Rejected, Redeemed, Royal

First Day Jitters

After my disaster of a first class, I try to put Hunter out of my mind and focus on getting through my first day. My wolf, on the other hand, cannot be bothered to focus on anything other than our mate. It’s a good thing that the first few days of class are introductory and nothing too in depth, because I'd be lost before I began. 

"He's so handsome!" Melanie coos. "Yes, he is very good looking, lets check out the syllabus now."

"He's so strong!" Melanie giggles. Giggles. A full grown wolf, one of the strongest in our pack, who has taken down full grown bucks all on her own, giggles. "Yes, he is quite strong, lets focus on what professor Frock is saying about deadlines and tutoring."

"He's so" "YES MELANIE I GET IT CAN WE FOCUS PLEASE!"

 And now she's sulking. Its not like I’m heartless. I want to ditch responsibility and go get him too. But we worked hard to get here, and I'm not going to throw it away for anything, mate or otherwise. This program is my dream. I'm so close to making it, to getting into studying wolf pharmacology, to helping to find a cure for those who go feral through no fault of their own. I could finally help people like my aunt. I take her picture out of my wallet. Its one of the few things I was allowed to keep of hers.

 "I'm sorry." Melanie whispers. 

"I know. I'm sorry too."

"You're going to do great. We're going to show them there IS a compassionate way. I have faith in you."

"Thank you."

The first day of classes finally comes to an end. I trudge to my dorm, exhausted both physically and mentally. It’s a weird feeling. I've been working towards this for so long, the closer I got, the more anxious I felt. I actually cried when my acceptance letter came in the mail. My father of course disapproved. Both about the crying, and the college. Hes a firm believer that higher education isn't for women. My mom managed to smooth over many of those ridiculous ideas of his, but  some of them cling on still. Thinking about it, while I'm still up set Hunter wants to keep us secret, I know its for the best. If my dad found out I'd found my mate, he would probably expect me to drop out, get married and get pregnant the same day. Yeah, best that Hunter and I move at our own pace. I can't wait to see him. Melanie is excited too, probably more than I am. She put her best effort into calming down while I was in class, but her excitement kept bleeding through no matter how much she tried to keep it down. I'm excited for her too. We're both pretty lucky. My roommate isn't back yet, so there's no one but Melanie to comment when I collapse face first into the mattress. Its just so much. Its happiness, its anxiety, its hope for the future. But most importantly, its wanting to make a difference, but fearing I won't be good enough. 

We worked hard in my pack, my whole life. I thought my father would get over his disappointment at having a daughter if I made him proud and worked just as hard as the rest of the pack. It never quite worked. He was proud of me, sure. I was solid, dependable. But I still wasn't the heir he wanted. Then I decided to work for *me*. I threw myself into my school work, I got awards, I got praise, I got letters of recommendation. I did all that while still helping just as much in the pack. Once he knew I was leaving, though, nothing was enough for him. If I worked in the field until dusk, he'd ask why I didn't work until night. If I helped make sure an entire harvest was completed, he asked why I didn't help with the other crops as well. I helped irrigate 50 acres for our neighboring pack, and got lectured about not helping our pack *when we already had irrigation*. I keep telling myself its just because hes worried and he doesn't process fear that well, but at this point, I'm glad to not have to see him for 4 months.

Tomorrow I'm going to see Hunter again, and I won't have to worry about packs, or school, or anything for at least a few hours. Tomorrow is going to be great.