The Marriage Contract

Equals

Ryland kissed me differently than I had ever been kissed. I felt the need to be close to me flowing out of him in massive waves of pure warmth and want that completely washed over me. If it was actually possible, I would say I could literally feel my heart growing warmer towards him.

Moving my hands to the back of his neck, I pushed myself closer to him. His hands slowly wound around my waist as he pulled me off the bench and onto his lap, my legs straddling either side of him. Gently, he ran his hands up and down my back, stopping every now and then to grip my hips or my waist; I ran my hands through the little bit of hair at the back of his neck as I relaxed into his chest. I could feel the vibrations of his chest as he almost let out a purr of satisfaction.

Finally, we pulled away for a breath of air. As we caught our breath, I looked into his dark, cloudy gray eyes, looking for any emotion that I could possibly find there. Not surprisingly, I couldn't pin-point any one specific thing; it's like the man never knew what he was feeling. However, there was one thing that did stand out: a purely pained and torn expression.

And I didn't like it one bit.

Hurt welled up in my chest as I tried to maneuver away from him, but he held me there. Closing my eyes, attempting to hide the unexpected tears that were prickling at the corner of my eyes, I placed my hands on his chest, pushing away from him, "Let me go, Steel," I said, trying only half-heartedly to pull away, a traitor tear slipping down my cheek.

"No," he said simply. "Look at me, please." I refused. I refused to look at him and let him know how his vacancy and regret of having anything to do with me hurt. I refused to have my heart taken again. More tears slipped down my cheeks to the point that they were impossible to hide. To my surprise, Ryland reached up and wiped them away, gently grabbing my chin and turning me to face him. "Rory..." he trailed off softly, sorrow and regret clear in his eyes.

I jerked away from him again, and this time he let me go. "What Ryland," I snapped, putting space between us as I walked towards the bathroom door, away from him. "You clearly regret what just happened. You have made it abundantly clear you don't want anything to do with me, so why f**k with my emotions like that? Hmm? f**k you, Steel," I said, walking into the bathroom and slamming the door.

"Well," I mumbled to myself, "If that didn't just give away my damned crush on him I don't know what will."

Leaning up against the wall, I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. It wasn't long before there was a light tap on the door. "Go away." He tapped on the door again. "I said go away, Steel." A couple more taps and I was getting annoyed. Walking over to the door, I opened it, glaring up at him. "Dammit, Steel, I said g– "

Before I could even finish my sentence, Ryland grabbed me by my face again and crashed his lips back down onto mine. He kissed me fast and urgently this time, lacing his fingers into my hair. He pulled back, leaving me breathless and looked down into my eyes, still holding my face. "I like you, Rory. s**t, I almost think I am starting to fall in love with you," he blurted, and once again, he knocked the breath out of me. But, I could still sense his hesitancy.

"What is it Ryland? You can't say something like that and have hesitations, too," I blurted out this time. He was quiet. Looking up into his eyes, I could almost see how bad he wanted to say something. Like an old wound was surfacing. And oddly enough – well, I guess not so oddly now – it hurt me for him. Reaching up, I placed my hand gently on his cheek, "What happened to you, Steel?"

He was quiet for a moment, refusing to look me in the eyes, but when he finally did, I wished that he hadn't. A pain so raw, so agonizing, so familiar that I knew exactly what it was before it ever crossed his lips.

Whoever she was, she tore his heart out. Iced it over, making it almost impossible to love freely again without thinking that they will do the exact same thing. Thinking that something was wrong with you, and that maybe you could have fixed whatever was wrong to make them walk out on you. Walk out on you when they promised tens of thousands of times that they wouldn't.

Living through that sort of pain when it is fresh is hard, but when you let it sit, and it festers, that is an entirely other agony. When you dwell on it. When you box it up and never let your true feelings surface...that is not something easily dealt with.

I was quiet now, not wanting to push him, understanding fully how hard things like this was to talk about. Finally, he sighed and walked over to the bed, sitting down. "It was about a year ago. Her name was Valerie," he paused, staring off into space, like he was being transported back to that specific date and time.

"We had met when we were both sophomores in college. I was majoring in business while she was majoring in law. I was immediately drawn to her intellect. She was smart. She had a quick wit about her that I adored. She was strong willed and knew exactly what she wanted in life. And I liked that about her. It wasn't long before we started dating.

I fell for her quickly. The conversations were riveting...but come to think of it, they were more like debates. She challenged everything I believed in. At the time, I thought of it as more constructive than anything, but now I see it for what it – and she – was, undermining. I was so blind..." He paused, shaking his head in disbelief of himself.

"But anyway. I brought her to meet my parents over the Holidays. My mother didn't seem to like her and neither did Axel or my father, but it seemed as though my best friend Parker did," he said bitterly, his jaw clenching when he said Parker. "I thought nothing of it at the time.

The next two years went by and she moved home with me when I started working for my dad, along-side Parker, who was going to be my VP – like his father was to mine. I started having to be at the office later at night, but I still noticed when she 'worked' late nights at the law office that she worked at. They would be later and later, and sometimes, she wouldn't come home. I also started seeing less and less of Parker.

One night, Valerie said she was working late. I was already home, but I figured that since she wouldn't be home for hours – if at all – then I could go in and finish up some paper work so I wouldn't have to the next day..." He stopped, trailing off again. His jaw got tight, and I knew what he was going to say.

"I saw her...and him, Parker. They were in my office."

"Stop," I said, reaching up and placing a hand on his chest, "I get it." He nodded and dropped his head.

"I feel so guilty, Rory," he started again. "I want to be close to you, but you deserve so much more than me."

I shook my head, "No. There is nothing wrong with you," I said, looking him in the eyes. I placed my hand on his cheek as he stared into my eyes. Reaching up, he wrapped his hand around my wrist, never breaking eye contact. I could see hesitation in his eyes before he spoke again.

"I find myself wondering about you, Rory. At night when I can't sleep, I wonder what your favorite color is and why that color is your favorite. I wonder what you are thinking about when you sing...who you are singing to. I wonder what your favorite food is. I wonder about what you dream about and who. And then I think about the brown of your eyes and wonder how God created such a color. And I wonder what you are thinking about when you stare off into space...And I wonder what you feel about me. And if you could ever love me..." he trailed off, leaving me speechless.

I was quiet as I contemplated. What did I feel about him? Did I love him? I'm not completely sure, yet, but if I'm not, I'm damn sure close to it. I felt almost protective of him, somehow. Like that girl Valerie...if I could get my hands on her, it wouldn't be a very pretty sight. To be totally, honest, I wasn't sure. But could I love him? It shouldn't even be a question.

"I don't know how to tell you that I feel about you right now, Steel. But could I love you? Yes. And as far as I can tell, it's going to be very easily done," I said softly, almost in a whisper. "But, could you love me?"

He said nothing and closed the space between us for the third time tonight. Both of his hands came up to cradle my face in his hands as he slowly leaned us back onto the bed. Flipping us to where he hovered over me, he pressed our chests together, one of his hands now leaving my face to place a tight grip on my hip. His lips slowly found their way across my jaw and down my neck, stopping just at the collar of his t-shirt that I was wearing – just passed my collarbone.

"You never answered my question," I mumbled as I attempted to catch my breath.

Ryland chuckled against my collarbone and pulled back to look at me, a small, genuine smile in place on his face, "Undoubtedly, Rory." Leaning down, he kissed me lightly on the cheek, then moved beside me, pulling me into his side, letting out a yawn. Only then did I realize how late that it actually was and that I was sleepy again.

Reaching for the light switch that was next to the bed, Ryland turned the lights out, the only light being the glow from the moon that seemed to sit forever back into the water. Releasing a yawn of my own, I shifted around next to Ryland until I found a comfortable spot – which happened to be almost buried in Ryland's side. As soon as I settled into place, Ryland leaned down, placing another lingering kiss onto my forehead, "Sleep well, Rory," he said quietly before I drifted into sleep.

~*~

I woke up early the next morning, staring up at the ceiling as light glinted off of the water, casting shimmering lights above my head; flitting across the ceiling as though they were tiny groups of dancers. Ryland still slept soundly beside me, his face completely at ease, one arm underneath his head and the other thrown around my waist. I smiled to myself as I looked over at him. He was heartbreakingly beautiful when he slept.

Thinking back on the night before, it felt more like a dream than actual reality. It was hard trying to wrap my head around the complex situation that I now found myself in with Ryland Steel. Although his confession helped me understand him more than I had before, it also set off a lot of other situations in my mind; one of them being guilt.

After everything he had told me, I was still hesitant to tell him about Colter – even the thought of him stressed me out and brought on a sick feeling. I had told no one about him. Not even Hayley. The one person that I was ever close to outside of my family and Hayley. The one person that I thought that I would introduce to my parents and my grandparents and Hayley and say that he was 'the one'. The person that I would spend forever with. My first and last love.

And yet he was the one that almost cost me everything. Including my life.

A tear sprung to my eye thinking back on it. As I reached up to wipe it way, Ryland began shifting around beside me. Glancing over at him, he opened his eyes and looked at me, a soft smile on his face. Smiling slightly back at him, I turned my face back to the window, looking out at the water, hoping in the back of my head that he hadn't seen the tears.

But, of course, I'm not that lucky. "What's wrong," he asked huskily, sitting up beside me.

I shook my head, wiping the rest of the tears away and turning back towards him, "Nothing. It's nothing," I said, forcing a smile as I looked over at him.

"Bullshit," he said softly with a half-hearted smile, moving a piece of hair out of my face. I couldn't help but to crack a small smile and a chuckle. "You can talk to me, Rory," he said, looking at me with a welcoming expression.

Shrugging, I dropped my head and began fiddling with my hands, not making eye contact with him. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I started. "It was about a year ago. About the same time you said everything happened with you and Valerie," I said her name cautiously. When he didn't react, I continued.

"His name was Colter. I had known him for years through his brother, who my younger cousin Abigale was in a long term relationship with, but I had never taken much notice of him. It was Halloween and I was invited to a party held at their house, of course, with my cousins Abigale and Michael. Not knowing that many people, I hung around Michael. That's when I noticed Colter hanging around closer to me than normal. He would talk, and look over at me, but never said anything of real significance. Later that night, Michael tells me that when he and Colter were talking, Colter was asking about me and if I was seeing anyone. Of course I didn't think much of it, but he had caught my attention.

"Later, I was invited again, to a New Years Eve party, which I then brought my own friend to, because I figured since I knew Colter was single, I would try to get them together, but it backfired when I ended up liking him. Come to find out, he had liked me for a while. We quickly started seeing each other, but I kept it from everyone, even Hayley, because I wasn't sure about him..

"It was easy to fall in love with him. It happened so quickly that it scared me. But it got to a point that he was changing. He texted back slower and slower and sometimes not at all. He stopped calling. We had been together for almost nine months when I found the texts. He had been seeing other women. And when I confronted him, he denied it. I believed him. He told me she was a friend that he had been trying to help through a hard time. He claimed that was the reason he had been slower about texting. His reasoning made sense to me – more like I was accepting his excuses and made them make sense to me.

"After that, he got better, but only for a while. I was too naïve to see the way that he was manipulating me. I wanted to believe the good that I saw in him from the beginning. But as time went on, he wanted the relationship to turn more of the s****l route, which I wasn't ready for. He never came right out with his frustration with my hesitancy, but I could tell. It progressed to him calling me crazy when I didn't trust him after I saw the girls on his phone. He told me to grow up. To stop being a little girl and be a woman. It hurt when he said those things, but I found a way to make him right. We would argue about everything, and somehow it was always my fault.

"Finally, I was done. It killed me, but I decided it was enough, and I walked away. But of course not without hearing how I was crazy. That I was nothing without him. That without him, I might as well be dead. That no one wanted me anyway."

I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my face now. There were so many that I didn't even bother with trying to wipe them anymore. It felt like I was ripping open an old wound and pouring salt right into it.

"He made me feel like I was nothing. That I wasn't worth loving. He was the only person that I had ever opened up to about literally everything in my life, besides Hayley. And just like that I was alone. I couldn't talk to anyone because no one knew that I was with him. I was in total isolation. I didn't talk to anyone for months. I was at the point that I didn't know what there was to live for. And when I hit that point, I tried to end it...." I trailed off, still not looking over at Ryland.

"Thank God that Hayley was tired of all my bullshit and forced her way in to check on me. She found me on my bedroom floor. I had taken half a bottle of pills that I had been taking for the past month to help me sleep. She said that she had never seen me like that, and to this day she doesn't know why I done it. Only you," I said, finally meeting Ryland's eyes. I was shocked when I saw the lone tear slip down his cheek.

Reaching out to me, I collapsed into his arms and he pulled me in close to his chest. Sobs ripped their way out of my throat and chest as I cried. Ryland rocked us back and forth, placing his cheek against the top of my head. As I cried, as much as it hurt, I could feel myself healing.

Once my sobs slowed and stopped, Ryland pulled back and looked at me. He cradled my face, wiping my tears away and looked into my eyes. "Rory. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. That stupid motherfucker deserves to get his sorry ass kicked, and I promise to God if I ever got my hands on him, he would regret everything he did to you. You are worth so much more than you could ever possibly know. And you are worth loving. Look at all the people who love you, Rory. Your mother and father. Hayley, my sister and my parents..." he trailed off, looking at me, "Me."

I paused shocked. I stared into his eyes, and I could tell that he meant every word. I could see the fear in his eyes at what he said, but I could see the truth behind it. "You love me," I said breathlessly.

"I want to know everything about you Rory, I want you to open up to me, tell me everything. You are like no other that I have ever seen and you are the most beautiful person that I have ever met. I want to know you. Inside and out," he said softly.

"You love me," I said again, breathlessly.

He smiled, "I do."

"Me too," I said, until I realized that it sounded like I loved myself. I must've made a face, because Ryland started laughing, a genuine smile on his face. "No, no! I meant...I...I love you." Ryland then released a 1000watt smile on me and I lost my breath again. Pulling me close again, he pressed his lips to mine.

Pulling back, a soft smile was still in place on his face, causing one of my own to appear. "A smile is pretty flattering on you, Steel," I said, smiling.

He laughed again, "I love you," he said with an even bigger grin.

"I love you," I returned, running my hand down his cheek. "Are you sure you're ready to love me? I'm damaged, Ryland. You know this."

Kissing my forehead again, he looked me directly in the eyes, "Undoubtedly, Rory."