Anchor

Part 4 - Sibling

    Back in the car, my body was ready to give in. I tucked my legs underneath me and rested my side against the door. He had promised to keep me safe and wouldn’t take no for an answer when he told me that we were going back to his house. A hotel was apparently out of the question. It took around thirty minutes to get to his house, we took the country roads, avoiding the traffic. I drifted in and out sleep for the most part. Every time I would awake with clammy hands and a sweaty upper lip. It was the same dreams over and over; my dad holding my hand, tears in his eyes as the man from earlier slid his hand around my throat. I would wake before anything else could happen, as though my mind couldn’t take what was coming next.

    "Was there a proper burial?" 

    My voice croaked and Stellan gave me quick a side glance.

    "There was. It was a... peaceful service." 

    He went? 

    "He wouldn't have wanted it any other way."

     I rolled down the window and rested my head out, letting the crisp breeze flow through my hair. I wished I could have been there to say goodbye but I know he would understand and when the time was right I would visit his grave, and tell him how sorry I really was.

    Eventually we pulled away from the road, off the beaten track. Towering chestnut trees scattered in every direction. Stopping at an old farmhouse; it was of average size, with thick hedges around the perimeter. I followed Stellan into his home, the lights were already on and the mouth-watering aroma of Spaghetti Bolognese drifted through the air. My stomach growled and I thought back to my last meal of hospital slop forcing me to dry heave.

    Stellan threw his keys on the side and a woman’s voice called out from another room, “Stell?”

    A young woman with silky, shoulder length black hair came running out from a door to the left of the staircase. She must have been in her late teens to early twenties and her youthful yet well-travelled look was captivating. I envied her sun kissed skin, tiny waist and long legs. She was beautiful and she knew it. I looked down at my own body; my skin could never be a golden as hers, I would crisp in the sun before getting close. Her face relaxed at the sight of Stellan standing there, then soured as she noticed he wasn’t alone. She ran full force into his open arms.

    “It really doesn’t take much to call or at least text me to let me know you’re OK!” Her voice muffled in his chest.

    Stellan smirked at me before bringing this woman out of his embrace and holding her at arm’s length. “I’m sorry. I was a little preoccupied.”

The woman glared in my direction, “I can see that.” Her tone questioned my presence. I cleared my throat, trying to cut through some of the tension. “What a beautiful home you have,” I was such a conversationalist.

“Jodie, this is Kitty. Kitty, this is my sister, Jodie.”

At his words, my inner self was overjoyed. I couldn’t put a finger on it but to hear that this beautiful woman was his sister freed the ball of jealousy building in gut. I gave a small wave before crossing my arms over my chest. She didn’t want me here and it was understandable, but she should have been talking to Stellan about it, he was the one adamant I came here.

“Well it’s been a long day. I promise I’ll fill you in later. As for now, Kitty, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.” Both their eyes fell on me and I suddenly was a tiny ant under the magnifying glass.

 Jodie huffed and turned on her heel, retreating to where she entered, “Call Tobias, he knows you’re ignoring him.”

I followed Stellan upstairs, casually taking in my new surroundings, the walls were adorned with pictures of people I could only guess were his family, all with similar facial features: strong jawlines, dark hair. They were an attractive looking bunch. I only wondered if they’d be making an appearance whilst I was staying here.

            “How you holding up?” Stellan asked, breaking the silence.

    “Still here… so that’s something.” He smirked at my answer and I found myself mirroring his reaction.

    “Well this is it,” he stopped in his tracks, opening a door to his bedroom. “It’s no Grand hotel but it’s safe.” Piles of books sat collecting dust on a desk near the window, and the small double bed looked slept in, but cosy. “I wasn’t expecting-” I cut him before he could finish trying to explain.

    “No, it’s everything perfect. Four walls and a bed, what more could a girl want?” I feigned a smile, trying to make light of the situation. He followed me into the room, not straying too far from the door. I could sense his eyes on me, watching me explore. What he was doing for me was something I would never forget. “It’s nice in here. But you really didn’t have to open your home to me, I could have got a room at a bed and breakfast or something.”

            “I’ve told you. It’s not safe. Here I can make sure you don’t get hurt. Besides, it’s nice having you around.”

    He liked having me around. So I guess this was my first friend. I couldn’t hide my grin. Stellan brushed his hand over his stubble, awkwardly averting my gaze.

    “Erm, so the bathroom is just across the hall, there’s clean towels and what have you. Make yourself at home. If you’re hungry then there’s some leftovers in the fridge, please, help yourself. Mi casa es su casa.”

    “You speak Spanish?” My dad taught me when I was ten but I could only remember the basics. Maybe he could teach me.

    “Oh, no I just always wanted to say that.” A boyish grin lit up his face and I couldn’t stop from toying with my hair and smiling along with him. He was funny, I liked funny.

    A light in his jean pocket glimmered as his phone vibrated. Our conversation ended as he backed himself out of the room, signalling he needed to answer the call. I decided I would take advantage of the alone time and get myself cleaned up.

    Muffled voices crept up the stairs and I found myself halted in front of the bathroom door, trying to listen to the echoes downstairs.

    “It’s been logged as an attempted home invasion. The dad found the guy breaking in and fought back, it’s an open and shut case. The girl was just protecting herself.” He was talking about me but a home invasion didn’t fit what had happened, it didn’t add up. That meant that they would stop looking in to why we were attacked.

    “Cut her loose, Stel. She’s a f*****g liability!” Jodie chimed in, her footsteps skulking towards the stairs.

    “Enough!” he barked back before he stepped outside to finish his phone call.

    I didn’t disagree with what she was saying, her choice of words maybe, but she was right, I was dead weight and I shouldn’t be a burden to anyone. It didn’t end well for my father and I didn’t want it to end badly for Stellan, he was nice enough give me a place to stay and hell, if he weren’t there when I went back home then I don’t know what would have happened. But these were my problems, not his. My thoughts were cut short as Jodie appeared at the top of the stairs.

    “It’s not nice to eavesdrop, Hun.” She professed, giving me a once over as she continued to her room.

    I mentally scolded myself. In the bathroom I let the steam from the shower fill the room. An assortment of shower gels and hair care products lined the tub. I didn’t want to get further under Jodie’s skin so I opted for the manly smelling soaps, assuming they weren’t hers. The water gently caressed my neck as did my fingers. The plaster was soggy and easy to peel away and underneath scabs had already formed but my neck still ached.

    With my clothes in and hand and soft grey towel wrapping me up like a tortilla, I made my way back across the hall to Stellan’s room. Under the dim glow of the lamp I was met with Stellan’s shadowy figure rummaging through his drawers. My sudden presence caused him to whip his head in my direction.

    “s**t, sorry. I heard the shower running so I thought I had a bit of time to grab some clothes.” His words slowed towards the end of his sentence, staring at my bare legs under the towel. The sudden change of his persona left me speechless, my mouth suddenly very dry. I tightened the towel around me like a security blanket. Stellan turned back to the drawers and grabbed out some clothes for himself along with an extra pair of grey tracksuit bottoms and a white short sleeved t shirt. He turned on his heel and walked to the door but not before placing the spare clothes on the foot of the bed.

“For you.” He said, his voice deeper than before.

Unconsciously I took a step towards him, breath hitched in my throat. We both paused. A tap at the window from a neighbouring tree broke the tension. My eyes followed Stellan as he brushed past me and out the door. Finally I could breathe again.  

    As the night progressed further, I found myself huddled up in the bed wearing the outfit Stellan so graciously left for me. Yes they were too big and yes I did look ridiculous trying to roll up the jogging bottoms but I liked the gesture, almost as much as I liked the person who gave them to me. I decided against feeding my grumbling stomach and thought it best to not venture back outside the bedroom. At that moment, I was a little girl again, needing the solace of her dads arms. Hearing him tell me it would all be ok was exactly what I needed. With that thought, a lone tear slid down my face, pooling onto the pillow. I laid still as more joined it, engulfing one side of my head in a small pool of water. That night as I cried myself to sleep, I held on to hope that I would make it out of all this, alive.

***

Seconds pass as the fingers push down harder on my throat. My face is ablaze and the tingling sensation in my legs is so strong. A wisp of dark hair falls into his field of view, but his gaze is heated and unfazed, focusing on the bulbous whites of my eyes. I’m not ready to die. I’ve never thought of death before but now it’s knocking, I know I don’t want to answer. I struggle against my attacker, trying to thrust my pelvis upwards to throw him off. This man is made of concrete, just waiting for me to give up. I twist my neck slightly, facing my father’s broken frame. The urge to be by his side hits me like a tonne of bricks, I want to apologise, beg for his forgiveness for not saving him, for being weak. My attacker grins, dimples like craters gracing his cheeks. Under the surface, somethings building, a pressure trying to take control. As I stare at the devil above me, my hands burn with a fire, a fire that seeks release. Struggling to regain strength in my arms, I raise an unsteady hand, crashing it onto the side of his head. He is my tinder. The smell of singed hair and burning skin hits my nose, I inhale deep as his once firm grip around my neck loosens in its entirety, savouring this moment. I stare wildly at my hand, waiting for it to do something more. I succumb to my urges and before I can process what’s happening, I’m on top of him, screaming, tears involuntarily flooding my eyes. I shove my hand directly on his heart, pushing every ounce of being I have into his chest. My hands melt through his flesh, sinking slowly into his rib cage. The blood bubbled and pooled between my fingers and finally, I was whole.