The Bad Boy's Singer

12. Her

"When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."

- Paulo Coelho



I was really hopeful when I gazed at the therapist who was writing down her notes as my hands joined together on my lap and the constant shake of my left leg.

After I said goodbye to my new world, I entered my past world when I joined my free therapy sessions. It turned out that there were added extra benefits that came with the scholarship.

She finished off her writing and gave me an inviting smile-yet somehow, I didn't believe her and I convinced myself it was a part of her job but I smiled back just for the sake of being kind. I was sure that many girls like me attended her sessions and I was also certain that it impacted her immensely.

"So tell me," she brought her leg over the other as her big reading glasses was on the bridge of her nose when she looked over at me, "how are you today?" she quizzed.

"I am feeling okay today," I nervously answered, it was my first time ever seeking help and when I remembered the times that I had no help amongst the beatings, my body found a way to shut itself down. "I am just having lots of nightmares of the abuse I got from my family environment," I tried to explain it to her professionally, "and it's not letting me sleep properly, I want a solution for this to be able to chase my dream," I got to the point since I had little time on my hands.

The last thing I would expect was to sit on a red chair telling a stranger what I had been through, it was far too complicated for that so I chose to summarize. I had to do everything to get to my vision even if it meant solving out my trauma with someone else.

"I understand," she adjusted her glasses as she took a glance at my record. "Do you suffer from headaches after waking up?" I nodded to her question and she continued, "do you have severe panic attacks?"

"Sometimes, it depends on the nightmare, it's like parts are quick and some are like a movie," I clarified and she nodded in understanding as she wrote down her notes.

"Do you throw up?" she questioned.

"Yes, I do," I gave her my answer once again and she noted it down to see what medicine was best for me.

"I think those symptoms are the reoccuring of your trauma, once it comes back, it tends to double the effect than in the middle of the abuse so what I am telling you to do for right now is take this herbal solution," she fetched the herbal pills and gave them to me before she went back and sat down.

"This helps in the retching and sleeping part, you will take one pill in the evening because it needs time for the body to digest it and for you to sleep, as for the time interval, you need to take this for three weeks without stopping." She explained everything and I thanked her before I booked my second session for tomorrow and went for a stroll in the heavenly garden of Juilliard but when I saw a familiar figure hugging a girl on the side of the railing, I found myself in a halt.

His side profile showed when he stared out into the ocean with a girl who was in his arms and I didn't know why I was attracted enough to feel a ping of disappointment in my heart.

Stop this, Rayna, we have a vision to accomplish. I told myself my daily affirmation as I walked away from the sight to the building.

Elodie surprisingly appeared in front of me the moment I checked into the spacious library that had wooden-scented bookshelves of every sort and soft brown tables for the students to read. The people seemed busy in their own work as some hushed whispers to each other in discussion.

She looked like she wanted to come up to me when our eyes met and I looked away to go the opposite direction, but she didn't as she appeared dejected before she joined her group.

The way she crossed the lines of my private life irked me and I found myself not wanting to be around her. She kept going like she didn't care that she was asking and demanding personal things. I wouldn't say that she was a toxic person because that would be mean; she has a good heart. Her spontaneousness was what annoyed me.

I sat down when I grabbed a literature classic: Coraline, and opened it to read for the left half an hour to my vocalist program then the training for the contest.

The submission of Mr. Atkins' assignment was already sent moments before and I was glad he didn't reply with negative comments.

I read a few chapters from Coraline but I stood up to handle another book, as I stood on my tiptoes, the book fell from it's place to the floor, when I grabbed it and turned around, I was met by the known emerald eyes, I gasped when my back hit the library wall when he startled me.

"Rayna," I didn't know why he said it angrily, but he brought my arm up as he lowered the sleeve to show the multiple bruises that I tried hard to cover again.

"Xavier," I whispered when his eyes darkened at the lines of burnt skin and scars that littered from my wrists to my elbows then his eyes met mine.

"What is this, Rayna?" he asked coldly and I didn't know why he was being this way. "Are you hurting yourself?" he asked roughly as his eyes went back to my wrists inspecting them to see if they were from a razor.

"Why do you care?" I snapped as he neared me, his lips across from mine, "what are you doing? your new girlfriend will see us," I didn't know why I had made that comment but Xavier's eyes were utterly clueless.

"What new girl? the girl that tried to suicide?" he asked but he wasn't looking for an answer as he continued to let it out, "I saw these on your wrists before and I didn't care but when I saw that broken girl almost dying, I saved her from her death. Now, I am asking you for the last time, are you suicidal?" he asked toughly as his careful eyes waited for an answer with his other arm on the side of my head.

"No, I am not suicidal," I murmur as my heart drummed fast in the silence when I looked up at him. Xavier was afraid that he was going to feel guilty if he knew and didn't save me.

He really does have a caring heart under all the layers of the harsh coldness.

"Then what is it?" he was determined to know and I had never seen someone care as much.

My hand reached out to his bare arm; skin to skin and he seemed to fight it out but he froze when I leaned my cheek on his arm as tears fell down my eyes.

"I was abused, Xavier."