Anchor

Part 6 - Good morning

    I awoke a few more times that night and every time I instinctively looked for Stellan. He must have dosed off at some point because it only took the sight of him breathing deep, slow breaths to calm myself and settle back to sleep. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I didn’t dream. It was as though someone flipped the power button to off and I had shut down.

     When my eyes finally fluttered open for good, I was greeted by Stellan’s armpit, his arm tucked under my head as my only pillow. Quickly, I recoiled from his warmth, unable to hide my confused expression as I wiped the remainder of drool from my cheek. In his lethargic state, he reached for me, eyes still closed, and pulled me back into the crook of his arm. At the time, it felt good to be wanted. I knew that wasn’t necessarily the case, but I held the thought for a second, ready to pretend to be asleep if he woke up mortified I was there. In all honesty, I found safety in his arms. It couldn’t have been a coincidence that having him close to me somehow kept my nightmares at bay. I moved my hand to his bare chest. His muscles contracted under my light touch and in an instant he had rolled on his side, his face so close that his breathing had my hair tickling my forehead. Movement was limited by his arm draped over my side. An eye peeled open and closed again. There was no time to hide my incessant ogling.

    “Morning.” A husky voice spoke.

    I followed suit, repeating his words.

     “Were you watching me sleep?” The corner of his lips rose into a small smile and with that I all but melted in his arms.

            “Oh, erm, no. I was just waking up myself and…” It was too early to concoct a believable lie. “I’m sorry. Yes, I was. But only for a second. You just looked so peaceful. Oh god, is that weird?”

    His smile spread and he rested his forehead on mine. There was a party in my stomach and the only guests were the butterflies causing havoc. “Cute,” was all he said before his phone chimed on the drawers next to the bed.

    A fresh chill washed over me after he pulled away, turning to check the text he received. I was bare without his heat against me. I took the opportunity to stand, stretch and head to the bathroom before my bladder exploded. Whatever message Stellan received had his usual soft features turn sharp and agitated. It wasn’t my place to press him on it. Or maybe I should have tried to see if he was ok or if I could help with anything, but then again I still didn’t know him, not well anyway, so it was probably for the best as not to seem as if I was sticking my nose where it didn’t belong.  

            In the bathroom mirror I studied my appearance, dishevelled hair and puffy cheeks greeted me accompanied by the taste of arse on my tongue. Wildly combing my fingers through my hair, I wound up wide eyed caressing the puncture marks on my neck. The wound was still sore to the touch. A small place had been set aside in my memory which I had stored the dangerous and dare I say exhilarating encounter I had with the strange man who’s mark I still bared. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but if I let this curiosity sit inside me without getting the answers I needed then maybe a fate far worse would be waiting for me. That thought alone sent a wave of nausea through me. I closed off my intruding thoughts, relieved myself and headed back to the bedroom.

            A voice a cold as a midnight breeze startled me. “Urgh, you have eyes don’t you? Use them next time.” My side ached at the force of which Jodie and I had collided. I knew it was my fault and an apology was already on the tip of my tongue.

            “Oh s**t, I’m sor-” I didn’t get to finish as she caught sight of my neck, her long painted fingernail shot in my direction.

            “You shouldn’t have that on show. I don’t want people thinking that we associate with the likes of him,” and at that she slammed the bathroom door behind her, leaving me stood in the hall looking like I had just encountered a ghost.

            Stellan emerged from his bedroom, fully dressed, buttoning up that last of his uniform. I wiped the look of shock off my face and parted my hair so it sat messily around my neck. Obviously, he had been called into work, but it still took me by surprise he was leaving so soon. I couldn’t just sit around and wait for him to return, I wanted answers.

            “Hey. Listen, I’ve got to go down to the station, I’ll be back in a few hours. Just please, do not leave the house.” It wasn’t as much of a request as it was a demand. But he covered it well with a softer tone in his voice. We were miles from anything and I didn’t have a car, hell, even if I did, I couldn’t drive and there wasn’t anywhere for me to go. Also, and I know it may sound stupid, but I didn’t want to go anywhere. Last night was a roller coaster of strange twists and turns, starting off with a multitude of anxiety but ultimately ending with content.

            “I’ll stay put, don’t worry.” I smiled warmly, a mask hiding my true feelings.

            At the sound of his phone ringing, a barely audible grunt left his lips before he returned my smile and sped off down the stairs. Just as the front door was about to close behind him he called back, “There’s coffee and stuff in the kitchen. Make yourself at home.” Home. That was the complete opposite of where this was. I realised my feet were still rooted to the same spot as the shower cut off behind me. Avoiding another awkward encounter with Jodie was top of the list so I made my way down to the kitchen, eager to feed the forthcoming beast in my stomach. It didn’t take long to navigate my way around the house, the layout did not differ too much from my own. Everything had a rustic vibe to it, lots of wooden furniture and floors with little or no carpet. The walls were covered with a slick coat of light grey paint that added a more modern element to the house.

            I perused the cupboards, replaying Stellan’s words, ‘make yourself at home’. Store brand cereal filled my bowl and as the last drop of milk puddled around it, I was joined by Jodie in a dressing gown with her hair neatly tucked away in a towel atop her head. I could sense her eyes on me without fully removing my gaze from the bowl. The atmosphere in the room grew thick, dense even. A deer in the headlights. She strolled over coffee machine and grabbed two mugs before placing them on the side. I waited, not wanting to push my luck and expect one was for me.

            “You want one?” She hadn’t bothered to look at me and her body looked stiff, almost as if it pained her to ask. Maybe lady luck was on my side. Instantly I stopped chewing and swallowed a large mouthful of mushy cereal with a loud gulp.

            “Please.” The urge to answer fast was strong. I was worried she would retract the question if I had waited any longer.

            “Sugar?”

            “Two, please.” Finally we had broken ground, at least I hoped.

The coffee machine hummed behind me and soon after a steaming cup was placed in front of me. Jodie sat at the table in silence as she sipped her coffee.

            “You know my brother seems to think he has to protect you, right?” Venom dripped from her words and just like that the ground froze over.

            “And I’ll be eternally grateful for everything he has done for me, but I have already told him that he doesn’t have to. I’m not here to be anyone’s burden.”

            “Yeah, well he doesn’t listen to reasoning. He is as stubborn as they come.” A warm sensation spread around my heart; he really was stubborn. Although I liked that about him. It reminded me of my dad.

            “I’ve noticed…” Something in the way she was eyeing me had changed, only for a brief moment. I would have been sure I imagined it if not for what she said next.

            “Hm. Just make sure you don’t hurt him. He may have a heart of gold, but I don’t forgive easily.”

            Yep, there definitely was a change. Still, I could not understand why she thought I would hurt him, let alone how I could.

Loud knocking at the door drove a wedge in our conversation. At the same time, my empty bowl of cereal just so happened to crash onto the floor, spreading little shards of porcelain around my feet. I was shocked to say the least, so sure that I hadn’t had my arm near enough to knock it to the ground. Jodie huffed and trudged to the door. Small tremors had made their way from my hands to my feet, a deep sinking feeling accompanied them. The sound of my chair sliding across the floor was amplified as I bent down to gather the pieces on the floor. Unshed tears blurred my vision and I soon found myself hugging my knees to my chest, setting the tears free. I couldn’t control myself.

            Jodie returned with a tall, effortlessly handsome man in tow. With his broad shoulders I had wondered how he actually fit through the front door. He followed her in with an air of confidence which would make anyone notice him; he would make a terrible Where's Wally character. Jodie's footsteps increased in speed upon witnessing my position on the floor.

     “I’m sorry,” I cried. “I don’t know what happened.”

            She crouched beside me, the man standing a few steps behind. A warmth covered my face as her hands cupped my cheeks bringing my eyes to meet hers.

            “Kitty, you have to breathe. Deep breaths come on. You can do it.” I followed her instruction, repeating the steady inhales and exhales she had shown me. “That’s it. You’ve got this. Just relax.”

      The small snippets of her kindness were gradually becoming more frequent. I lapped up every morsel of it I could. Once my breathing was regulated, the shaking had finally stopped. I mouthed a thank you to her, unable to produce words.

    “Well you can’t just stay here all day,” she turned to the man behind her so fast her wisps of black hair flicked me in the face. “Help me move her to the sofa.”

    I couldn’t protest. Suddenly he too had crouched beside me. A beautiful ocean of blue filled his eyes. His voice was but a dream; deep and soulful, I could get used to that. 

    “I’m not going to hurt you,” he slowly slipped an arm around my back. “I am however going to carry you to the sofa. Does that sound OK?”

    I nodded and he slid his other arm slid under my knees. “Brilliant. Here we go.” 

    His grip was light, barely noticeable and he lifted me with such ease, I mean I know I'm not really heavy but there wasn't a grunt or a change in expression as pulled me up. My thoughts drifted to what sort of guns he was hiding under that duster jacket of his. With me in leaning against his chest, he strode into the living room and released me to the warm embrace of the sofa, settling himself next to me, a friendly smile on his lips. “So, I should probably introduce myself. I’m Benjamin. Ben or Benji is cool too.” 

    I shuffled on the sofa to get comfy, unaware Stellan’s shirt was hanging off my shoulder, revealing a small amount of creamy skin just above my breasts. I was still a little embarrassed that I had caused a scene moments before and also a little angry with myself for getting startled by a simple knock at the door. Suddenly I felt very self conscious about the two holes on my neck it seemed me remembering them brought a fresh new wave of aches to said area.

    “Hell, with a face as beautiful as yours you can call me whatever you want.”

    Jodie’s voice echoed from the kitchen “Ben, don’t start.”

    He smirked and lifted his hand to the back of his neck. His dark hair was neatly trimmed on the sides, leaving a few curls on top to play with. s**t, I couldn't keep my eyes off him. He was a tall glass of water and I was as dry as the Sahara desert. 

    “I’m not doing anything,” he playfully called back. His smirk had turned into a full blown grin.

    Burning heat rose up on my cheeks. This handsome man in front of me had called me beautiful! Unthinking I brushed my hair to the one side, letting my fingers wrap around the blonde strands. His blue eyes caught my own and in an instant he was sitting closer. Something I could only describe as lust crept up on me but a small voice in the back of my head screamed danger. That voice wasn't loud enough to break his spell and my bottom lip had caught between my teeth whilst my mind filled to the brim with thoughts of his lips on mine. The ache in my neck had grown in those few seconds and I was slowly losing control.

    His hand found my face and he brushed his thumb against my lips making them part.

    "You really are something else, you know that." He spoke through laboured breaths.

    He looked around, listening for the sound of the kettle reaching boiling point in the kitchen. I waited patiently hoping something would happen and like a predator closing in on its prey, he moved effortlessly, closing the last gap between us. His lips brushed against my own. The smoothness felt so right. The loud pounding of my heart became the soundtrack to his gentle movements. I kissed back, wanting more. It was slow, passionate, so much so that the tracksuit bottoms I wore were getting damper by the second. I left my arms at my sides, knowing I wanted to throw myself at him but at tried to keep some form of control.

    He pulled away, leaving me a hot mess, panting and flustered. His rapid breathing told me he enjoyed it as much as I did. Our eyes locked and he smiled, licking his lips. I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth, playing with it. “You need to stop that.”

    “Stop what?” Oh god, was my kissing bad? I mean to me the kiss was perfect but then I had nothing to compare it to.

    “Biting your lip. How am I supposed to keep away from you when you do that?”

    Jodie’s footsteps grew closer and Ben quickly exhaled before scooting back away from me on the sofa. My beating heart increased again but this time for an entirely different reason, everything about the scene screamed something happened between us, it wouldn’t take a genius to see it. 

      In she walked with three streaming cups in her grip. 

    "Still black with one sugar I hope." 

    "Mhm," Ben nodded.

     Hastily, I excused myself and speed up stairs to Stellan’s room.

    In my gut sat a terrible feeling of guilt. Still unsure of what came over me downstairs, I stripped out of the clothes Stellan had left me and redressed myself in my dirty hoodie and leggings. If Jodie hadn't walked in then I don't know if it would have stopped with kissing.

    f**k, what was I thinking?