Betrayal - The Matlock Pack: Book Two

Chapter 2 - Bells

Saturday 9 January

~*Bells*~

“God, I want you. This. Off. Now.”

The sounds of Nat panting with desire were like a drug, coaxing me to ever greater heights. The feeling of her palms on my torso, her fingers carefully pushing up the t-shirt I was wearing, sending the addictive pulsing sensations roaring through my skin. They were just on the pleasurable side of being ticklish, but still strong enough for me to let out a quiet chuckle.

I lifted my upper body from the bed so she could remove my shirt. As soon as it was off, her lips were on me, nibbling and sucking at my n*****s. Each pull sent a shock through me, making my c**k twitch, ever more demanding of the sweet warmth it knew lay between her legs.

“Are you fond of the panties you have on?” My hands drifted down her back and torso to lightly caress the edges of the material. I was desperate to tear them from her, to feel her body with nothing left between us.

“Would it matter if I said yes?”

The words were barely out of her mouth before the material was in shreds. “I’ll buy you more.” I’d buy her the entire Victoria’s Secret catalogue if I could keep doing this with her.

My eyes rolled back as I felt her shuffle down my body, taking my boxers with her. I tugged at her shirt before she lifted her arms in order for me to remove it and toss it to the side of the bed. As soon as she was free, she returned her attention to my c**k, her tongue lapping at the underside before her hand wrapped around the shaft. My hand moved on its own, finding its way to the top of her head, gently encouraging her bobbing movements, the tip of my c**k brushing the back of her throat on each downward thrust.

“f**k…” My body was out of control, her warm mouth too much for me to hold back. I could feel myself tensing, so close, so very close, only to have Nat release me. Disappointment and worry immediately filled me. Why had she stopped? Had I hurt her? Had I pushed too far?

No. I relaxed as I saw her smirk at me. She knew what she was doing, knew how close I was. She wanted more, demanded more.

Inching her way up my body, she let her skin glide against mine, making the pulses spread over as much skin surface as possible, before rising above me. My hands were on her thighs, kneading them, coaxing her to ease the delicious tension in the room. I saw my c**k twitch under her, eager to connect with her.

Nat tweaked one of my n*****s, drawing out a groan from me at the tiny amount of pain. She lined my c**k up with her core and slowly, ever so slowly, lowered herself onto me. I felt my eyes roll back again as a moan left my lips from the warm pressure, the pulsing now enveloping my c**k from all sides.

My eyes were still closed as she leaned forward to kiss me, our tongues dancing with each other. One of my hands held her head to mine, the other embraced her, holding her tightly to me.

She began moving, rhythmically lifting up and down. First slowly, then speeding up as the feelings overtook her. Low growls rumbled from my chest every time she swivelled slightly, her breathless pants coming faster the quicker she moved. She sat up, her palms on my pecs for stability, flicking my n*****s to make me reflexively thrust into her more.

“Oh, God… I’m gonna come…” Nat moaned. I felt her lean back, grinding her pelvis into my pubic bone as she locked her hands around my ankles. My hands reached out to her breasts, massaging them as I sped up my thrusting. As soon as I realised how close I was, I pinched both of her n*****s at the same time, releasing her climax, which in turn called mine over the cliff.

“Goddess…!” I shouted as I felt myself come again and again, her p***y repetitively clenching and releasing my c**k almost in a vice-like grip as her orgasm ricocheted through her. She leaned forward and laid herself on me. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her on her forehead, holding her as close as I could, fully embracing the sense of calm that overtook me as she completely relaxed in my arms.

“I love you, Bells…”

I woke with a start, the warm feeling of serenity that had held me in thrall in dreamland evaporating instantly, replaced with a sense of despair and longing.

I groaned bitterly as I rolled over. It was still the middle of the night. It had been over a week, and every single night had been the same—I would fall asleep, praying to the Goddess above that tonight would be different, before succumbing to one of the many mind-blowing s****l memories I had with Nat, then finally being brutally forced into reality when she spoke those four little words.

“I love you, Bells.”

My c**k would always be spent, having remembered every twist, every movement, every warmth of Nat’s body on mine. I hadn’t felt this out of control sexually since puberty had first hit years ago.

The message couldn’t be any clearer. I still wanted her.

“Are you happy, Goddess?” I said as I dragged my palms down my cheeks before flinging my arms out to each side of the mattress. “You finally got me to admit it. I still f*****g love her.”

I blinked as the words echoed off the bare apartment walls, bouncing back to taunt me. Hearing the words out loud made me realise the truth of the matter. I really did still love her.

Fuck.

I brought my hands to the pillow that lay below my head and lifted it to my face before gripping it as I screamed into it, letting out all the pent-up agony I had been feeling over the past couple of weeks. I hollered until I physically couldn’t anymore, letting my arms drop to the side again, leaving the pillow to rest lightly on my face while I caught my breath.

As far as I knew, I was the only one staying in Building Two at the moment, so I had no concerns about anyone hearing me vent at three in the morning. Takeshi had raised an eyebrow when I had approached him about getting my own apartment, but hadn’t said a word as he reallocated me before the Warrior Training course began. There was still a week to go before anyone else would be moving in, which was just fine by me.

I needed the time to work out what the f**k was going on in my head.

Tatum had really done a number on me. I couldn’t seem to let any male near me for fear that they would do the same thing that he had done. And then to have Nat turn into a male wolf? My mind automatically rebelled against the idea. I pushed her away from me, no matter how much she had begged me not to, terrified that she would end up hurting me just as my brother had.

I had to hurt her first, before she could.

It wasn’t until Murph called me the next day that I found out Nat had been attacked and was in a coma. The guilt I felt was overwhelming. I should have known then how absolutely broken I was. If I truly was repulsed by her male wolf as my mind told me I should be, surely, I wouldn’t have been so consumed by guilt?

Much to Murph’s disappointment, I didn’t visit her in the hospital. I couldn’t bring myself to see her, to see how much I had failed her, to see how weak I was.

Even in a coma, she was better off without me.

I had shut myself off from everyone. I hadn’t ventured outside the walls of the apartment since I had moved my meagre belongings in, preferring to get my groceries delivered rather than going out to get them, even requesting the delivery guy leave them at my closed door. Other than Takeshi, only Murph knew I was here. I had sworn Murph to secrecy, telling him I didn’t want Tatum to inadvertently find out where I was. That was true, but only partly.

I also didn’t want Nat to know I was here.

Was it to punish myself? It had almost been a week since Nat woke up and I still didn’t have an answer to that question. I thought if I spent enough time away from her, my attraction to her would grow weaker, before disappearing completely.

That’s how it was supposed to work, right?

But the dreams were still coming. Every night in technicolour, I could see her, feel her, touch her, taste her, all reminding me of what I had walked away from, what I had given up.

How could I still be attracted to her? After what Tatum had done, the mere thought of any male touching me repulsed me. Nat had a significant portion of herself that was male, yet these dreams I was having proved I still wanted her. What did that mean?

Was I gay?

Nat was female, even though her wolf was male. I still craved Nat in her female form, so that was a ‘no’ on me being gay, right?

Bisexual then?

But did I even have to be attracted to her wolf? My wolf, Wyatt, hadn’t spent enough time around Nat’s wolf to determine how he felt about him. Wyatt had reacted on instinct when he first met Nat’s wolf, snarling at him in response to how I had felt about what Tatum had done to me. Wyatt had scented a male and instantly gone into defence mode. He had felt safe around Nat, but as soon as she turned into a male wolf, Wyatt threw up his shackles.

Frustrated with the circles my mind was dragging me around, I threw the pillow that was on my face across the room, then burrowed my hands into my hair, tugging at the strands enough to make my eyes well with tears.

All I knew as I tried to fall back asleep was that my heart still ached for Nat.

I still loved her.

~~~

“Damn dude, you look like shit.”

I crossed my arms in front of me and glared at Murph as we stood in the doorway to my apartment. He had texted me earlier asking if he could drop by with lunch for a chat, and even though I was exhausted, I had agreed.

Now, he was standing on my threshold, giving me crap. Wonderful.

He raised the brown paper takeaway bag from Benji’s Diner and let it sway between us. “Come on, man, let me in so we can eat. You know you can’t say no to Benji’s.”

I rolled my eyes and grudgingly stepped to the side to let him pass, shutting the door behind him.

He headed straight to the kitchen bench, putting the food down and going on the hunt for some plates. Every one-bedroom apartment in Building’s One and Two was identical, with the same cutlery and dishware in all of them. It made re-ordering in bulk cheaper and easier when all the apartments had the same things.

I stood on the other side of the kitchen bench watching his progress, but remained quiet. Even though he was one of my oldest friends, I was wary of him. In my heart, I knew I had nothing to worry about, but my brain was still on high alert.

Male equalled bad. How f****d up was it for me to be suspicious of my best mate purely because he was male?

I sighed and placed my hands on the back of the kitchen stool. “How have you been, Murph?”

He looked over the bench at me with a shrewd eye as he continued his meal preparations. “Better than you, I’d say. You’ve got shadows under your eyes so dark, you’re reminding me of a panda.”

“Murph, I’m black. I couldn’t look like a panda if I tried.”

“Precisely my point. The shadows under your eyes are so dark, they’re making the rest of you look as white as me.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not that f*****g bad.”

“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror today?” He handed me a plate with a burger on it, then walked out past the kitchen bench to settle himself on the couch.

I slowly followed, remaining a couple of steps behind him, before sitting in the chair opposite the couch and placing my plate on the coffee table. “I can’t say that I really spend a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror, Murph.”

He took a bite of his burger and watched me carefully as he chewed, a pensive look on his face. “Maybe you should, because you honestly look exhausted.” He motioned to my plate. “You’re not hungry? I got you your favourite.”

I took a long look at the burger, sighed, then picked it up reluctantly. I had a feeling Murph wouldn’t let it go until he saw me at least start eating.

He didn’t move or say anything until I took a bite and started chewing. “I heard from my dad the other day.” He took another bite, like this news was nothing out of the ordinary.

I stopped chewing and stared at him, dread filling me. They had placed Murph in foster care when he was eight. His parents had been reported after his teacher found bruises on his back. It turned out that both of his parents had been beating him for years, but no-one in his original pack had noticed. George and Jody, his foster parents, had been Matlock pack members for decades and every single child they had taken in prior to Murph had graduated high school and become incredibly well-adjusted adults, regardless of the hardships they had endured prior to being fostered. They had taken Murph in immediately and he was still living with them, somewhat in part to help look after the fourteen-year-old tearaway boy, Blair, and seven-year-old quiet girl, Winter, that they were currently putting through school.

I knew Murph was talking about his birth dad, because George and Jody preferred all of their foster children to call them by their names. If he had been talking about his foster father, he would have said ‘George’.

“What did he want?” I asked once I could swallow the food in my mouth. Murph would get a call every year or two from one of his birth parents, usually asking for money. They never called just to ask how he was.

“The usual,” he said. He took another bite, chewing slowly while he thought. “He said he had a job lined up for me now that I was eighteen. Said he needed me to take something to Bali for him.” He took another bite, letting me draw my own conclusions.

“Oh, Murph,” I closed my eyes as I shook my head in disgust. Drug running between Australia and Bali was common, and just the sort of thing Murph’s birth parents would be involved in.

“I hung up on him.” He chewed the last of his burger and started in on the fries. “Haven’t heard from him in over a year and the fucker didn’t even ask me how my first shift went.”

“I’m sorry, mate,” I said. “He’s always been an arsehole.”

Murph shrugged. “True. I know I’m better off without him in my life.” He shoved some more fries into his mouth and looked at me pointedly. “But if I hadn’t gone through what I did, I wouldn’t know what you’re going through now.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. Sneaky prick. This is what he actually wanted to talk about. I put my half-eaten burger down before wiping my hands on my jeans and crossing my arms in defiance.

“None of this is your fault, you know,” he said, sitting back and stretching an arm on the back of the couch. “You can’t help how you feel.”

I ground my teeth and remained quiet, much preferring to simply glare at him.

“Tatum—”

I felt myself wince at the sound of my brother’s name.

Murph took a breath in before he continued. “He put you through the wringer, Bells. It’s understandable that you’re still hesitant around other men.” He paused as he thought about how to continue. “It took a lot to let me into your apartment today, didn’t it?” he asked quietly.

I uncrossed my arms and held onto the armrests as I fidgeted in my seat. I felt myself chewing the inside of my cheek as I took in his words. He wasn’t wrong, and it irked me to have to admit it.

“Is that why you’re not sleeping? Or is it because of Nat?”

I rose from my chair to grab his empty plate to take it to the kitchen. Maybe he’d shut up about everything if I ignored him long enough.

He followed me, bringing my own half-eaten burger to the kitchen bench. “You didn’t visit her when she was in a coma. Why?”

I glared at him briefly before I concentrated on washing his plate.

“She’s not like your brother, Bells.”

I scrubbed at the plate. Round and round the sponge went, faster and faster.

“You still love her, don’t you?”

The plate cracked into a dozen pieces in my hands. I forced my fingers to let go of the large shard they still had hold of. I threw the sponge down and held the edges of the sink, my shoulders tense, breathing hard to try to regain my composure.

“It’s okay if you do, you know.”

“She’s got a male wolf, Murph. If I can barely stand to be in the same room as you, how can I be in the same room as her?” My breathing hitched as I tried desperately not to scream in frustration. “My brain is so messed up right now.” I dragged my hands through my hair.

“Bells, you’re bleeding.” Murph calmly pointed to my right hand, which was still up near my temple.

I pulled my hands away from my head and looked at my palms. Sure enough, blood was oozing from a gash just below my ring and pinkie fingers on my right hand. I stared at it curiously, but made no attempt to stem the bleeding. I must have stood there for longer than Murph would have liked, because the next thing I knew, he was wrapping the tea-towel around my hand and dragging me into the bathroom.

It wasn’t until he settled me on the closed lid of the toilet that I realised this was the first time anyone had touched me in over a week.

Murph busied himself finding the first aid kit that all apartments stocked, then cleaned and dressed my wound. It wasn’t until he had finished before he spoke again. “You’d be surprised at what the human body and mind can endure, Bells.” He leaned against the bathroom bench as he wiped his hands on the hand towel. “You’ve just let me dress an injury in a rather small, enclosed space.” He crossed his arms and studied me. “And I’m male.”

Taking in what he said, I stared at him for a moment, then blinked and looked at my injured palm. He’d done a brilliant job of dressing it. “Tell me again why you didn’t apply for Warrior Training?” I asked quietly as I stared at my wounded hand.

“I can’t fight for s**t, Bells. Everyone knows that. Can’t stomach the violence.”

“You applied for Community and Human Services, yeah? To be a child welfare worker?” I could feel the wheels turning in my head.

“That’s right.” I knew Murph well enough to hear the raised eyebrow he no doubt was giving me right now, wondering where I was going.

“Did you ever think about doing just the medic training module of the course? Or the bushfire training module? Not worrying about the full course, just a couple of the modules?”

Silence filled the bathroom as Murph thought about what I asked. “Not really. The Warrior Training course was always something you and Owen talked about doing, not me. I knew I didn’t have the chops to be a Warrior, so I looked elsewhere.”

I held my bandaged palm up. “You’re fantastic at medical stuff, Murph. You’d do well in that. And you’ve always been a champion for more people to know about what to do during bushfires.”

His forehead crinkled as the idea piqued his interest. “It would be nice to take a gap year after studying for so long. And it’s not like Jody and George don’t need some help with Blair…” He scratched his chin. “I’ll talk to them about it, see what they think.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt a genuine grin spread across my face. Maybe I wouldn’t be as alone as I thought I would be in the Warrior course.