Amor

Loveless

Loveless. That's what I am. That's who I am. That's who I've been for 2 years now. I am loveless. I've never had another one. not since her. She broke my heart. We practically grew up together, spent most of our time with each other, and somehow along the way, we fell in love. I don't know what happened next. One minute we were so happy, laughing together snuggled on the couch watching some cheesy tv shows, then the next moment we were fighting about something. I don't even remember what the fight was about anymore, just that it was something small and petty, and I remember vividly how it all started from there. We started arguing about the smallest things. We drifted apart, and no matter how I tried to get back to her, no matter what I did, she wouldn't answer.

"We can't go on like this," she said. I approached her, cupped her face in my hands.

"I-" but she slapped my hands away and backed off.

"No, we have to stop this. I- I'm breaking up with you. Go now, I can't do this anymore. We're lying to ourselves." She pushed me out of the door then and left me staring at where she stood. I felt numb. It was like that for the next few days; I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I didn't touch my consoles- I didn't have any energy to. Around a week later, it finally sank in. She's not with me anymore. The beautiful, smart and loving girl I grew up with, shared my best moments with, the one who stood by me through the ups and downs, was gone. She didn't die, but it felt as if I did. I always thought that people were stupid to be too affected by a breakup, but when it actually happened, there was nothing I could do. I cried. I called her name. Over, and Over and Over again. I fell on my bed gasping for air. My lungs constricted. My chest hurt just thinking of what happened. That was two years ago. I still haven't found anyone else. I miss her. I miss how we would be sitting in the living room just talking on a day like this. But I need to stop this. I have to stop thinking about her. I have to move on, I'm pretty sure she already has. Tomorrow I'll go to her. I have to get it through that I'm almost over it. I have to go to her to end this properly.

-------TIME SKIP-------

I'm here. I can't believe I'm in front of her house. It's been so long since I've last been here. I gather my courage and knock on the door. A knot forms itself in my stomach. I feel like I just drank fire and my throat is burning. She answers the door on the third knock. I see how she's been. She's slimmer, her face gaunter and her cheekbones defined. Her hair is really long now as if she hadn't cut it ever since. Dark bags were under her eyes. When I looked up to them, they were puffy and looked as if they were permanently rimmed with red.

"Y-You. What are you doing here?" She asked. I looked her in the eye. I tried to speak, but my mouth dried and I couldn't.

"I-I" was the only sound I could get out of my mouth. I stopped to compose myself. I wanted to tell her that I'm over it, that I've moved on, but my mouth betrayed me.

"I miss you. I still love you and I can't take it anymore." What she did next didn't surprise me. But what she did after that did. She opened and closed her mouth like a fish. Her eyes went wide, and I could see she was about to say something. She opened her mouth to speak but hesitated and closed it again. Then she looked me in the eye, those beautiful eyes of hers unable to conceal what she desperately wanted to tell. And then she kissed me. Just like all those years ago, when we were so sure we were in love. Now it's my turn to be in shock.

"What is this?" She stared at my eyes. Those wonderful, hazel eyes of hers that have always melted me.

"I miss you too. I still love you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did, I couldn't take it too." I think for a moment while I held her in my arms.

"Can we- Can we try again? Another chance?" She hugged me tightly before kissing me again.

"Yes, let's try again."