In the Name of Earth

Chapter 25: Galaxy’s Voice

After a lengthy and very tiresome process of interrogation—during which the term ‘Mother Galaxy’ had been repeated about a billion times—Ludwig was finally learning a few things about their infuriating rescuers. For starters, they seemed to have forfeited their species name and labelled themselves as Flakes due to their insignificance, individual uniqueness and the fact that they floated wherever the ‘solar winds’ blew.

They were also herbivores and apparently very docile, which was a huge relief. One of those guys alone would be enough to crush Qui’Mal with just one of their four hands. Four of those guys made for sixteen freakishly overdeveloped blue biceps.

Eventually Lud also learned their individual names. Moik-La, Boik-La, Loik-La and Foik-La. Telling them apart was hard, but as Ludwig would soon learn, that did not matter at all. If he ever needed anything, it was easier to just yell “La!” or “Bro!” and at one of the four would come. He had assumed Moik-La was the leader, but there was no leader, just four equal buffoons, and one happened to dress differently from the others.

Lastly, the Flakes had given their three new hitchhikers plain access to the entirety of their ship. All of the rooms shared the chaotic smell mixture of the cargo hold and its over-the-top decorations, as well as the maddening blacklight. The illumination made Lud constantly feel like he was living a bad dream, and he might as well had been.

There was no privacy whatsoever with those guys. Sleeping, eating, defecating… All could be randomly interrupted by one of the blue giants. The doors had no locks, and the people had no boundaries. The only reason they did not interrupt showers was because there was no such thing as showers onboard that ship.

Which explained one tenth of the smell the filled the vessel.

Lud had repeatedly considered dragging Alexa back into the escape pod and returning to the void. At least it was quiet out there. And yes, he would leave Qui’Mal behind! The only reason he was still there was the stable life-support system and the right for three daily meals, out of which two were bowls of popcorn.

Lud was not surprised at all by the amount of popcorn in the ship.

Qui’Mal seemed to know better than to eat popcorn. Still, Lud had considered tricking him into eating some, hoping it would make him spill the beans on his sabotage of Gaia Station, but then he recalled the Nikal they met at The Admiral’s. That guy was bananas, and if Qui’Mal became half as erratic they would have trouble! Luckily, the popcorn’s effect on the Flakes was far more peaceful, making them only slightly more annoying.

“Lud, we need to get moving!” Alexa grunted, lightly banging the back of his head against a wall. “If not to save humanity at least to get out of this shithole! Can’t you try talking to them again?”

“I wish I could give you my translator so you could hear them for ten minutes,” Lud replied, eating his third bucket of popcorn that day. “Guess we just need to wait for a sign from Mother Galaxy!”

“Bro!” one of the Flakes in ponchos raised his head from the table. “We totally forgot the sign!”

“That sounded like a promising monkey grunt,” Alexa turned to Lud, who just shook his head.

But that had in fact been a promising grunt!

The flake who had just spoken raised his voice. “Moik, we forgot the sign, bro!”

Moik-La pushed past a curtain of braided alien trinkets. “Bro, we really forgot, bro! We were so busy having fun with the new friends! Let’s see what Mother Galaxy says!”

“You have got to be kidding me…” Lud pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Come on, tin man,” Moik-La called. “We’ll make some Free-Corn and we’ll teach you to listen to Mother Galaxy!”

Shrugging at Alexa, Lud followed the Flakes to their mess hall, which was probably the messiest of halls.

“Do we really need Crazy-Corn for this?” Lud asked.

“The corn’s not crazy, bro!” Foik-La, the official cook, said while preparing a batch of popcorn. “The corn is free. Society dubs it crazy because it doesn’t understand true freedom!”

Lud sighed. There we go!

“Foik-La is right, bro,” Moik-La said. “The corn is a child of mother galaxy, and he teaches us when we listen. We are the corn. Born the same, shy and hardened, stuck in our own shells, repressed so we look all the same. All round and yellow, sickly.

“Heat frees the corn as experience frees us. It is painful and it is loud, and some take longer to be freed than others, but it always happens, bro. The corn detaches from the cob, as we once detached from society. The corn is free now, his pure white spirit sprung free. He is no longer round, but a chaotic shape that makes him unique and beautiful, man!”

“Then you eat it…” Lud crossed his arm.

Moik-La and Foik-La exchanged a confused look.

“We set the corn free so it can set us free, bro!” Foik-La said. “We free his white spirit so he can free our minds! It’s a symbiotic relation. The corn leaves on as the thoughts he inspires!”

“If I ever go back to Earth I’m definitely starting a cult on that premise,” Lud snarked. “Now, can we start looking for that sign? Are we gonna need black candles? Chicken? If we need a sacrifice, I volunteer Qui’Mal!”

“Nah, bro, we got this!” Moik-La ate a handful of popcorn fresh out of the rad-dome, then walked to a small metallic device. His brutish fingers turned a knob and the machine hissed and screeched. He kept turning the knob and the distorted sounds started taking shape. Eventually, they formed syllables, then vague words, then clear words!

“The Mother Galaxy’s Voice, man! Boik-La! Loik-La! Come listen to her voice!” Foik-La called, and then the machine made sense.

“That was the fantastic Lelel Pegaz and the Lelellettes! Thank you so much for your participation!” a deep voice spoke from the device.

A radio.

It was a freaking star radio.

“The pleasure was mine, Larr! All mine!” said Lelel Pegaz, a decaying singer from the Far Cross Sector whose stardom had expired centuries ago.

“Up next on Galaxy’s Voice Radio, we receive Doctor Myklos, who has some very interesting findings to share about hivemind epidemics! Can your neighbor be under the influence of an intergalactic bug queen? The answer may surprise you! Right after a word of our sponsors! Stay tuned, folks!”

The deep voice of the host was soon replaced by the familiar sizzling of a grill.

“Are you tired of dehydrated vitamin bars and hypercaloric pastes?” a mellow voice asked. “Tired of overpaying for second-hand Muclock beef every time you land to refuel? Looking for fresh vegetables straight from the fields of Sauculs? This is your lucky rotation! Fred’s Burgers uses only the freshest of ingredients on their tried-and-true family recipes. And the best part? Budget friendly for all spacefarers on the clock out there! Come visit Fred’s Burgers on Virtigo Spaceport on the Sagittarius Alpha Quadrant! Fred’s Burgers: a first contact you’ll never forget!”

An extremely fast voice followed, spilling word over word: “Galaxy’sVoiceRadioisnotresponsibleforgalacticsanitarycodeviolationsperpretatedbyoursponsorsortheirsubsidizedbusinesses.”

But the last part was not important. As soon as the Fred’s Burger add had spoken the Flakes were already hysterically jumping and cheering.

“That was the sign?” Ludwig asked. “A burger joint commercial?!”

“Mother Galaxy’s Voice has spoken!” Moik-La said. “The solar winds blow in the direction of Virtigo Spaceport on the Sagittarius Alpha Quadrant! The Flakes humbly follow!”

“No! No!” Ludwig frantically waved his arms. “The Sagittarius Sector is halfway across the galaxy!”

“Then we’ll be blessed to traverse the length of Mother Galaxy’s divine body! Maybe pass by her glorious Cavity of Life!”

Without another word, Moik-La was gone to steer the ship to their new destination.

Lud was frozen still when Alexa came up behind him.

“Okay, translator man. Feel like telling me what happened?”

“Good, bad and terrible news,” Lud muttered, eyes twitching. “Good news, we’re moving. Bad news, it far. Really, really far.

“Terrible news… We’ll pass by the Galaxy’s Cavity of Life, and I really hope that means the galactic core.”