EPISODE 4: THE JEALOUSY TEXT
665 Words
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Month 2.
Week 7.
I thought we were past this.
Past the panic. Past the overthinking.
The routine was working. 9pm calls. Sunday movies. We were good.
Until Tuesday.
It was 2:14pm my time. I was at work, sneaking a scroll between tasks.
And there it was.
An i********: story from Tariq.
Him.
At a braai.
With people.
And a girl.
She was next to him. Laughing. Head tilted toward him like she was telling him a secret.
His arm was on the back of the couch behind her. Not on her. But close.
Caption: `Weekend vibes đĽ`
My stomach dropped.
It wasnât that I didnât trust him.
It was that I wasnât there.
I couldnât see the whole room. Couldnât see if she touched him. Couldnât see if he moved away.
All I saw was 3 seconds of a moment I wasnât in.
I stared at it for 5 minutes.
Then I closed the app.
Then I opened it again.
By 3pm I was still thinking about it.
By 5pm I was mad at myself for thinking about it.
By 8:30pm, 30 minutes before our call, I hadnât texted him all day.
He called at 9pm.
"Hey babe," he said, bright. "You okay? Youâve been quiet."
I forced a smile. "Iâm fine."
"You sure? You look off."
"Iâm just tired."
We talked. About his day. About mine.
I didnât mention the story.
I told myself I was being mature. That I didnât need to make a big deal.
But 20 minutes in, it slipped out.
"Who was that girl in your story?"
The room went quiet.
Tariq blinked. "What girl?"
"The one next to you. At the braai."
"Oh. Thatâs Amara. Jideâs cousin."
"Oh," I said.
"Yeah why?"
"No reason."
He saw right through it.
"Babe. Talk to me."
And I did. Because thatâs the rule.
"I donât know. I just... saw the picture and felt weird. I wasnât there. And she was laughing with you and I just felt... left out."
There. I said it.
Jealous. Insecure. The ugly part of LDR.
Tariq sighed. Not annoyed. Tired.
"Come here," he said, scooting closer to the camera.
I did.
"First, nothing happened. Amara is 19. Sheâs like a little sister. Jideâs mom would kill me if I looked at her wrong."
"Okay."
"Second, I get it. I would feel weird too if I saw you in a picture with some guy and I wasnât there. The distance makes everything 10x bigger."
"Yeah."
"But Morie, you have to believe me when I tell you. Iâm yours. Even at braais. Even when Iâm laughing. Even when you canât see me."
His voice was soft. No teasing.
I nodded. My eyes were stinging.
"I hate this," I whispered. "I hate feeling like this."
"I know," he said. "I hate that you had to feel like that alone all day."
We were quiet for a bit.
Then he did something stupid.
He flipped his camera and walked to the kitchen.
"See? Empty. No girls hiding."
"Tariq stop."
"See? Just me and this cup. And my hoodie. And thoughts of you."
He flipped it back. "Better?"
I laughed. A real one. Through the tears.
"A little."
"Good. Because Iâm not losing you to a 3-second i********: story."
We ended the call late. 11pm.
And before bed he sent me a voice note. 15 seconds.
"Hey. Just so you know. Youâre the only girl I wanna make laugh like that. And the only one I wanna come home to. Even if home is 7000 miles away right now. Sleep well, jealous girl."
I saved it.
That night I learned something.
Jealousy in LDRs isnât about not trusting them.
Itâs about not trusting the distance.
The distance makes you fill in blanks.
Makes 3 seconds feel like 3 hours.
Makes a laugh feel like a secret.
The only cure is talking.
And believing.
And stupid kitchen tours at 9:30pm.
Weâre still learning.
But weâre learning together.
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to be continued...*
- Writer
