Alpha Jessie's surprise mate

chapter 5

Amanda was running after me, but i yelled at her, i told her to stay and leave me alone. Surely she knows i didnt mean it but i was overloaded on emotion. I was hyperventilating, my chest was so tight and i felt like i couldnt go anymore. But I couldn't stop running, not until I got home to find out if this was a bad dream or my new reality.

After 20 minutes I finally arrived home, there was a white van out front of the house, a few law enforcement officers, an ambulance and a disaster clean up crew. I tried to run into the house and they wouldn't let me past the porch I fought them so hard, i was crying and begging to please explain what happened. I got furious because I wasn't receiving answers and it took 3 officers to hold me back and put me in the back of one of their cars to keep me contained and out of their way. I had watched them wheel her out on the stretcher covered in a white sheet and I saw the cleaning crew coming out and loading their supplies up, when an officer finally came to speak to me. "It appears that your mother decided to take her own life today, im very sorry for your loss and I'm sorry we couldn't give you answers sooner but we had to wait until the investigation was finished" he says and they finally let me out of the car. I was still crying hysterically but they proceeded to ask me if i needed any assistance with anything or if I had family member who would step in to help me since I was still in highschool. I lied when I told them my aunt was on the way, I just wanted them to leave. They tipped their hats and left me there, by myself. I still couldnt believe my mom was gone, I sat on the porch for a while debating whether or not i wanted to go inside. I decided to walk to the neighbors house, the old lady who called was 73 her name was agnus and she was a sweet woman, she would bring food by for me and my mom occasionally and she asked me to come help in her garden in the spring and summer, i think it was just her attempt at giving me some normalcy in my life i guessed. I knocked on her door and she answered with tear filled red eyes, she didnt speak. Initially, she only wrapped me in a hug. "Please tell me what happened agnus," i asked. "Oh dear, I was sitting here in the living room and i heard a very loud noise, I knew it came from your house so i decided to go knock on the door and check on dianna, i knew you were at school. When I didn't get an answer I got worried so I came back to get the spare house key you gave me, When I entered what I saw is something I wouldn't ever wish for anyone to see dear. She had shot herself" agnus says while crying. "Just stay here lacey you shouldn't have to go back into that house" she says. "I'm sorry that you had to see that too agnus, I have to go back all of my belongings are there, law enforcement ensured me that the clean up crew did their best and its nothing compared to what you saw, ill be okay" I say as I found myself comforting agnus even though I was devastated myself. I left agnus to go home and finally found the courage to go in. When I walked into the house I noticed a massive blood stain on the living room carpet and I burst into tears again. What could have possibly happened in the short time I was at school, I had just left like 2.5 hours ago and she was sleeping and everything was fine, and now I'm left here alone to just wonder. My phone starts buzzing and I look at it to see a text from Amanda

**amanda- 'm on my way, I love you, I'm so sorry, ill be there to help however I can**

I quickly responded

**Please don't, not right now, I will be okay dont worry about me, I love you but I really need to be alone for a little bit**

I decided to turn my phone off so that she couldn't argue with me about it and make me change my mind, I needed to process my emotions on my own and without interference because I have a bad tendency to numb myself and bottle up all of my feelings, so while I can still feel my feelings I need to deal with them, even if it does just mean sitting here and crying by myself.

I sat there for hours crying, thinking of all of the possible scenarios that could have led to this, wondering why my mom wouldn't just tell me what was wrong with her. I looked over the pictures she had layed in the floor, they were all older, pictures of her and my dad whom I never got the chance to meet because he passed away when my mom was still pregnant with me. I gathered that my dad's family all disowned us because they felt my mom was at fault for my father's death and so I have no family, at all. It was just me and my mom, and now it's just me. I knew that depression had been eating at her for years, and thats what killed her.

it's now almost 8pm, I'm still sitting here, but I can already feel the emotions starting to dull, I'm obviously still devastated, but my eyes won't let me cry anymore. I decided to turn my phone back on and let my best friend know I'm okay. I know she's worried and I feel selfish for shutting her out because she is probably going insane worrying about me, but trying to respect my boundaries at the same time.