Lyrics from an Old Soul

Introduction

Introduction March 21, 2007Dear Diary,

Today’s a bad day. Nothing’s going right, nor does it feel right. With every smile and sound of chatter, I begin to whimper. Tears roll down my face with no end. Today, my heart aches with no remedy present. Today, I lie at the table, present for the roast of my failures and setbacks. Afterwards, I am bound to drink the cup of shame and devour the desert of helplessness. Where do I go now? Who am I now?

“Thank God, that’s over.” I reply half-heartedly to myself, as I get up and close my diary before returning it to its rightful place on my nightstand. Today truly was an awful day, but not the worse to come by far. I once was a child full of hopes, dreams, and plans. I had my whole life planned out. I was going to complete my undergrad in Biological Studies at Brunel University in Knoxtown, Mississippi. Then, I was going to go on to Meharry Medical School in Tennessee on my way to becoming a doctor that specializes in pediatrics, Dr. Rayhana Ebburden. It sounds nice, doesn’t it? That was the plan. With that, I was going to be the first child of my family to graduate college. I was, but then, life took a turn for the worst, and now I’m here. Back home, living in my parents’ house, attending a junior college, when I’m only twenty-seven credits away from a bachelor’s degree. I’m twenty-two years old, never been kissed, never knowing the concept of love, but always bound to the idea of obedience (first to God, then to man). God, where did I go wrong? I did everything right, everything that you wanted me to. Being back home in Beachton, Georgia, just wasn’t part of the plan. No, it wasn’t a part of my plan. . . .

Now crying uncontrollably, I close my eyes and roll over, anxious to sleep away my frustrations.