Betrayal - The Matlock Pack: Book Two

Chapter 20_Part 2 - Nat

Saturday 13 February

~*Nat*~

My giggles slowly fell away as the cabin suddenly became much warmer than it had been only moments ago. Mac glanced at me, his eyes darkening with desire as I could feel the s****l tension between us crank up to eleven. His left hand lifted from the steering wheel to lightly, but absently, caress it with his fingers.

His eyes dropped to my mouth as my tongue appeared for a fraction of a second to wet my now parched lips, before they flicked back to my eyes, then to the road. I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed nervously.

Oh, hell.

“I’m sorry, Mac,” I muttered, closing my eyes tight and letting out a long, ragged breath. “I shouldn’t have said that.” Shaking my head, I turned my head away from him in embarrassment. This date was going from bad to worse. Goddess, please kill me now. First, I think about him when there was no need to; then I become a wet t-shirt jester in a court of fools and bikers, and now I threaten a perfectly wonderful date by taking a joke a step too far.

My life couldn’t possibly get any worse, could it?

I heard the indicator click on as the ute slowed to a stop on the side of the road. The engine shut off, but the tick, tick, tick of the amber lights remained.

Of course, it could. Mac was now going to put me on blast for my stupid joke and how inappropriate it was and how uncomfortable I had made him, and how he was letting me out here so he wouldn’t have to put up with my stupid big mouth for the rest of the journey.

Fuck my life.

“Nat?” Mac asked quietly.

I kept my head turned away from him, my eyes firmly shut. I jumped in my seat when I felt his hand brush my shoulder, trying to get me to turn around.

“It’s okay, Nat,” he said, his voice low but calm. “That was my fault. I was just trying to make you laugh.”

I sighed, then slowly turned to face him; my face still tilted down to avoid his eyes. His gorgeous, beautiful eyes. I knew once I looked into those magnificent eyes, I would be lost. “I know. It wasn’t your fault. I took the joke too far.” My fingers trembled from the anxiety running through my system as I felt my shoulders tense and rise to embrace my ears. “I’m broken, Mac. You shouldn’t want any part of this.” I waved my hands around in front of me helplessly, almost frantically.

He carefully brought his hands together to embrace mine and stop them from moving aimlessly between us. “Nothing is ever so broken that it can’t be mended,” he murmured.

I stared at his hands clasping mine, the warmth in his palms easing my tension yet again. What was with this guy and his ability to calm me? Could nothing rile him?

Still holding both of my hands in one of his, he reached out and cupped my cheek, his thumb lightly grazing my cheekbone. I felt myself leaning into his palm, relaxing for a moment before the stiffness returned to my body with a vengeance. All the doubt and fear I had about going on this date with him today came slamming into the forefront of my mind, leaving nothing but worry and angst in their wake.

He doesn’t know about Alex.

He’ll leave me when he finds out.

He’ll hate me.

Just like Bells.

“I can’t do this.” The alarm morphed into terror, before a full-blown panic attack seized me, my breathing coming hard and fast as fear seized my body. “I can’t do this…” My breathing stuttered as I reared away from his hold, clawing at the door handle to escape the now claustrophobic air in the cabin, but it wouldn’t open. “I need to get out. Let me out!” I tried the door again and again and again until it finally gave way. The door swung open, but my hands were so cramped from my panic that the momentum carried me out of the cabin before I was ready and I fell, landing on the grass next to the ute. My breath heaved, trying desperately to force fresh air into my lungs. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this…”

I heard the driver’s door open and shut and within seconds Mac appeared on his knees in front of me, his hand rubbing me on my back as I kept mumbling the same four words over and over. “I can’t do this… I can’t do this…”

“Easy, Nat. You’re okay.” His hand massaged my back while he watched me lose my ever-loving s**t. “Focus on my voice, Nat. Block everything else out and just listen to the sound of my voice.”

He kept murmuring to me, close enough that I could hear him, but far enough away from me so I didn’t feel crowded by him. It felt like an age and a half before my breathing returned to normal, but he never once stopped rubbing my back and talking to me.

Once more, I felt myself lean into him, but this time I didn’t have the energy to pull away from him when I realised what my body was doing. I had no more fight left in me.

He drew me to his chest, leaned against the still open passenger door and held me as I sobbed. Every bit of anguish I had felt over the past six weeks, all the pain I felt at losing my parents; all the rage I felt at Bells dumping me; all the hurt I felt at being treated like a leper by the pack both at the pack runs and at training; it all came pouring out of me as the binds I’d put up to hold myself together, to keep myself strong, dissolved in a matter of mere moments.

“I’m here, Nat.” His hand kept brushing my back as he rocked me from side to side. “I’m not going anywhere.”

My heart broke at his words. “You will. You’ll hate me. Just like everyone else. They all leave.” Tears were still rolling down my cheeks, drenching his shirt. “Don’t promise something you can’t keep.”

“Why would I hate you?” he asked quietly, his chin resting on the top of my head. “You’ve done nothing to warrant that.”

“There’s something you don’t know.” I let out a loud hiccup. “Something about me. It’ll change how you see me.”

Silence fell over us as my words finally started getting through to him. I knew it was only a matter of time.

“You don’t know that,” he whispered into my ear, his breath warm as it lingered against my lobe. “I might surprise you.”

I let out a hysterical laugh. “Doubt it.”

He chuckled. “Try me.” His arms gripped me, lending me strength when I had none left. Why was he being so damn sweet to me?

Oh, well. f**k it. Let’s just hope he won’t leave me on the side of the road to make my own way home. May as well rip the band-aid off. “I have a male wolf,” I said as clearly as I could, even though I could feel the thickness in my throat. “His name is Alex.” I braced myself for his looming rejection.

Any moment now.

Any second…

He leaned his head against mine and held me closer. “I already know, Nat,” he whispered into my ear. “I saw you at the last pack run. Your wolf is stunning.” He let out a small chuckle. “Terrifyingly huge, but stunning just the same.” He kissed the top of my head before he firmly and decisively stated, “And I’m not going anywhere.”

I burst into a fresh set of tears, but this time it was from sheer, utter relief. I wrapped my arms around him to hold him as close to me as I could, collapsing into his mighty arms. “Are you serious?” This was too good to be true, surely.

“Deadly.” He kissed my hair once more.

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“Oh, my Goddess…” I struggled to absorb his words. So many people I studied with couldn’t cope with Alex, not even Bells. But Mac could? Holy s**t.

He chuckled, but then became quiet as he stilled. I felt the tension roll through him. “It seems only fair that I share something deeply personal with you, seeing as you shared something deeply personal with me.” His arms still held me, but there was so much anxiety there, just like my own from only moments ago. “But I want to make sure you know this doesn’t affect how I feel about you, okay?”

I sniffled, but nodded, my head firmly ensconced in the crook of his neck. Whatever he was going to tell me, I knew I’d be okay with it. He was so kind, so caring. There was nothing in this world that could change how I saw him, how I was starting to feel about him.

“I came to Matlock because my previous pack banished me,” he said quietly, holding me gently, like he was expecting me to scramble back from him at any second. “Not every pack and alpha is as forgiving as Matlock and Takeshi.” He leaned down gently to press his lips softly against my hair when I didn’t move away. I was beginning to find that he was very affectionate. “Quite a few members of my previous pack didn’t approve of my sexuality, and they let that disapproval become incredibly well known. So much so that I ended up banished.”

I didn’t move from his hold. Instead, I tried to hold him even closer. Why did I feel like there was worse to come?

“I had a relationship with a friend of mine. A s****l relationship.” His voice became soft as he reminisced, his fingers softly dancing over my back. “We cared about each other very much. We tried to keep it secret because we knew what our pack was like, but news got out and it spread like wildfire.”

Fresh tears threatened to fall from my eyes. This all sounded so familiar.

He brushed his lips against the top of my head once more. “They blamed me for it all. The bullying, the threats of violence… It was all directed at me. The person I had the relationship with…” He paused to take a long, steadying breath. “His family blamed our relationship on me, said I was evil and a bad influence, not just on him, but the pack at large. They said I forced myself on him. According to them, I had coerced him; compelled him. Nothing he said could change their minds.”

A teardrop broke free and cascaded down my cheek. I was sure others would follow soon enough.

“My dad was the only one in my family that stood by my side. He saw what was happening and fought for me, but we couldn't change people’s perceptions.” He drew another long breath in, letting it out slowly to help him through what he was saying. “I owe him my life. Literally. The week before we left my former pack, the pack Warriors came for me. I was beaten so badly, Dad didn’t think I’d survive.” I felt him tremble. “He left my mum for me, his chosen mate, to save me. He contacted Takeshi, explained what was happening, and Takeshi welcomed us into Matlock.”

“Oh, my Goddess…” I was absolutely appalled. What Mac had been through; the scars he must carry. It beggared belief.

“Very few people in Matlock know about this, Nat. I would very much like to keep it that way.”

I nodded immediately. “Of course. I won’t tell a soul.”

He let out a quiet sigh and held me tighter. “Thank you.”

I snuggled into him, burrowing for his warmth, holding onto him to not let either of us fall. A tiny giggle escaped my lips. “I feel like a bit of a fool.”

Mac rested his chin on the top of my head. “Why?”

“I thought there might have been something between us.” I chuckled to myself. “Something that might be romantic, but it can’t be.”

He stilled once again. “Why do you think that?”

Smiling sadly, I pulled my head away from him to look him in the eye. “Because you’re gay. I’m sorry for thinking that there might have been something between us. My brain has been all over the place recently and—”

He leaned forward and brushed his lips over mine. A soft, gentle kiss that had no demands, just a statement of fact.

I felt him remove his glasses before he brought his index finger to my chin to tilt my head up. I released a soft sigh when his lips met mine again, before they drifted to the corner of my mouth, and he leaned his forehead against mine.

“I’m not gay, Nat,” he breathed, his eyelashes fluttering against my skin. “I’m pansexual.” He pressed his lips gently against my closed right eye, then my left.

“And I am very much attracted to you.”