to process what was happening. When I had finally gathered my thoughts I managed to speak. “He will big man, he gives me anything I want” “I hope you’re right Gorgeous, because I think you would make an amazing Mum” he gave me a huge smile and his lovely face cheered me up for a split second. “thanks honey” After that we had a few more drinks and headed home. When I got up to my bedroom John was already fast asleep in our bed and he looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to wake him but I was dying to ask him about our future. Then a horrible thought entered my mind, what if he said no to us having kids. Where would that leave us, I didn’t want to live without him but if he was going to ask me to give up my dream of being a mother one day then I couldn’t be with him. I sat on the bed in the darkness and tried to fight my tears, when he woke up. “You alright kid?” “yeah I’m fine” “come here give me a cuddle” I crawled up the bed and wrapped my arms and legs around him and kissed his face over and over. I wanted to take every part of him in because I was so scared of losing him. “You sure you’re ok?” He could always tell when I wasn’t myself. “yeah I’m fine, how is your back?” I asked trying to change the subject. “It hurts like hell” “do you want me to put on my nurses outfit and make you feel better” “I thought you would never ask nurse Knight”

The next day I couldn’t get what the big man had told me out of my mind, John kept asking me what was wrong but I literally couldn’t tell him, I was too scared of his answer. He said that he was heading over to the driving range to meet the boys and that he would be back soon to take me out for lunch. I heard him go down stairs and out the front door and I was in my dressing room getting changed and I decided that I was going to speak to him about the future and ask what he wanted, when suddenly I heard a noise coming from the bedroom. I shouted Johns name and there was no answer, this was typical John, he was constantly playing pranks on me and jumping out from behind doors or hiding under the bed. It was his way of cheering me up when I was in a bad mood and he could tell I wasn’t myself. I tiptoed out in just in my dressing gown and looked around the room and I couldn’t see him anywhere, then I turned to go back into my dressing room when I realised the balcony doors were open. I went over and closed them and when I turned around there was a man standing with a balaclava on and a knife in his hand. I jumped at first then I rolled my eyes “John I nearly s**t myself” “take off your dressing gown and lay down on the bed” he said in American accent it was then that I realised he was at least a foot shorter than John. I froze on the spot “do as I say and I won’t hurt you” “what?” I asked, “take off your cloths and I will take it easy on you, I don’t want to hurt you” but I couldn’t move, flashes of Jimmy telling me I was a dirty girl and holding me down on his bed flashed through my mind. The man undid the top button of his jeans and said “have it your way, I wanted you to enjoy it but if I have to make you then that’s the way it has to be” I just stood shacking with fright. “Why are you here? get out my house” I said “I’m going to make you my b***h” he said and then he stepped forward to grab me when I let out a scream like I was being murdered. Within a second Harry, Vinnie and Danny came crashing through my bedroom door. Harry grabbed the man from behind and got him onto the ground. I ran towards my dressing room and Vinnie tried to stop me, he said “Miss knight are you ok? Did he hurt you” “leave me alone don’t touch me” I ran into the dressing room and closed the door. I stood against the door trying to catch my breath I could hear Harry and Vinnie struggling with the man and then there was silence as they took him down stairs. I sat with my back against the door so no one could get in. I wanted to hide from all this, I wanted to disappear completely.