ALPHA (Dark Waters #3)

Chapter 3-1

Ty

I stood in the back in full dress uniform where the trees offered dappled light to help me blend in. I stayed a distance away from the grieving family and friends. I had no wish to bring any attention to myself. I was thankful the temperature in Washington was cool with fall quickly approaching, and I was ready for its return.

My buddy Kit Moore spotted me and made a curious face as to why I hadn’t gone to stand with the rest of them. I shook my head and looked away. I’d been asked to be a pallbearer by Brown’s mother, but I’d respectfully declined her offer a few days back. I didn’t feel I was worthy of such a role. After all, I hadn’t returned her son to her. If she only knew.

I understood the need for a funeral and for closure, but the knowledge that the six-foot-one casket was about to be laid to rest empty nearly tore me apart. A part of Brown was still out there, and that haunted me.

The gunshots rang out and I swallowed the knot that was lodged in my throat. With the sound of each shot, the guilt inside me grew. It was as if my friend was being shot over and over in my mind, and I could only stand there and try to bear it. I knew I needed to let it go, knew I needed to do it for my own sanity. I made myself a deal as I stood there. When I returned to Shadows, I’d double up my sessions with Doc Roberts. I knew I needed to shed this awful pain if I was ever going to be able to focus and move forward.

My eyes followed Moore as he hugged some of Brown’s family members then made his way to the coffin. He reached out and squeezed the dog tags we’d ripped from our friend’s neck as we ran to escape the Taliban. Frank had returned the belongings to his family shortly after we arrived back on US soil. I thought about the bottle of whiskey I’d brought home in my bag. I knew it was ours to savor. I had already broken the seal, but I waited to have a drink with Moore once he arrived. We’d save the last drink for our friend and be at peace with all this. I only hoped that day would come.

Mom approached and tentatively reached out to touch one of the medals on my uniform then looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I hunched my shoulders and leaned down as she put her arms around them and brought me into a hug.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” A sob caught in her throat. I’d known this conversation was coming. “We spent that whole dinner with you in Montana, and you never mentioned it. Not even once.”

“I wasn’t ready.” I kissed her cheek and looked over at Brown’s parents. “I’m still not.”

“I just wish you’d share more of what’s in here.” She pulled back and placed her hand on my chest. “I hope you at least talk to Kit. You boys have always been so close.” She dabbed the corners of her eyes. I always found it odd when people used Moore’s first name. To me, he was always Moore.

“Dad.” Shelly came to my rescue. Thank God for sisters. She gave him a pointed look, and he gently moved Mom aside and gave me a hug.

“It’s hard not to worry, son,” he whispered. I made a mental note to try to communicate better with them. I couldn’t understand why I seemed unable to share things with them. I knew I didn’t want them to worry, but it was more than that. It was like I had a mental block when I was around them.

“Hey.” Shelly moved close as Dad walked Mom to the car. She just stood and looked up at me for a moment. “Have you spoken to his parents yet?” We both looked over to Brown’s mom where she stood with her husband. She held tight to his arm like an anchor.

“Only when I told her I didn’t want to be a pallbearer.” I felt horrible over that.

“Ouch.” She winced.

“Yeah.”

“What about Ivy?” That threw me for a loop, and I stared down at her in surprise. “I stayed behind at Zack’s. She’s really nice, Ty.”

“Why am I only hearing about this now?” With that, she shot me a look, and I knew she had me. I never call.

“We can talk about Brown or Ivy. Your pick.” She shrugged.

“She’s good,” I muttered and felt uneasy I hadn’t known Ivy had talked with Shelly. I didn’t share well, and this felt strange.

“Are you two dating?”

“I don’t know.” I really wasn’t sure exactly what we were at this point.

“Okay.” She nodded. “Well, all I’ll say is this. Ivy seems a hell of a lot more stable than Demi.”

“Agreed.” I nodded and scanned the faces around me. I wished I could catch Moore’s eye and get him to step in with my sister. He was the chatty one, not me.

“Then why haven’t you cut Demi loose?”

“I tried.”

“No, you didn’t.” She rolled her eyes. “She’s like a golden retriever. Doesn’t matter how many times you throw the ball, she’ll keep coming back for more, until you shut the damn door on her. So do it. Tell her you’ve moved on to, I don’t know, Ivy.”

“Shelly,” I warned. I didn’t want to have this conversation here. I didn’t want it at all.

“I’m just trying to prep you.”

“Prep me for what?”

“For the fact that Demi’s here, and I’m sure she’ll want to spend the night with you.”

“What?” I didn’t need any more stress, and I could feel my anger build.

“She doesn’t take no very easily, Ty.”

“f**k me.”

“Look, Mom and Dad found a cute little spot to rent in Redstone. I tried to talk them out of it, but…they want more of you. They get me all the time.” She chuckled then leaned in and hugged me. “I know you have a lot going on, but please do me a favor and make a little time for them.” She waited for me to answer.

I gave a quick nod, and she got tight-lipped but seemed satisfied with that. She pulled her coat tight around her as she walked away.

I caught Moore’s eye, and he said goodbye to someone and started toward me, but before he could reach me, Brown’s mother suddenly appeared. Her face was that of a woman who was utterly broken inside. Her weathered eyes and worn-out stance told me I needed to make things right with her.

“Mrs. Brown,” I cleared my throat, “I’m…” My words got tangled, and all I could see was my best friend looking back at me through her glossy gaze. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t bring him home.”

She went to open her mouth, but her husband appeared and took her arm. He stuck a finger in my face.

“I’ve been hearin’ things, Ty.” His chin quivered. “Is it true you were there when our son died?” I nodded slowly. “That the man who shot him was under your command? Did you see what happened? Do you know the truth?”

“Yes.” I nodded again.

“And?” he nearly shouted.

“It’s my word against his.” I swallowed.

“But you were the captain. Shouldn’t that count for something?”

“He’s got a buddy giving him an alibi.” I clenched my fists.

“I heard you got a promotion.” He glared at me in sudden fury, and I could see spit in the corner of his mouth. “I would hate to think you got promoted so you’d help cover up my son’s death.”

“Stop,” his wife whispered and put a hand on his arm. He’d gone too far, and she knew it. His words cut deep. “They were friends. Roger, you know Ty would never—”

“Brown was my best friend.” I cut her off and spoke through clenched teeth. “I tried everything to stop what happened. I gave my statement when I got back here, and he gave his. I’m trying to find a way to prove it, and I haven’t given up. I won’t.”

“I don’t care what you have to do.” He stepped closer, and I raised my chin. “If that filth doesn’t pay for what he did, I’ll put a bullet in his skull myself.” His body shook. “He was your brother. Do something, for Christ’s sake!”

Our loud voices had begun to attract attention, and Mrs. Brown tugged her husband’s arm.

“We need to go, Roger.” She glanced at me. “Make this right, Ty. Only you can.”

They turned and left me there. My fists vibrated at my sides as I stood there filled with remorse. I could only imagine what they thought now that they knew. They thought I’d stood there and let my friend be killed while I did nothing.

“Jesus,” Moore muttered, “that was harsh.”

“No,” I shook my head, “they’re not wrong. I was the only one there. I’m the only one who can make this right.”

“Come on,” Moore pointed with his head, “let’s go get a drink. It’s close. We can walk.”

I nodded and walked with him. As we got close to the street, I saw Shelly, who waved me off. She’d gone to run interference for me with Demi. I gave a little wave and veered right. Moore caught on quickly and followed.

“I heard your mom talking to your dad about renting a place in Redstone.” Moore tried to fill the silence and stop the loop that plagued both our heads.

“That’s what I hear.”

“That’ll be nice,” he mumbled. “It wouldn’t hurt to have your family close.”

“You sure about that?” I glanced at him.

“I am.” He shook his head. “You’ve hidden yourself away in Afghanistan for nearly a decade, then you finally return to the States for good, and a few days into it, you disappear to the mountains.”

“You act like I’m running.”

“Are you?” I could feel his eyes burn into my head.

“No.” I let out a puff of air as my emotions rose to the surface. “I just don’t do family well.”

“Does Ivy know that?” I wavered in my step, and he smirked. “Your sister. She tried to dig to find out what I knew.”

Seriously?

“Why’s my life so damn interesting to everyone?”

“Because it’s a mystery to those who love you.” He gave me a hip check as he grinned.

“Apparently.” I held my hand up to stop a car as we entered a crosswalk. We made a beeline for the bar and waded through the crowd outside.

The bar was just getting busy when we got inside. We found a table in the back and nodded at a few others we’d seen at the funeral. One waved us to come over, but when I shook my head, his friend motioned at him to give us space.

A few beers in, and I finally relaxed a bit. A young woman strummed a guitar and sang quietly. I recognized an old Dean Martin song.

I wanted to change the subject so we could get off the topic of me.

“You sign the paperwork yet?”

“I sent them back over to Frank last night.” Moore grinned around his bottle. “Sounds like I’ll be there before you know it.”

“Good.” I rubbed my head, thankful I was about to have someone to watch my back.

“Now that I’ve signed everything, care to share a bit about the house? Or maybe about any lady interests?” He held my gaze for a moment, and I knew he and my f*****g sister had a longer conversation than I had realized.

“Fuck.” I muttered, and he laughed at my expense.

“What does Demi think of your new girlfriend?”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” I hesitated, “but she’s something,” I admitted. “As for Demi,” I shrugged, “you know perfectly well we were just friends with benefits. It suited us both.”

“Right, but apparently, she not only showed up for dinner in Montana with your family, but also it seems she’s here. Nice job slipping past her, by the way.” He lifted his beer mug and clicked mine.

“I didn’t—” I paused and remembered who I was talking to. “It didn’t feel great.”

“Because you’re not an ass.” He took sympathy on me. “But in all seriousness, if you want to be with someone else, just tell Demi. Because she’s obviously past the friends with benefits thing and has got you in her sights.”

“I know.” I rubbed my face again.

“So, tell me.” His mood lightened, and I knew he was trying to keep the topic light for both of us. “Are there any hot chicks at the house?”

“They’re all hot, but they’re also all married with kids.”

“You mean all but Ivy?” I rolled my eyes and tried not to let my mind go back to the funeral. “Give me something here, Ty. What’s Ivy like?”

“Why do you care?” I smirked.

“I’ve known you since grade school, and I know your reputation with the ladies, my friend. I know you always date for a while then break up with them as soon as they want something more from you.”